Relationship Sabotage

Relationship sabotage is when we act in ways that destroy the very relationships we want to thrive. These actions often manifest from within ourselves and that is the best news I have for you today. Good news because it’s work we can do for ourselves that will not only enrich our own life but allow us to create the love relationship of our dreams.

For me, I found myself looking at the possibility of losing my second marriage relationship. I was heartbroken yet I knew, for me, divorce wasn’t going to be an option. I truly thought I had taken the time, listened to the direction of the Holy Spirit, and found my soulmate. Truth was, I hadn’t taken time needed to work on myself prior to committing to that relationship.

At this point I saw two options, to stay the same or to do the real work of digging into my relationship with myself. There are so many ways a person could be sabotaging the very relationship where they desire love, joy and true connection, let’s look at a few.

Are you expecting your loved one to fulfill all of your wants and desires? This is one huge mistake I see so many couples make. Two people coming together, each with their own individual strengths and weaknesses, expecting the other to be strong in all categories and interested in all interests. This is impossible and will drain the life out of your relationship quickly. Couples might be able to keep up the act until they get married but once life settles in one, or both, are not going to be able to keep up the charade, nor should they. It’s very important to sit down early in the committed relationship and decide what each of your wants are and which ones each of you are willing to match. There are so many other options of people who can fill up your want desires; friends, family, co-workers, mentors, etc.

Next to this let’s take strengths and weaknesses a bit deeper. Know what strengths you bring to the relationship and what your weaknesses are. If one of you is a planner, there’s no reason to want the other to be a planner, improve your planning skills and claim it. There are going to many things that neither of you are strong in, come together and decide how you want to handle such tasks, let’s say neither of you love cooking, figure out a system together that works. Continual communication along the way is key to success when it comes to getting things done in your relationship.

Self confidence. If you are constantly tearing yourself down out loud and in need of your loved one to lift you up, this will wear your relationship thin, fast. Your partner is not your self confidence cheerleader, you are. No matter what your mate says, no matter how many times they tell you your beautiful, lack of self confidence isn’t going to make you all of a sudden believe it. This is work you need to do for yourself.

People pleasing. People pleasing is doing for your partner in an attempt to get them to think nice things about you. You know what happens when you people please? Eventually they stop telling you how amazing you are for taking care of them, you start to get tired of taking care of them because you feel like they don’t appreciate you and now you’re in a stew of resentment. Do said tasks because you said you would, because you want to, whether they acknowledge your kindness or not and let them know when you aren’t able to take care of the task if necessary. No resentment, just two people doing love together.

Authenticity. Not showing up 100% your authentic self is lying. Lying never works because lying always comes out into the truth. Do each of you a favor and be up front and honest about it all, including the areas that require the most vulnerability. Not being vulnerable means you’re hiding, being inauthentic and destroying your love relationship. The question to ask yourself is what are you afraid of, why won’t you be 100% honest? It’s always because of what we think someone will think of us. Friends, if they don’t like us at our worst now then they aren’t the one you should be spending your time with now.

Not working on your own intimacy and sexual struggles. Once you’re in a committed relationship it’s important to work together on your intimacy and sexual challenges. Intentionally withholding intimacy in order to manipulate someone else’s emotions is using intimacy against someone and that isn’t healthy. Not wanting to be intimate because of a conflict is where a healthy partnership would sit down, discuss and resolve the issue by being open and honest.

Flirting or building an intimate personal relationship with someone of the opposite sex is a recipe for conflict. Humans are created with sexual desire, talking about close, intimate topics with someone of the opposite sex, who isn’t your loved one, is opening you up to the potential of crossing boundaries that weren’t intended to be crossed. If you are doing this, ask yourself why, what are you wanting from this connection and why aren’t you able to get this same result from your partner?

Self destructive behavior. Last week I wrote a post on this topic. All of the above plus the ones listed in that article will affect your intimate relationship.

All relationship sabotage starts with an insecurity within ourselves. The work of building a loving, trusting, connected marriage relationship starts by working on your own mental health. The best gift anyone can give themselves and their current, or future, partner, is the gift of their own mental health.

Most of us are on top of our physical and outward appearing health when in a new love relationship but what are you doing about your inner health?

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My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for women who want to stop hurting in their most intimate relationship. I show you how to stop settling and bring back the love, connection and excitement you crave. I have made it my mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability, your future life is waiting for you.

Please share this message with anyone who you know who might benefit from hearing this message. Don’t forget to join my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

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From Relationship Scarcity To Abundance

It is 100% possible and the journey I take my clients through.

This is the last of a three part series where I dig into my concepts of relationship scarcity and relationship abundance. If you haven’t been following along then I’d strongly suggest you go back to my last two posts before you explore today’s post.

Today I want to talk about the process of going from relationship scarcity to relationship abundance. Let’s start with my definitions for both and see if we can find out where you might be on the relationship continuum.

Relationship scarcity – is when we think there is always a shortness of supply when it comes to our relationships. Not enough of them, not enough love being given, basically always in a state of never enoughness.

Relationship abundance – Always an overabundant amount of love which is overflowing from within oneself.

The process of getting from relationship scarcity to abundance is the meat and potatoes of my Awaken You coaching program. Going from a place of never enoughness to overflowing fullness. It’s going from a heart that is constantly being filled up from an outside vessel, yet always empty, to the place of complete heart healing that finds the heart always full.

The process is one of learning how to watch one’s mind, seeing what is going on in there, on default. Once we are able to see what we’ve been doing as habit, on autopilot, we can then learn how to manage and train it for complete success.

Complete relationship abundance.

Let me share six different ways to start the journey:

Learning how to use the thought model to look at what your current thoughts are producing for you.

This in of itself is a mind blowing, life changing, tool. Once you learn the concept of the thought model and practice using it you learn that all of your thoughts are 100% optional and not unchangeable facts. Through the model we have the ability to see how to change our current personal reality.

Learn how to take your power back by changing old belief systems.

You will start to see how you are giving away your power to others, both in our past and present lives. We learn the process of letting go of old stories and re-writing them in a way that serves us. We learn how to stop looking to our past for evidence of what we will produce in our future. We examine current belief systems and challenge them all.

Learn how to be self confident.

You stop being afraid and start experiencing all of the emotions that are available to us, especially those that keep us from showing up at our full capacity. You learn how to trust yourself and do what you tell yourself you’re going to do.

Dig into relationships that hurt.

You begin to discover the freedom that comes when you are able to release the pain and start moving towards neutrality and, if you choose, unconditional love.

Learn how to let go of self destructive behaviors.

Including over eating, over drinking, over spending, over exercising, people pleasing, over medicating, under performing, by learning how to fully experience what is happening for us instead of numbing out and avoiding.

Learn how to plan for success.

When you know how to manage your brain around time then we can start producing our dream life instead of just hoping.

Stepping into relationship abundance is like stepping through the veil of darkness into a world of utter blinding brightness. It’s a freedom hard to fully describe to the relationally scarce person, but most certainly worth the challenge.

Your life will never be the same once you’ve done this work.

Your taste of freedom, light and love will be a feeling you won’t want to ever let go of and I can’t wait to lead you there!

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My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for women who want to stop hurting in their most intimate relationship. I show you how to stop settling and bring back the love, fun and excitement you crave. I have made it my mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability, your future life is waiting for you.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this it and join my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

If you’d like to get more empowering emails delivered straight to you and never miss another post please get yourself signed up for my newsletter!

Relationship Scarcity

What is it? That’s what I’m digging into today and let’s start some definitions.

Relationship: our thoughts about someone

Scarcity: insufficiency or shortness of supply

When we marry these two words it set us up for relationships that are never enough. Relationship scarcity sets us up to never feeling great or all in with our relationships, even during times when things seem to be going really well, because, you know, we’re sure to lose it.

When I put these two words together it fully described how I used to think about most, maybe even all, of my relationships.

Relationship scarcity is the belief that there is never enough relationship love in your life.

You think your parents didn’t, maybe still don’t, give you enough love, so you can’t love them back.

Your friends just don’t quite measure up and you keep them at a distance.

You seek attention from people by conforming, or fitting in, fearing people won’t like you, yet you also fear commitment. Instead you put up your walls of protection.

Love relationships start out intense but sooner than later the excitement wears off. You end the relationship before they can to protect yourself from hurting.

Relationship scarcity comes when we expect others to supply us with love, often setting root early on in our lives. Possibly not receiving the love and nurturing you needed as a child which sent you looking for it elsewhere.

Now as adults we have the ability to change course and make our relationships work for us. Yes, it’s truly possible.

When we have a belief that our happiness is supplied by other people it puts the power of the relationship in their hands. When they aren’t doing or saying things that make us feel love or connection then love will always seem scarce.

Some examples of relationship scarcity:

  • Thinking that we don’t have many friends
  • Telling other people all about our other friends, even though we don’t really believe they are our friends.
  • Wanting friends so we look good.
  • Thinking we’re too busy for friends.
  • Complaining that they don’t do the right things so we can feel love.
  • There aren’t enough of the right type of people here for me to make friends.

I want to help you recognize your own relationship scarcity thoughts as well as give you some steps to start overcoming them.

  1. The first step is truly just becoming aware of your relationship scarcity thinking. Start paying attention to when you are doing things in an effort to try and make someone like you. If you complain about how they act after you took those actions, then it’s time to examine your motive behind your actions. Also, start becoming aware of who you are focusing on, are you really listening to them and hearing the positive, or the opposite? Are you desperate for their attention and if you don’t get it do you feel unloved?
  2. Take a look at your belief system. Your belief system is just thoughts you’ve repeated enough times that now they have become a belief. Do you have rules that you believe your friends need to follow in order to be true friends? Does your love for other people come with conditions? Do you have rules for how someone who loves you should act?
  3. Start questioning all of your beliefs. What if it didn’t matter how other people acted, that you could love them no matter what? Can you love people even when they don’t love you back? Do your relationships need to have any rules except that you love them unconditionally? Just question them, examine your answers, ask yourself why and then just make sure you love what you believe.
  4. Learn how to trust yourself. Scarcity comes from not trusting others, from the belief that others can hurt you. The truth is that other people can’t hurt you unless you let them through your thoughts. We can get to the place where we’re able to think such great thoughts about ourselves that it doesn’t matter what anyone else does, it doesn’t have to shake us. Even if they leave and never come back.
  5. Have your own back. This by far is the most important step to overcoming relationship scarcity. Building a trusting, loving relationship with yourself is the first step towards relationship abundance.

From this place you get to decide who you want to be spend time in relationship with. Because our relationships are all of our thoughts about someone, we get to decide what we want to think and how those thoughts serve us.

Relationship scarcity is real but it’s not something that you have to carry along with you. You get to choose whether you want to continue to get the relationship results you’ve been getting or if you want something better for your life. It is 100% possible to become the person who believes they were created for a loving relationship, to go find it, create it and forever live in relationship abundance.

Next week I’m going to explore relationship abundance and show you what life, love and relationship look like on the other side of possibility.

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My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for people who want to discover their true self, discover the missing key, find their purpose and then start building a legacy from pure power. I have made it my mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability before your subconscious primitive mind tells you to run and hide.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this it and join my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

If you’d like to get more empowering emails delivered straight to you and never miss another post please get yourself signed up for my newsletter!