From Shutdown to Alive In Our Marriage Ep 22

From Shutdown to Alive In Our Marriage | Relationship Coach

When you think back to the beginnings of your marriage, you might remember that time being one of giving all of yourself to that relationship; they were your everything, you’d do almost anything for them. Fast forward to now, where you feel like you are in a marital desert; you feel disconnected and distant in this relationship that you said “yes” to. Today let’s talk about how we get to what I’m calling marital shutdown and how we go from shutdown to alive in our marriage relationship.

Getting to marital shutdown

Let’s start with what marital shutdown is. A marital shutdown is when we stop taking action towards developing a relationship with our partner that matters to us. We maybe make half-hearted attempts to connect, but when things don’t go our way, we use it to reinforce the thought that our marriage is failing and has stopped growing.

Marital shutdown comes from a series of actions that either you take or your partner takes that create a feeling of hurt and has you pulling away and maybe even taking actions that might cause the other to pull away. It’s a slow process of each of you giving a little less of each other, not clearing up what got in the way of relationship growth and having one or both of you withdrawing a little bit here and there. Over time you find yourself in a place that you never wanted to be, not really knowing how you got here or how to change directions. You feel lost in a distant marriage, surface level, and disconnected.

How we get to an alive marriage

Let’s start with what an alive marriage looks like. An alive and fully awakened marriage is not a marriage where we behave “perfectly” all the time, whatever perfect marital actions are. An alive marriage is where we own our actions, understand why we took those actions, and share with our partner what happened and why. When we share, we share from a place within, taking full responsibility for why we responded the way we did and using the experience to learn, grow and create a more intimate relationship with our partner/

How we get to alive is honestly the same way we got to shutdown, by taking small steps of vulnerable actions. We start taking steps that feel super uncomfortable but help us understand each other better. We begin to feel empathy for what the other person is experiencing and have compassion instead of judgment.

Our marital relationship and any relationship will be stuck at a level of closeness based on our mutual willingness to be vulnerable and expose ourselves. If we want to get to a higher level of closeness in our marriage, one of us needs to be willing to be a little more vulnerable. When we take small steps of vulnerability, it leads our partners to feel comfortable following us, and this is why AwakenYou is so powerful. In the program, you learn how to take the steps you want to take in the marriage you want to create, and as you do that, your partner will follow, I promise!

Examples of vulnerable steps you can take to move from marital shutdown to an alive marriage

  • Holding their hand
  • Setting your phone down when they talk and engaging with all of your attention
  • Planning a date and inviting them
  • Telling them what you appreciate about them
  • Sharing a compliment
  • Giving them a small gift
  • Writing a love note and tucking it into their work bag
  • Inviting them to help you with a project or asking if they’d like help with a project they are working on
  • That thing you wish they would do for you, you do it for them
  • Making them their favorite meal or snack
  • Letting them pick the movie and not complaining about it
  • Inviting them to join you in a game

I’d love to hear your ideas of how you could take a tiny, powerful step forward in your marital relationship. Every little step you take will empower you to feel more courageous to take the next step and what you will see is how your partner is following in your footsteps. Join the other women who have joined AwakenYou and brought their marriage from shutdown to thriving by implementing the processes I teach in the program. You, too, will be one of the women who learns that they have the power to actually shape their marriage into exactly what they want and live a life of dedication to their truth.


I am a life coach who works with individuals to break down relationship barriers by awakening their true self. My process isn’t about changing your partner, it’s about discovering who you are so that you can AwakenYou in your marriage. If you’re ready to take your life and your love relationship to the next level then schedule your program inquiry call today and let’s decide together if this is your next step to creating the life you’ve been dreaming of.

The Power Of Pause Ep 21

The Power Of Pause | Relationship Coach

We are at the six-month marker of 2021. Halfway through the journey of achieving those goals we set for ourselves at the start of this year. Today I am going to share a little secret about the power of pause right now, at this time of the year, in your life. What I am sharing with you today is actually going to fuel you with the power you need to keep making strides towards hitting that impossible goal you intend on achieving by the end of this year.

To kick this episode off, I am going to be completely forthcoming with all of you. This year I have let go of a few of my power of pause practices because I was “too busy” focusing on my goals, telling myself the lie that I don’t have the time to pause. Instead, I have been incorporating some new practices that have given me newfound gratitude for my body and the messages it sends me that I typically ignore by staying in my head. I have been practicing and preparing a new level of breakthrough for my AwakenYou program that incorporates getting out of our heads and into what the body is telling us. I have always known the power of the body, but in the past, it was more about using my head to power through, which ultimately leads us to fall short of the goal that is possible for us.

I’d love for you to think of a time when you knew you needed time off, you felt it in your body, but instead, you ignored your body and used your mind to keep pushing forward, promising yourself when you get to the next step you’ll take a break. Lie, lie, LIE. Then what happens? Your body takes over the show and forces you into a pause. Really think about a time that this happened in your life, go there and visualize it, think about how it felt when you were “stuck” mending your body, waiting for it to heal so you could get busy with those goals. Then, of course, not using the pause to learn and grow but instead diving in when your body starts to set you free to see how you will practice the pause moving forward.

I just experienced this last week. I came off of a week up at my brother’s cabin for my birthday. I was afraid to take even a whole day off, “my business is depending on me” were the thoughts I was hiding behind. I came home from a stunning week, my body not feeling quite right, and using my new practice, I focused on listening to the signals my body was sending. It was loud and clear; you are sick, and it’s time to let go and let God. So I did. I let a throat and ear infection ride its course and honored their reasons for being there; they were looking after me, teaching me the power of the pause.

The body knows, and I am so grateful for that and am softening into the practice of listening with a pearl of newfound wisdom as I share the steps I am taking in my practice of the pause. I’d love for you to join me and share your experience. Together let’s honor our dreams to reach goals that could never be achieved without this practice. Let’s recommit to the goal we are completing over the next six months, the future we will create for ourselves, and the marriage we love coming home to.

If you struggle with taking time for yourself, make this a short practice to start; I’m starting with one day; maybe you give yourself a half-day and then ask yourself how to create space for a full day the next quarter. Grab yourself a notebook and pencil to take notes and decide right now what day you will practice the pause with me. Commit. Write it on the calendar and honor your commitment. Me? I’ll be doing mine this Friday, and yes, my brain is already making excuses about how this is not going to work out but I’m willing to listen and hold that fearful child while I move forward and do it anyway.

The first step to the power of pause is writing an achievement list

Schedule thirty minutes at the start of your scheduled day to write down all of the things you have achieved this year. ALL of the things, regardless of whether they apply directly to your planned goal or not.

  • All of the uncomfortable conversations you have planned and followed through on
  • All of the adventures you have planned with your partner and followed through on
  • The impossible goal you have written down and the steps you have taken to move towards achieving it
  • The time you have taken to do your daily practice of examining your thoughts and planning how you will thin out those that are anything but useful

Look through each month/week/day of this year so far and remember. The way I remember is by writing them down every single day. I daily write down at least three things I made happen that day; some days, it is getting out of bed. From these daily achievements, I collect the ones that stand out and make me proud of my daily work.

Secondly, take a look at that impossible goal you set for 2021

Take fifteen minutes to revisit that impossible goal and all of the mini-goals you set to get there. No condemnation. No judgment. No should haves.

  • If you’ve already achieved them then high five yourself! Could you reset your goal for something bigger?
  • If you “haven’t” achieved them ask yourself how all of the achievements from the first step have moved your needle forward allowing you to get closer to your goal.

Step Three is to review and renew your commitment and compelling reason

Take fifteen minutes to look at your commitment and the compelling reason that you set for yourself. Recommit and decide if you need to make your compelling reason more compelling. If you haven’t ever written out a commitment and compelling reason for your goal achievement, I have a worksheet just for you, grab it here. (share document to mailing list sign up)

Visualize your completion of your goal

Take fifteen minutes to write about what your life will be like when you reach your stretch goal for this year; how will you feel? What are your weeks and weekends like? Describe them in detail. How do you interact with your partner? What are you doing on a day to day, week to week basis? How will you start living into that person now? Create your vision so you can start living into who she is and looking to her for advice when things feel hard.

Lastly, download strategies you will implement to finish strong

This is a fun contemplation exercise where you get to let go and allow yourself to dream big.

  1. Start by asking yourself a question, “What strategies will I take to reach my goal of having a fun, joyful, loving marriage?”
  2. Do a 5-10 minute contemplation, set a timer, where you empty your brain and focus on your senses. Don’t think about your goal and how you will achieve it. When you notice yourself in your brain thinking, come back to your breathing, touch, sight, or other senses.
  3. After your contemplation, ask yourself the question again and allow yourself to free-write ideas. Fill a page with any ideas that come to your mind, yes, especially those that sound stupid and ridiculous.
  4. Pick at least five out of your list to implement; for more ideas of implementing and following through, check out this post: (link to goal setting article).

Now about the implementation

Take these five steps and spread them out throughout the day you have set aside. Schedule them on the calendar or a piece of paper, plan your success. Pay close attention to what comes up for you when the time comes for you to take the next step; expect your brain to come up with other “more fun” ideas instead of what you planned. Visualize and think about how you will feel when you follow through on what you planned on doing and then do it anyway, no matter how uncomfortable you feel.

In between these five steps, you will plan something fun, something that lights you up and takes you away from thinking about your goals and where you are right now with them. Singing, dancing, cooking, swimming, gardening, running through the sprinkler, doing cartwheels, biking, laying in the sun, reading a chapter in a silly book, buying a coffee or tea at a cafe you have meant to visit. Whatever it is that fills your heart with joy, do it, and then dive into the next step.

I highly suggest no media on this day to increase the power of your pause.

I am doing mine this Friday. Let me know when you are doing yours, and let’s share in the energy and power we are creating. Maybe you want to do it with me; we’ll send each other powerful, dream-building vibrations. Then I want to hear how it went for you because you know I will be sharing my experience with you!


I am a life coach who works with individuals to break down relationship barriers by awakening their true self. My process isn’t about changing your partner, it’s about discovering who you are so that you can AwakenYou in your marriage. If you’re ready to take your life and your love relationship to the next level then schedule your program inquiry call today and let’s decide together if this is your next step to creating the life you’ve been dreaming of.

Three Ways To Create Connection In Your Marriage Ep 19

Three Ways To Create Connection In Your Marriage | Relationship Coach

Missing connection in your marriage is something many of us struggle with; I certainly did. Maybe it’s something you’ve always thought you didn’t have enough of in your relationship, or it’s something that you feel has slowly dissipated; either way, it is 100% possible to bring connection into your marriage relationship, the type of connection you want. The journey to feeling connected in my own marriage has been an interesting one and one I have struggled with since the early years of our relationship, I think even before we got married. I had a belief that really did not serve me one bit; I believed that we didn’t have any connection and that he needed to change for me to feel connected. I had a vision of what connection meant for me and that vision was all about him.

This belief kept me from creating the connection I wanted because I was looking at why he wasn’t creating it. When I was able to step back and see that this could be something for me to figure out, I started the journey to taking my power back.

My own thoughts about lack of connection produced many arguments and were the basis of many of our sessions when we worked with different therapists over the years. When I found coaching and started working with my coach, she shared a different perspective that completely changed my life. There was a point in our work together when my coach questioned my thought about connection with Jeff and asked me what connection meant for me. I, of course, had lots to say about what it should look like. She asked what I thought about the possibility of us actually having great connection exactly the way it was, I told her she was ridiculous. After the session her question kept chasing me, I asked myself “what if?”, what if we did have great connection? How would I show up if I thought we had great connection?

Needless to say, from that point on, I have been on a journey to create the connection I want in my marriage. One, please notice how that coaching session worked for me. My coach didn’t tell me how to create good connection, she helped me think about it differently, and when I was able to think about it differently, it allowed me to come up with ideas of how I wanted to create connection in my marriage. That is what we do together, you and I; you share what you are struggling with, and I help you see what it is you are struggling with from different perspectives giving you new ways to problem solve and create solutions that work for you. Secondly, connection is something we create for ourselves; it is an emotion. It’s possible to feel connected when you’re not having a conversation with your partner or when you are. It is possible to feel connected talking about the weather or talking about the law of relativity because connection is a feeling we produce in our minds; it isn’t what your partner is or isn’t saying.

Something is compelling about doing the work of creating connection in your marriage. When you do the work of creating the connection you want with your partner, what happens is you will notice your partner starting to participate in conversations. When you don’t judge how they should show up, what they have to say and how they say it, you can simply enjoy your time together, creating connection!

Decide what different ways you want connection in your life and through conversation with your partner discover which ones they are willing to fulfill.

As humans, we want connection; we want to be included with others. It’s something we do from an early age on through our life, including when we get married, we seek to feel connection with our partner. Along with creating connection with your partner, I think it’s essential to learn how to build a relationship “family” that meets all of our relationship desires. Over and over again, including in my relationships, I see people disconnect from connections they have established once they meet their partner. We start spending most of our time with this new person while forgetting to keep our other connections alive; we look to our new partner to fulfill all of our connection needs which sets us up for expecting our partners to fulfill connection needs that they might not be interested in filling.

Remember how you did things with your partner not because you enjoyed the activity but because you wanted to be with them? Not a problem but also notice how many of those activities you might not care to be included in anymore and how might this be true for your partner as well? I call this took the “turning the table” concept where we take what we are struggling with and change roles which helps us better understand what might be happening instead of our partner not loving us anymore.

This step is about creating a list of all of the ways you might want to connect with others, think broad and think about connection that you might be wanting from your partner but aren’t getting. A few examples might be:

  • Adventure travels exploring new activities and locations
  • An art and creative partner
  • Art festival companion
  • Food adventurer
  • Romantic connection, physical touch
  • Someone to tell life secrets to
  • Dream conversations about what is possible in life
  • World traveler companion
  • Political banter companion
  • An accountability partner to follow through on dreams you want to fulfill in this lifetime

Our partners will not want to fill all of your connection desires, and I don’t think we would want them to, just like you might not be interested in fulfilling that connection desire your partner has around spending the weekend in a boat on the lake throwing out lines with bait on them. You will also have some connection desires filled by multiple people and some that are filled by one; you might do outdoor walks with your partner and still have another friend who joins you in outdoor activities and can look completely different. A relationship “family” is your group of people who help you explore life and your interests together. Some of these connections may come and go over time, or your connection doesn’t happen very frequently. As you expand your relationship family, you might start adding new ways you might want to connect with others, and then you start that search for a new partner to fulfill your new connection. Through this process, you may also discover that some of your current connections are no longer working for you and decide to limit or deprioritize those connections for those that are more fulfilling for you and the life you want to live.

Let go of your expectations of what connection should look like

When I started questioning what connection might look like with Jeff, I stopped arguing with what was currently happening as well as what had happened in the past. Instead, I started being curious about what could happen today and moving forward. I started opening up to conversations that felt awkward in my head but led us to some interesting conversations and laughs. When I started questioning that car rides should always include fun conversations, I started to get comfortable with the silence. When I got comfortable with the silence, I started coming up with conversations.

When you can see that you have a handbook for how your partner should show up and participate in a conversation, that’s when you can start closing the handbook and start coming up with your own style of connection and conversation. Check out my earlier post about Why Our Marital Handbooks Don’t Work.

What if it is ok that your partner doesn’t start conversations and when they do, how do you participate? Are you curious, or do you shut them down? Remember that “Turn The Table” tool I talked about earlier? Do you have expectations of how they show up, but when the table is turned, are you showing up the way you’d like them to for you?

Without your handbook of how conversations should go, you can start getting curious about when conversations might be best received, and you can start planning intentional time to chat. Share your intention with your partner, learn how to ask great questions, check out my blog post How To Ask Great Questions to get you started. What do you want to know about your partner, what do you want to talk about, and start creating that which you want?

Find a structured “meeting” time or schedule that works for you, just like a work meeting, where you discuss relationship basics as I share in my relationship huddle meeting.

Suppose you and your partner haven’t scheduled meetings before, this concept might seem a bit awkward at first. I used to have a Friday night catch-up with my daughter when she was growing up, and I looked forward to those nights because we shared discussions about things that came up for us during the week, but we didn’t have the time to hash them out and then we would turn it into a family night where we did something fun after the conversation. The same concept with your hubby, we have busy lives, and things come up for us during the week but then when the weekend comes if we don’t plan with intention, everything slips aways only to fester under the surface and eventually erupt.

Remember that this is your idea, you are taking steps to increase connection in your marriage, and that it’s quite possible that your partner might not bring anything to the meeting. If this happens you might find yourself wanting to blame them for not participating and being a partner, but I would challenge you to think about him not bringing anything to the meeting is a problem. Instead you could make it mean that you have the power to change this relationship that you want connection in.

To get started, I want to suggest you read my article about The Relationship Huddle; it will give you a structure to get your meetings started, and over time you can shape them into your own signature version. There is a reason we come together in meetings at work; it brings us together to talk about important things going on, things that have happened, and things we want to create; how important is it to do this same sort of meeting in our marriage?

Lastly, I want to suggest that you be willing to do the work to get what you want in your marriage, no matter how difficult it feels.

A bonus tip for you today is around the idea of commitment to do tough things. We are all familiar with the statement that nothing worthwhile is easy (or something like that); as my listener, you’re here because you believe your marriage is worthwhile, your happiness is worthwhile, and I fully agree. Worthwhile is work and is intentional. It is completely ok to set it down here and there and decide you need a break from the work; no problem, the problem comes when we set it down and don’t pick it back up again. When we don’t pick it back up, we will continue getting our old result which brought us here. Creating exceptional relationships is work because it requires us to step out of the comfort of staying the same, do something that might be new and that someone else might have an opinion about.

Your man might think what you are doing is ridiculous until he starts to see how it isn’t. When he sees that you are actually creating connection in your marriage, better enjoying time together, feeling more involved in your relationship, and creating more physical intimacy, well, I guess that it’s not as ridiculous as he thought.

You, my friend, have the power to create the connection you want in your marriage, and all it takes is a little nudge from inside to make it happen. Trust me, all of those little nudges you take action on will add to you creating a marriage worth coming home to!


I am a life coach who works with individuals to break down relationship barriers by awakening their true self. My process isn’t about changing your partner, it’s about discovering who you are so that you can AwakenYou in your marriage. If you’re ready to take your life and your love relationship to the next level then schedule your program inquiry call today and let’s decide together if this is your next step to creating the life you’ve been dreaming of

Are You Self Confident or Confident? Ep 14

Are You Self Confident or Confident? | Relationship Coaching

Hello, hello my lovelies, how are you this beautiful day? We have been chatting the past few weeks about self-trust. Do we have it and how to increase it to live a more fulfilling and rich life. In last week’s episode, we talked about: Three Reasons Why We Lack Marital Confidence (link) and how we begin to lose confidence in our ability to have a successful marriage because we have stopped taking action in ways that build our confidence. Then the week before that, in episode 12: Three Steps To Building Self Trust, when we talked about ways to start building trust in ourselves, I talked about how this work leads us to have more self-confidence – confidence in ourselves. Today I’d like to dig a bit deeper into the difference between self-confidence and confidence to see how having confidence in certain areas of our lives doesn’t necessarily mean we have self-confidence. What do you think? Are you self-confident or confident or both?

Are you confident?

Let’s start with a definition of confidence. Confidence is a belief that you can do something well or succeed at something, and it is built through the process of doing, of taking action. For example, if you know how to ride a bicycle, you have taken steps to build confidence over time to get on a bike, no matter how long it has been since you were last on a bicycle, and know that you can ride it. This is not something you had before you took the training wheels off and proceeded to crash a few times along the way.

Confidence is specific to the person because it is a skill that someone has practiced or something that a person might have a natural talent for. Strong, driven, successful people like yourself have developed a false sense of self-confidence by practicing and seeking further education in what you do. You have taken actions that have developed your confidence in that thing that you do so well.

I like to liken this to your shield of confidence; you have proven to the powers that be, whoever those people are, that you are fully competent. To prove it, you also might make sure that people are fully aware of your capability, this might make you feel better about yourself because you think they are impressed by you. Many of us, I say us because I’m quite familiar with this form of confidence, use this shield out in the world yet struggle with what we commonly know as imposter syndrome because we still don’t believe in ourselves. Our self-confidence is in the tank; we generate validation, recognition, and affirmation from others, from outside of ourselves.

I experienced this during my 30 year business of coaching athletes. I had gone to college to become a Chemical Engineer; three years later I changed that path to Journalism and Graphic Design. After getting laid off from a dream design job, I decided to start helping all of the people at the gym who had been begging me to help them start their journey to a healthier life. As a single parent needing an income resource, I started one of the most successful personal training businesses in the country and became a professional athlete in the process. All the evidence of success still made me feel like an imposter, simply caused by plenty of confidence but minimal self-confidence.

Something else to consider is that confident people who lack self-confidence often will not try things they aren’t good at because of fear. They are afraid of failing or doing something that might make them feel foolish, embarrassed, or humiliated. They are afraid to experience these emotions for fear their failure or “foolish” appearance means something about who they are as a human, which would have their confidence come tumbling down in a huge heap.

Are you self-confident?

Self-confidence is a feeling of trust in one’s abilities, qualities, and judgment. It is truly an overall mindset you create for yourself about your own ability in ALL areas of your life that matter to you.

Self-confidence is the ability to do something that you might be afraid of doing, but fear doesn’t stop you from doing it because you won’t make failure mean anything about you as a human. When you are self-confident, you recognize failure, embarrassment, humiliation as emotions that could hold you back from doing what you want to do or emotions that you might have to process and feel; that’s all.

Self-confidence can look forward and see the person on the other side of whatever emotion it is that they are afraid of and being able to choose the delayed gratification of knowing that you were willing to take a chance. Taking chances is where growth comes; it’s where wisdom enters; it’s where we learn and evaluate.

Once you can learn how to overcome the obstacle of yourself getting in the way of yourself, you can take steps forward in all areas of your life, including your marriage. This is the work we do in AwakenYou; we learn how to overcome our fears which keep us from living our dream come true life, and we learn how to have our own backs in every life situation. For most of us, the biggest obstacle in our lives is ourselves, yet building self-confidence starts to erode that obstacle and helps us stop blaming the world and start creating our ideal world, life, and marital relationship.

If you want to begin coming up with strategies to overcome the obstacle in the way of your best life and your best marriage, then reach out, and let’s find time to talk. My one-on-one coaching program is designed to overcome this obstacle and clear the way to the ideal life you have stopped dreaming of.


I am a life coach who works with individuals to break down relationship barriers by awakening their true self. My process isn’t about changing your partner, it’s about discovering who you are so that you can AwakenYou in your marriage. If you’re ready to take your life and your love relationship to the next level then schedule your program inquiry call today and let’s decide together if this is your next step to creating the life you’ve been dreaming of.

Three Steps To Building Self Trust Ep 12

Three Steps To Building Self Trust | Relationship Coach

Today I had a consult with a woman who was having a difficult time making a decision, so I started asking some questions about actions she was taking, or not taking in her life. She didn’t trust her boss and then she admitted to several other people she didn’t trust, ultimately uncovering that she didn’t trust herself either. With her being able to uncover her distrust in herself, she could see the potential impact that could come from doing the work of building a trusting relationship in herself so she could let go of her lack of trust in others. Two weeks ago, we looked at one simple way to see if you trust yourself; please go back and listen to that episode if you haven’t already, it is episode 10, One Simple Way To See If You Trust Yourself, and this week, we will start working on that trust relationship. Today we’ll be looking at three steps you can start taking to build trust in yourself.

In episode 10, I shared some prompts for you to start becoming aware of how often you unknowingly let yourself down, thus building up that lack of trust in yourself. Those prompts included taking some time at the end of the day to take a look back and notice how many of the things you told yourself you would do, were actually followed through on. Then I asked you to look at what you didn’t follow through on and ask yourself why. That exercise was an exercise of self-awareness, not an exercise to look at all of the ways you are failing in life. Awareness is always the first step to creating change. I help my clients look at this newfound awareness with curiosity and empathy while exploring how we might want to start navigating towards something new.

Let’s look at three ways to start building self trust

Learn how to follow through on things you tell yourself you’re going to do.

This is, in my opinion, the most important step you can take and the easiest one to start implementing because it is actionable. When I say it’s actionable, I mean that you can start paying attention and prioritizing the items you want to be doing in your life. You can get them out of your head and schedule them on your calendar. This step is part math because once we get all of our desired actions out of our head and onto a piece of paper, we can create a process for prioritizing and scheduling. We can start to see that there is only so much time in the day, a portion of which you want to be sleeping and another portion is your time at work, so now you have to start determining how long each item will take and where you are going to fit it into your weekly puzzle.

Here is where you begin to notice what your brain starts to do. You begin to see how much time you have left to yourself, and you start squeezing all of the things into those time spaces.

Here is where you get to start running experiments to see how your plan is working. Did you allow enough time for the item you scheduled? Did you take more time with your allotted task and steal time from the next item you had scheduled? Did your item pop up on your schedule, and you decided it wasn’t something you really wanted to do at the moment, so you did something different? This is where experimentation with your scheduling and daily planning comes into play. You learn more about ending your time management battle and start figuring out how to honor what you said you want to do. When we look at what we want to do and work on the implementation of learning how to do what we say we’re going to do, it is never a process that tears you down for doing it wrong. It is a process of trial and error and managing what is going on in your head to learn and move forward.

Let’s look at something you want to follow through on; let’s use my relationship huddle as an example. You can read about the relationship huddle in my previous blog, where I teach you how to create a twenty-minute meeting that will forever change your relationship.

  • To begin, I like to write down my reasons for wanting to do what it is I am telling myself I want to do, as well as all of the reasons I don’t want to. This step alone helps me be all in on my reason for making room in my calendar for this item, and it also allows me to decide if it isn’t important so I can let it go, kick it out from consuming space in my head.
  • Then I like to write down all of the reasons I’m not doing the said item; what is in the way of me following through? It is always something I am thinking which is causing a feeling that drives me not to do what I say I want to do. It’s important to uncover this blurry obstacle that is keeping me from following through and building trust in myself.
  • Then it’s time to start coming up with a plan for moving forward. Please write it down, schedule it, walk through and bring to light emotions that keep you from moving forward.
  • Then start playing around with what emotions you will need to be feeling in order to follow through on your meeting, knowing that sometimes fear and discomfort might be two of the emotions that will have to come alongside courageousness.
  • Another tool I like to use is to look forward to what it will be like when I have followed through on what I told myself to do. I work on embracing and experiencing how proud and powerful I will feel.
  • Then I move forward boldly. When that item comes up on the calendar, I watch what comes up for me; I remember who I will be after I follow through; I embrace whatever discomfort is coming up and do what I said I would do.
  • Lastly, I plan time to look back and evaluate (is there a post I can link?)
  • Rinse and repeat.

The more you do this process, the more you start to trust yourself, EVEN if you don’t follow through because you start building a process for following through, and you start building a belief in yourself that you will figure this out. This is what builds self-trust, not that everything turns out as you expect but that you gave it your best and used it to learn and grow and move forward.

Learn how to experience any emotion.

You can see from the step I just walked you through that learning to become aware of emotions you are experiencing is one of the first things you will have to do to start following through. The main reason you are not following through is because of an emotion you aren’t willing to experience at the moment. Instead, you are choosing something that feels better at the moment, at your own expense.

Learning how to experience any emotion is a large part of what I help my clients with while they are going through the process of creating the romantic relationship they dream of. Taking steps to make this happen in your life is usually a bit uncomfortable, change is uncomfortable, sometimes so much that we choose to be more comfortable with what we are unhappy with. When that discomfort of doing something to help your relationship grow becomes more desirable than the comfort of staying the same, that’s when and where the magic in your relationship can start happening.

Make a decision to change your opinion of yourself.

As you start doing this work, you will also want to start looking at your self-belief, what you believe you are capable of, what you believe you are worthy of achieving. You will have to start peeling back the layers that keep you from loving yourself fully and believing that you are strong, lovable, capable, worthy, and competent. As you start creating this belief, self-trust starts becoming part of who you are and what you do. If you go back to episode one, How To Start Loving Yourself, you will learn this is something you can start believing today; you can decide and be done. Of course, your brain will keep coming back to offer you that old, conditioned thought to think, but today is the day you can begin to change that thought into one that will serve you best. This decision will build self-trust, self-confidence, and your best marital experience ever.

Building trust is one of the most important things you can do for yourself and your marriage. Trusting others starts with you. Join AwakenYou, and let’s start the process together!


I am a life coach who works with individuals to break down relationship barriers by awakening their true self. My process isn’t about changing your partner, it’s about discovering who you are so that you can AwakenYou in your marriage. If you’re ready to take your life and your love relationship to the next level then schedule your program inquiry call today and let’s decide together if this is your next step to creating the life you’ve been dreaming of.

One Simple Way To See If You Trust Yourself Ep 10

One Simple Way To See If You Trust Yourself | Relationship Coach

All of us have struggled with times in our lives when we didn’t believe in ourselves, times when we didn’t fully trust we could reach a goal we set for ourselves; I’m willing to say that it plagues most of us every single day. I know there are days when I have a positive mindset and everything I have said I would do gets accomplished, but then there are other days where my mind is convinced I’ll never “make it.” Learning how to trust yourself is a practice well worth doing because every time you take a step forward and prove self-trust to yourself, your brain will more often trust you. Today I’m going to share one simple way to see if you trust yourself; this example was the first time I sat down with myself and told myself the truth about whether I trust myself or not. 

I used to believe that I trusted myself, but honestly, I hadn’t really thought about it; I just denied that I didn’t trust myself. I thought I trusted myself because I didn’t feel like I could trust anyone else, so of course, I thought I trusted myself. What I have found to be the truth, though, is that as I have learned how to trust myself, I have let go of my lack of trust in other people. I have found confidence in myself to take care of myself, to recognize when others might be attempting to take advantage of me but not always assuming upfront that they are. I trust everyone until they give me a reason not to trust them.

Today I want you to ask yourself if you trust yourself.

Answer that question and then ask yourself a few others. Why do you think you trust yourself? What does it mean to trust yourself? Do you trust other people, or are you suspicious of them? Do you check your partner’s phone messages, do you listen to their phone conversations, do you look with distrust to your co-workers who are chatting together without you?

I’m not telling you that you should be unaware of what is happening around you, but when you trust yourself, you can let other people be who they are. You can join co-workers in their conversations without wondering what they think of you. You can love your spouse without having to check on them behind their back; as a matter of fact, if you have a question for them, you would ask from a place of curiosity or conversation rather than distrust.

Here is one simple way to see if you trust yourself:

Ask yourself how many times per week you do what you told yourself you would do. How many times do you tell yourself you’re going to do something, and then you don’t follow through?

Every time you do this, you solidify your brain’s belief that you are not going to do what you say you will do. Every time you tell yourself you’re going to do something and you don’t do it, you reinforce that distrust superhighway in your brain. If this is you, you know it, and it’s not something to be ashamed of; it’s something we do. When we become aware of a behavior that isn’t serving our best life, it is an opportunity to change it, to grow, and this is what life coaching is all about. This is why I love life coaching because there is always something to uncover within ourselves, something that is holding us back from being our next best selves. When we uncover this behavior, we can get to doing the work of solving and changing.

Ask yourself about today. How many times today did you follow through and do what you told yourself you were going to do? How many things did you tell yourself that you would do today that you didn’t do?

“I’m going to eat ‘healthy’ today.”

“I’m going to have a 10 minute conversation with my husband tonight.”

“I’ll call so and so after work.”

“I’m going to plan a get-away for our anniversary.”

How many times have you carried over that one task you have been telling yourself to do for ummm, a month, maybe even longer? If I look back at my life a couple of years back, I remember having lists of things that I wanted to get done. I would carry many of those to-dos over and over and over every week, but now I no longer do that. Sure, there are times when I carry a task over for a few weeks, but if I continue to do so for more than a few weeks, I ask myself why I’m not completing this task. If it’s important, I have a little discussion with myself, look at why I might be avoiding and solve the problem and get the task done. Sometimes I simply decide that this isn’t important enough; I’m not making it a priority, so I let it go trusting myself, knowing that if it’s important enough, it will come up again, and I can re-visit it at that time.

Think about that friend of yours who is consistently late to commitments you plan; maybe she doesn’t show up or bows out at the last moment; do you trust her to show up on time anymore? Do you expect her to have an excuse as to why she can’t make it this time and find yourself surprised when she does commit?

There are a few important tips that I will be sharing with you next week to help you start the process of building trust within yourself, but for now, I want you to start paying attention to the times throughout the day and the week that you don’t follow through on what you tell yourself you will do. I suggest you take five minutes at the end of the day and write the things down and then take another five minutes to answer the question: “Why didn’t I do this thing I keep telling myself to do?” Creating awareness this week to the ways you are re-inforcing the belief that you don’t trust yourself, and then next week, I’ll share ways to start taking steps towards building self-trust.

Look at yourself honestly and then decide if you like not trusting yourself.

I didn’t like it so I decided to change it, tune in next week to learn how to change it!


I am a life coach who works with individuals to break down relationship barriers by awakening their true self. My process isn’t about changing your partner, it’s about discovering who you are so that you can AwakenYou in your marriage. If you’re ready to take your life and your love relationship to the next level then schedule your program inquiry call today and let’s decide together if this is your next step to creating the life you’ve been dreaming of.