When Others Treat Us Poorly

One sentence can change your problem into a neutral circumstance, literally.

During a recent coaching session, my coach asked the following question:

“Do you want your circumstance (which was a person in this example) to choose your thoughts and pour that emotion into your body?”

It only took about a split second to answer that question, I absolutely knew I didn’t want to give that power to this person!

Let the heavens open because freedom from blame, resentment, guilt and a desire to “pay them back” disappeared in that moment. From this place, I was able to step into my more evolved self and decide how I wanted to feel, with intention.

It’s what I teach my clients every day and it is so much fun! I love the look of relief when a person realizes how to take their power back.

Let me fill you in with my story around what I was getting coached on, it’s possible my story might help you find relief in your own story.

Imagine a weekend being spent relaxing in a beautiful place, with the people you love.

I had gone into the weekend choosing love from my higher self and committing to really watching my mind around all things that could potentially cause a mental spin out.

You see even the people we love, and usually the ones we love the most, or are working on loving the most, can cause us to derail…wait, let me back up…THEY don’t cause us to derail.

No one can cause you to derail.

They do something, you have a thought about that something, it’s that thought that would cause you to derail.

Maybe one of these people were with me on this weekend, in this beautiful place 😉, now you see why I had my commitment to watching my thoughts.

Throughout my wonderful weekend, I allowed myself to self coach and really embrace every bit of what was happening.

I even went home with an overall sense of accomplishment and pride knowing I had managed to enjoy my time, not allowing other people’s actions to affect me how I showed up.

Fast forward a few days, sitting in a coffee shop, enjoying conversation with a friend. A friend who had participated in the relaxing weekend with me.

I had thoughts about how she was acting that made be feel a bit curious about what was happening for her, yet I allowed the thoughts to drift away .

But then the words came out, “I have something I want to share with you, something that has been bothering me.”

Sweats set in, blood pulls into my core, thoughts of what could possibly be wrong flood my mind.

Within minutes, while the story was being shared, my brain started bringing up thoughts that generated emotions of anger, unfairness, unworthiness, unlovability, resentment, regret, retaliation…🥵

All around a story of a conversation, about me.

My relaxing weekend was destroyed in an instant.

Sound at all familiar?

Funny thing is that I already had known that the third party person in the story probably felt the way they did. It wasn’t until it was said out loud to me, the confirmation of my suspicions, that I started to have thoughts that seemed like truths.

This my friends is where we get stung, when we see our thoughts as truths.

Old stories of this person, this person I had done so much work to come closer to loving, came flooding into my head.

All the old evidence that produced my old beliefs came right up to the surface.

The me prior to learning how to self coach, prior to hiring my own coach, prior to taking this work and sharing it with you, would have been a hot mess, still, much longer after the actual story occurred.

All resolved in one coaching session.

Put in the past, a non-issue, back to the work I had been doing on learning to love people that “hurt me”.

Moral of the story: It isn’t in our power to change others. When we try, and expect them to change so that we can feel love, we are the only ones who suffer.

You only have the power to control your own thoughts, so that you get the results that best serve you.

We get to choose either belief:

  • The one that only hurts us which is that, “They treat us poorly.”
  • The one that gives us freedom and allows them to be who they are, which might be something like, “They are treating themselves poorly.”

We can believe that we get to feel good, on purpose, and not allow someone else to choose our thoughts and feelings.

I love feeling good on purpose.

Leave the suffering at their doorstep, don’t let it in.
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My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for people who want to discover their true self, discover the missing key, find their purpose and then start building a legacy from pure power. I have made it my mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability before your subconscious primitive mind tells you to run and hide.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this it and join my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

If you’d like to get more empowering emails delivered straight to you and never miss another post please get yourself signed up for my newsletter!

Beat The Post Holiday Blues Today

Today is post New Year’s Day, the buzz everywhere seems to be a high energy excitement over starting anew.

Everywhere I look I see tips on how to make this the best year yet.

Focus on the new, leave the old behind.

Who’s on board?

As I ease back into work I had, with intention, planned on taking the past two days to review this past year, self coach and plan.

Can I be brutally honest?

Day 1 was rough.

Mostly self coaching.

I had a morning of thought downloads and models, around all things holidays, and my brain just had a bit of an incredible summarization of it all.

I had this beautiful picture in my head of what Christmas looked like, in my mind, as we approached December 25.

It was a picture of peace and shimmery perfection. Presents arranged in an orderly fashion under the tree. Stockings hung on the chimney with care.

The morning of Christmas coming quietly and gently.

Like a fairy tale.

Sort of like the Bible story of our Savior.

I had done the work I do, and teach, of self coaching around all of the upcoming potential relational sticky situations.

I felt confident about what the coming days would bring and how I would get through them.

Then there is the gradual unraveling that occurs as the presents are dispersed.

The boxes are unwrapped.

Within minutes the serene beauty dissolves into a pile of boxes, bubble wrap and shredded wrapping paper strewn in a pile in the center of the room.

My mind likened this picture to what can happen in a moment, even when we’ve perfectly prepared our minds. We’re left sitting in a mental messy pile, re-hashing Aunt Sally’s words, blaming Uncle Al for ruining the meal with his disgusting jokes and creating even more of a messy mess as we gossip about people who aren’t able to join the celebration.

Then everyone goes back to their homes.

Everyone goes back to their same old, same old.

Leaving our brains empty and confused.

Much like our homes of Christmas undone.

As I write this post so much more is coming into my brain about how this vision parallels the whole meaning of Christmas and the birth of Christ. How He came to save us from what we’ve undone. It’s actually quite beautiful. <pause, take a deep meditative breath, continue on>

If you, like me, struggle with the transition back into life as we know it, then you’re not alone my friend.

In year’s past I would envy people who seemed to be able to wake up after it all and just move on, right into the next thing.

I’m now convinced that these people are rare and either doing a fantastic job with their own self coaching or, most likely, battling the inner battle of not taking the time to process their emotions, pushing it all deep down only to erupt sometime in the future.

I can now easily see, after a day of allowing transition, not fighting it, and self coaching, the process doesn’t need to be such a mess.

Maybe there is freedom in just allowing the mess.

Ok, not just maybe, there is complete freedom in allowing it all.

Let me see if my past post Christmas scenario is anything like yours:

  • Weeks of buffering
  • Weeks of pretending I was all in on my goals
  • Weeks of ruminating over what was

If you find yourself overeating the stale holiday delights, ruminating over words said at the Christmas party, out spending the blues away, beating yourself up over indulgences that you shouldn’t have indulged in, then let me give you some hope.

It does not have to be this way.

You can believe that a better option is available for you.

Doing the work of self coaching, working through sticking points with your coach and allowing all of the emotions, both the positive and the negative, will allow you to move through all of the pain.

This work will clean up the mess.

It will replace the emptiness with all of the things that fill you up.

If you have a mixed bag of getting traction with the new you while still letting the ghost of Christmas past sit on your shoulder, I want to invite you to join me on the journey to your true you.

When you learn how to live the life you were created to live, you start to let go of the old habits that keep you stuck in the past.

You drop the dead weight holding you back and get to move into the life you only thought could be a dream.

Let me show you how to make that dream your real life this year because it’s 100% possible, all you have to do is decide to be all in on you.

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My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for people who want to discover their true self, discover the missing key, find their purpose and then start building a legacy from pure power. I have made it my mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability before your subconscious primitive mind tells you to run and hide.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this it and join my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

If you’d like to get more empowering emails delivered straight to you and never miss another post please get yourself signed up for my newsletter!

Observations About The Negative 50%

I have to admit, I’ve had several months of mostly the positive 50.

What I mean by this is that though I do experience negative moments/times during this time I’m calling the positive 50, overall, when I summarize my day it’s a net positive. Meaning I’m carrying a general positive atmosphere.

Then the cloud rolled in.

“No problem.” was my thought; I know how to self coach, this will be easy.

Then the cloud got bigger, darker.

The more I self coached the deeper I seemed to get into the net negative.

“Interesting.” I thought.

Allowing feelings.

One of my pieces of work in my own self coaching is learning how to allow feelings.

With several positive emotions I have noticed I feel them coming on and I watch myself squash them.

With negative emotions, well, I’m working on these in a different way. For me, I find that I just don’t feel many of the negative. I resisted them for so long that I have forgotten how they feel.

This is my work.

This is the work I do with my clients.

As I work through this negative bump in the road I’ve noticed something.

I have noticed the exact opposite of what I’ve been experiencing the past several months.

I’m noticing the net negative and that’s our conversation for today.

What exactly is the “net negative”?

So glad you asked!

These net negative days are similar to those positive days I talked about earlier, but exactly the opposite. At the end of the day when I’m summarizing my day, I have noticed that the negative has almost swallowed up the positive in the day.

Sort of like the beautiful moments of sunshine on a dark, cloudy day, we forget about them.

At the end of these days my brain wanted to tell me how awful everything was.

I had to ask it what was amazing about the day.

It was only after asking this questions that I realized there was so much to celebrate:

  • Social time with beautiful friends
  • Social time with family
  • Loving community and conversation
  • Many deeds done

But yet it was still the net negative summarizing the day.

You know what is different about my net negative days now?

  • I know how to process through them
  • I am learning how to be curious about them
  • I’m learning how to allow the emotions instead of fighting them, resisting them, acting out on them, judging them
  • I’m enjoying watching what is going on in my brain, knowing this too shall pass

Dark days are going to come my friend and when they do, how do you want to handle them?

Do you want them to consume you, pulling you down into a deep hole?

Do you want to be able to watch them like an interesting movie? Being able to process them and find the beauty in the beast?

Me? I prefer the latter. It feels so much better and it allows me to see the clouds for what they are so that when the sun does shine I can run free in it.

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My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for women who want to discover their true self, discover the missing key, find their purpose and then start building a legacy from pure power. I have made it may mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability before your subconscious primitive mind tells you to run and hide.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this message and I highly encourage you to get on my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.