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When you think about scheduling time to improve your relationship, what comes to your mind first? Most of us won’t think about our time to ourselves or with our partner; instead, our to-do list comes to mind, all of those things we told ourselves we MUST do. We schedule, or don’t schedule, our to-dos and leave ourselves, and our relationship, to the left-overs. Maybe we do have “self-time” on our to-do list, but if we actually carve time for ourselves, all we think about are all of the other things we should be doing instead.
We fill our minds with lies like:
- I’ll get to that later
- My relationship can handle it, we are made for each other
- When I get that promotion I’ll schedule time for that
- I’ll have time for that when the kids are out of the house
We get exhausted thinking about it.
Let me be clear about something, I am speaking from experience; I know all too well the powerless cycle of believing the lie that I don’t have enough time. If you are “too busy for all of the things I should be doing,” then I feel your pain, and I want you to know I have a masterful solution to your problem. My solution will free up your day to bring in time for you and your relationship without rushing to get it over with, so you can move on to that next super important thing.
Learning how to manage the 24 hours we are each given every day will allow you to start prioritizing the things in your life that are truly important. If you find yourself not prioritizing your relationship above your job and your to-do list, I want to challenge you to ask yourself why. Why do you think it’s not important to prioritize yourself and your romantic relationship? Trust me, if you’re telling yourself it’s important, but you don’t have time for it, you are really telling yourself that it’s not that important. Tell yourself the truth, which is this: all of the things you do fill up your 24 hours with are more important than your relationship. Check out this article where I explain why you aren’t doing what you want to be doing.
Today I am going to share six tips to start managing your day and prioritizing you and your relationship.
When I ask people why they don’t take time to work on their relationship, the top response is around time. They think they don’t have enough of it. I used to believe this as well, but then I started thinking about the Creator of time and decided that He probably knew a bit more about time than me, so I decided to test a new belief. The second reason I hear is that they don’t know how to start making time, so I’m glad you are here because I will help you figure this out.
When I told myself that I didn’t know how to make time for myself and my romantic relationship I felt confused.
Confusion is an emotion that keeps us from moving forward, it is what I call indulgent meaning it produces more of it. More confusion? No thank you.
First, it’s important to recognize it, and then to get out of confusion ask yourself what one step you can take to get closer to the solution.
If you want someone to guide you, like a coach, and you continue to sweep it under the rug, let me suggest you pick someone, go with it, and be all in on your decision. Will it be the right choice? Maybe or maybe not, but deciding will help you discover the answer. Deciding will mean you find your dreams’ guidance or find solutions that move you forward towards your next solution.
Let’s dig in!
Not setting goals is a way to avoid failure ahead of time; it does not move you forward; it is a false sense of protection. If you want to stop using the B-word (busy) as a way to validate yourself and the things you want to do but aren’t, then go ahead but recognize it. Stop blaming the outside world and start looking to your own inner wisdom to plan and conquer. I ask you where you want to be one year from now in your life and your love relationship? Then I want to ask you how you will achieve that life if you can’t manage your time?
Start with a list. Write down on paper ALL of the things you want to do, get those nasty cobwebs out of your head. This includes work, personal, relationships, family, all of the things. If you’ve been dreaming about going to Nepal for 10 years, then either take it off of your list or give yourself a deadline. A deadline is a sure way to get you moving into the planning stage of making the trip of your life with your partner a reality. Afraid you’ll forget about this trip of a lifetime? If you forget about it, then was it really that important to you?
Then I want you to go through the list and realize that all of the things on this list are optional; NONE of it HAS to be done, like paying the electric bill, not necessary unless you want some power in your place of residence. Then decide which ones you “have” to do, you “want” to do, and you don’t want to do. Those you don’t want to do, cross them off your list.
Ask yourself what the consequences are if you don’t do the things on this list.
Then ask yourself what is getting in the way of completing these to-do’s, how might you need to break them down into smaller tasks?
Lastly, start prioritizing the list, one is top priority all the way to the last to-do.
Yes, it’s important.
Maybe you’ve tried it before and it didn’t work. Let me suggest that it didn’t work because the teacher didn’t teach you how to overcome that thing called your brain. It didn’t teach you how to overcome that voice that told you to keep working on a task past the allotted time and to skip that personal time you scheduled for yourself because, you know, it’s for people who aren’t as busy as you. Your last system didn’t work because you gave up, you didn’t take massive action, you didn’t learn from your failures, you made it mean that something was wrong with the system.
Schedule your day so that your day doesn’t schedule you.
Schedule personal time first
Yes, this is most important, and I know how hard it is to do. As a recovering “I haven’t done enough” addict, I understand but trust me here, it’s important. This includes intentional time with your partner.
“What will I do today to improve my relationship?” Ask yourself this question every day, be deliberate. Relationships require intention, especially those that mean the most to us, like our partners and our family.
Take small steps; it took you a lifetime of beliefs to get where you are. A lifetime of listening to others talks about how busy they are; breaking this habit and breaking habits take time. One step forward at a time.
Managing the time you have in a day isn’t finding the right time management system; though it helps, it’s about managing what happens in your head. Time management is about trial and error, just like anything else you want to get good at, it’s about planning what’s important to you and letting go of the rest.
Never saying or using the “busy” words in conversation or as an excuse is freedom, pure freedom. Owning how you choose to use the time we are all given is one of the most powerful things I have done, and I love sharing this skill with my clients. If you want to learn how to have more time in your day, I would love to help you find it; trust me; it’s there for you. Let go of buying that next time management book and instead schedule some time to have a conversation with me about AwakenYou; let’s start opening up your calendar to the love you want in your life.
Want to know more about how I manage my time?
🎧 Audio version of blog here!
I am a life coach who works with individuals looking to change their current or future romantic relationship – my program helps them discover that they are enough. This self-love empowers and equips them to take continual, forward steps in achieving the healthy, romantic relationship they desire. Are you ready to explore this journey in your life? Schedule your program inquiry call today and let’s decide together if this is your next step to creating the life you’ve been dreaming of.