Steps To Walk Through Your Depression

I’m going to start this off stating that depression is a serious thing. The “tackling depression” tactics that I am going to talk about today can be applied to any type of depression, yet there are individual cases where depression is truly dark. 


I’m talking dark, as in no light. 


You yourself will want to take the steps to be able to recognize what your depression looks like for you. You may want to seek the guidance of a medical professional who can help you sort through a possible need for a medication program to help you sort through your journey. 


Yet, even if your journey is truly that dark, I want you to know that there absolutely is hope. There is beautiful light on the other side of the valley you are currently walking through. 


I promise this. 


Just waiting for it to end could be a way of processing but seeking guidance out of love and compassion for yourself is the shortest path through to the other side. 

It is the most beautiful path as well.


When we work through whatever is bringing us down we always discover something new about ourselves.

When we just wait for it to pass, just keep trudging on, in my experience, there isn’t much discovery in the process.

This week has been one of those weeks for me. 


It actually feels foreign. 


This thought alone gives me relief. Depression was a way of life for me in the past, I used to drag it around like a heavy sled. I know, who knew, I truly was the masquerade master.

Experiencing it now is actually opening up for me the reality that I have cut loose so many ties to that sled. 


My norm now is freedom, so thank you depression for opening up my eyes to this truth.


How I am handling the depression is also different. Let me share how.

Become curious about what is happening for you.

For me the art of being curious about why this is actually occurring in my body is an interesting process. The old me would have ignored it, pushed it into the corner and put something fancy and falsely beautiful in front of it, hello facade. 


This week I have been holding it in my hands, being kind and compassionate towards it, allowing it to express itself yet not prohibit me from moving forward with my days. 

This in of itself feels so much better. More expansive. Less tight and uncomfortable. The knowledge not that I never will experience depression again, but that I now have the tools to process it. To use it as information for what is happening for me in the moment.

Use The Model to help you see what is happening for you.

This tool helps you with the awareness I shared above. It helps you to see what might be happening for you. It helps you to sort through the messiness your brain is presenting to you. It helps you to see some truth and allow you to move forward while accepting that this is a part of your current journey.

The model is also a tool that will help you see the result you are getting with whatever thoughts your brain is giving to you, this then gives you the option of choosing a different thought. A different thought will get you a different result.

Listen up.

This is not about faking it by ignoring what is happening for you. This is about choosing thoughts that will work for you.

Let me share an example by sharing a bit of my thought downloads from the week.

“This stinks. My life is miserable. I don’t have time for this. I can’t do this. I’ll never get this done. I should just give this up. I should just stay in bed. Maybe I’ll just take the day off. I am strong. I can handle anything. This is perfect. This is happening. This won’t beat me. Hello brain, I see what you’re doing. This is happening and I don’t like it. Maybe I need more caffeine. I should go take a nap. Of course this is happening.”

If I were to stay with the thought that “I can’t do this” it would make me feel defeated causing me to complain, ruminate, feel sorry for myself, beat myself up, etc, creating a result of not getting anything done. Perfect evidence for the thought “I can’t do this.”

Instead I chose the thought “I can handle anything”, this makes me feel strong, this propels me forward to do my tasks and honor my commitments, to hold my funk in a place of compassion and curiosity but not let it control me, love myself and share my journey instead of hide or fake it, be curious about what is happening, the result I get from this new thought is I completely handle my commitments and my funk.

Lastly.

Share your journey with a friend.

Sharing it helps to heal it. Sometimes a friend doesn’t feel right and sometimes it just might be wrong. That’s where I come in. I’m the friend that cares and does more than just listen and then give you unsolicited advice. I listen. I show you your brain. I show you how to hold it in a place of compassion. I show you how to allow the discomfort without allowing it to consume you.

I help you walk through until you’re ready to set it free.

This my friends is beautiful.

This my friends is not faking it.

This allows you to travel through your experiences, negative and positive, from a place of curiosity, learning and growing along the way.

Friend, if you are in a dark season and want to know more about how to move through it from a place of compassion for yourself, I’d love to walk through with you. This doesn’t need to be an awful experience. Use it to grow, learn and love yourself.

I’m over here waiting for you.

My mission is you. Helping you become your true you. Let’s go!

I’m just an email away.

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My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for strong, success driven women who want to discover their true self, discover the missing key, find their purpose and then start building a legacy from pure power. I have made it may mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability before your subconscious primitive mind tells you to run and hide.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this message and I highly encourage you to get on my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

Why Avoiding Conflict Creates More Conflict & How To Get Good At Resolution

Conflict is a struggle, or opposition, of ideas or interests.

The conflict may just be within yourself or it may be with one or many other persons.

It’s possible that you are the only one aware of the conflict because you are avoiding bringing it out in the open. Maybe you are agreeing, apologizing or even accommodating the person you are in opposition to.

It’s possible you were never taught how to deal with conflict effectively. This can be true if you watched parents scream and yell at each other, never coming to resolution verses watching them sit down and discuss the struggle out loud and openly. Even the opposite can be true with one parent avoiding conflict by never addressing their struggles therefore again, never allowing you to witness healthy conflict resolution.

Healthy conflict resolution is something that is important for us to develop so that we can start cultivating more strong, trusting relationships with everyone in our life.

Here is how avoiding conflict can create more conflict:

  • You resisting what is going on by avoiding and not processing
  • You build up negative emotion
  • You don’t figure out how to clean up your thoughts

When we take the time to look at what is happening for us with any struggles or opposition we are having with someone it is healthy for us to do a few things:

Take a look at our thoughts, what is going on in our brain, by doing a thought download.

Look at how these thoughts are making us feel and then how these feelings are making us show up.

This will show us the result we are getting.

At this point we can decide whether we are wanting to change our thoughts so that we get a result that we want or not.

Possibly we do want to change our thoughts to get a result that we like, yet it’s also possible that we will want to talk to the other party and discuss what is going on for us.

The one thing you must always remember is no one else is in charge of your happiness, so the objective is not to control them by telling them how they need to act to make you feel good. 

That is your job.

Still, you may want to clarify what is happening for you.

Let me give you an example.

Let’s say you have a husband, I may or may not know of one, who has committed to dog sitting a puppy during time, two days to be exact, when you, that would be me, will be at home working and husband will be away from the home working.

I could get angry and just let it happen, maybe take it out a bit on said husband.

I could do a thought download and decide how I want to handle the situation out of love for myself.

Then make a decision as to what I’m going to do and be all in and in love with my choice

The latter is what I have chosen to do. The old me would have taken it out on husband from the time it was announced until who knows when.

With choosing the way I did, making the choice to think I am going to enjoy this little puppy, which makes me feel helpful, which allows me to take the action of planning my days so it works for me, loving the puppy, ask husband to clarify story of how this came about so that I fully understand scenario, ask husband to, in the future, please check with me before volunteering my time but also recognize that he may not follow through, decide how I will deal with the situation if it arises again.

If you are a conflict avoider like I used to be and would like to discover how to start feeling better about how you deal with the struggles that life will always present to you, then I would love to offer a free mini-session to help you feel some freedom. All you have to do is grab on to some courage and send me an email, the feeling of fear will vanish once you hit the send button.

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My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for strong, success driven women who want to discover their true self, discover the missing key, find their purpose and then start building a legacy from pure power. I have made it may mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability before your subconscious primitive mind tells you to run and hide.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this message and I highly encourage you to get on my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

Why You’re Feeling Like A Fraud

Imposter Syndrome, let’s start with a good old Google definition.

The persistent inability to believe that one’s success is deserved or has been legitimately achieved as a result of one’s own efforts or skills.

Friends, listen up.

It does not matter what you do to create value in this world: full time (part time) moms, entrepreneurs, corporate partner, CEO, baristas, bank manager, doctor, nurse, police officer, fire fighter, teacher, professor, artist, yoga instructor, athlete, keynote speakers; anyone can experience imposter syndrome.

Let me share a story with you and get super vulnerable, again.

I launched On Track Training, which morphed into Team On Track, a highly successful coaching and sporting event promotion business, thirty years ago. Before people even knew what personal training was.

I spent most of those thirty years embarrassed of what I did. I told the story of how I was so much smarter than that. How went to school for Chemical Engineering then went into the School of Journalism and got a Graphic Design certificate, worked as a Graphic Designer before stepping into this role as an expert at transforming people’s lives. I was smart.

I still totally thought I was a fraud.

After all of the work I have done these past two years I shake my head at all of this because I know how much of a lie it was.

Thirty years!

I share that with you because those of you who know me from that business would never even guess that I felt this way.

Of course you wouldn’t, I had the outer facade game down!

I knew how to play the role of looking like I knew what I was doing.

Of course, now I know that I knew what I was doing, I knew well, I just didn’t have the self confidence needed to believe it.

In a nutshell imposter syndrome comes from us thinking that we’re just not enough, that soon someone is going to figure it out and call us out on it.

Probably even fire us, put us out on the street, unemployed, ruined and broke

It’s ok because there is a solution.

Once you build up your self worth.

Once you build up your self confidence.

Once you learn how to start loving yourself.

Once you start being willing to let people be wrong about you.

Once you stop rejecting yourself.

Once you become unwilling to reject yourself because of others who may reject you.

Once you step on this journey to discovering the true you and start stepping fully into that, the imposter syndrome slowly fades away into the distance.

Oh, your brain will want to remind you that you’re not good enough but you can’t blame it. You’ve spent your whole life conditioning it to believe this lie. No fear though, once you’ve done this work you will recognize the lie.

You will know how to love your brain for reminding you and then gently be able to tell it that it is wrong.

That you are no longer that person.

You are no longer going to allow yourself to listen to that lie.

The other thing I will tell you, you can put this all into The Thought Model, that the thought that you are an imposter is just that.

A thought.

Not a circumstance.

When you think that you’re an imposter it will generate a feeling of something like incompetence which is going to make you show up less than you truly are capable of showing up giving you the result of acting like an imposter.

It’s way better to just believe that you are completely qualified for what you are doing and feel confident. This will make you show up knocking it out of the park which creates the result of doing quality work.

If you are getting tired of fighting yourself. If you are tired of getting in your own way. If a solution to this problem sounds like hitting the lottery but better, then I would love to talk to you about my Awaken (The True) You program.

My program will take you from not fully being on board with yourself to being your best asset.

The impact this will have in your life is to give you the freedom you have been desperately yearning for.

You can book your free consult here or send me an email with some days and times that work for you, I’ll make one of them happen.

You can also get more help by getting my newsletter directly in your inbox, sign up today so you can start feeling better today.

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My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for strong, success driven women who want to discover their true self, discover the missing key, find their purpose and then start building a legacy from pure power. I have made it may mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability before your subconscious primitive mind tells you to run and hide.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this message and I highly encourage you to get on my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

Four Reasons Why You Aren’t Doing What You Want To Do

Four Reasons Why You Aren't Doing What You Want To Do

The old me would have told you that I just don’t get to do all of the things I want to do because I just didn’t have the time.

“I mean really, do you know what it’s like to own and run your own successful business?!?”

Funny thing is that after thirty years of running my own successful business and now launching a shiny, brand new version of that business, I totally DO get to do all of the things I want to do.

What’s different?

Well, it certainly isn’t because there are fewer things to do in this business. Yes, it is less multi-faceted, for right now, but I also don’t have a full-time employee plus a handful of part-timers. It’s all me.

I am what is different.

Over the past two years, I have been doing the work of changing my life around because I decided two years ago that I wanted my life to be different. I was tired of being happy but yet at the same time, being completely unhappy. I desperately knew something had to change or I would be living the rest of my life in misery and that my friends, sounded miserable.

The reason we don’t do what we want to do is that we are creating way too much drama in our life around all of the things.

So what is the reason we don’t do what we want to do? Well, here are just a few:

We are creating way too much drama in our life around all of the things.

  • We can’t stand ourselves
  • There isn’t enough time
  • There are too many things I HAVE to do
  • The kids…
  • The job…
  • We don’t have enough money

Once we learn how to manage our minds, magically all of the drama starts to disappear.

We don’t trust ourselves.

We tell ourselves, every day, how we’re going to do all of the things. We come up with these crazy plans to do them all and then at the end of the day, when most of them aren’t done, we beat ourselves up because we can’t figure this out.

We tell ourselves what a failure we are.

We think about all of the people who do have their drama tied up and packaged neatly with a bow and then start all over the next day.

This cycle of letting ourselves down over and over is like that friend that never shows up to the party. You don’t trust her to show up yet you still invite her.

This leads to the last reason.

We don’t know how to make a decision ahead of time and then follow through.

We haven’t learned how to just make a decision and move forward. We pride ourselves in “doing the research”, coming up with the laundry list of why it won’t work and then why it will. We pride ourselves in “doing the research”. So much so that we never even make a decision or by the time we do the opportunity is over, or we just plain spent a whole lot of time and energy that could have been spent moving forward from a decision made earlier.

We are afraid to make a decision.

What I have learned is that making a quick decision feels completely amazing. It clears up my mind and allows me to start moving forward with all of my things. It’s possible I will discover it was the wrong decision. Totally cool, now I can move forward in a new direction, nothing lost and everything gained.

We want to do it perfectly.

Perfectionism is such a lie.

If you have been priding yourself on being a perfectionist, please stop.

Perfectionism is the reason we don’t move forward, it’s why people procrastinate.

Fear of not doing something perfectly.

I actually used to feel bad when I thought “who cares, at least it’s done”, I actually got pulled into perfectionism by thinking I wasn’t as good as those who claimed to be. Can you see how poor my self-image and self-trust was? This is so crazy to me now!

The book that totally released me from perfectionism procrastination was Dan Sullivan’s “The 80% Approach”. Dan helped me to realize that I was putting my tasks off until the last minute and then truly only doing 80% work. Now I schedule the work, do it when I decided to do it, and give it my 80%. Awesome. It propels me forward and allows me to schedule shorter future times in my schedule to do another 80% a few times over.

Now that’s pretty close to perfection, the easy way!

I actually could have WAY more than four reasons but for the sake of time, I stopped here. My freedom program addresses them all!

If you are like I was and have a long list of things you want to do in this life but you’re not getting any of them done, then I would love to have a conversation with you. Let me share how I am helping other amazing high performers like yourself truly discover themselves and confidently step into living it out. Send me an email (use “contact me” button below) or go schedule your free session today. Let’s get this party started already!

Until we talk I send out a newsletter every week to help you do the work of feeling better in this life you’re living, go opt-in today so you don’t miss a thing!

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I am a life coach who works with individuals looking to change their current or future romantic relationship – my program helps them discover that they are enough. This self-love empowers and equips them to take continual, forward steps in achieving the healthy, romantic relationship they desire. Are you ready to explore this journey in your life? Schedule your program inquiry call today and let’s decide together if this is your next step to creating the life you’ve been dreaming of.

Four Ways To Tell If You’re A People Pleaser & Steps To Stop

I was the biggest people pleasers out there, often doing things for other people. I thought I could make other people happy. I thought I could make other people like me by saying yes to them.

One of my problems is I also love to get involved in all sorts of things but this used to come at the expense of the things I valued the most.

Constraint has helped me a whole lot in this area. Now when I’m asked if I want to do something instead of jumping all over it because it sounds like so much fun, I take a moment to think about my time and what I’m really focusing on at the moment.

Let’s look at some ways to tell if you’re a people pleaser and then let’s look at ways to start being a you pleaser.

You say yes because it sounds like an amazing opportunity but you are in dread when you think about it.

There is a possible mixed bag of things going on here and it’s important for you to unpack it.

First I’d like to encourage you to work on your decision skills. As a people pleaser, you may want to tell the asker that you’ll get back to them so that you have some time to truly decide what you want to say. Then give them a time deadline of when you’ll get back to them and honor that deadline. Please make sure that you are all in with your decision, love your reasons either way.

Once you love your reasons continue to remind yourself of those reasons. As the event approaches and you’re finding yourself regretting your choice remember your all in decision and be all in. If it was a no and you’re finding yourself regretting not attending then again remind yourself of your all in decision to say no, love it and be all in on whatever else it is you chose to do at that time.

If your answer is no, really start working on just saying no without excuses. It’s completely ok to say that you’re not able to help out if it’s just for this time and you want to be considered for the future then say that, but ONLY if you mean it.

You offer to do things for people that you really don’t want to do.

This was a problem for me in my marriage because I did things to get love in return for what I did. What happens here is that of course, people can’t make you feel love, that comes from within yourself. Eventually what happens is we start to resent the other person because they’re expecting you to keep doing what you always did. You now stop doing what you always did and the other person is completely confused, with you having the result of resenting yourself.

Make sure your offer is coming from a place of love from within yourself, not for the reaction of the other person. When you do this you get the result of creating love for yourself because you’re doing what you really want to do.

Stop and ask yourself before you decide to do something for someone if you are doing it from a place of love for yourself, with absolutely NO expectations from the other person. This is not people-pleasing, this is self-love.

You have a difficult time ending a conversation or leaving a party.

I am waving my hand high here because this had ALWAYS been a problem for me! What would happen is I would stay on the phone longer than I wanted, get resentful, and then I’d end abruptly. Same at parties, as a matter of fact sometimes I would even ditch without saying goodbye. This my friends is all about people-pleasing by completely attempting to control what people think of you.

My suggestion for stepping out of this one is to be super intentional. Make a phone call to someone, decide how long you’ll talk, and then honor yourself with your decision. If you stay on the phone longer decide to do it out of love for yourself, maybe you’re really enjoying the conversation and want to stay on. Again: love your choice.

At parties visualize telling the host goodbye and just do it. Be uncomfortable. Thank them for inviting you and let them know what a great time you had. They may be sad that you’re leaving, it’s ok, staying won’t make them happy, it will be their thoughts that will make them happy. Again, if you choose to stay later, love your reasons, and don’t go into resentment, fully love yourself along with the reasons you choose to stay.

You guys, I love all of this and helping all of you see how your actions may not truly be coming from a place of true love in yourself but from trying to find love outside of yourself. This just doesn’t feel good, it always leaves us feeling empty.

Honoring ourselves and following through with what we say we’re going to do builds trust and love in ourselves and truly sets us free to love others unconditionally. This is true freedom my friends.

If you want to work on your journey to self freedom on a level that creates a massive change in your life then let’s find time to talk. God has created the perfect path in my life to understand everything you are going through in your struggles. I want you to know it’s ok, your life can start brand new today and I can’t wait to watch you fly free.

Book your free consult session here or send me an email with some days and times that will work for you. Once you start you will never turn back.

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Are you struggling in your love relationship? I would love to help you fall back in love with the one you love. My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for strong women like you, and a few pretty cool guys, who want to stop hurting in their most intimate relationship. Together we work from the inside out, meaning I teach you how to have a healthy, loving relationship with yourself so you can show up and simply love your partner. Let’s reignite your love relationship today, book your consultation call today!

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life-changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability, your future life is waiting for you.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this message and I highly encourage you to get on my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

Don’t forget to join my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself and never miss another post, get yourself signed up for my newsletter!

4 Signs You’re Hiding Behind Your Introvert Mask

Let me start with the disclaimer that I too am an introvert. At some point in my life the simple explanation of an introvert being someone who gets energized when alone and an extrovert getting energized when they are with people, clicked for me. It explained something about me that I truly didn’t understand, why I always wanted to be alone, funny how when we hear something that seems to work for us we adopt it with power.

I wonder if you use this label to escape, to avoid things that seem uncomfortable, things that bring up a bit of fear.

I used to.

Then in 2017, the year I stopped training athletes, as I was exploring my next step I started reaching out to people in my large circle and connecting with them.

In 2018 I partnered with a company that was another catalyst to getting to know even more people in my circle.

You see I had this huge network of people that came with my thirty year business of training athletes, being a NPC/IFBB representative, professional athlete and sporting event promoter, yet during the first 25 years I did little outside networking. Meaning I rarely went up to people, introduced myself and asked them questions. When people came up to me I was great at listening and prompting them to talk, part of the reason my business was hugely successful, yet there was fear and discomfort around meeting new people.

I blamed this on being an introvert.

Lie.

Truth: I was I didn’t have the self confidence to break through my fear, I was afraid of judgment.

During the two years, 2017-2018, of transitioning into my next endeavor I learned so much about people I knew, and people who knew me, because I reached out and asked to connect.

Getting to know others is amazing!

I hear you gagging in the background but I’m curious if you secretly want to meet more people than you admit to.

Trust me, I still LOVE my away time, my time to reflect, dig deep, come up with new amazing thoughts, talk to God but meeting new people actually kind of gets me revved up!

Honest talk here: I do still need to do thought work and train my brain when I go to networking/social events because I do tend to want to hide in the corner, but I know it doesn’t give me the result I want. I know I don’t want to leave not having met someone new and fascinating, so I plan my ice breakers and I just enjoy the discomfort. I know my discomfort puts other people at ease knowing that they too probably are feeling awkward themselves, you know me – always helping others to feel comfortable, plus I know it builds up my self confidence to do things I fear.

Here are the signs that you might want to start working on your self confidence instead of hiding behind the mask of an introvert:

You want more friends and want to be invited along but you’re an introvert so you’ll skip, especially if there will be more than two of you!

Of course, if there’s more than just you and that someone else then you are able to hide a bit more but then there is also the fact that they will ignore you. Pay attention next time, is the reason you’re “ignored” because you are the only one not contributing? Possibly you are the only one judging yourself, and maybe everyone else? Things like:

“They have so much more to contribute.”

“I don’t know anything about what they’re talking about.”

You don’t talk to people you don’t know because you’re an introvert.

I’ve even heard the opposite: he talks to everyone, he’s such an extrovert.

Actually, I love talking to other people, people I do and don’t know. It actually makes them feel good, all it takes is asking how they’re doing, talking about their job, their life – people love to share and they light up when you show interest.

These are also the best conversations because they typically don’t go very deep but that barista that makes you coffee every morning? Say hi next time, ask them how they’re doing, ask them what else they might do – it’s amazing how people open up!

You long for deeper connection with your mate but, you know, you need your quiet time.

My guess is that not only are you an introvert but you don’t know how to move forward and truly connect in your now so so relationship. Fearing being vulnerable you just shrink back into yourself and just hope for the best.

Let me give you some advice, the best will never come if you don’t start working on the why behind not wanting to invest the time into your relationship.

You want something different in your life, maybe a mate to actually connect with, but it’s so much work for an introvert.

All of these signs are not signs that you’re an introvert, they’re signs that you don’t trust yourself enough to just be you. You’re attached to the outcome.

Your self confidence is weak, possibly non-existant, so when you do go out to socialize you come home completely exhausted because you are playing the part of the people pleaser. You are not just being yourself, you are trying to fit in and make people like you, this is so much work, I did this most of my life, no wonder I hid behind the introvert mask.

Now I am proud to be an introvert who loves meeting other people and just being me.

When you’re all in on you it doesn’t matter if you’re an introvert or an extrovert. You’ll fully enjoy your quiet time without guilt and you’ll fully enjoy your social time without exhaustion.

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My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for strong, success driven women who want to discover their true self, discover the missing key, find their purpose and then start building a legacy from pure power. I have made it may mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability before your subconscious primitive mind tells you to run and hide.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this message and I highly encourage you to get on my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.