Relationship Sabotage

Relationship sabotage is when we act in ways that destroy the very relationships we want to thrive. These actions often manifest from within ourselves and that is the best news I have for you today. Good news because it’s work we can do for ourselves that will not only enrich our own life but allow us to create the love relationship of our dreams.

For me, I found myself looking at the possibility of losing my second marriage relationship. I was heartbroken yet I knew, for me, divorce wasn’t going to be an option. I truly thought I had taken the time, listened to the direction of the Holy Spirit, and found my soulmate. Truth was, I hadn’t taken time needed to work on myself prior to committing to that relationship.

At this point I saw two options, to stay the same or to do the real work of digging into my relationship with myself. There are so many ways a person could be sabotaging the very relationship where they desire love, joy and true connection, let’s look at a few.

Are you expecting your loved one to fulfill all of your wants and desires? This is one huge mistake I see so many couples make. Two people coming together, each with their own individual strengths and weaknesses, expecting the other to be strong in all categories and interested in all interests. This is impossible and will drain the life out of your relationship quickly. Couples might be able to keep up the act until they get married but once life settles in one, or both, are not going to be able to keep up the charade, nor should they. It’s very important to sit down early in the committed relationship and decide what each of your wants are and which ones each of you are willing to match. There are so many other options of people who can fill up your want desires; friends, family, co-workers, mentors, etc.

Next to this let’s take strengths and weaknesses a bit deeper. Know what strengths you bring to the relationship and what your weaknesses are. If one of you is a planner, there’s no reason to want the other to be a planner, improve your planning skills and claim it. There are going to many things that neither of you are strong in, come together and decide how you want to handle such tasks, let’s say neither of you love cooking, figure out a system together that works. Continual communication along the way is key to success when it comes to getting things done in your relationship.

Self confidence. If you are constantly tearing yourself down out loud and in need of your loved one to lift you up, this will wear your relationship thin, fast. Your partner is not your self confidence cheerleader, you are. No matter what your mate says, no matter how many times they tell you your beautiful, lack of self confidence isn’t going to make you all of a sudden believe it. This is work you need to do for yourself.

People pleasing. People pleasing is doing for your partner in an attempt to get them to think nice things about you. You know what happens when you people please? Eventually they stop telling you how amazing you are for taking care of them, you start to get tired of taking care of them because you feel like they don’t appreciate you and now you’re in a stew of resentment. Do said tasks because you said you would, because you want to, whether they acknowledge your kindness or not and let them know when you aren’t able to take care of the task if necessary. No resentment, just two people doing love together.

Authenticity. Not showing up 100% your authentic self is lying. Lying never works because lying always comes out into the truth. Do each of you a favor and be up front and honest about it all, including the areas that require the most vulnerability. Not being vulnerable means you’re hiding, being inauthentic and destroying your love relationship. The question to ask yourself is what are you afraid of, why won’t you be 100% honest? It’s always because of what we think someone will think of us. Friends, if they don’t like us at our worst now then they aren’t the one you should be spending your time with now.

Not working on your own intimacy and sexual struggles. Once you’re in a committed relationship it’s important to work together on your intimacy and sexual challenges. Intentionally withholding intimacy in order to manipulate someone else’s emotions is using intimacy against someone and that isn’t healthy. Not wanting to be intimate because of a conflict is where a healthy partnership would sit down, discuss and resolve the issue by being open and honest.

Flirting or building an intimate personal relationship with someone of the opposite sex is a recipe for conflict. Humans are created with sexual desire, talking about close, intimate topics with someone of the opposite sex, who isn’t your loved one, is opening you up to the potential of crossing boundaries that weren’t intended to be crossed. If you are doing this, ask yourself why, what are you wanting from this connection and why aren’t you able to get this same result from your partner?

Self destructive behavior. Last week I wrote a post on this topic. All of the above plus the ones listed in that article will affect your intimate relationship.

All relationship sabotage starts with an insecurity within ourselves. The work of building a loving, trusting, connected marriage relationship starts by working on your own mental health. The best gift anyone can give themselves and their current, or future, partner, is the gift of their own mental health.

Most of us are on top of our physical and outward appearing health when in a new love relationship but what are you doing about your inner health?

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My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for women who want to stop hurting in their most intimate relationship. I show you how to stop settling and bring back the love, connection and excitement you crave. I have made it my mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability, your future life is waiting for you.

Please share this message with anyone who you know who might benefit from hearing this message. Don’t forget to join my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

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How Is Your Mental Health?

Many of us are into our physical health – especially many of my followers who have continued to follow me from my last business of thirty years where I trained athletes.

Many of us are into our spiritual health.

Many of us are into our financial health.

Many of us are into our relational health, or at least we wish we knew how to be more relationally healthy.

How many of us though are into our MENTAL health?

An even better question, what exactly is mental health?

Most of us, including my past self, would call taking care of mental health as something we do outside of ourselves:

  • Vacations
  • Prayer time (spiritual)
  • Bubble baths
  • Hobbies
  • Spa treatments
  • Workouts (physical)

I won’t deny the benefit of taking some time to pamper our bodies and our minds, I myself LOVE a good facial treatment, but this my friends is NOT mental health.

Some of us may define being mentally healthy by the lack of a mental illness, this is NOT mental health.

Everything we do in our life, everything we create, do, feel – it all comes from our brain and the way we think.

EVERYTHING.

We can’t do anything without first thinking about doing it.

This is absolutely the very first thing we should be investing in.

Why?

Let me say it again, and re-read the following paragraph until it really sinks in:

“Everything we do in our life, everything we create, do, feel – it all comes from our brain and the way we think.”

Need another reason?

Let me ask you this question and please answer it honestly:

Has ANYONE taught you how to manage your brain?

Thinking positive thoughts is NOT managing your brain.

Our life is at least 50% negative and 50% positive. Trying to think sunshine and lavender fields when it’s clouds and mud in your mind is NOT managing your mind.

No one teaches us how to think, not even your therapist.

Focusing on your brain determines everything you put out into the world.

This is what I do. I help you with your mental health.

I help you create your very best version of yourself.

I help you design the life you were uniquely create to live.

What are you waiting for?

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My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for women who want to discover their true self, discover the missing key, find their purpose and then start building a legacy from pure power. I have made it may mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability before your subconscious primitive mind tells you to run and hide.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this message and I highly encourage you to get on my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

Four Ways To Stop Letting Yourself Down

We all do it.

The good news is that we have the power to change history for ourselves.

What we do after we let ourselves down determines whether we use the experience to move us forward or get us even more stuck in old patterning.

As we break the old patterning we will be able to see ourselves WANTING to fall back to old patterning by seeing ourselves WANTING to let ourselves down. As we break this patterning though and start to feel the incredible feeling of NOT letting ourselves down we are able to stop ourselves before we seek immediate pleasure at our own expense.

I’m curious, what is your favorite way to let yourself down?

  • Over: eat – drink – spend – sleep, under sleep
  • Don’t complete goals, possibly never even start them, just think about some day….
  • Sustain an unfulfilling life
  • Don’t speak up for yourself
  • Don’t take time to understand what you’re feeling or what you want out of life
  • Allow yourself to stay stuck in relationships that don’t seem to be working for you (this is something you have full power over, without even involving the other person)
  • You don’t believe you deserve a better life
  • You aren’t growing
  • You self criticize
  • You don’t peel off that outer facade and start designing the life you were created to live

I’d like you to pause for a moment and ask yourself why you are letting yourself down? Why are you allowing this to happen in your life?

Let me offer a few reasons why we let ourselves down:

  • We want to seek immediate pleasure even though it doesn’t last and often let’s us down
  • We don’t want to endure the immediate discomfort of not indulging
  • We haven’t figured out how to manage our time, project/goal plan
  • We’ve created a patterning of not trusting ourselves
  • We lack the self confidence to do the things we are afraid of doing
  • We are people pleasing instead of self pleasing
  • Our relationship with ourself is weak
  • Habit: we’ve developed brain patterning that keeps us doing what it is we’ve always done, even when it hurts us in the long run, we don’t know how to change

While I have been thinking about this whole phenomenon of letting ourselves down I started to notice how we act when we let ourselves down:

  • make excuses
  • beat ourselves up
  • ignore, pretend it didn’t happen, avoid
  • learn from the experience

This last option is the option I want to help you to start choosing. This is going to be the option that will allow you to grow, move forward and start changing years of patterning. The other choices, well, they just keep you stuck and actually, falling deeper into the patterning you’ve created for yourself.

Here are my four suggestions to get you started in moving you forward and starting the process of standing up for yourself:

Awareness

Start paying attention to what you’re thinking and how it’s making you feel.

Start being on to yourself and noticing when you do let yourself down. It’s all going to start by looking back at when you do let yourself down. Notice it first, then when you start noticing you can write down some things: what were you thinking before you let yourself down, how did those thoughts feel, that feeling is what drove you to the action of letting yourself down, doing what it is you didn’t want to do resulting in you letting yourself down.

Once you start breaking it down after the fact you will notice that your brain will start becoming aware before you let yourself down, your conditioning will still have you doing what you’ve always done, that’s ok, repeat the writing process above.

Eventually you will start catching on to yourself.

This is when you can start questioning what you’re doing before you even do it. You can dig into why you’re doing what you’re doing, it’s always because of a feeling that comes from a thought. Here is when you can start actually noticing what happens when you resist that emotion, which is what we’ve been trained to do in our past, hence why most diets and goals end up failing. Resistance leads to giving in, and usually giving in HARD. This is where you will want to learn how to allow the emotion, how to sit there and be uncomfortable with the urge to let yourself down.

This is where you learn how to stop reacting to emotions by becoming aware of them and just watching them pass by.

Create a goal

Yes, one goal, but this is just the start. Many of us think up some pretty amazing goals, yet we have no idea how to plan and create success with those goals, we’re over ambitious and plan a long list of goals all at one time, a perfect set up for failure.

It starts with picking one goal and then creating an obstacle list. What are all of the things you’re going to run into that will keep you from reaching that goal. Write them down.

Then you will come up with a list of strategies for your obstacles, you will schedule all of these strategies on your calendar. If the strategy is lengthy then break it down into bite size chunks.

Lastly, you will need to go back up to the awareness section because every time one of those strategies comes up on your calendar, guess what?

You’e going to want to let yourself down.

Ask great questions

Your brain will search for answers to the questions you ask it, so ask questions that move you forward, not questions that keep you stuck.

Poor questions:

  • Why am I such a failure?
  • Why can’t I do what I say I’m going to do?
  • Why am I so weak?

Instead ask great questions:

  • In what ways am I strong and powerful?
  • How can I succeed at this next task?
  • How can I start doing what I say I’m going to do?

Start practicing these new thoughts

Once you start asking good questions you’re going to have some good thoughts to think. Start practicing these thoughts, but make sure they are believable because practicing thoughts that you don’t believe won’t get you anywhere except right back to letting yourself down.

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My Awaken(YourTrue)You program teaches incredibly powerful women like yourself how to identify and live out your truth. How to believe in your success and boldly share it with the world. How to leave a legacy.

I offer a free call to anyone brave enough to take the steps of creating the life they were meant to live. It’s a call for you to decide if this work is for you or not. I believe it is.

Share this message with a friend who needs to hear it, for every woman willing to do the work of becoming her best self there will be thousands of others impacted by her journey.

This is my life, join me in my mission to save the world, one powerful woman at a time.