Why Avoiding Conflict Creates More Conflict & How To Get Good At Resolution

Conflict is a struggle, or opposition, of ideas or interests.

The conflict may just be within yourself or it may be with one or many other persons.

It’s possible that you are the only one aware of the conflict because you are avoiding bringing it out in the open. Maybe you are agreeing, apologizing or even accommodating the person you are in opposition to.

It’s possible you were never taught how to deal with conflict effectively. This can be true if you watched parents scream and yell at each other, never coming to resolution verses watching them sit down and discuss the struggle out loud and openly. Even the opposite can be true with one parent avoiding conflict by never addressing their struggles therefore again, never allowing you to witness healthy conflict resolution.

Healthy conflict resolution is something that is important for us to develop so that we can start cultivating more strong, trusting relationships with everyone in our life.

Here is how avoiding conflict can create more conflict:

  • You resisting what is going on by avoiding and not processing
  • You build up negative emotion
  • You don’t figure out how to clean up your thoughts

When we take the time to look at what is happening for us with any struggles or opposition we are having with someone it is healthy for us to do a few things:

Take a look at our thoughts, what is going on in our brain, by doing a thought download.

Look at how these thoughts are making us feel and then how these feelings are making us show up.

This will show us the result we are getting.

At this point we can decide whether we are wanting to change our thoughts so that we get a result that we want or not.

Possibly we do want to change our thoughts to get a result that we like, yet it’s also possible that we will want to talk to the other party and discuss what is going on for us.

The one thing you must always remember is no one else is in charge of your happiness, so the objective is not to control them by telling them how they need to act to make you feel good. 

That is your job.

Still, you may want to clarify what is happening for you.

Let me give you an example.

Let’s say you have a husband, I may or may not know of one, who has committed to dog sitting a puppy during time, two days to be exact, when you, that would be me, will be at home working and husband will be away from the home working.

I could get angry and just let it happen, maybe take it out a bit on said husband.

I could do a thought download and decide how I want to handle the situation out of love for myself.

Then make a decision as to what I’m going to do and be all in and in love with my choice

The latter is what I have chosen to do. The old me would have taken it out on husband from the time it was announced until who knows when.

With choosing the way I did, making the choice to think I am going to enjoy this little puppy, which makes me feel helpful, which allows me to take the action of planning my days so it works for me, loving the puppy, ask husband to clarify story of how this came about so that I fully understand scenario, ask husband to, in the future, please check with me before volunteering my time but also recognize that he may not follow through, decide how I will deal with the situation if it arises again.

If you are a conflict avoider like I used to be and would like to discover how to start feeling better about how you deal with the struggles that life will always present to you, then I would love to offer a free mini-session to help you feel some freedom. All you have to do is grab on to some courage and send me an email, the feeling of fear will vanish once you hit the send button.

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My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for strong, success driven women who want to discover their true self, discover the missing key, find their purpose and then start building a legacy from pure power. I have made it may mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability before your subconscious primitive mind tells you to run and hide.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this message and I highly encourage you to get on my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

Why You’re Feeling Like A Fraud

Imposter Syndrome, let’s start with a good old Google definition.

The persistent inability to believe that one’s success is deserved or has been legitimately achieved as a result of one’s own efforts or skills.

Friends, listen up.

It does not matter what you do to create value in this world: full time (part time) moms, entrepreneurs, corporate partner, CEO, baristas, bank manager, doctor, nurse, police officer, fire fighter, teacher, professor, artist, yoga instructor, athlete, keynote speakers; anyone can experience imposter syndrome.

Let me share a story with you and get super vulnerable, again.

I launched On Track Training, which morphed into Team On Track, a highly successful coaching and sporting event promotion business, thirty years ago. Before people even knew what personal training was.

I spent most of those thirty years embarrassed of what I did. I told the story of how I was so much smarter than that. How went to school for Chemical Engineering then went into the School of Journalism and got a Graphic Design certificate, worked as a Graphic Designer before stepping into this role as an expert at transforming people’s lives. I was smart.

I still totally thought I was a fraud.

After all of the work I have done these past two years I shake my head at all of this because I know how much of a lie it was.

Thirty years!

I share that with you because those of you who know me from that business would never even guess that I felt this way.

Of course you wouldn’t, I had the outer facade game down!

I knew how to play the role of looking like I knew what I was doing.

Of course, now I know that I knew what I was doing, I knew well, I just didn’t have the self confidence needed to believe it.

In a nutshell imposter syndrome comes from us thinking that we’re just not enough, that soon someone is going to figure it out and call us out on it.

Probably even fire us, put us out on the street, unemployed, ruined and broke

It’s ok because there is a solution.

Once you build up your self worth.

Once you build up your self confidence.

Once you learn how to start loving yourself.

Once you start being willing to let people be wrong about you.

Once you stop rejecting yourself.

Once you become unwilling to reject yourself because of others who may reject you.

Once you step on this journey to discovering the true you and start stepping fully into that, the imposter syndrome slowly fades away into the distance.

Oh, your brain will want to remind you that you’re not good enough but you can’t blame it. You’ve spent your whole life conditioning it to believe this lie. No fear though, once you’ve done this work you will recognize the lie.

You will know how to love your brain for reminding you and then gently be able to tell it that it is wrong.

That you are no longer that person.

You are no longer going to allow yourself to listen to that lie.

The other thing I will tell you, you can put this all into The Thought Model, that the thought that you are an imposter is just that.

A thought.

Not a circumstance.

When you think that you’re an imposter it will generate a feeling of something like incompetence which is going to make you show up less than you truly are capable of showing up giving you the result of acting like an imposter.

It’s way better to just believe that you are completely qualified for what you are doing and feel confident. This will make you show up knocking it out of the park which creates the result of doing quality work.

If you are getting tired of fighting yourself. If you are tired of getting in your own way. If a solution to this problem sounds like hitting the lottery but better, then I would love to talk to you about my Awaken (The True) You program.

My program will take you from not fully being on board with yourself to being your best asset.

The impact this will have in your life is to give you the freedom you have been desperately yearning for.

You can book your free consult here or send me an email with some days and times that work for you, I’ll make one of them happen.

You can also get more help by getting my newsletter directly in your inbox, sign up today so you can start feeling better today.

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My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for strong, success driven women who want to discover their true self, discover the missing key, find their purpose and then start building a legacy from pure power. I have made it may mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability before your subconscious primitive mind tells you to run and hide.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this message and I highly encourage you to get on my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

Four Reasons Why You Aren’t Doing What You Want To Do

The old me would have told you that I just don’t get to do all of the things I want to do because I just didn’t have the time.

“I mean really, do you know what it’s like to own and run your own successful business?!?”

Funny thing is that after thirty years of running my own successful business and now launching a shiny, brand new version of that business, I totally DO get to do all of the things I want to do.

What’s different?

Well, it certainly isn’t because there are less things to do in this business. Yes, it is less multi-faceted, for right now, but I also don’t have a full time employee plus a handful of part-timers. It’s all me.

I am what is different.

Over the past two years I have been doing the work of changing my life around because I decided two years ago that I wanted my life to be different. I was tired of being happy but yet at the same time, being completely unhappy. I desperately knew something had to change or I would be living the rest of my life in misery and that my friends, sounded miserable.

The reason we don’t do what we want to do is because we are creating way too much drama in our life around all of the things.

So what is the reason we don’t do what we want to do? Well, here are just a few:

We are creating way too much drama in our life around all of the things.

  • We can’t stand ourselves
  • There isn’t enough time
  • There are too many things I HAVE to do
  • The kids…
  • The job…
  • We don’t have enough money

Once we learn how to manage our minds, magically all of the drama starts to disappear.

We don’t trust ourselves.

We tell ourselves, every day, how we’re going to do all of the things. We come up with these crazy plans to do them all and then at the end of the day, when most of them aren’t done, we beat ourselves up because we can’t figure this out.

We tell ourselves what a failure we are.

We think about all of the people who do have their drama tied up and packaged neatly with a bow and then start all over the next day.

This cycle of letting ourselves down over and over is like that friend that never shows up to the party. You don’t trust her to show up yet you still invite her.

This leads to the last reason.

We don’t know how to make a decision ahead of time and then follow through.

We haven’t learned how to just make a decision and move forward. We pride ourselves in “doing the research”, coming up with the laundry list of why it won’t work and then why it will. We pride ourselves in “doing the research”. So much so that we never even make a decision or by the time we do the opportunity is over or we just plain spent a whole lot of time and energy that could have been spent moving forward from a decision made earlier.

We are afraid to make a decision.

What I have learned is that making a quick decision feels completely amazing. It clears up my mind and allows me to start moving forward with all of my things. It’s possible I will discover it was the wrong decision. Totally cool, now I can move forward in a new direction, nothing lost and everything gained.

We want to do it perfectly.

Perfectionism is such a lie.

If you have been priding yourself on being a perfectionist, please stop.

Perfectionism is the reason we don’t move forward, it’s why people procrastinate.

Fear of not doing something perfectly.

I actually used to feel bad when I thought “who cares, at least it’s done”, I actually got pulled into perfectionism by thinking I wasn’t as good as those who claimed to be. Can you see how poor my self image and self trust was? This is so crazy to me now!

The book that totally released me from the perfectionism procrastination was Dan Sullivan’s “The 80% Approach”. Dan helped me to realize that I was putting my tasks off until the last minute and then truly only doing 80% work. Now I schedule the work, do it when I decided to do it and give it my 80%. Awesome. It propels me forward and allows me to schedule shorter future times in my schedule to do another 80% a few times over.

Now that’s pretty close to perfection, the easy way!

I actually could have WAY more than four reasons but for the sake of time I stopped here. My freedom program addresses them all!

If you are like I was and have a long list of things you want to do in this life but you’re not getting any of them done, then I would love to have a conversation with you. Let me share how I am helping other amazing high performers like yourself truly discover themselves and confidently step into living it out. Send me an email or go schedule your free session today. Let’s get this party started already!

Until we talk I send out a newsletter every week to help you do the work of feeling better in this life you’re living, go opt in today so you don’t miss a thing!

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My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for strong, success driven women who want to discover their true self, discover the missing key, find their purpose and then start building a legacy from pure power. I have made it may mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability before your subconscious primitive mind tells you to run and hide.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this message and I highly encourage you to get on my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

Four Ways To Tell If You’re A People Pleaser & Steps To Stop

I was the biggest people pleasers out there, often doing things for other people. I thought I could make other people happy. I thought I could make other people like me by saying yes to them.

One of my problems is I also love to get involved in all sorts of things but this used to come at the expense of the things I valued the most.

Constraint has helped me a whole lot in this area. Now when I’m asked if I want to do something instead of jumping all over it because it sounds like so much fun, I take a moment to think about my time and what I’m really focusing on at the moment.

Let’s look at some ways to tell if you’re a people pleaser and then let’s look at ways to start being a you pleaser.

You say yes because it sounds like an amazing opportunity but you are in dread when you think about it.

There is a possible mixed bag of things going on here and it’s important for you to unpack it.

First I’d like to encourage you to work on your decision skills. As a people pleaser you may want to tell the asker that you’ll get back to them so that you have some time to truly decide what you want to say. Then give them a time deadline of when you’ll get back to them and honor that deadline. Please make sure that you are all in with your decision, love your reasons either way.

Once you love your reasons continue to remind yourself of those reasons. As the event approaches and you’re finding yourself regretting your choice remember your all in decision and be all in. If it was a no and you’re finding yourself regretting not attending then again remind yourself of your all in decision to say no, love it and be all in on whatever else it is you chose to do in that time.

If your answer is no, really start working on just saying no without excuses. It’s completely ok to say that you’re not able to help out, if it’s just for this time and you want to be considered for the future then say that, but ONLY if you mean it.

You offer to do things for people that you really don’t want to do.

This was a problem for me in my marriage because I did things to get love in return for what I did. What happens here is that of course, people can’t make you feel love, that comes from within yourself. Eventually what happens is we start to resent the other person because they’re expecting you to keep doing what you always did. You now stop doing what you always did and the other person is completely confused, with you having the result of resenting yourself.

Make sure your offer is coming from a place of love from within yourself, not for the reaction of the other person. When you do this you get the result of creating love for yourself because you’re doing what you really want to do.

Stop and ask yourself before you decide to do something for someone if you are doing it from a place of love for yourself, with absolutely NO expectations from the other person. This is not people pleasing, this is self love.

You have a difficult time ending a conversation or leaving a party.

I am waving my hand high here because this had ALWAYS been a problem for me! What would happen is I would stay on the phone longer than I wanted, get resentful and then I’d end abruptly. Same at parties, as a matter of fact sometimes I would even ditch without saying goodbye. This my friends is all about people pleasing by completely attempting to control what people think of you.

My suggestion for stepping out of this one is to be super intentional. Make a phone call to someone, decide how long you’ll talk and then honor yourself with your decision. If you stay on the phone longer decide to do it out of love for yourself, maybe you’re really enjoying the conversation and want to stay on. Again: love your choice.

At parties visualize telling the host goodbye and just do it. Be uncomfortable. Thank them for inviting you and let them know what a great time you had. They may be sad that you’re leaving, it’s ok, staying won’t make them happy, it will be their thoughts that will make them happy. Again, if you choose to stay later, love your reasons and don’t go into resentment, fully love yourself along with the reasons you choose to stay.

You guys, I love all of this and helping all of you see how your actions may not truly be coming from a place of true love in yourself but from trying to find love outside of yourself. This just doesn’t feel good, it always leaves us feeling empty.

Honoring ourselves and following through with what we say we’re going to do builds trust and love in ourselves and truly sets us free to love others unconditionally. This is true freedom my friends.

If you want to work on your journey to self freedom on a level that creates massive change in your life then let’s find time to talk. God has created the perfect path in my life to understand everything you are going through in your struggles. I want you to know it’s ok, your life can start brand new today and I can’t wait to watch you fly free.

Book your free consult session here or send me an email with some days and times that will work for you. Once you start you will never turn back.

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My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for strong, success driven women who want to discover their true self, discover the missing key, find their purpose and then start building a legacy from pure power. I have made it may mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability before your subconscious primitive mind tells you to run and hide.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this message and I highly encourage you to get on my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

Why Someone Else Isn’t Causing Your Feelings

It’s what I used to think.

I used to get so mad when people didn’t act like I thought they should.

I spent so much time and energy trying to change people in my head.

Thank God I now know differently because now I have complete freedom to feel however I want, no matter what anyone else says or does.

I now have so much more energy to focus on things that matter.

It’s true that other people don’t cause our feelings but yet it’s not what we’re taught.

I beg you to read on so that you can grasp what I’m saying and start the process of changing.

If you’re a mentor for young children, please read this so you can start changing the way you teach the next generation.

We’re taught that what we do or what others do to us is what causes how we feel, this is a lie.

“You’ll make grandpa sad if you don’t give him a kiss goodbye.”

“If you don’t put your toys away mommy is going to get mad.”

“He’s angry because I didn’t do what he said I should do.”

These things simply aren’t true.

If grandpa gets sad because the kids don’t give him a hug and a kiss then that’s on grandpa. IF grandpa actually does get sad  it’s only because he has a thought that creates sadness for him. The actual circumstance has nothing to do with it. Grandpa might actually be quite happy whether the kids give him a kiss or not, don’t set your kids up to learn that they actually have to do something to make someone feel loved.

If you ask your child to put their toys away and tell them that if they don’t you’re going to get mad, it’s not because they didn’t put the toys away. It’s because you have a thought that makes you mad about the fact that they didn’t do what you asked them to do, the fact is completely neutral. Getting mad and then acting out on that emotion just teaches your children that they are the manipulators of your actions. The question to ask yourself is what are you making this mean? Why do you think the kids aren’t putting their toys away? Do you think it has anything to do with you?

If your boyfriend is mad at you because you’re not doing what he thinks you should do, then what would it say about you if you did what he thinks you should do just to make him feel better? It says that you are a people pleaser because you are only doing it to make him feel better and not doing what you think you should do. Your boyfriend gets to think whatever he wants to think and if he choses a thought that makes him mad then he has just given you power over his emotions. This is none of your business and all his.

For myself, I learned at an early age to seek love outside of myself. I didn’t realize that I was love, that I had value, that I was enough so I put my love in the hands of others. How people treated me was an indicator of my lovability so I did everything I could to make sure that people liked me. This put me in such a disempowered position because if someone didn’t show me love in return then I made that mean something about me.

People are allowed to have opinions about us and what we do, their opinion doesn’t mean anything about us, unless you make it.

People get to do whatever they want to do and if it makes you feel a certain way it’s because of the thought you are having about what they are doing.

People can get mad at you because of something you do or don’t do but that is completely on them.

One thing that helped release me from resentment and anger was allowing myself to accept that people can have their own opinions and those opinions may not be the same as mine. That people may have opinions about what I do or don’t do and that it is completely ok. People can think whatever they want about me and what I’m doing but when I have confidence in myself then it doesn’t make me mad, resentful or disempowered.

One last thing I want to share is on emotional childhood.

Emotional childhood is when we blame other people for how we are feeling. Emotional childhood puts our emotions in the hands of others which is a strong motivator for me to be curious about what is happening for me.

There are a few specific situations where I still get stuck in a thought loop causing a feeling that puts me in a place of disempowerment. This is where my coach makes all of the difference. She helps me to see what is keeping me stuck, helps me wiggle out of it and sets me free to go create magic. Some situations are easier to get out of than others, thought patterns that have been with us for a while take some time to work through but taking your power back opens you up to so much more of the life you were created to live.

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My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for strong, success driven women who want to discover their true self, discover the missing key, find their purpose and then start building a legacy from pure power. I have made it may mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability before your subconscious primitive mind tells you to run and hide.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this message and I highly encourage you to get on my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

How To Create Amazing Friendships That You Love

I used to wonder why it was that I didn’t have many friendships.

I thought it was possibly because I just didn’t trust many people.

I thought that possibly it was because I was an introvert.

I thought it was because I wasn’t likeable.


I was always comparing myself and my “friendships” to those that other people talked about.

Interestingly enough though, now I feel like I have lots of amazing friendships.

What’s changed?

Me.

That’s right, it’s kind of like what Dr. Wayne Dyer talks about when he said “Change the way you look at things and the things around you change.”

You see, while I’ve met plenty of new people that I consider friends, that isn’t what has changed because plenty of the people I’ve known for a long time I now look at differently. All of this is because I have been doing the work of truly discovering who I am and with powerful intention, living that out.

What does this have anything to do with creating friends? Read on my friend and find out how you too can create amazing friendships in your life, without even meeting anyone new.

Love yourself.

When you love yourself you have self confidence in yourself which means you get to be yourself and you don’t allow people to control how you show up.

This of course, is the most important step because when we don’t love ourselves it’s quite difficult to truly love others. We’re always being someone else for the people, showing up how we think they want us to show up and this doesn’t leave us any room to actually enjoy the time together.

I was always trying to people please, controlling what other people think of me in an effort to get them to show me love in return, which is completely exhausting. No wonder I wanted to go home and be by myself!

When people would ask me to do things with them these were my go to responses:

  • make excuses as to why I couldn’t make it
  • say I would go, then ditch at the last minute
  • say I would go while dreading every moment up to, during and after the engagement

Not anymore! Now I either say yes because I want to go and I’m all in or I say no because I want to say no and neither has anything to do with the reaction I’ll get from the other person.  My responses are genuine, I’m being fulling honest about what I want to allow into my life and I love my reasons.

Let people be who they are and fully love them.

Then decide whether you want to spend any time with them.

Did you know you can love someone but not agree with how they live their life? Did you know that everyone, yes, everyone, is fully lovable? Yeah, really.

When you learn how to love yourself you also learn how to allow people to be who they are, without it affecting how you feel.

This was a breakthrough for me with the people I now call friends. I let them be themselves, I get to be me and I get to decide how much time I spend with them. 

Friendships only require one to participate.

This is full freedom.

This means that you can be friends with someone and they may not even know you exist! The other thing I realized as I was thinking about this is that the opposite is also true, there are people out there who think you are their friend and you may not even know them. 


This is true my friend, you have friends you don’t even know.

If you are one of those people in my life I sure hope you introduce yourself to me, I want to get to know you and have an opportunity to share the relationship!

This actually sank in for me one day when I was talking to someone and I mentioned a “friend”, I actually paused after I said that and revisited it later coming to the following conclusion. You see, the reason I had paused during the conversation was because I had stopped momentarily to contemplate as to whether I truly was a friend with the person I had been talking about. Upon further reflection I truly realized that this person was a friend to me and though I didn’t really know whether this person would agree that they too were friends with me, it didn’t matter. I considered her a friend, no matter what.

This was a breakthrough for me on many levels. First, it demonstrated how far I had come in my journey of going from not having any value for myself to falling fully in love with who I was created to be. It showed me how I was no longer at the mercy of what others thought of me.  Secondly, it sent me back to before I started this love journey. It sent me back to a time when I felt like I didn’t have any friends and though I felt like this, I would tell other people all about my friends, with guilt and shame, so that other people would think that I had friends. 

AKA people pleasing.

Also known as controlling how other people thought of me.

Let others be wrong about you.

 

This one of my favorites, I stole it from my Master Coach, Brooke Castillo.

This gives me complete freedom to love myself and let others not. Some people just won’t be your friend, and that is ok, you can still love them with all of your heart!

If you’re feeling like there is something wrong with you. If you wonder why you don’t have any friends. If you wonder why you don’t feel connected to any of the people you are calling friends, then let me share a little fact with you, you are not alone. I was there with you. Actually, I had lots of “friends” but none of them felt like friends. 

Something has changed and it’s not them.

Something can change for you too, I promise it’s possible.

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My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for strong, success driven women who want to discover their true self, discover the missing key, find their purpose and then start building a legacy from pure power. I have made it may mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability before your subconscious primitive mind tells you to run and hide.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this message and I highly encourage you to get on my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

Five Reasons Why Your Transformation Journey Isn’t Working

I coach women who want to transform their lives, women who want to achieve what seems impossible, women who want to send their careers soaring while having fun doing it.

I coach women change their story line from being the victim to being the hero.

Watching this journey is incredibly beautiful, like watching tightly bound peony bud blossom into full bloom, magical.

Though the journey is magical to watch it isn’t without it’s struggles. The process of changing deeply engrained patterns of the mind isn’t something you do with ease, it takes strength and persistence.

All of the years I worked with athletes I could tell the difference between those who would succeed in their goals and those who wouldn’t. The beautiful thing about what I do now is that I actually coach people on why they aren’t succeeding so even when they don’t succeed their brain still changes, even if it’s just a bit.

You have to be committed to doing the work to get the expected results. If you do some of the work you will see some results, they will come slower than when you take massive action and do all of the work. When you take massive action and do all of the work you will see massive results, guaranteed.

 Let’s get into some of the reasons your journey to becoming your next best version of you may not be working so that you can do some honest evaluation and, if you’re up for the work, start moving forward to your new amazing life.

You don’t believe this will work.

This is typically the first problem. This work is different from anything else you’ve ever done, it seems counterintuitive and a bit of what I call “mind bendy”.

This is because we have been thinking a certain way for most of our lives, changing those patterns takes work and repetition. Your brain is going to want to tell you that it’s not working, that you should just do what you’ve always done, it doesn’t like change.

You can tell your brain to chill, that this is all going to be ok and that you are re-creating your beautiful you.

You’re striving for perfection.

Perfection my friend will stop you from creating your dreams all day long.

Perfectionists are liars, there is no such thing so stop it now and stop telling everyone you’re a perfectionist. It’s not something to be proud of.

Tell yourself that you will strive for 80% work, B+ work. This will get you moving forward and allow you to just do what it is you said you were going to do without the fear of it not being perfect. Just get it done and if you have time, go back and work on doing another 80% on your first 80%!

You’re not fully applying the techniques.

This is like those clients I had that weren’t fully successful in their health and wellness goals. They thought that taking the step of hiring a coach was going to create the results and then they would let themselves down by not applying the work. This doesn’t work.

This was what I did in the beginning of hearing the techniques I used to create my own personal freedom. I consumed the information but didn’t fully apply them. I kind of applied them but when I liked enough of what I had been hearing I hired a coach and applied everything she taught me.

Funny, I saw massive results.

You’re not evaluating your progress.

This is one of the most important things I have learned how to do and have honored myself in doing. Sometimes I don’t want to do this, I think it’s going to take too much time, but seeing how far we’ve come is so important.

Our brain wants to continue to tell us that we still aren’t good enough, that we still are not perfect, that we should just give up, go sit on the couch and eat chocolate.

Our brain is funny like that. It really wants to protect us but if we aren’t fully aware of what it’s doing it will keep us from moving forward.

You’re making your fails mean that it’s not working instead of using your fails as learning experiences that will move you forward.

You can make failing whatever you want it to mean and again, the brain really wants to just protect you from hurting yourself.

Failure is ok, it doesn’t mean anything about you and your worth but I imagine that most of your life that is what you’ve made it mean.

Now you are doing the work to change that, you are doing the work of changing your brain and telling it that failure is just information. Let me say that again.

Failure is just information along the way to your success. It’s data for you to analyze and to use to figure out what went wrong so you can work on what you will do next time.

I believe in you friend. I know you can do this.

You are one strong woman out there doing amazing things in the world.

I know you have the capability to do more but not just do more, but to do more and to have fun doing it!

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My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for strong, success driven women who want to discover their true self, discover the missing key, find their purpose and then start building a legacy from pure power. I have made it may mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability before your subconscious primitive mind tells you to run and hide.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this message and I highly encourage you to get on my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

Are You Self Confident or Confident?

Today I want to share the difference because it’s huge. It might help you discover something you didn’t know about yourself and allow you to explore how to develop the one you may be lacking.

Confidence

Confidence is specific to the person because it is a skill that someone has practiced or something that a person might have natural talent for. You are confident you can get on your bicycle after several years of not riding it if you’ve rode a bicycle enough to create that confidence.

Strong, driven, successful people like yourself have developed a false sense of self confidence by practicing and seeking further education in what you do. You have taken actions that have developed your confidence in something you do.

I like to liken this to your shield of confidence, you have proven to the powers that be, whoever those people are, that you are fully competent. To prove it you also might make sure that people are fully aware of your capability in an effort to feel better about yourself, so that they will be impressed with you.

Generating love, recognition, validation from outside of yourself.

The interesting thing is that even though we may have confidence in a certain ability there are so many of us who experience the dreaded imposter syndrome.

I experienced this during my 30 year business of coaching athletes. I had gone to college to become a Chemical Engineer, after three years changed that path to Journalism and Graphic Design. After getting laid off during Desert Storm, I decided to start helping all of the people at the gym who had been begging me to help them start the journey to a healthier life. Needing an income resource I started one of most successful personal training businesses in the country and became a professional athlete in the process. All the evidence of success still made me feel like an imposter, simply caused by plenty of confidence but very little self confidence.

Another consideration is that confident people often will not try things they aren’t good at because of fear. Fear they might fail. Fear they might feel embarrassed or humiliated.

Self Confidence

Is truly an overall mindset you create for yourself about your own ability in ALL areas of your life that matter to you.

It is the ability to do something that you might be afraid of doing but fear doesn’t stop you from doing it.

You choose to take the action regardless of your fear because you know that fear is just an emotion, it can’t kill you.

You are willing to fail with the only consequence being an uncomfortable feeling and possible failure.

Knowing that what happens doesn’t mean anything negative about you.

Knowing the feeling will pass.

Knowing you have evolved yourself and learned something.

You are taking the actions that you want to take, no matter what.

Self confident people will do things they haven’t done before because they’re confident in themselves. They aren’t afraid of feeling embarrassed or humiliated. They know that failure means nothing about them as a human being. They know that the failure is just information for moving forward.

As a coach who has overcome the obstacle of myself getting in the way of myself I now teach people how to become more self confident. I teach them how to overcome the fears that keep them from playing big. I teach them how to have their own back in every life situation.

If you are starting to see that you might be the biggest obstacle in your life and you want to start coming up with strategies to overcome this obstacle then send me an email and let’s find some time to talk. Overcoming this obstacle has been the best work I have ever done in my life and it is my mission to help anyone brave enough to finally take the steps to freedom.

I can’t wait to watch you soar!

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My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for strong, success driven women who want to discover their true self, discover the missing key, find their purpose and then start building a legacy from pure power. I have made it may mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability before your subconscious primitive mind tells you to run and hide.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this message and I highly encourage you to get on my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

Three Types Of Jealousy And How To Let It Go

Jealousy is an emotion I used to experience pretty much on a daily basis and I’m happy to say that I really don’t experience it much anymore. I have developed a beautiful, loving relationship with myself that allows me to trust myself to do the right thing, to not be worried about what others do and it has generated the self confidence to know that I can achieve anything I desire.

I won’t lie, I do experience it once in a while, I am human, but now I have this amazing tool called the Thought Model to help me work on my mindset. The Thought Model shows me the result I’m getting from the thought causing the feeling of jealousy and then I can work on what I want to do with what is coming up for me.

I have a couple of videos on my YouTube channel that may help you understand this tool.

Jealousy is something that truly comes from lack of self confidence, self compassion as well as trust. When we don’t trust others it is often a reflection of distrust in ourselves. I encourage you to read two of my other posts, one to see if you trust yourself  and then this one to help you take some steps to learning how to trust yourself.

Here are three different situations that might cause us to get jealous:

Projection

I like to liken this to holding up the mirror between yourself and the person you are jealous of. Then turn the mirror back towards yourself to discover what it is in your life that is causing you to be jealous. I’ll use a relationship as an example. Maybe you are jealous of your mate, possibly even accusing him of flirting or cheating on you. If you turn the mirror on yourself possibly you yourself are experiencing thoughts of someone else in your life?

Could this be lack of trust on your part with what your own outcome might be with someone you may be having thoughts about?

Protection

Protection is an effort to protect yourself from something you think might be bad for you. This can show up as you trying to control someone to get the result you want. It could look like you thinking your mate is flirting and paying more attention to other people. You’re jealous that he may like them better than you and want to tell him to change the way he acts. You get to decide whether you want to let him be himself or if this isn’t what you want in your partner, do you trust yourself enough to decide? Self confidence allows you to feel the feeling and know that it’s ok, that you can feel the emotion and then again, make the choice as to if this is what you want in your partner.

Competition

This is when we are watching what is happening for other people and jealous of what they are getting that you aren’t. I like to look at a form of this coming from a place of scarcity. In the example of progress in a career or income, you might be thinking that there is only so much to go around, that someone else is making all the money, leaving you with not enough. I like to think that there is no limit to what any of us can produce and if someone else can do it, with self confidence we will know that the same is true for us.

There is also the situation of placement in some sort of contest. For thirty years I coached athletes where I saw jealousy on a daily basis. People comparing themselves to others, not trusting in their own capabilities, not self confident in what they can create, not loving themselves enough for where they are and what they have achieved for themselves.

If you are competing to somehow create your worth or killing it in your job to create your worth or controlling your surroundings so that you can feel love then my program is an exact fit for you. I help high achievers like yourself work on that piece that is missing, themselves. I give them the tools to start finding love from within, once you’re able to trust and love yourself you’ll be able to build the self confidence to go out and create whatever it is you want, for no one but you.

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My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for strong, success driven women who want to discover their true self, discover the missing key, find their purpose and then start building a legacy from pure power. I have made it may mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability before your subconscious primitive mind tells you to run and hide.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this message and I highly encourage you to get on my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

Three Reasons Why You Lack Self Confidence

I’ve always been a self help junkie.

As far back as I can remember I was learning how to exercise, meditate, eat right, but knowing what I know now I’m pretty sure it was mostly with the objective of looking the way society deemed I should look.

So I could feel acceptance.

Ok, maybe not the meditation, I think that was part of my deep desire to get connected spiritually.

Back to the feeling accepted.

This was always a struggle for me, always doing what I thought would make me fit in or be accepted.

I thought I would generate self confidence by proving myself, again to gain acceptance.

I was always looking for love from other people, by doing everything for others, until I discovered that the only true way to feel love was to start with loving myself.

As I started digging in to how to become self confident I started figuring out all of the things that I needed to start working on, let me share three of them with you:

We don’t trust ourselves.

To see if you trust yourself go read my post where I give you one simple way to see if you trust yourself and then if you want to start working on how to change that, go check out my post with three steps to start trusting yourself. We don’t know how to trust ourselves because we are unfamiliar with how to manage our mind making us feel out of control with our feelings and actions.

We are afraid to feel our emotions.

We’re afraid of not feeling loved, of being rejected, of feeling sad so we do whatever we can to get people to like us, which then makes us feel loved…IF they treat us the way we want them to treat us. We don’t know how to actually process our emotions so we just avoid them and avoid doing anything that could build our self confidence. Instead we just keep working on proving ourselves by being the best we can be at something that we deem might make us look confident.

Let me pause here to explain the difference. Confidence comes from repeatedly doing something until we do it well, this builds confidence in doing that thing. Self confidence comes from within. Self confidence is created by doing things and being willing to feel whatever emotion comes along because we are solid in our relationship with ourselves. We know that feeling humiliation is just a vibration in our body, that it won’t kill us and has nothing to do with who we are.

Low opinion of ourselves.

We just don’t think thoughts that are uplifting about ourselves. We are out there looking for it from others but we still don’t believe them. We want people to tell us how good we look yet we can’t just say “thank you” and agree with them. Instead we don’t trust them, telling ourselves they are lying to make us feel good or to get something in return.

This my friends is the opposite of self confidence.

Becoming confident in ones self is a journey that you will never regret.

Becoming self confident is COMPLETELY possible for ANYONE, no matter what lies you’ve been telling yourself your whole life.

I strongly encourage you to embark on the journey and I believe I’m the perfect person to guide you through it. I’ve traveled the road, I’ve done the work, I’ve created so much self confidence that I believe I can do anything I decide to do.

I’m out there doing it by creating it for people like you, life starts right here where self confidence begins.

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My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for strong, success driven women who want to discover their true self, discover the missing key, find their purpose and then start building a legacy from pure power. I have made it may mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability before your subconscious primitive mind tells you to run and hide.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this message and I highly encourage you to get on my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.