Are You Self Confident or Confident? Ep 14

Are You Self Confident or Confident? | Relationship Coaching

Hello, hello my lovelies, how are you this beautiful day? We have been chatting the past few weeks about self-trust. Do we have it and how to increase it to live a more fulfilling and rich life. In last week’s episode, we talked about: Three Reasons Why We Lack Marital Confidence (link) and how we begin to lose confidence in our ability to have a successful marriage because we have stopped taking action in ways that build our confidence. Then the week before that, in episode 12: Three Steps To Building Self Trust, when we talked about ways to start building trust in ourselves, I talked about how this work leads us to have more self-confidence – confidence in ourselves. Today I’d like to dig a bit deeper into the difference between self-confidence and confidence to see how having confidence in certain areas of our lives doesn’t necessarily mean we have self-confidence. What do you think? Are you self-confident or confident or both?

Are you confident?

Let’s start with a definition of confidence. Confidence is a belief that you can do something well or succeed at something, and it is built through the process of doing, of taking action. For example, if you know how to ride a bicycle, you have taken steps to build confidence over time to get on a bike, no matter how long it has been since you were last on a bicycle, and know that you can ride it. This is not something you had before you took the training wheels off and proceeded to crash a few times along the way.

Confidence is specific to the person because it is a skill that someone has practiced or something that a person might have a natural talent for. Strong, driven, successful people like yourself have developed a false sense of self-confidence by practicing and seeking further education in what you do. You have taken actions that have developed your confidence in that thing that you do so well.

I like to liken this to your shield of confidence; you have proven to the powers that be, whoever those people are, that you are fully competent. To prove it, you also might make sure that people are fully aware of your capability, this might make you feel better about yourself because you think they are impressed by you. Many of us, I say us because I’m quite familiar with this form of confidence, use this shield out in the world yet struggle with what we commonly know as imposter syndrome because we still don’t believe in ourselves. Our self-confidence is in the tank; we generate validation, recognition, and affirmation from others, from outside of ourselves.

I experienced this during my 30 year business of coaching athletes. I had gone to college to become a Chemical Engineer; three years later I changed that path to Journalism and Graphic Design. After getting laid off from a dream design job, I decided to start helping all of the people at the gym who had been begging me to help them start their journey to a healthier life. As a single parent needing an income resource, I started one of the most successful personal training businesses in the country and became a professional athlete in the process. All the evidence of success still made me feel like an imposter, simply caused by plenty of confidence but minimal self-confidence.

Something else to consider is that confident people who lack self-confidence often will not try things they aren’t good at because of fear. They are afraid of failing or doing something that might make them feel foolish, embarrassed, or humiliated. They are afraid to experience these emotions for fear their failure or “foolish” appearance means something about who they are as a human, which would have their confidence come tumbling down in a huge heap.

Are you self-confident?

Self-confidence is a feeling of trust in one’s abilities, qualities, and judgment. It is truly an overall mindset you create for yourself about your own ability in ALL areas of your life that matter to you.

Self-confidence is the ability to do something that you might be afraid of doing, but fear doesn’t stop you from doing it because you won’t make failure mean anything about you as a human. When you are self-confident, you recognize failure, embarrassment, humiliation as emotions that could hold you back from doing what you want to do or emotions that you might have to process and feel; that’s all.

Self-confidence can look forward and see the person on the other side of whatever emotion it is that they are afraid of and being able to choose the delayed gratification of knowing that you were willing to take a chance. Taking chances is where growth comes; it’s where wisdom enters; it’s where we learn and evaluate.

Once you can learn how to overcome the obstacle of yourself getting in the way of yourself, you can take steps forward in all areas of your life, including your marriage. This is the work we do in AwakenYou; we learn how to overcome our fears which keep us from living our dream come true life, and we learn how to have our own backs in every life situation. For most of us, the biggest obstacle in our lives is ourselves, yet building self-confidence starts to erode that obstacle and helps us stop blaming the world and start creating our ideal world, life, and marital relationship.

If you want to begin coming up with strategies to overcome the obstacle in the way of your best life and your best marriage, then reach out, and let’s find time to talk. My one-on-one coaching program is designed to overcome this obstacle and clear the way to the ideal life you have stopped dreaming of.


I am a life coach who works with individuals to break down relationship barriers by awakening their true self. My process isn’t about changing your partner, it’s about discovering who you are so that you can AwakenYou in your marriage. If you’re ready to take your life and your love relationship to the next level then schedule your program inquiry call today and let’s decide together if this is your next step to creating the life you’ve been dreaming of.

Three Reasons Why We Lack Marital Confidence Ep 13

Three Steps To Building Self Trust | Relationship Coach

This week we’re going to talk about how building self-confidence in yourself will help you start building the confidence to create a marital relationship that you dreamt of having back when you said “Yes!” to his ask of having your hand in marriage. As we move through the years of our marital relationship, many of us find ourselves in a place so far from what we dreamed our marriage to be that we have no idea where to start in the journey to what we want. When we go back to the beginning of our marital journey, we had confidence that everything would be happily ever after because we saw our joy and happiness as evidence that all was well. Fast forward through the years of your marriage. You have a pile of reasons proving why your relationship isn’t working. You lack confidence in your ability to create a joyful ever after, and today we’re going to look at three reasons why you lack marital confidence so that you can get back on the road of navigating to your ideal marriage relationship.

This will help you to build back some desire so that you can actually believe that your wants are possible.

The number one reason you lack marital confidence is because of your lack of self-confidence.

I do not say this in a demeaning way. When we lack self-confidence we are often letting other people’s actions, or inactions, mean something about us.

I’ve always been a self-help junkie. As far back as I can remember, I was learning how to exercise, meditate, eat right, but knowing what I know now; I’m sure it was mostly to fit into the mold society deemed desirable.

So I could feel acceptance and approval.

Ok, maybe not the meditation, I think that was part of my deep desire to get connected spiritually as well as to discover myself.

Back to the feeling accepted.

This was always a struggle for me, always doing what I thought would make me fit in, feel accepted and good enough to be a part of the group.

I thought I would generate self-confidence by proving myself as acceptable.

I always looked for love from other people by doing everything for others until I discovered that the only true way to feel love was to start with loving myself. If you haven’t listened to my AwakenYou in your marriage podcast, episode 1 is all about How To Start Loving Yourself; I highly recommend you take a listen.

As I started digging into becoming self-confident, I started figuring out all of the things that I needed to work on and was on the road to a new belief and new way of life.

Secondly, we have low self-confidence because we don’t trust ourselves.

To discover if you trust yourself, you can go back to episode 10, One Simple Way To See If You Trust Yourself where I share one question that will help you see how much you trust yourself. If you discover from that episode that you might not have a great trusting relationship with yourself, you can go to last week’s episode, where I share Three Steps To Building Self Trust. (link)

As we start to build a foundation of self-trust, we start to build confidence in ourselves, and we start building our self-confidence. Yes, there is a difference between confidence and self-confidence; join me next week to take a deep dive into the difference, but today let’s distinguish the difference. Confidence comes from repeatedly doing something until we do it well; this repetition, failing until we get better, builds proof that we know how to do something; this is confidence, built through doing, taking steps forward, and learning. Self-confidence is created by doing things and being willing to do them wrong, being willing to experience whatever emotion rises when we fail and having our own back. We trust and know that our failure says nothing about ourselves except that we gave it our best in the moment. The more often we are willing to experience a negative emotion for the sake of growth, the more our self-confidence grows, and then hand in hand with that, we build confidence along the way.

If you look at your marriage, there might be an excellent chance that you haven’t been taking steps forward to create the relationship you dream of. Because you aren’t taking these steps, your confidence in your ability decreases; you aren’t exercising your marital confidence muscles. This process starts with learning how to trust yourself and take the steps you want to take, even when it feels uncomfortable, and building SELF-confidence.

The third reason we lack marital confidence is that we are afraid to feel our emotions.

The first step to creating marital confidence and self-confidence is learning how to feel and experience any emotion. Not being willing to do so weakens that marital confidence muscle. We’re afraid of not feeling loved, we’re afraid of being rejected, of feeling sad or disappointed, so we do other things that will make us feel temporarily satisfied in the moment. We seek pleasure at our own expense instead of delaying gratification. We want our partners to treat us the way we want them to treat us to feel good. Do you see how disempowering that is? What we do in AwakenYou is learn how to generate that positive, good feeling ourselves while letting our partners act and do as they choose. This is the gold of my program result; you get what you want without requiring your partner to join in the work.

Learning how to process our emotions instead of avoiding them allows us to build self-confidence to do the things we want to do in our marriage, building marital confidence by the doing.

Emotions are only vibrations in our body, and when we get up into that concept, we can recognize that much of our lives, we have been afraid of a feeling, a simple vibration, that will not kill us.

Learning how to experience any emotion is necessary to create the marital relationship you stopped dreaming of. Moving towards any goal in your life requires stepping into feeling and allowing the emotions of fear to surge through you while you take your next step. The beautiful thing about taking these steps in my one-on-one coaching program is that you’re not doing it alone; you have support and accountability.

Lastly, I want to share a bonus reason as to why you lack marital confidence.

Let’s get honest; most of us have learned what we know about marriage from our parents, step-parents, or whoever our initial caregivers were. When this fact was laid before my eyes, I smacked myself in the head – no wonder I sucked at this thing called marriage! I was using my parent’s marital playbook to build a relationship AND a relationship that I didn’t want! Now I am creating my own unique version of a marital relationship. This is one more awareness tool to give you the confidence you need to seek the help of someone who can guide you to where you want to go, not to where someone else has modeled you to go.

Becoming confident in yourself to build the marital relationship you want is a journey of empowerment and one without any regrets. Becoming maritally confident requires you to become self-confident, and it is completely possible, no matter what lies you may have told yourself in the past, today is a new day.

There is no better day than today to start creating the confidence you need so you can begin believing again in a new marital dream. You have the power to change the course of your marital journey, and I’d love to travel that beautiful road with you!


I am a life coach who works with individuals to break down relationship barriers by awakening their true self. My process isn’t about changing your partner, it’s about discovering who you are so that you can AwakenYou in your marriage. If you’re ready to take your life and your love relationship to the next level then schedule your program inquiry call today and let’s decide together if this is your next step to creating the life you’ve been dreaming of.

One Reason Why You Haven’t Solved For Joy, Love and Purpose In Your Life

This year has been interesting for me.

As I launch this new business of mine I’m not paying myself a salary for the first year, I’m investing everything back into the business.

You know what that means? No money to spend. You know what that means? I get to watch what happens in my brain when I want to seek pleasure through a retail purchase.

That’s fun.

It’s also been an interesting, liberating experience.

I have been watching my mind around wanting to seek pleasure through some sort of purchase. A purchase that will leave me empty and left with my original emotion that put me in that search. A purchase that leaves me with yet another “object” in my possession that I really, truly do not need.

When we seek pleasure from outside of ourselves it’s always a fleeting experience, it leaves you empty, joyless.

When you learn how to create joy and love from within, that is when your purpose and fulfillment can be found.

This mind work I have also done around overeating and over drinking.

First, let me explain what I mean by “overeating” and “over drinking”. What I mean by these two terms may not be what you are envisioning, it basically means eating or drinking when I don’t want, or need, to. It might even be eating a carrot when I really don’t need one. This example may seem a bit odd but we’ll keep moving forward. You see I used to drink, often when I said I wouldn’t, to make myself feel better. Then when I would drink I would get mad at myself for drinking because I had told myself I wasn’t going to.

I also used to eat food to feel better, until of course, after eating the food and feeling something like regret.

I no longer drink for pleasure, actually, I hardly ever drink unless I plan it ahead of time.

I also very seldom eat for pleasure and when I do I break it down and look at why I did so I can learn moving forward.

When you start doing the work of eliminating pleasure at your own expense, you actually have to start feeling, and dealing with, your emotions.

Pleasure is something we are wired to seek, yet in today’s society pleasure is a drug. We avoid negative emotion through a pleasurable activity that allows us to escape temporarily, but leaves us empty and often full of regret.

So we seek it some more.

When you have no money to spend, what is left is your emotions. When you don’t overeat or drink you don’t use those temporary pleasures to deal with whatever is coming up for you.

You’re just left with yourself and the emotion.

Without the activities that allow us to avoid our feeling, we’re left with our brain to figure out what is going on for us and how we want to process it, like an adult.

We then have a choice.

Will we stay stuck in the negative emotion and feel sorry for ourselves?

It’s an option.

There is another option though. That option is to explore those emotions. To discover the root of those negative thoughts and decide what you want to do with them.

Do you want to indulge in them or do you want to start doing what it takes to change them?

It’s a choice you get to make.

Joy is always available but not when you’re seeking pleasure to solve for it.

Joy comes from inside of you.

Joy comes from making the conscious choice to change.

Joy comes from being all in on you.

Once you start finding joy from within, that’s when meaning, purpose, and fulfillment start to bloom like a beautiful rose.

That’s when you start honoring your true self.

That’s when you Awaken(YourTrue)You and start designing a life of love, joy, and purpose.

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My Awaken(YourTrue)You program teaches incredibly powerful women like yourself how to identify and live out your truth. How to believe in your success and boldly share it with the world. How to leave a legacy.

I offer a free call to anyone brave enough to take the steps of creating the life they were meant to live. It’s a call for you to decide if this work is for you or not. I believe it is.

Share this message with a friend who needs to hear it, for every woman willing to do the work of becoming her best self there will be thousands of others impacted by her journey.

This is my life, join me in my mission to save the world, one powerful woman at a time.

Living A Life Worth Living

I wonder how many of us are actually living a life that we feel is even worth living.

I then wonder how many of us are actually “living” in our current life?

How often are we fully content, right here, right now, not wanting and wishing for something better?

Before I go on, I want to pause. I am not at all talking about not having goals, of not wanting to strive for greater achievement. I am talking about being fully content and happy with our present circumstance.

In my reading the other day I found that soon it may be possible for many people to prolong their life to upwards of 115 years. If we are able to live that long what value does it hold unless we are living a life worth living?

I can say that my past life experience has often been one of not appreciating the amazing space I find myself currently in but often fantasizing about how life could be…when I find success.

As I type those words I can honestly say how grateful I am for the coaching work I have done to get to a place where I feel completely at peace with who I am and what I’m doing in the world. 

When we go from always wanting something different to accepting and loving where we currently are then living to 115 sounds, and will be, amazing.

To be able to come to the end of each day seeing each accomplishment. To be able to successfully assess things that didn’t go well in your day, evaluate them from a place of compassion, not self judgement, to learn and grow. To love and trust in yourself so much that you know each day moving forward will be a beautiful, growing experience.

Living like that is a daily life worth living.

Creating a meaningful life means everyday is better than the last and then there is no fear in questioning whether living to 115 would be worth living.

Now, ask yourself honestly if you feel like you are living your best life? If you don’t feel like you are then ask yourself why. Why aren’t you? Most of us don’t know how, we were never taught how. That’s what I teach. I teach you how to live your best life, a life worth living.

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My Awaken(YourTrue)You program teaches incredibly powerful women like yourself how to identify and live out your truth. How to believe in your success and boldly share it with the world. How to leave a legacy.

I offer a free call to anyone brave enough to take the steps of creating the life they were meant to live. It’s a call for you to decide if this work is for you or not. I believe it is.

Share this message with a friend who needs to hear it, for every woman willing to do the work of becoming her best self there will be thousands of others impacted by her journey.

This is my life, join me in my mission to save the world, one powerful woman at a time.

How I Help You Actualize Your Dreams

As I write this post I am on a plane to Plano, Texas. It was exactly one year ago, to the month, that I left Plano to embark on a new life journey.

You see I had been living my dream job.

For thirty years I got to work in the lives of literally thousands of beautiful people. Coaching athletes to live out their own dreams in the athletic sports health and wellness industry.

That dream had been put on my heart while I was an athletic trainer in high school.

Laughed at when I spoke this dream out loud, told I was way too smart for that, I followed the footsteps of my dad, diving into the world of Chemical Engineering.

My heart told me this wasn’t me.

Then I took the exit ramp off that highway and decided to step into the world of journalism and graphic design, both still loves of my life, yet insecurity had planted it’s seed deep in my soul. I never truly allowed myself to bloom fully into this field. (Can I just say that it’s made me so happy that this passion has been able to continue on with me throughout all of what I’ve done. This makes my heart shine so much!)

Life happened, I got laid off, and I found myself desperate to make money so I ended up, basically, where I originally dreamed of being.

Yet it still never felt right.

I always felt like I was under actualizing my capability, I was smarter than this.

I never fully allowed myself to absorb the magical life I had fallen into.

Insecurity, thoughts of being smarter than this, of not being fully worthy settled in yet deeper.

For thirty more years.

I literally did my best to destroy myself, never good enough, never allowing myself the joy I deserved.

I struggled to find true happiness in my life.

Then I discovered life coaching. This created a huge curiosity within my soul. Was this my next chapter?

I applied the principles.

I got myself coached.

My life changed.

A LOT.

I started to feel myself get set free.

This was so beautiful I could not keep it to myself.

It set my world on fire.

Now, one year later, as I head to my Mastermind in Plano, Texas, I can say that my life is shining.

I can say I’m smart, really smart.

I can say I am amazing, truly amazing.

I can say I absolutely LOVE what I do, 1000 (thousand) percent!

I can say I am grateful because now I REALLY get to help people blow up their life.

Not just through health and wellness and succeeding as an athlete but in EVERY area of their life.

You.

I see you.

I love you.

I want to show you how to make YOUR life shine.

It is 100% possible!

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My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for strong, success driven women who want to discover their true self, discover the missing key, find their purpose and then start building a legacy from pure power. I have made it may mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability before your subconscious primitive mind tells you to run and hide.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this message and I highly encourage you to get on my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

A Story Of An Eagle’s Transformation

The story of an eagle's transformation

There is something majestically intriguing about the American Bald Eagle, for me it is their powerful and calm demeanor that radiates out from within. They provide an example of supreme power that does not carry an ounce of pride. It has solid self confidence.

The day before my Summer Retreat Two: Bloom, I was outside, next to the lake working on my computer when I felt his presence. His shadow enveloped me as he passed overhead. As I looked up to see what that power that I felt was, I saw him fly over the trees to my right, make a u-turn and then dive down 30 feet in front of me. He effortlessly grabbed large fish out of the water and proceeded to fly, skimming the water, across the lake to land on the opposite bank and consume his lunch.

I just stood in fascination as I watched him.

This week I read a story about how eagles go through a “midlife transformation” around thirty years of age. The story told of how in order to live on they had to retreat to a mountain top, sit on it’s nest, while going through a process of plucking out it’s beak, talons and feathers. If they are able to go through this process and survive, the story tells about how they will live another 30-40 years.

This story completely intrigued me, compelling me to write about it and how it compares to the work I am doing in both my life and the lives of my clients. I was excited to be able to use this story as a source of encouragement in our own transformation processes.

A story of renewal, of dropping our old past life story, your self creation, and re-writing your story, transforming your entire life into one of fulfillment and purpose.

I was a bit disappointed to discover that the story is a fallacy but with it, true or false, I was still able to pull out some incredible wisdom.

Wisdom in that we can go through a transformation process that doesn’t require us to do anything to our outward physical bodies.

Wisdom in that for true transformation to occur we do need to separate ourselves, go to the mountaintop, so we can look deep down inside at who we have become and why.

Wisdom in that this journey does bring us life. True transformation allows us to let go and change the thoughts that are keeping us from growing into our true self.

Wisdom in that our transformation changes us from the inside and as that change flourishes, it also changes us on the outside.

The eagle’s transformation story is a myth but your transformation story doesn’t need to be.

I am writing my truth and sharing it with the world because I want the world to know that they too can write their own truth.

💓💓💓💓💓💓💓

I am a life coach working with individuals looking to change their current or future romantic relationship – my program helps them discover that they are enough. This self-love empowers and equips them to take continual, forward steps in achieving the healthy, romantic relationship they desire. Are you ready to explore this journey in your life? Schedule your program inquiry call today and let’s decide together if this is your next step to creating the life you’ve been dreaming of.