Episode 257 – The Awkward Middle: What It Takes to Restart Intimacy in Marriage
There’s a stage many marriages quietly reach that almost nobody talks about.
Sex hasn’t completely disappeared… but it also isn’t happening regularly anymore. Weeks pass. Sometimes months. Both partners notice the distance, yet neither one quite knows how to bring it up.
Instead of open conversation, intimacy slowly becomes awkward.
In this episode of AwakenYou in Your Marriage, Christine Bongiovanni-Stiff explores what she calls “the awkward middle” of intimacy—the stage where couples still love each other deeply, but sexual connection has quietly faded into silence.
Rather than offering quick tips or surface-level advice, Christine shares a deeply personal story from her own marriage and invites couples to begin rebuilding intimacy after sexual disconnection with curiosity, honesty, and compassion.
Why Sexual Disconnection Happens in Long-Term Marriage
Sexual disconnection rarely happens overnight.
More often, it develops slowly through patterns that couples don’t fully understand while they’re happening.
One partner may carry most of the initiating energy in the relationship. Over time that partner may begin to feel unwanted or taken for granted. Meanwhile, the other partner may feel pressure, insecurity, or uncertainty about how to engage.
Eventually both people pull back.
Sex doesn’t completely disappear—but it becomes something that quietly sits between them, unspoken and unresolved.
Many couples assume this stage means something is wrong with their marriage. In reality, it’s often a sign that deeper emotional dynamics around intimacy need attention.
A Personal Story: When Initiation Becomes Imbalanced
In this episode, Christine shares an honest story from her own marriage with Jeff.
For a long time she found herself initiating sex the majority of the time. When Jeff initiated, it was usually subtle—something like gently rubbing her arm while they were lying in bed.
Over time, Christine began to feel resentful. What she longed for was a more direct invitation to intimacy—something that felt intentional and mutual.
Eventually she stopped initiating.
Not because she didn’t enjoy sex, but because she was tired of carrying the emotional energy around it.
That decision created a long season of sexual disconnection in their marriage.
Jeff experienced her withdrawal as rejection. Christine, meanwhile, was going through her own healing process around why she had been initiating so often in the first place.
What they were discovering—without yet having language for it—was that sexual patterns in marriage are often shaped by deeper emotional stories.
The Hidden Stories We Carry About Sex
During this season, Christine began realizing that part of her motivation for initiating sex had been tied to an old belief:
That sex was how she kept her partner interested in her.
That belief had been shaping her relationship with intimacy for years.
As she began healing that dynamic and focusing more on her own experience of pleasure, something unexpected happened.
She started noticing that Jeff wasn’t bringing the same playful or creative energy into their sexual relationship.
That realization created even more distance.
What looked like sexual incompatibility on the surface was actually a complex mix of healing, resentment, vulnerability, and misunderstanding.
When Couples Start “Working on It”
Eventually Christine and Jeff attended a couples intimacy retreat where Jeff admitted something that shifted their perspective.
He struggled with asking for sex.
What had looked like indifference or passivity was actually discomfort and vulnerability underneath.
After the retreat, they began working with a coach and experimenting with structured exercises around initiating intimacy.
Sometimes it helped.
Sometimes it still felt awkward and mechanical.
But these early attempts were part of a deeper process—learning how to rebuild intimacy after sexual disconnection rather than ignoring it.
Reflection: What Has Sex Come to Represent in Your Marriage?
If you’re listening to this episode and recognizing pieces of your own story, Christine offers a simple reflection exercise.
Take a few quiet minutes and ask yourself:
What has sex come to represent in my marriage?
Is it connection?
Pressure?
Expectation?
Validation?
Avoidance?
Then consider a second question:
What emotions show up for me when I think about our sexual relationship right now?
Curiosity, resentment, longing, embarrassment, hope?
Simply noticing these answers can open the door to more honest conversations.
Rebuilding Intimacy Starts with Curiosity
One of the biggest discoveries Christine is exploring in this series is that sexual transformation rarely begins with techniques or frequency goals.
It begins with curiosity.
Curiosity about:
• your own emotional patterns
• your spouse’s experience
• the stories you carry about sex
• the ways resentment or disappointment may have shaped your intimacy
When couples shift from avoidance or blame toward curiosity, the awkward silence around sex can slowly begin to soften.
Christine Wants to Hear Your Story
The more Christine explores this topic, the more she realizes that many couples quietly live in this stage where sex hasn’t disappeared completely—but it also isn’t easy or natural anymore.
If this episode resonates with you, she would love to hear your experience.
You can share your story by emailing christine@christinebongiovanni.com.
These real-life stories will help shape future conversations as Christine continues exploring how couples move through this “awkward middle” stage and discover deeper intimacy than they imagined possible.
Take the First Step Toward Better Conversations
If you want to start opening up conversations in your marriage, download Christine’s Gentle Start Guide to Better Communication.
This simple resource helps couples approach sensitive topics—including sex—in ways that feel safe and constructive.
And if you’d like personal support navigating your relationship, you can schedule a Courageous Love Conversation with Christine to explore what rebuilding intimacy might look like in your marriage.
I’m a marriage coach who helps women and couples turn a disconnected, lonely marriage into something deeply connected—sometimes even better than they imagined was possible. We start by gently exploring what you truly want in your marriage—because let’s be honest, it’s probably been a while since you’ve let yourself dream about what could be. From there, we create a path forward toward the kind of relationship you long for.
If you’re feeling sad, stuck, or unsure about what’s next, I’d love to talk with you. Book a Courageous Love Conversation Inquiry Call, and let’s have an honest, hope-filled conversation about what’s going on and what it might look like to begin creating something new—starting from exactly where you are.
