Relationship Dreams To Reality

Somewhere in the timeline of a love relationship, couples go from crazy in love to waking up dissatisfied with the state of their relationship. This might take anywhere from a couple of months to several years, oftentimes not really noticing the deficiency they are feeling until they are past the point of complacency. Not knowing what steps to take to wake it back up, couples often find themselves accepting their relationship as more like a roommate living situation than one of deep love, connection and fun. You might even say that business partners would be an upgrade to how you would describe your current marriage or committed relationship.

If you’ve stopped coming up with ideas to bring flavor into your marriage, then now is the perfect time to start creating ideas and turning those ideas into your relationship reality.

The process starts with at least one of the partners in the relationship having a desire to change their current state of discontent. Until that desire to change becomes bigger than the desire to stay the same, then nothing will change. Knowing that it only takes one in the relationship for this change to occur makes the process even easier to start, your partner doesn’t even need to know that you are discontent in your relationship.

When our pain of staying the same exceeds the pain, or discomfort, of seeking change that’s when we’re ready to take action. In relationships we get comfortable with the way we are doing our life and don’t know how to start creating change, it feels super uncomfortable to start doing things differently. We might start by seeking what we feel we are missing somewhere outside of our relationship. It might be going out with our friends, in an effort to avoid our partner, doing less things alone with our partner, we might look for hobbies or classes to bring in some excitement, even further distancing us from the one we love the most and avoiding finding a solution to the underlying problem. I’m not at all saying that hanging out with friends, or doing things with other couples, or taking enrichment classes is wrong, I’m just saying that when it’s rooted in a desire to avoid active steps to improve your relationship, then you’re going to get more of the same in your relationship.

Relationship healing is similar to any other life goal that you want to plan the success of:

  1. Come up with a vision for your intimate relationship
  2. Create an action plan
  3. Start taking massive action

It truly is that simple, the difficult part is implementing the action steps you want to take. Our brains are resistant to change, it really wants us to keep everything just as it is, even if we’re not happy with status quo.

Change is difficult because it requires us to be vulnerable, it requires us to get uncomfortable. Discomfort makes us want to quit and that’s why treating it like any other goal and finding a hard why, makes quitting an option that isn’t available.

Let’s look at the steps a bit more closely.

Vision

Here’s where you get to dream, here’s where you ask yourself what your desired romantic relationship looks like. Start a list that has all the things that are 100% crucial for you and then a list of relationship needs that don’t have to come from your partner. Often times early in our love relationships we are expecting our loved one to provide all of our relationship needs and often they do so, until time passes. When we are doing things for our partner that aren’t a want match for us, then we’ll eventually stop doing them. Let’s say your husband used to go to art shows with you, something you love to do but he’s not into it, now he says he’s not interested. That’s not a want match, you want to go, he doesn’t and how can you be ok with that? How can this be your opportunity to connect with your artsy friends?

Then ask yourself why this dream is important to you, list all of the reasons and really take some time with this step.

Then look at all of the hard things you’ve succeeded with in your life and in your relationships, start building up the awareness of your ability to do hard things.

Create an action plan

This is the part where you will list all of the things that will get in the way of you achieving this dream. Brainstorm all of the obstacles and the strategies for overcoming those obstacles. Let me give you some ideas:

  • Overcoming old beliefs you have about your relationship
  • Increasing self confidence
  • Creating a love relationship with yourself
  • Re-writing your past life story, including but not limited to your story about this relationship you are unhappy in
  • Learning new ways to have an unconditional love relationship
  • Learning how to manage your time so you can plan your success

Taking massive action

Massive action is continuing to take action even when it’s uncomfortable, when you want to give up, when it’s hard. Taking action is easy when your actions bring you “success” but when your actions “fail”, this is when things will become difficult, this is when we want to find something easier to do. When we’re afraid to take action because of how it might feel, that’s where a solid hard why is so integrally important. Re-visiting our vision, our hard why, on a daily basis and remembering why we’re here doing this work. When things get difficult our old beliefs with sneak in to tell you that the old existence was just fine, falling back into complacency, this is when our vision can easily get muddy.

Taking massive action to create our future dreams takes grit, perseverance and a solid why to not give up when our actions seem to fail. Taking massive action when our brain is telling us that we should just forget about it, that we should just sit on the opposite end of the couch and read our book instead of asking for a cuddle, is when we will start seeing the results of our work. You will start to see the fruits of your labor and that is what will encourage you to keep going.

My clients know that their desired result is so important to them that they are willing to believe something new. They’re not willing to leave their relationship, yet they’re tired of it staying the same. They know their results will far outweigh their discomfort and they are ready to invest in the magic that happens when they re-ignite their love.

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My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for women who want to stop hurting in their most intimate relationship. I show you how to stop settling and bring back the love, connection and excitement you crave. Let’s re-ignite your marriage relationship today!

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability, your future life is waiting for you.

Please share this message with anyone who you know who might benefit from hearing this message. Don’t forget to join my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

If you’d like to get more empowering emails delivered straight to you and never miss another post please get yourself signed up for my newsletter!

Embracing What Is

Right now many of us would agree that we are living in uncertain times and are not ready to embrace what is.

Somewhere in our future the COVID-19 will be in our past. The medical practitioners will have found a vaccine, schools will have learned how to use technology to up level their ability to teach, parents will become more adept at accomplishing more while working at home, businesses will learn how to run on a slimmer in-person system, allowing more people to work from home and less fuel emissions.

Some of us will look back knowing we created some amazing memories along with learning some valuable lessons. Some of us will look back at how awful these times were. I have made it my duty to make sure there are as many of you experiencing the former vs the later.

When we ask ourselves how this can be for us we come up with so many beautiful opportunities of growth yet our brains choose to focus on how this is going to to be the end of us. That truly is what our brain is supposed to do, warn of us danger and protect us so knowing how to manage our mind becomes even more important during these times.

When it comes to embracing what is I want to give you four suggestions starting with learning how to make strong decisions.

The truth is that right now, we don’t know what the truth is and we humans are looking outside of ourselves for answers how to act. We’re struggling with how to make decisions because there are so many different opinions flying all over the place. Our brain wants to collect all of the data so it can make the right decision, that’s where the problem begins. There is never a “right’ decision, someone will always have a opinion different from ours, that’s why I encourage you to decide and move on to the next thing on your list of things to decide on. It’s possible to literally buffer all day long looking at everyone’s opinion, I suggest you don’t do it! Decide on a few reliable sources that you will gather your information from and start formulating your own plan for how you want to navigate, for how you want to show up. Then be all in on your decision, don’t let yourself be “pressured” and people pleased into what measures, or lack of measures, others are taking. Continue to collect information as it becomes available and then adjust your decision accordingly, making no apologies for being all in on you.

My second suggestion for embracing what is, and honestly my top suggestion, is to keep up with your planning routine.

I teach my clients how to plan their week every Monday and then do a following day review in the evening to check and make sure everything is still good or make any adjustments if changes have occurred. Planning allows you to use your pre-frontal cortex to decide ahead of time what you want your day to look like, this might include a few hours of flex time if you have littles at home, like many do during this time. With a plan in place you can decide in the beginning of the day what you want your result to be for the day, what you need to believe to achieve that result and how you’re going to need to feel in order to make that result come true. Without a plan it will be easy to spend most of your day in overwhelm while buffering on news, eating, escaping and end your day thinking you’ve achieved nothing.

Thirdly let’s talk about gratitude.

Focusing on what we are grateful for during this time and what great things are going to come out of it seems difficult. The only reason it seems difficult though is that it’s not what our brains are naturally wired to look for. We’re wired to look for what’s wrong, what the problems are with this scenario and that’s completely perfect except in this day and age it doesn’t serve us. Looking at what is positive about our situation allows our brain to problem solve, expand and learn. How will you problem solve, grow and learn new things during this time?

Lastly, ask yourself what you would love to do during this time.

This is an opportune time to learn how to manage our minds and build relationships at home as well as outside of the home. When it comes to learning the tools of managing your mind I have a whole lot of resources to get you started, including all of my posts here, my YouTube channel as well as all of my social media content on Facebook and Instagram.

Building relationships is what I help my clients navigate. I help them do the fulfilling work of learning how to bring love back into their life. Right now couples who are struggling in their relationship are most concerned about what is going to happen now that they’ll be spending so much time together. That this might be the straw that breaks the camel’s back so to speak, yet this can actually be a time of growth and new found love if we go into the situation with open minds. Minds open to taking this gift of time together to work through what isn’t working, together talking about topics you don’t make time to talk about. If you would like any help with this please reach out, I have a whole program full of worksheets you can have fun working through together enabling quality, open and vulnerable conversations, who knows what bliss they might lead to!

How do you build relationships outside of the home? I have already found that using my virtual coaching platform as a tool to hold all of my other meetings to come in quite remarkably handy. People who have felt uncomfortable walking into a live community event have been able to open the door to possibility by anonymously attending virtually. We get to meet, they get to know myself and the other people in the virtual room which introduces them to amazing people they wouldn’t have met if it weren’t for this forced social distancing. Organize your own virtual get together today and see what joy you bring not only to your heart, but to the hearts of others!

I just want to encourage all of you to be curious about what is happening right now, observe when your brain judges other people’s decisions or your own decisions. I want to encourage you to stay away from thinking you’re doing it wrong and ask yourself how you can use this as an opportunity to deepen our love for ourselves and others.

Pause and ask yourself how are we always living in “uncertain” times and how is this time no different from any other? Remind yourself that we have overcome great things in our lives and one day we will look back at how we overcame COVID-19. Remind yourself that thinking this is going to be the death of us will create us dying to ourselves, dying to what we could create, dying to our next best version. Truly, where you place your attention is where your energy will go. Do you want to give this virus your energy or do you want to think that this could be fun? No, I’m not saying dying is fun, I’m saying that putting our energy there will kill our collective light.

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My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for women who want to stop hurting in their most intimate relationship. I show you how to stop settling and bring back the love, connection and excitement you crave. Let’s re-ignite your marriage relationship today!

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability, your future life is waiting for you.

Please share this message with anyone who you know who might benefit from hearing this message. Don’t forget to join my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

If you’d like to get more empowering emails delivered straight to you and never miss another post please get yourself signed up for my newsletter!

Pornography

Today I want to lightly dig into the the topic of pornography when it comes to the effect that it has possibly had in your life and your relationships.

As a life coach, my aim is to help my clients look at current belief systems around the things in their lives that are causing problems for them. Beliefs that are keeping them stuck and unable to move forward. We look at beliefs that aren’t serving them in their life and do the work of wiggling those beliefs into something that can start moving them towards the results they desire, results they haven’t been able to move close to. In order to do that I will often challenge beliefs that keep us in our past life and we work on moving forward into the person we want to be in our intimate relationships.

That’s what I’m going to talk about here with the topic of pornography.

For me, I have spent most of my life holding on tightly to a belief about early exposure to pornography. A belief that has kept me stuck in so many ways, but most evidently in my relationships. Nothing seemed to help me get out of the past, out of the resentment, out of the anger, blame and disgust. Life coaching is what enabled me to start the process of letting go of the story I was holding so tightly to, the story that was only destroying me, the story I made a part of my identity. My coach enabled me to let of my story and start creating my own beautiful story around me, my relationships and my sexuality.

A big part of that beautiful story is that my experience allows me to help other women. I am able to understand how much pain other women are around their past life stories and able to help them out of that place, into a life of relational and sexual freedom. I want you to know that I am not by any means a sex expert, I am only using my story to help others with their journey and struggles so they can start healing and create a loving relationship that they have been keeping themselves from having.

Let’s start with what pornography is: sexually explicit videos, photographs, writings, or the like, whose purpose is to elicit sexual arousal.

Basically, pornography is a form of buffering or escapism, similar to alcohol or drug use or overeating, over Netflixing. Buffering is when we are putting something between ourselves and something we don’t want to experience. It starts with seeking some sort of pleasure to escape from a negative emotion, an emotion the person doesn’t want, or know how, to process, immediate gratification sounds like a much better idea in the moment.

Pornography allows a person to escape that negative thing going on in their life. It’s cheap, it’s readily assessable and highly gratifying. As human beings we are genetically wired to be sexual, it’s in our DNA, it guarantees procreation and, let’s be honest, sexual gratification feels good. When we have an orgasm our brain creates a huge dopamine deposit into the blood stream telling us that what we just did was amazing and that we should do it again, and again. When used the way God designed it to be used it’s amazing, when we abuse it, well, that’s when things happen that don’t make us feel so good. That dopamine hit is highly addictive and when we don’t know how to deal with the root problem that is driving us to other sources for sexual gratification, we will seek more and more of our buffer of choice.

Pornography use and exposure becomes hurtful to us, and our future or current, partners for many reasons, with these being a few:

  • Distorted expectations of what sex looks like in real life
  • A higher sexual gratification threshold
  • Distorted expectations of what the human body should look like in order to be appealing to the opposite sex
  • Distorted ideas of how to get attention from the opposite sex and what their values might be
  • It distorts our own perceived value
  • It distorts ones view of a healthy sex life creating future relational disconnect

Let’s start by looking at pornographic exposure for young minds who are developing their ideas about relationships, themselves and their worthiness. Early exposure without education can be an influence of how to get attention from the opposite sex, it can drive early experimentation, it can create unrealistic expectations of how to behave and possibly turn into a learned tool to attract or get validation from the opposite sex. Pornographic exposure is more real today than ever which means that our children need help maneuvering through the experience they will come across, expect it sooner than later. We can help them by talking openly to our children, helping them to understand why it is unrealistic and damaging. We can help them by keeping lines of communication open instead of closing them down by shaming, guilting or scaring them. Teaching our next generation about the gift of sexual desire and what healthy relationships look like opens up the secrecy and makes it less interesting to developing minds.

Next let’s look at when we have people in our lives who are having a pornography buffering compulsion. Our typical reaction to loved ones in our lives who are dealing with a sexual compulsion is to shame and guilt them, avoid them, blow up, constantly checking up on them, sneaking into their computers or phones, withdraw intimacy, blame them for the problems in their relationship and, of course, to think that we’re not enough, that we’re the reason they are using porn. The truth is that pornography is actually neutral, it is real in our world, it is factual, by itself it’s nothing. We are the ones who put meaning to pornographic use or exposure, that meaning will create an feeling that will dictate how we act and the results we will get in our relationships with ourselves. When we think thoughts like “they spend more time watching porn than paying attention to me”, producing the emotion of resentment, we’re showing up in ways we aren’t really proud of in an effort to try and control them. The end result is us spending lots of time complaining about how someone else isn’t treating us right which gives us the result of us mistreating ourselves.

We could totally skip the part that creates us beating ourself up. We can totally skip to empathy so we can show up for our partner. We can totally decide that someone else’s problem is for them to figure out and that we’re here for them, no matter what.

Please don’t misunderstand me. If I could eliminate pornography I would be all on board with that, unfortunately that isn’t in my control, nor do I want it to be. What is in my control is how I’m thinking about it and what that will do for all of the people around me. I want to be able to open up clarity around what is real and what is real is that our children are being exposed to it and our loved ones are using it to avoid what is happening in their life. When we come at pornography from a place of wanting to be able to help our children, to be able to not make it mean anything about us when our spouse is buffering with it, wanting to have open conversation instead of hiding in shame, that’s when we will need to feel self confident, empathetic, compassionate and certain. Our thoughts will need to be thoughts of how you want to help your children or spouse through their life, which allows you to show up with unconditional love, as your best self, and that my friend is a beautiful result.

When looking at one’s own personal experience around pornography and sexual dysfunction, the self coaching model will help you create awareness with what is happening for you so that we can then see how it might be affecting our relationships.

My journey to awareness around pornographic material, my journey of re-writing my story has empowered me in my own relationships and has led me to help empower others in their own journey. Being able to use my story to teach others how to let go of the chains from their past and their own sexuality has been one of the most rewarding parts of what I do.

I have a passion to create awareness and openness around the topic of pornography and it’s affect on people’s most intimate relationships, instead of sweeping it under the rug creating long term dysfunction. Let my passion allow you to finally let go of the story you keep telling the world. Let my passion allow you to tell a new story, a story of who you really are and a story of who you are becoming. Let me help you become the person who is intimately in love with their committed relationship.

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My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for women who want to stop hurting in their most intimate relationship. I show you how to stop settling and bring back the love, connection and excitement you crave. Let’s re-ignite your marriage relationship today!

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability, your future life is waiting for you.

Please share this message with anyone who you know who might benefit from hearing this message. Don’t forget to join my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

If you’d like to get more empowering emails delivered straight to you and never miss another post please get yourself signed up for my newsletter!

Relationship Sabotage

Relationship sabotage is when we act in ways that destroy the very relationships we want to thrive. These actions often manifest from within ourselves and that is the best news I have for you today. Good news because it’s work we can do for ourselves that will not only enrich our own life but allow us to create the love relationship of our dreams.

For me, I found myself looking at the possibility of losing my second marriage relationship. I was heartbroken yet I knew, for me, divorce wasn’t going to be an option. I truly thought I had taken the time, listened to the direction of the Holy Spirit, and found my soulmate. Truth was, I hadn’t taken time needed to work on myself prior to committing to that relationship.

At this point I saw two options, to stay the same or to do the real work of digging into my relationship with myself. There are so many ways a person could be sabotaging the very relationship where they desire love, joy and true connection, let’s look at a few.

Are you expecting your loved one to fulfill all of your wants and desires? This is one huge mistake I see so many couples make. Two people coming together, each with their own individual strengths and weaknesses, expecting the other to be strong in all categories and interested in all interests. This is impossible and will drain the life out of your relationship quickly. Couples might be able to keep up the act until they get married but once life settles in one, or both, are not going to be able to keep up the charade, nor should they. It’s very important to sit down early in the committed relationship and decide what each of your wants are and which ones each of you are willing to match. There are so many other options of people who can fill up your want desires; friends, family, co-workers, mentors, etc.

Next to this let’s take strengths and weaknesses a bit deeper. Know what strengths you bring to the relationship and what your weaknesses are. If one of you is a planner, there’s no reason to want the other to be a planner, improve your planning skills and claim it. There are going to many things that neither of you are strong in, come together and decide how you want to handle such tasks, let’s say neither of you love cooking, figure out a system together that works. Continual communication along the way is key to success when it comes to getting things done in your relationship.

Self confidence. If you are constantly tearing yourself down out loud and in need of your loved one to lift you up, this will wear your relationship thin, fast. Your partner is not your self confidence cheerleader, you are. No matter what your mate says, no matter how many times they tell you your beautiful, lack of self confidence isn’t going to make you all of a sudden believe it. This is work you need to do for yourself.

People pleasing. People pleasing is doing for your partner in an attempt to get them to think nice things about you. You know what happens when you people please? Eventually they stop telling you how amazing you are for taking care of them, you start to get tired of taking care of them because you feel like they don’t appreciate you and now you’re in a stew of resentment. Do said tasks because you said you would, because you want to, whether they acknowledge your kindness or not and let them know when you aren’t able to take care of the task if necessary. No resentment, just two people doing love together.

Authenticity. Not showing up 100% your authentic self is lying. Lying never works because lying always comes out into the truth. Do each of you a favor and be up front and honest about it all, including the areas that require the most vulnerability. Not being vulnerable means you’re hiding, being inauthentic and destroying your love relationship. The question to ask yourself is what are you afraid of, why won’t you be 100% honest? It’s always because of what we think someone will think of us. Friends, if they don’t like us at our worst now then they aren’t the one you should be spending your time with now.

Not working on your own intimacy and sexual struggles. Once you’re in a committed relationship it’s important to work together on your intimacy and sexual challenges. Intentionally withholding intimacy in order to manipulate someone else’s emotions is using intimacy against someone and that isn’t healthy. Not wanting to be intimate because of a conflict is where a healthy partnership would sit down, discuss and resolve the issue by being open and honest.

Flirting or building an intimate personal relationship with someone of the opposite sex is a recipe for conflict. Humans are created with sexual desire, talking about close, intimate topics with someone of the opposite sex, who isn’t your loved one, is opening you up to the potential of crossing boundaries that weren’t intended to be crossed. If you are doing this, ask yourself why, what are you wanting from this connection and why aren’t you able to get this same result from your partner?

Self destructive behavior. Last week I wrote a post on this topic. All of the above plus the ones listed in that article will affect your intimate relationship.

All relationship sabotage starts with an insecurity within ourselves. The work of building a loving, trusting, connected marriage relationship starts by working on your own mental health. The best gift anyone can give themselves and their current, or future, partner, is the gift of their own mental health.

Most of us are on top of our physical and outward appearing health when in a new love relationship but what are you doing about your inner health?

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My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for women who want to stop hurting in their most intimate relationship. I show you how to stop settling and bring back the love, connection and excitement you crave. I have made it my mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability, your future life is waiting for you.

Please share this message with anyone who you know who might benefit from hearing this message. Don’t forget to join my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

If you’d like to get more empowering emails delivered straight to you and never miss another post please get yourself signed up for my newsletter!

Self Destructive Behavior

When we think of self destructive behavior we most often think of extremes; suicidal thinking and attempts, cutting, drug use, over drinking, bulimia to name a few. Yet there is a long list that you might not even consider including, for example:

  • Thought patterns that don’t serve us, that have us losing before we start, “I’ll never amount to anything.” “I’ll never be able to have a loving relationship.”
  • Deliberately not taking action with your goals, guaranteeing failure ahead of time
  • Disordered eating of all types including over-eating, under-eating, over exercising to counterbalance food intake
  • Being a negative influence on others
  • Intentional withdrawal
  • Stuffing emotions
  • Acting dumb or incapable of creating results
  • All chemical abuse
  • Feeling sorry for yourself, or self pity, which just encourages inaction
  • Self sabotage and giving up on your desires
  • Over spending and not managing your money
  • Relationship sabotage including: being possessive, acting needy, being violent, emotional manipulation, jealousy and envy
  • Not taking care of yourself physically: not getting enough sleep, not getting movement, poor eating protocol
  • Pornography
  • Gambling
  • Over obsessing of any sort
  • Not attending to your state of mental health and learning how to up-level your life.

These are all learned behaviors that many of us work hard to resist the urge to indulge in. It’s possible that if you engage in any, or many, of these activities you may be labeling yourself as having an addictive personality.

The truth is that self destructive behaviors provide temporary relief, escape, temporary pleasure but over time cause much physical and mental pain.

As a coach I’m not here to dig into why you have developed these behaviors. The work I do with my clients is about teaching them how to handle the why behind these actions. We work on discovering what emotions they are running from and why.

Self destructive behavior is often a symptom of avoiding or resisting emotions. Learning how to process your emotions and determine where they are coming from is the work I do with my clients to start eliminating these destructive behaviors.

We work on our urges to numb the emotions we are feeling by actually feeling them, which starts to change the patterning we’ve deeply engrained into our brains.

Once we learn how to process our emotions we start feeling what delayed gratification feels like and start to decondition old patterns.

Over time we re-wire our brain patterning and discover that actually experiencing our emotions feels good and doesn’t kill us. We start changing our personality into the person we dream of being yet don’t know how to become. We be begin the process of creating a healthy, loving relationship with ourselves.

My clients start living the life they’ve dreamed of but never thought themselves worthy or capable. They start seeing their life in technicolor, high definition and are not one bit interested in going back to their old life. “Relapse” is not relapse, it is a learning tool to grow and understand instead of failure and giving up.

If you, or someone you know, suffers with self destructive behavior I’d love to share my life solution with them. Today could be the first day of their new life.

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My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for women who want to stop hurting in their most intimate relationship. I show you how to stop settling and bring back the love, connection and excitement you crave. I have made it my mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability, your future life is waiting for you.

Please share this message with anyone who you know who might benefit from hearing this message. Don’t forget to join my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

If you’d like to get more empowering emails delivered straight to you and never miss another post please get yourself signed up for my newsletter!

Relationships That Hurt Us

“Hurt” can meal all sorts of things to different people based on their own personal experiences.

Who comes to mind right now when you read the title? Spouse? Mother? Father? Child? Sibling? Friend?

Why do they hurt you?

I really want you to pause and answer that question, not just in your head. Grab a piece of paper, write the question at the top of the sheet, set the timer on your phone for 10 minutes and without any interruption, write down all of the reasons they hurt you.

Maybe it’s:

  • They said something hurtful that can never be taken back. You keep bringing them to life by repeating them over and over in your head, possibly years after they were spoken.
  • Maybe it’s the unforgettable thing they did to you. The video clip in your brain won’t let you leave it in the past.
  • It could be what they don’t do, that thing that you oh so desperately wish they would. Hurting yourself over and over by telling yourself that if they would just do this one thing, then maybe you would know they love you.

My beautiful friend, there are two truths I want to share with you,

  1. Even if they do, or say, what you want, it doesn’t guarantee that you’ll be convinced they love you. You will still be searching for love because you won’t believe them or they’ll eventually do that thing again that proves to you that they weren’t sincere.
  2. Letting go of these stories and finding peace is 100% available to you and it’s available today if you want it to be.

Today I’m going to share some steps you can take today to start stepping out of pain and into freedom from pain. Let’s dig in.

  1. Stop blaming them for all of the things; for how you feel, for the results in your life, for the way you are, for not loving you the way you want or for the pain you unwillingly embrace. You can take your power back today. These, and all of the other thoughts that are creating pain for you, put the power of how you feel into the hands of other people. You my love, are the only person who can change that. You can decide today to never allow that person to control how you think, feel and act.
  2. Stop arguing with what is. Byron Katie tells us that we can argue with reality and we’ll lose, but only 100% of the time. Really let that sink it, I wrote it in my journal a long time ago and those words still has impact in my life, daily. Our past is absolutely perfect, just as it happened, because it did happen, just as it did. What actually happened is real, but re-hashing it again and again only continues to hurt us again and again, not hurting anyone else but ourselves. In my Awaken(YourTrue)You program we do the work of re-writing these stories in a way that lets go of the pain, bringing freedom and complete power into your hands. Re-writing my past has been some of the best work I have done with my coach!
  3. Start telling a new story. The work of re-writing our painful stories, leaving everything out that doesn’t serve us, and adding in everything that is empowering and inspires us to be our best self and eliminate the pain.
  4. Define who you want to be. Here is where your creative mind gets to take over and define for yourself who you want to be in this relationship. Do you want to be the victim or the super star? You are the one who gets to choose. You get to ask yourself how you want to feel about this relationship. If you want to feel love, it’s an emotion you create with your own thoughts and is completely available to you, no matter what they say, no matter what they do.
  5. Start the beautiful work of re-creating yourself. I saved the best for last. Yes, you get to re-design your life. The past can be left in the past and today can be day one of your new life. If it’s a love relationship you desire, then you get to create it, without any participation from the other side. When you do the work to change and design your own love life, you get to do it without the participation of anyone else because you are creating love from within yourself.

There will come a point where your desire to change exceeds the pain you keep inflicting upon yourself. When you reach the point of seeking true relief, not the relief that comes from an external source like food, alcohol, drugs, relationships, material possessions, etc, that’s when you will be ready to take these steps seriously and start applying them.

Redesigning your life and becoming that new creation is the work of self love. Self love that you never thought was available to you. Now yours for the taking and once you taste self love, you will never want to go back to putting your self worth, your self love, in the hands of others. Learning how to love yourself when you’ve never learned how is work that will change your life in ways you would never have imagined and I look forward to taking you down this life changing path!

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My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for women who want to stop hurting in their most intimate relationship. I show you how to stop settling and bring back the love, connection and excitement you crave. I have made it my mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability, your future life is waiting for you.

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