Creating Vibrant Love Relationship

🎧 Prefer to listen to the audio version? Click here!

Rachelle felt stuck in her current relationship, so stuck she has a hard time calling it a love relationship, she views it more as a partnership because the love she used to feel seems to have disappeared. Like all of her past relationships this one started out with fireworks yet this one was very different, she had a better perspective from the beginning. She stepped back a bit when things seemed to heat up too quickly, she didn’t let herself get committed too fast because she had seen where that got her. Yet, here she was again, in the same place she always landed, loveless and looking for the thrill elsewhere.

No relationship can maintain the whirlwind and energy requirement of the relationship that is born in a wildfire; eventually, there is a crash and burn with energy scattered out into other areas of your life, places that were neglected during the wildfire. The relationship deflates and gets neglected. You feel alone and can’t see how you have gotten to this place. You crave a healthy love relationship but have no idea of how to get there, much less where to start. Instead, you look for something new, a shiny new something to bring excitement back into your life, all the while pushing away that which you want most – a vibrant, lasting love relationship.

So, what is the solution to having a vibrant love relationship?

Rachelle was committed to her current relationship; she didn’t want to do what she had always done in the past – run away to something “better.” That commitment didn’t change how she felt though: tired, disappointed, lonely, hopelessly thinking this is what a lasting relationship looks like. She attempted to divert the pain by distracting herself with experiences, thinking they might bring joy back into her life: painting, time with girlfriends, retreats, sports; though these activities brought her life needed joy, they didn’t bring joy into her love relationship.

The solution to the problem of figuring out how to get from hopeless to vibrant in your love relationship:

Decide on what you want. Ask yourself this question and write down ten of your best answers: “Wouldn’t it be nice if <fill in the blank>.”

Deciding and defining what you want in your love relationship is where you start. Sure, you may not know “the how” to get those results but until you define what you want you will forever be stuck in avoidance, blame, and inaction.

That is what Rachelle did and here is how she did it:

  • She decided to be all in on her marriage and came up with a plan to fight for what she wanted
  • She defined her desires by writing them down and prioritizing them
  • She made an intentional daily plan of the steps she would take toward those goals, focusing on the one that was most important to her
  • She made this work a life goal that she would develop – not a “today” all or nothing goal
  • As she took steps forward into her unknown, she started to gain clarity and perspective, wisdom, knowledge
  • She re-commits to her goal daily and uses “mistakes” as data to learn instead of evidence of failure
  • She takes the process seriously because she cares; it is a priority for her
  • She stops assuming that she is destined to have a dull, unsatisfactory love relationship and starts fighting for her desires, for what she has defined as her wants
  • She prioritizes what is important to her in her life and makes them a daily habit
  • She assesses all of the other shiny objects in her life to determine whether they are helping her get closer to her goals or distracting her

It wasn’t until Rachelle clearly decided on what she wanted that she could start making that desire a reality in her life. Rachelle isn’t where she wants to be in her love relationship but she can clearly see how far she has come and is fully enjoying the process of making this dream come true in her life. As they say, she is starting to see the fruit of her labor.

What is it that you want out of your love relationship and how will you start making it a reality instead of a wish? Until you are committed there will be hesitancy, the chance to always pull back and stop feeling uncomfortable. Once you commit yourself then God steps in as well. A whole stream of events arise from that one decision that are in your favor; incidents, meetings, understanding, power, financial support that you would have never dreamed would come your way.

Cinderella says that a dream is a wish your heart makes, let’s make that wish into a dream that you create actionable steps to making your reality.

🎧 Audio version of blog here!

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Are you struggling in your love relationship? I would love to help you fall back in love with the one you love. My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for strong women like you, and a few pretty cool guys, who want to stop hurting in their most intimate relationship. Together we work from the inside out, meaning I teach you how to have a healthy, loving relationship with yourself so you can show up and simply love your partner. Let’s reignite your love relationship today, book your consultation call today!

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life-changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability, your future life is waiting for you.

Know someone hurting in their relationships? If you think they might benefit from hearing this message please share this article with them. You might be the one who leads them to their best life.

Don’t forget to join my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself and never miss another post, get yourself signed up for my newsletter!

Relationship Buffering

🎧 Prefer to listen to the audio version? Click here!

This week I want you to look at all of your past love relationships to see if you can find a common thread. Is your common thread that they start out high energy, highly pleasurable, high doses and quantities of dopamine shots? Many relationships start out this way, similar to the effects we get from food, alcohol, drugs, spending money; you get a relationship love hit and it feels so good you keep going back for more. Eventually, your relationship can’t sustain that type of energy and when those dopamine hits start to fade away it’s like an addict who can’t get their fix, they start looking for something new to create that same feeling.

Maybe you’ve been in and out of so many relationships you’ve decided to settle, but your brain still wants that rush of pleasure so you start looking for the fix elsewhere. You start avoiding the relationship that you want more from, the one you’re unwilling to give in. Working on love feels uncomfortable and awkward while your partner seems unwilling to do any work to make it better so, why bother?

Upon reflection, many of my clients also see this pattern in other areas of their life besides in their love life. They find themselves seeking the high of feeling better through other external actions like eating, binging, over-drinking, spending money on temporary feel-goods, pornography, other relationships, exercise, body improvements, anything that makes them feel better temporarily while avoiding the root of their problem. Chasing but never finding lasting fulfillment.

Today we’re going to take a look inside the life of one of my clients, for the sake of anonymity I’ll name her Michelle.

Michelle grew up with what she called a tattered relationship with both of her parents. Michelle was full of resentment stemming primarily from the thought that she didn’t receive the love and nurturing she needed, especially as a child.

Michelle constantly sought love outside of herself, including getting involved in relationships where she did things that were not her typical modes of operation, actions against her integrity, in an effort to fit in and please. In an effort to feel the love in reciprocation of her acts.

When Michelle looked back over her life, in particular at her love relationships, she discovered that she was always seeking some sort of high out of her relationships, she was addicted to the feeling she got at the onset. Michelle thought this was what love was. Eventually, the relationship would fall into a pattern of her not feeling the love; she’d get bored and blame it on her partner.

Michelle’s typical response would be to end the relationship so that her partner couldn’t hurt her by leaving her and move on, looking for someone else, someone more exciting. Michelle also noticed several other similar behaviors that created responses she could control – drug use, overeating, binging with over-exercising mixed in, over-drinking, spending money on things that provided a temporary good feeling.

Michelle decided she was tired of where her life was going. She felt stuck in a cycle, knowing that there had to be something better than what she was experiencing. Stuck in her current relationship, she decided to do something different. She decided to start figuring out the root of her problem and see if she could resurrect her love relationship with the person she was with.

To begin Michelle started working on herself, this included work around healing her past and reconciling what was happening in her addictive behavior characteristics. She wanted to figure out how to feel good on her own, end her self destructive behavior, stop escaping and start feeling it all instead of resisting.

She told her current partner that she was beginning a journey of self-discovery, of sorting out issues that she had been long repressing and pretending weren’t a big deal. She told him that she loved him and was committed to their relationship but wanted some time to create a relationship she had been neglecting her whole life – the one with herself.

As Michelle did this work she began seeing her life through new lenses. She started creating relationships out of existing relationships that she now fully enjoys just as they are. Re-writing her past into a beautiful story of strength and power has helped her more clearly see her life purpose. She sees that the joy she had been seeking outside of herself was always there for her to access, planted inside of her and now she is on the journey of nurturing it into life. Through all of this work Michelle has been doing, her relationship with her partner is blooming again, daily doing the work of creating a love relationship where love sticks around.

🎧 Audio version of blog here!

💓💓💓💓💓💓💓

Are you struggling in your love relationship? I would love to help you fall back in love with the one you love. My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for strong women like you, and a few pretty cool guys, who want to stop hurting in their most intimate relationship. Together we work from the inside out, meaning I teach you how to have a healthy, loving relationship with yourself so you can show up and simply love your partner. Let’s reignite your love relationship today, book your consultation call today!

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life-changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability, your future life is waiting for you.

Know someone hurting in their relationships? If you think they might benefit from hearing this message please share this article with them. You might be the one who leads them to their best life.

Don’t forget to join my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself and never miss another post, get yourself signed up for my newsletter!

AwakenYou, Before And After

AwakenYou Before and After

🎧 Prefer to listen to the audio version? Click here!

One of my favorite morning routines in the summer is taking my dog for a walk. I love watching the scene of our consistent morning path transform as we emerge from winter into spring, summer, fall, and back again. There is a spot on our walk where dozens of baby thorn sprouts have grown into a massive thorn thicket, heights of which surpass mine. Every day as we pass this mature thorn thicket I think about the pain that would be inflicted upon oneself if traveling by on a bicycle that jumps off course into this mass of prickers, I know, tragic. One day as I approached the thicket I saw something that captured my attention and drew me in. A beautiful dragonfly amidst the thorns. Her contentment sent my mind a-wandering. A wandering about life before, during, and after its awakening.

A fun side note about what I found as I wandered and wondered about the dragonfly amidst the thorns: a band called The Thorns who have recorded a song called Dragonfly, what?! Go take a listen, after reading this of course.

Life before AwakenYou

Most of us feel at the effect of our world. We have an inner desire to do more, to be more, to move out of the thorn bush that keeps pricking and piercing us. We get mad at the thorns, we blame them for where we are and why we keep getting stuck in the same crummy situations.

Relationship after relationship in the bliss of what is, yet held back from what could be. We push, or get pushed, into the prickers and then bounced into bliss, thinking this will be the time things change. It will be better this time around, I’ll remember the beauty amidst the thorns.

Eventually, the game gets old, we realize we are powerless to change on our own. We’re over the struggle and have seen evidence that others have found something better, something different. We used to think it was just perfect matches, matches that weren’t meant for our life, two dragonflies who have figured out how to maneuver the thorns.

Wait, we remember someone talking about changing their life and how that changed their relationship with their partner. They heard this odd story about creating the love life of their dreams without the other partner’s willing participation. Who was that? Where did she see that?

The thought slips away and life returns back to the same old same old, but then she sees a post, reads an email, searches for help, and her mind delivers a message.

During

She had tried couples counseling, individual counseling, and made some strides toward freedom but she kept getting drawn into the same old same old. She asked herself if there was really any hope, was she destined to live a sad life? She wanted and thirsted for something different, she wanted to break this cycle. She didn’t want to move somewhere else because she had done that enough with the same results. Then she remembered that life coach who had talked about something different, she was ready.

After

Transformed. Everything transformed. No longer was the mass of thorns a threat but a beautiful retreat that had her back. She saw every thorn in her life and what she had made it mean.

Unworthy, unlovable, unsatisfied, shameful, guilty, unsuccessful, dirty, ordinary, cold, weak.

She realized she had been living a life of lies, that the true story of the thorns was beautifully different.

Worthy, lovable, satisfied, willing, honest, successful, brand new, unique, beautiful, warm, loving, tough, smart.

Now seeing the beauty and purpose in the thorns of her life, she was able to sit proudly amidst the thorns knowing they couldn’t hurt her, only she had the power to do that. She knew her power wasn’t in escaping the thorns but loving them for what they were, always knowing the way out but no longer seeing the need.

When you look at the dragonfly amidst the thorns, what do you see? I see the beautiful mystery of nature and ask myself what it is teaching me. Is the dragonfly crazy or is it smart? It all depends on your perspective, that perspective will determine the outcome in your life. We can always change our surroundings but until we see our surroundings for what they really are; until we can love and appreciate them, new surroundings will eventually be like the dragonfly at the effect of the thorns instead of in the presence and protection of the thorns.

🎧 Audio version of blog here!

💓💓💓💓💓💓💓

Are you struggling in your love relationship? I would love to help you fall back in love with the one you love. My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for strong women like you, and a few pretty cool guys, who want to stop hurting in their most intimate relationship. Together we work from the inside out, meaning I teach you how to have a healthy, loving relationship with yourself so you can show up and simply love your partner. Let’s reignite your love relationship today, book your consultation call today!

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life-changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability, your future life is waiting for you.

Know someone hurting in their relationships? If you think they might benefit from hearing this message please share this article with them. You might be the one who leads them to their best life.

Don’t forget to join my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself and never miss another post, get yourself signed up for my newsletter!