Social Taboo: Talking Out Loud About Our Struggles

As I was reflecting on a social gathering we had here at the house a few weeks back, it struck me as interesting when I thought about how uncomfortable people get when we openly discuss things that we are struggling with in our lives.

It’s not that I don’t understand why, I mean, I was the queen of covering up my poop ūü§£ūü§£ūü§£¬†! OK, let’s pause a moment because I am completely laughing out loud at myself. The previous sentence was not in my original writing of this post and that sentence was real truth my friends! I just was envisioning my dog Zeta after she does her business, she is adamant about covering up her ūüí©, sort of like I was¬†ūü§£.

It’s just that through all of the self work I have done, through all of the coaching I have gotten, I am very comfortable talking about my ūüí©¬†and I’m going to tell you why. If we just keep covering it all up it becomes a big pile of messiness but the messiness isn’t outside of us, like it is for Zeta, it’s all piling up inside of us creating one big toxic mess. Getting it out, talking with a coach, seeing it on paper, hearing it out loud allows us to process and start re-wiring our inner, self taught program, allowing us to upgrade into a daily next best version.

I wonder if you can figure out why we’re so uncomfortable talking about our problems.

What I came up with is that we’re uncomfortable with ourselves. We are ashamed, embarrassed, disappointed, afraid of other people’s judgement, what they might say.

We attempt to control what other people think about us by doing things like:

  • pretend everything is amazing
  • complain and blame others
  • gossip about others, directing attention to someone else’s “dysfunction”

I now realize how healthy it is to share our struggles and here is why I believe this:

  • talking out loud about our struggles allows us to heal but also brings about healing in others, as they hear our story they can start to feel some relief, some hope and possibly be able to initiate positive steps towards feeling better themselves
  • it helps you be a true human, not pretending to be perfect or someone you’re not
  • it allows people to see the true you and connect on a much deeper level

People are going to either like you or not, you might as well find your truest connections by being your truest self.

We are human.

We all struggle.

Stop denying the struggle and start addressing it. Stop trying to control other people’s opinion of you by being someone you’re not.

Be you.

It feels so amazing!

It’s what I do on a daily basis, not just for me but for all of my beautiful clients. There is nothing more rewarding than watching people work on their problems and start living the life they were meant to live.

With a big proud smile on their face ūüėÉ

I am learning how to be me and helping you let go of your created you so you, and others, can embrace Your True You!

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My Awaken(YourTrue)You program teaches incredibly powerful women like yourself how to identify and live out your truth. How to believe in your success and boldly share it with the world. How to leave a legacy.

I offer a free call to anyone brave enough to take the steps of creating the life they were meant to live. It’s a call for you to decide if this work is for you or not. I believe it is.

Share this message with a friend who needs to hear it, for every woman willing to do the work of becoming her best self there will be thousands of others impacted by her journey.

This is my life, join me in my mission to save the world, one powerful woman at a time.

When You’re Excluded

Last night I was excluded from a family girls event.

What?!? Can you even believe that?

“They left me out.”

“I must not matter.”

“I’m not important.”

“They don’t like me.”

“Whatever, how rude!”

Yep, it really happened and that’s how I would have reacted in the past. I would have blamed, pouted, felt sorry for myself, beat myself up, been sarcastic, (try to) make everyone feel bad. Of course, if you’ve been following me, we know that we can’t make other people feel bad.

You see, two years ago us Bongiovanni women decided to finally follow through with our Christmas banter about getting together outside of the holidays.

Thanks to my Aunt Mari, we’ve followed through.

Except this year they left me out.

I was actually at a meeting during this get together and after the meeting I had a message from my daughter and a voicemail from my Aunt.

I responded to the text of “Where are you?” with a tapback “?” and then read the transcript from the voicemail and immediately felt a bit sad.

Turns out that the email invitation went to an email that I haven’t used for over 10 years and for a moment I did have a thought that made me feel indignant and cause me to blame and complain. I noticed it, allowed it and then started to look at how this was no big deal.

They went without me and it was awesome.

It was awesome because I got to watch how my new brain handles these new situations, first hand.

I had new thoughts like:

“What a bummer!”

“This is not a big deal.”

“Everything is ok.”

“Nothing has gone wrong here.”

“I am fully worthy, enough, complete.”

You know the best part?

I get the result of loving myself, as well as everyone else, instead of not mattering to myself, or anyone else.

I love my new brain!

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My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for strong, success driven women who want to discover their true self, discover the missing key, find their purpose and then start building a legacy from pure power. I have made it may mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either¬†book your call now¬†or¬†send me an email¬†with your availability before your subconscious primitive mind tells you to run and hide.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this message and I highly encourage you to get on my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

When It All Just Doesn’t Make Sense

What is this life all about anyway?

You out there doing all of the things.

Yet no idea why.

Your purpose is gone.

It was never truly there.

This whole time always right there, right inside.

It’s just that no one has told you.

You’re broken.

Broken hearted.

Destructive.

Hopeless.

Lost.

You hate who you are, you hate who you have become.

I just want you to know that I know who you are.

I was you.

Though I lived a life of apparent success, a life that people envied, I was hurt, I was broken.

I didn’t know how to love myself so I sought to destroy myself.

I was too strong for that thought, too strong because I was made for so much more.

Created and protected for a day such as this.

A day when I can tell you that you too were created on purpose, with a purpose.

Your life has shaped you into an instrument to be used in the world.

What will you do with it?

My hope today is that this post will give just one person some hope.

Some hope to pick themselves up, clean themselves up and to open themselves up to their very own possibility.

It’s there, this I know, you just have to love yourself and your Savior enough to go find it.

You were created for so much more, this I know and this I want you to know.

XOX

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My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for strong, success driven women who want to discover their true self, discover the missing key, find their purpose and then start building a legacy from pure power. I have made it may mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either¬†book your call now¬†or¬†send me an email¬†with your availability before your subconscious primitive mind tells you to run and hide.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this message and I highly encourage you to get on my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

Guilt Explained So You Can Start Stopping It

After hearing my master coach instructor Jody Moore explain guilt in a plain and simple fashion, my mind exploded a bit. I compared it to how I experienced guilt and then I quickly went on a mission to terminate my ongoing relationship with guilt.

Guilt is when you have two different things you want to do at the same time, choosing to do one and then feeling guilty that you didn’t choose the other.

Have you committed to doing one thing and now regret your decision, causing you to think about backing out? This too could cause guilt but I would beg you to consider why you originally agreed to the commitment. Did you agree out of a place of wanting to make the other person happy? If so, you may want to read my¬†article on people pleasing. If you’re not wanting to do something you committed to maybe something has changed for you between the commitment and now, in that case you could save yourself time and energy by either declining or just following through. ¬†Otherwise it’s quite possible that you agreed out of a place of wanting that person to like you for saying yes to them.

This used to happen to me all of the time and of course I was a people pleaser on top of it all so I would say yes to things I didn’t truly want to do, then of course when they rolled around I would not want to go and then feel guilty about it.

In order to help you understand what happens I’m going to run through an example:

It’s Friday and your girlfriend sends you a message asking if you want to go to dinner after work. It’s sounds like an amazing idea, you haven’t seen her in forever. Then you remember that you had been planning on heading straight home to your lounge clothes and snuggling up with that good book you started last week.

Let’s pretend you say no, you go home after work, and feel guilty about not saying yes to the dinner date.

Let’s do a thought model on this scenario:

You’re thinking “I should have said yes” which is causing you to feel guilty, which makes you ruminate about what you should have done, beat yourself up for not being a good friend, not enjoy your book or the couch or your evening at all, you maybe even think about sending her a message to see if the offer is still valid.

Result: you say no to you.

When I see myself doing this sort of silly nonsense I stop that nasty guilt right in it’s tracks and start changing my model. Let me show you how:

I decide that I want my result to be that I say yes to me in this scenario.

In order to get this result I decide to be all in with this decision, stop wasting time and energy ruminating and beating myself up, do what I said I was going to do and enjoy it thoroughly and find time in the future to create an amazing time with my girlfriend.

In order to follow through with these actions I will need to feel something like self confident, courageous, self love.

To feel self confident I will need to think something like “I am going to follow through on my original plan.”

Using the thought model to help me see the result of my thoughts helps me clean up my brain and start thinking in a way that gives me the results that I want in my life.

This is how you start getting out of your own way.

I hope this helps you to be able to look at how guilt is playing out for you in your life and then allow you to also start eliminating it.

If you struggle with guilt and feel like you would like further help stepping out of it, I would love to walk you through it, I’ve got you! Set up a program inquiry session or send me an email with your questions. I make it my mission to help people like you set themselves free from guilt so they can move into their purposeful life.

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My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for strong, success driven women who want to discover their true self, discover the missing key, find their purpose and then start building a legacy from pure power. I have made it may mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either¬†book your call now¬†or¬†send me an email¬†with your availability before your subconscious primitive mind tells you to run and hide.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this message and I highly encourage you to get on my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

Pride, Women, My Mission And How They All Tie Together

As I was doing some coaching work on my past eating addiction the idea for this post was born. I was doing the work of looking at an event, this was one long event, from the past and re-writing my story about it. This practice allows you to take a negative story from your past and release it by telling the story in a way that empowers you.

If you haven’t done this work, let me tell you, it is life changing.

While doing this work my brain exploded a bit around pride, so let’s just talk about what pride is and how you can use it for or against, not only yourself, but others.

Let’s start with just two different types of pride, positive and negative pride, and then dig into how they not only affect you but others.

Positive pride.

Positive pride is when we have confidence in ourselves, self respect. When we are proud of our achievements and the achievements of others.

I also had a bit of brain explosion as I went deeper into my reflection when I realized that the opposite of positive pride is to be ashamed of yourself or someone else.

Let me tell you a truth right now, if someone else is ashamed of you that means absolutely NOTHING about you and your worth. You are fully worthy, no matter what anyone else says or does to you.

Negative pride.

Negative pride is when we have a false sense of superiority over others. It comes from a place of conceit and arrogance.

Note the word false.

This ultimately comes from lack of self confidence and self respect because we are insecure in ourselves. We are afraid of exposing ourself because of what others might think.

This kind of pride will keep us from seeking out help for ourself, or even our close loved ones. It makes us think about what others will think, keeping us from doing what is right for ourselves or for others who might need our support.

How can this affect others?

If you are asking this question then congratulations, you have been not just reading my content but doing the work of applying it.

Most people would believe that if we are proud or neglectful of others that it would affect them by causing them to either feel good or bad. If you have been reading my content you know that another person cannot make us feel a certain way, it is our own thoughts that create our own feelings, actions and results.

Here is where my mind exploded a bit.

As parents we have a responsibility of raising the next generation. As parents we come into this role with all sorts of our own hurts, habits and hang-ups which will influence how our little ones will start to make decisions for themselves.

This is why I am so on mission to help as many women as I can end their life of insecurity, worthlessness and self loathing.

When a woman gets out of her own way, starts loving herself, starts honoring herself, starts becoming proud of who she is and what she does, she passes that on to the next generation.

My true passion is children and ingraining in their developing brains that they are fully lovable, no matter what they do. My way of being able to do that right now is through the women who are influencing these beautiful minds.

If you change who you are today into the woman of possibility, what an impact you will have on the world.

This is why I do what I do.

Let’s change the world, one brain at a time.

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My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for strong, success driven women who want to discover their true self, discover the missing key, find their purpose and then start building a legacy from pure power. I have made it may mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either¬†book your call now¬†or¬†send me an email¬†with your availability before your subconscious primitive mind tells you to run and hide.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this message and I highly encourage you to get on my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

Why Avoiding Conflict Creates More Conflict & How To Get Good At Resolution

Conflict is a struggle, or opposition, of ideas or interests.

The conflict may just be within yourself or it may be with one or many other persons.

It’s possible that you are the only one aware of the conflict because you are avoiding bringing it out in the open. Maybe you are agreeing, apologizing or even accommodating the person you are in opposition to.

It’s possible you were never taught how to deal with conflict effectively. This can be true if you watched parents scream and yell at each other, never coming to resolution verses watching them sit down and discuss the struggle out loud and openly. Even the opposite can be true with one parent avoiding conflict by never addressing their struggles therefore again, never allowing you to witness healthy conflict resolution.

Healthy conflict resolution is something that is important for us to develop so that we can start cultivating more strong, trusting relationships with everyone in our life.

Here is how avoiding conflict can create more conflict:

  • You resisting what is going on by avoiding and not processing
  • You build up negative emotion
  • You don’t figure out how to clean up your thoughts

When we take the time to look at what is happening for us with any struggles or opposition we are having with someone it is healthy for us to do a few things:

Take a look at our thoughts, what is going on in our brain, by doing a thought download.

Look at how these thoughts are making us feel and then how these feelings are making us show up.

This will show us the result we are getting.

At this point we can decide whether we are wanting to change our thoughts so that we get a result that we want or not.

Possibly we do want to change our thoughts to get a result that we like, yet it’s also possible that we will want to talk to the other party and discuss what is going on for us.

The one thing you must always remember is no one else is in charge of your happiness, so the objective is not to control them by telling them how they need to act to make you feel good. 

That is your job.

Still, you may want to clarify what is happening for you.

Let me give you an example.

Let’s say you have a husband, I may or may not know of one, who has committed to dog sitting a puppy during time, two days to be exact, when you, that would be me, will be at home working and husband will be away from the home working.

I could get angry and just let it happen, maybe take it out a bit on said husband.

I could do a thought download and decide how I want to handle the situation out of love for myself.

Then make a decision as to what I’m going to do and be all in and in love with my choice

The latter is what I have chosen to do. The old me would have taken it out on husband from the time it was announced until who knows when.

With choosing the way I did, making the choice to think I am going to enjoy this little puppy, which makes me feel helpful, which allows me to take the action of planning my days so it works for me, loving the puppy, ask husband to clarify story of how this came about so that I fully understand scenario, ask husband to, in the future, please check with me before volunteering my time but also recognize that he may not follow through, decide how I will deal with the situation if it arises again.

If you are a conflict avoider like I used to be and would like to discover how to start feeling better about how you deal with the struggles that life will always present to you, then I would love to offer a free mini-session to help you feel some freedom. All you have to do is grab on to some courage and send me an email, the feeling of fear will vanish once you hit the send button.

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My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for strong, success driven women who want to discover their true self, discover the missing key, find their purpose and then start building a legacy from pure power. I have made it may mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either¬†book your call now¬†or¬†send me an email¬†with your availability before your subconscious primitive mind tells you to run and hide.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this message and I highly encourage you to get on my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

Why You’re Feeling Like A Fraud

Imposter Syndrome, let’s start with a good old Google definition.

The persistent inability to believe that one’s success is deserved or has been legitimately achieved as a result of one’s own efforts or skills.

Friends, listen up.

It does not matter what you do to create value in this world: full time (part time) moms, entrepreneurs, corporate partner, CEO, baristas, bank manager, doctor, nurse, police officer, fire fighter, teacher, professor, artist, yoga instructor, athlete, keynote speakers; anyone can experience imposter syndrome.

Let me share a story with you and get super vulnerable, again.

I launched On Track Training, which morphed into Team On Track, a highly successful coaching and sporting event promotion business, thirty years ago. Before people even knew what personal training was.

I spent most of those thirty years embarrassed of what I did. I told the story of how I was so much smarter than that. How went to school for Chemical Engineering then went into the School of Journalism and got a Graphic Design certificate, worked as a Graphic Designer before stepping into this role as an expert at transforming people’s lives. I was smart.

I still totally thought I was a fraud.

After all of the work I have done these past two years I shake my head at all of this because I know how much of a lie it was.

Thirty years!

I share that with you because those of you who know me from that business would never even guess that I felt this way.

Of course you wouldn’t, I had the outer facade game down!

I knew how to play the role of looking like I knew what I was doing.

Of course, now I know that I knew what I was doing, I knew well, I just didn’t have the self confidence needed to believe it.

In a nutshell imposter syndrome comes from us thinking that we’re just not enough, that soon someone is going to figure it out and call us out on it.

Probably even fire us, put us out on the street, unemployed, ruined and broke

It’s ok because there is a solution.

Once you build up your self worth.

Once you build up your self confidence.

Once you learn how to start loving yourself.

Once you start being willing to let people be wrong about you.

Once you stop rejecting yourself.

Once you become unwilling to reject yourself because of others who may reject you.

Once you step on this journey to discovering the true you and start stepping fully into that, the imposter syndrome slowly fades away into the distance.

Oh, your brain will want to remind you that you’re not good enough but you can’t blame it. You’ve spent your whole life conditioning it to believe this lie. No fear though, once you’ve done this work you will recognize the lie.

You will know how to love your brain for reminding you and then gently be able to tell it that it is wrong.

That you are no longer that person.

You are no longer going to allow yourself to listen to that lie.

The other thing I will tell you, you can put this all into The Thought Model, that the thought that you are an imposter is just that.

A thought.

Not a circumstance.

When you think that you’re an imposter it will generate a feeling of something like incompetence which is going to make you show up less than you truly are capable of showing up giving you the result of acting like an imposter.

It’s way better to just believe that you are completely qualified for what you are doing and feel confident. This will make you show up knocking it out of the park which creates the result of doing quality work.

If you are getting tired of fighting yourself. If you are tired of getting in your own way. If a solution to this problem sounds like hitting the lottery but better, then I would love to talk to you about my Awaken (The True) You program.

My program will take you from not fully being on board with yourself to being your best asset.

The impact this will have in your life is to give you the freedom you have been desperately yearning for.

You can book your free consult here or send me an email with some days and times that work for you, I’ll make one of them happen.

You can also get more help by getting my newsletter directly in your inbox, sign up today so you can start feeling better today.

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My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for strong, success driven women who want to discover their true self, discover the missing key, find their purpose and then start building a legacy from pure power. I have made it may mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either¬†book your call now¬†or¬†send me an email¬†with your availability before your subconscious primitive mind tells you to run and hide.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this message and I highly encourage you to get on my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

Four Ways To Tell If You’re A People Pleaser & Steps To Stop

I was the biggest people pleasers out there, often doing things for other people. I thought I could make other people happy. I thought I could make other people like me by saying yes to them.

One of my problems is I also love to get involved in all sorts of things but this used to come at the expense of the things I valued the most.

Constraint has helped me a whole lot in this area. Now when I’m asked if I want to do something instead of jumping all over it because it sounds like so much fun, I take a moment to think about my time and what I’m really focusing on at the moment.

Let’s look at some ways to tell if you’re a people pleaser and then let’s look at ways to start being a you pleaser.

You say yes because it sounds like an amazing opportunity but you are in dread when you think about it.

There is a possible mixed bag of things going on here and it’s important for you to unpack it.

First I’d like to encourage you to work on your decision skills. As a people pleaser you may want to tell the asker that you’ll get back to them so that you have some time to truly decide what you want to say. Then give them a time deadline of when you’ll get back to them and honor that deadline. Please make sure that you are all in with your decision, love your reasons either way.

Once you love your reasons continue to remind yourself of those reasons. As the event approaches and you’re finding yourself regretting your choice remember your all in decision and be all in. If it was a no and you’re finding yourself regretting not attending then again remind yourself of your all in decision to say no, love it and be all in on whatever else it is you chose to do in that time.

If your answer is no, really start working on just saying no without excuses. It’s completely ok to say that you’re not able to help out, if it’s just for this time and you want to be considered for the future then say that, but ONLY if you mean it.

You offer to do things for people that you really don’t want to do.

This was a problem for me in my marriage because I did things to get love in return for what I did. What happens here is that of course, people can’t make you feel love, that comes from within yourself. Eventually what happens is we start to resent the other person because they’re expecting you to keep doing what you always did. You now stop doing what you always did and the other person is completely confused, with you having the result of resenting yourself.

Make sure your offer is coming from a place of love from within yourself, not for the reaction of the other person. When you do this you get the result of creating love for yourself because you’re doing what you really want to do.

Stop and ask yourself before you decide to do something for someone if you are doing it from a place of love for yourself, with absolutely NO expectations from the other person. This is not people pleasing, this is self love.

You have a difficult time ending a conversation or leaving a party.

I am waving my hand high here because this had ALWAYS been a problem for me! What would happen is I would stay on the phone longer than I wanted, get resentful and then I’d end abruptly. Same at parties, as a matter of fact sometimes I would even ditch without saying goodbye. This my friends is all about people pleasing by completely attempting to control what people think of you.

My suggestion for stepping out of this one is to be super intentional. Make a phone call to someone, decide how long you’ll talk and then honor yourself with your decision. If you stay on the phone longer decide to do it out of love for yourself, maybe you’re really enjoying the conversation and want to stay on. Again: love your choice.

At parties visualize telling the host goodbye and just do it. Be uncomfortable. Thank them for inviting you and let them know what a great time you had. They may be sad that you’re leaving, it’s ok, staying won’t make them happy, it will be their thoughts that will make them happy. Again, if you choose to stay later, love your reasons and don’t go into resentment, fully love yourself along with the reasons you choose to stay.

You guys, I love all of this and helping all of you see how your actions may not truly be coming from a place of true love in yourself but from trying to find love outside of yourself. This just doesn’t feel good, it always leaves us feeling empty.

Honoring ourselves and following through with what we say we’re going to do builds trust and love in ourselves and truly sets us free to love others unconditionally. This is true freedom my friends.

If you want to work on your journey to self freedom on a level that creates massive change in your life then let’s find time to talk. God has created the perfect path in my life to understand everything you are going through in your struggles. I want you to know it’s ok, your life can start brand new today and I can’t wait to watch you fly free.

Book your free consult session here or send me an email with some days and times that will work for you. Once you start you will never turn back.

_______________________________________

My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for strong, success driven women who want to discover their true self, discover the missing key, find their purpose and then start building a legacy from pure power. I have made it may mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either¬†book your call now¬†or¬†send me an email¬†with your availability before your subconscious primitive mind tells you to run and hide.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this message and I highly encourage you to get on my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

Three Ways To Bring Romance Back Into Your Relationship

There was a time when you were truly in love with your spouse, like you wanted to spend every moment with them, they were the center of your life.

Now of course you love them, but really, you can’t stand them. If they would just do all of the things you needed them to do, say all of the things you want them to say, then life would be happily ever after.

Often times in the beginning of relationships we do all of the things that will make the other person show us love in return. We aren’t our true selves, we’re looking for love from outside of ourselves.

If this is the case we typically haven’t learned how to generate love for ourselves. As the relationship starts getting comfortable, or as the old saying goes, once the honeymoon is over, we get tired of the work that goes into trying to get someone to make us feel good.

We start to resent the fact that they aren’t just doing the same things they did, to make us feel good, even though we’re not doing the same things we used to do to generate the reactions that they gave us the feeling of love.

This is the beginning of the breakdown.

We don’t really pay too much attention in the beginning of the breakdown but as time goes on we start to wonder if there is any hope.

I have some amazing news my loves, there most definitely is.

I know this because this was me in my marriage.

Even better news is that you don’t even need your partner to be a part of your game to re-create a hot, steamy, romantic, loving, fun relationship.

All it takes is you.

Ready? Let’s start this!

Make a list of all of the things you want your love to do and then, do it for them.

I know, this most likely isn’t the first thing you wanted to hear but honestly, why do you want them to do the thing? Because YOU want it done? To make YOU happy? Then I suggest you do something amazing for yourself and do that thing for yourself OR just choose to let that thing not be done.

When we put our happiness in the hands of others we are bound to be let down, over and over again.

My guess is you have an operating manual for your spouse. A manual that lists all of the things you want them to do to make you happy. It’s even possible that if you typed the manual out and gave it to them and they actually followed it, that you still wouldn’t be happy.

The best thing I have done is put my happiness in my own hands, not in the hands of someone else.

You know what’s perfect about this? I know exactly what I want and I can either take care of it myself or politely ask my spouse to do it for me but if he doesn’t I have to take my power back and make sure I take care of myself.

I hear your argument. I know them all because they were mine. What I learned is that I was never fully happy putting my happiness in the hands of someone else.

Neither will you.

Challenge yourself to do something uncomfortable.

Step number one might be that one thing. Maybe it is putting that laundry basket away even though it had your husband’s clothing in it. When you take the focus off of why he’s not doing it and focus on the fact that it’s you that will feel amazing when it’s put away, you take back your control.

I’m thinking something even more uncomfortable but the above could be a start. I’m thinking more along the lines of hmmmm….when’s the last time you gave your spouse a long hug and told them how much you appreciate everything they do (not for you) and really say it from the heart?

Feel uncomfortable? Why? What is it you fear?

I challenge you to actually take a moment to stop and answer those two questions. Then ask yourself what it would feel like to do the same thing from a place of self confidence in your ability to do something for yourself. From a place of doing it because it would feel good for YOU.

Write down 10 things you love about your spouse.

Put them on a note in your phone and every morning open that note and read it out loud to yourself.

When we are stuck in a negative thought pattern your brain is conditioned to continue to feed more negative thoughts to you. It’s just helping you out and doing what it is designed to do.

You have to be deliberate about how you direct your thoughts or your brain will always revert to finding what is wrong.

When you tell your brain to look for the positive it will start looking for what you are asking it.

This is going to take you some time, it did for me anyway. I had been so focused on everything he was doing wrong that I just couldn’t think of anything positive. I started with this: he is my husband, he married me, he loves me. If you have to start with one thing then start with the one and just tell your brain to keep looking. Every day add something new to the list.

Soon you will notice yourself starting to feel better.

Soon you will notice the spark coming back.

Be patient friend, that fire has been out for a while, that fire pit is wet and soggy, it’s going to take more than a few swipes of the match to dry it out and then build it to an inferno.

I absolutely love hearing the fun love stories that come back into people’s relationships, all because of the work on one person’s part.

¬†I love seeing the smile on my client’s faces when they tell me something loving they did.

Not to get someone to love them.

To show themselves how much they love themselves.

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My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for strong, success driven women who want to discover their true self, discover the missing key, find their purpose and then start building a legacy from pure power. I have made it may mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either¬†book your call now¬†or¬†send me an email¬†with your availability before your subconscious primitive mind tells you to run and hide.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this message and I highly encourage you to get on my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

One Thing You Can Do Today To End Negative Body Image Self Talk

Let me tell you a little secret.

It’s been almost a year since I’ve looked in the mirror and didn’t like what I saw.

Most of my life I have done everything I could to change what I thought was unacceptable about myself.

I exercised.

Educated myself.

I learned how to eat right.

I read self help books.

I learned the latest and greatest makeup tricks.

You know what? None of it mattered. I could always find something negative about myself.

I was never good enough, no matter what anyone else told be, they were all liars.

What changed?

I told myself enough was enough.

I told myself that if God created me exactly the way He did, then it was time to stop arguing with reality and start taking the steps of falling in love with myself.

This might be one of the most difficult things I’ve done in my life, and I’ve overcome some pretty rough obstacles, but it has definitely been the second best thing I’ve done in my life, right after accepting Jesus as my Savior.

Now it’s my mission to help you do the same so let me share my one tip to get you started.

Just decide.

This may make you mad.

This might not be the magic answer you were looking for.

This though IS the magic answer because my guess is that you’ve never really tried.

You see you have conditioned yourself to believe, one thought at a time, that this isn’t true. That you are not enough. That you just haven’t gotten to the right weight. That you haven’t found the right diet. That you haven’t found the right esthetician. That you haven’t found the right product or the right supplement.

Today I suggest that you start noticing your negative self talk.

That is the first step:

Awareness.

Start becoming aware of every time you say something negative about yourself.

I suggest you start a note on your phone and write down every time you tell yourself that you hate your hair, hate your butt, hate your lips, hate your posture, hate your face, hate your body.

Then decide that you won’t allow this any more.

Find a bridge thought.

You are absolutely correct. You cannot go from “I hate my body.” to “I am absolutely beautiful.”, that is why I suggest you start with a bridge thought.

A bridge thought is the first step to crossing the river over to the other side. From where you are right now to the other side where you love everything about yourself.

Possibly that thought is:

“I am becoming the person who loves myself.”

“I might be wrong about myself.”

“Someday I will be able to love myself.”

“I am open to the idea that I am fully beautiful.”

“It’s possible that I am perfectly created and wonderful.”

Give it a try. Take the steps and please let me know how it feels.

Be open to the change my friend, take it from a former self hater, the result is worth the work.

_______________________________________

My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for strong, success driven women who want to discover their true self, discover the missing key, find their purpose and then start building a legacy from pure power. I have made it may mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either¬†book your call now¬†or¬†send me an email¬†with your availability before your subconscious primitive mind tells you to run and hide.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this message and I highly encourage you to get on my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.