One Year Later – A Reflection

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A few days back, while publishing a recent blog, a thought occurred to me. I was thinking about the upcoming Fourth of July holiday and how last year, during that time away, I was in the middle of a challenge, a challenge to write 30 blogs in 30 days. I looked at my website back office, discovering that it was June 24, 2019, that I started that challenge, 94 blog posts later it had been over a year and it is just something I do.

Today I decided to share some of my reflections about how I got to this place. My hope is that in the process it will help you with any goals you have been thinking about but haven’t taken the action needed to get your desired result.

Thinking about your goal

What is it you want to achieve? How long have you been thinking about it? Way too often in my past life, I had a litany of things I wanted to accomplish, I’d create list upon list, stack them up in my head, take a stab here and there to make progress, never really getting anywhere. Sound at all familiar? I hear it over and over with my clients. We spend so much energy up in our heads spinning around, no wonder we think we’re too busy.

Today I want to suggest a new method.

  1. Write down all of the things you want to do, get them out of your head onto paper.
  2. Next, ask yourself these questions: β€’ “What do I want to do?” β€’ “What do I have to do?” β€’ “What do I need to do?” β€’ “What do I wish I would do?” β€’ “What are the consequences of not doing each of these?”
  3. Look at the list and tell yourself this: “I don’t HAVE to do any of this.”, be honest, this is 100% true.
  4. Then cross off anything on the list you don’t want to do.
  5. Now prioritize your list.

Today I am not going to get into goal setting and goal-accomplishing, I just want you to look at that one thing. The one thing that you’ve been wanting to do but haven’t taken appropriate steps to make anything significant happen.

Let’s make it even simpler: What is the one thing you want to be doing that you’re not doing?

I knew I wanted to be putting great content out for my potential clients to get to know me, to start learning from me and to start practicing what I teach. I wanted something more than just social media posts. I had dabbled with a blog in my previous coaching business but was never very consistent; now, I wanted a different result. I wanted to give my people excellent, constant value.

What are your reasons?

Next, look at that one thing that you want to be doing but aren’t and do the following:

  1. Write a list of all of your reasons why you want to accomplish this dream.
  2. What are your reasons for not wanting to accomplish your dream? Make a list.
  3. Look at each list and ask yourself if you like your reasons.

I 100% loved all of my reasons for starting, and continuing a blog. All of my reasons for not wanting to do it were about fear and hiding; I didn’t like those reasons one bit. I knew it would be a lot of work but I also knew that someday I dreamed of having a podcast and that a blog was the perfect way for me to discover my voice while proving to myself that I could do this.

Decide and be all in on your decision.

If your decision is no, or no for now, drop it. Let it go and stop thinking about it. Stop beating yourself up. You don’t like your reasons for doing it so let it go.

If your decision is yes then it’s time to find your compelling reason to make this dream happen. It’s time to stop letting yourself down ahead of time.

What is your compelling reason?

  • Find it
  • Write it down
  • Refer to it often

You heard mine: I want to provide value for everyone who visits my website, people who will never be my client as well as those who will.

Start planning!

Write down all of the obstacles between here and your goal. I had all sorts of them:

  • I had to figure out where and how I was going to publish these articles
  • I had to figure out what I was going to write about
  • I had to build my self-confidence
  • I had to figure out titles, photos
  • I had to figure out how to publish a website
  • I had to create a Facebook business page
  • I had to get over myself and my mind drama

These were just a few of my obstacles, the biggest one being me. My brain, and all of the reasons it came up as to why this was a bad idea, that I should just skip it.

Then I came up with strategies to overcome my obstacles. Those strategies were all the steps I would take to get to my goal; these steps all got planned out on my calendar. The most important strategy was the one of managing my mind with daily self-coaching.

You know what comes next? You just get started.

Every day I looked at my compelling reason and re-committed.

Every day honoring my plan.

Every day managing my mind.

Every day taking time at the end of the day to evaluate what worked well, what didn’t work, and what I was going to do different.

Here is what happens next:

All of a sudden what was once a challenge is now a part of your daily life. I not only reached my goal but surpassed it, daily setting new goals. Now I have a backlog of blogs ready to go, photos curated, social media content curated AND, the most exciting part for me right now, at this moment: I have started publishing an audio version of my blog!

Every day, one step closer to the day on the calendar I have planned to launch my podcast.

I’d love for you to look back to a year ago. What have you committed to and accomplished since that time?

Do you know what might be even better? Make today the day you’re going to do the work I suggested so that you can look back a year from now and give yourself a high five for doing what you said you were going to do. I can’t wait to hear all about, please do share!

🎧 Audio version of blog here!

πŸ’“πŸ’“πŸ’“πŸ’“πŸ’“πŸ’“πŸ’“

Are you struggling in your love relationships? I would love to help you find true love again. MyΒ Awaken(TheTrue)YouΒ program is for strong women like you who want to stop hurting in their most intimate relationship. Together we work from the inside out, meaning I teach you how to have a healthy, loving relationship with yourself so that you can create a dynamic relationship with your partner that you crave. Let’s reignite your love relationship today!

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life-changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability, your future life is waiting for you.

Know someone hurting in their relationships? If you think they might benefit from hearing this message please share this article with them. You might be the one who leads them to their best life.

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Facts Verses Drama

Today I’m continuing the conversation around the most powerful and freeing tool I teach my clients how to use, the thought model. Last week I talked about the power of getting our thoughts out of our head by doing a thought download and I shared this relationship thought download worksheet to help you with the process. This step alone can move you forward but if you follow this seven-part series and step beyond taking the “junk out of the junk drawer”, you will see how to start creating the life you dream of.

This week I’m going to teach you the difference between the facts and the drama on that list you took out of your head and why it’s so important to know the difference. So often we think that our life circumstances are creating good or bad things in our lives but I teach my clients something different. I teach them that it is the thoughts they have about those facts that are creating the good or bad they are experiencing. This week I’m going to share a freedom that when it was revealed to me, kind of broke my brain. Read on.

Let’s start by looking at facts and thoughts, or drama, separately.

Facts

These are provable, non-emotional statements. Everyone in the world would agree and they are clearly provable in a court of law. Some examples of facts:

  • My husband had three beers last night.
  • My husband said, “I don’t want to go out to dinner tonight.”
  • My husband vacuumed the floors last night.
  • My husband spent $4,000 at the casino last month.

Drama – Thoughts

Thoughts are purely our interpretation of what is actually happening in the world. Thoughts are our opinion of the facts, not the truth. Thoughts usually have emotion, description, subjective words in them.

Some examples of thoughts that we might think about the above factual sentences:

  • My husband drinks too much.
  • My husband doesn’t like going out with me.
  • My husband is so sweet.
  • My husband is selfish.

The fact that our thoughts about reality are optional and changeable is that one completely freeing fact I have to share today. It allows us to question it all, everything we believe.

Does it hurt your head to imagine this concept? It did mine. This might seem simple silly or it might sound completely abstract difficult, either way, please just play along for a bit, just entertain the possibility. If you do this work consistently you will eventually understand and experience new freedom. Knowing certain thoughts you’ve believed most of your life are optional, that the pain they bring is optional, knowing the thoughts that feel like raw truth can be thrown into the trash, liberating. If you learn how to find the facts and separate them from your thoughts you will create magic knowing all of your thoughts are optional. It makes all the difference in re-creating your most important life relationships.

The freedom in knowing that a thought is 100% optional means you have the power to change it. You have the power to change it to something that brings you different results, not the results of your past. Just knowing this fact logically will make your mind start looking for something different and testing new ideas. Knowing that every thought you think is optional, that you get to decide whether it is serving you, whether you want to keep it, is the crack that can let the light in.

Now know this, I also suggest you start questioning thoughts you want to believe and to not let this scare you. Some people are afraid that questioning a thought they want to believe in, like their faith in Jesus Christ as their Savior, could cause them to change their minds. This is 100% possible, you might find evidence that could cause you to change this belief, yet having more evidence allows you to have stronger evidence of what you choose to believe.

I won’t be suggesting you just change, or stop thinking the thought that isn’t serving you. Before you can actually change your thought and produce something different you really have to understand what is going on right now, that you are actually producing a negative result with your thinking. Fun work; just stick around and practice, I promise this works because it’s the real truth.

Benefits of separating out the facts from the drama

Once we can get to the point where we can see the facts as 100% neutral, we can start conceptualizing that any thought is possible. We can start to see when a thought produces pain or tightness and be able to dig into what thought is causing the negative vibration in our body. Even when a thought feels awful, noticing that thinking anything different is impossible at the moment allows us to feel the sting while allowing it, recognizing it and not fighting it. Knowing that it’s just a thought that hurts at the moment and that something different is possible allows the pain to ease a bit. When you’re ready to open up to the possibility of something different, that your thought might be wrong and that it is truly just a thought, then you can start exploring something different.

Next step: implementation.

Last week you practiced doing thought downloads and this week I suggest you continue that practice, just adding a minute on to the end of your practice to look at each sentence. As you look at each sentence decide if it’s fact or drama (a thought). Draw a line through all of the facts on your list. Not many facts in your thought download? No surprise, that’s why it’s called a thought download! Our brains love to fill up with all sorts of thoughts, many of which don’t serve us and glaze over the truth. Follow up next week when I share some information to help you understand those thoughts on your download.

πŸ’“πŸ’“πŸ’“πŸ’“πŸ’“πŸ’“πŸ’“

My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for women who want to stop hurting in their most intimate relationship. I show you how to stop settling and bring back the love, connection, and excitement you crave. Let’s reignite your love relationship today!

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life-changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability, your future life is waiting for you.

Please share this message with anyone you know who might benefit from hearing this message. Don’t forget to join my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

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Brain Flossing

Today I am kicking off a seven-part series where I take a deep dive into the individual parts of the tool I used to change my life. The thought model is a tool that simply helps us look at what is going on in our head and deciding if our thinking is serving the life we want to create. That’s it. It’s a straight forward concept but usually a bit abstract for most of us because it’s not something we’re ever taught growing up.

The thought download is simply the practice of sitting down with pen/pencil and paper to start transferring what’s going on in your head and putting it on the paper for you to see. I have developed a daily practice of doing thought downloads, very much like the regular practice I have of flossing my teeth. When I forget to do either of these two practices, I feel dirty, unhealthy, and yearn to do as soon as I realize I missed my practice. Like any practice that you have done and now do it on daily, this too will take dedication to your mental wellness, and just like your health wellness; it will become part of what you do to be your best self.

We call it a thought download because most of the sentences floating around in your head are just that: thoughts. As you do this work, you will discover that very few of the sentences you take out of your head and put on paper are actual facts.

What exactly are thoughts?

Thoughts are observations, opinions, ideas, judgments, reflection, contemplation, recollection, expectation, anticipation. All of these definitions of a thought help reinforce the truth that thoughts are not facts. They are sentences that we make-up or observe about the truth or reality, that is happening around us.

It is not a truth.

Next week we are going to dig deeper into thoughts vs facts but for today let’s just say that facts are not subjective or just existing in our mind. A fact actually exists and is real without any sort of description: actual words said, actual actions taken.

Let me share some examples:

Thoughts versus facts:

  • “My husband is funny” verses My husband said: “Exaggerations went up by a million percent last year.”
  • “He drinks too much.” verses “He had two beers on Monday night.”
  • “My husband thinks I’m fat.” verses “My husband gave me a scale for Christmas.”

Most of us are completely unaware of our thoughts or the impact that they have on the results we are creating for ourselves in our life. Doing thought downloads helps us get off of autopilot and in control of our life and relationship destination. They help us move closer to the goals of the relationship we desire instead of driving us in the opposite direction. In our marriages, we often have many thoughts that we’ve repeated so often that we now believe them. We believe he is a poor communicator and that he always needs to be right without even taking a look at where those believes are taking us in our love relationship. Let me tell you, they are not getting us to love and blissful living!

Why write our thoughts down?

Writing our thoughts down is what creates awareness for us but it also cleans our brain out, just like flossing our teeth. If you have ever journaled you might think back and wonder why you enjoyed journaling or even the opposite, many people don’t enjoy journaling. Journaling feels good because we get what we are thinking out of our head, it gives us a moment of clarity, clear-mindedness even if you don’t do anything with the thoughts you’ve written down. Often when people don’t enjoy journaling it’s because they are afraid of looking at what is in their head, they have a thought that it will make it real, that it might somehow hurt them. The truth is though that they are only words and that’s why I tell you to write everything down when you start doing thought downloads. The most important thoughts to write down are the ones you don’t want to write. Sentences like “I hate them”, “He’s a jerk.”, “He eats like a pig.”, “He is so unloving and cold.” they are ALL thoughts and the fact that you are thinking them just means you’re a human. Once you learn the process of doing a thought model you will learn how to look at those thoughts and decide where they are coming from, what they are creating for you and decide if you want to change them. Also, I believe there is often fear that your partner might find your thought download and that you have the ability to hurt them. One, you don’t have the ability to hurt them and two, you can throw your thought download away if it makes you feel better.

The difference between journaling and a thought download is that a thought download doesn’t need to tell any story or be logical. It is just a list of sentences that you are thinking and possibly a few thoughts. Think junk drawer, opening it, taking everything out and seeing everything for what it is, no judgment about why it’s in there.

What do you do with these thoughts?

The answer to that question is why I created this series, I’m going to break it all down for you over the next seven weeks. Until then it’s just the process of cleaning them out of your head and taking a look at them, just like the first step of cleaning out the junk drawer. You will start evaluating what you took out of your head and decide which ones you like and want to keep. What you won’t do right now, or ever, is judge them as bad, they just are. This is an exercise to learn and grow, not an exercise to beat yourself up in an attempt to quickly change to something you might not be ready to change to. It’s like eating all of the pie and then beating yourself up, it gets you nowhere except quicker to the next binge instead of learning something from the experience.

Thoughts are our emotion generators. Whenever we are feeling a certain emotion a thought is drawing it. A negative or bad emotion comes from a thought we’re thinking and the same with a positive, or good thought.

As you go with me through this series I want to encourage you to play along and see what thoughts you are creating on a day to day basis. I want to encourage you to take 10 minutes every day to do a thought download, that’s all it takes. You can do it early in the morning before you start your day, my suggestion, or over your lunch or in the evening. I often do them multiple times a day if I find myself getting stuck in some sort of mind drama and unable to move forward in my day, it’s great medicine.

By the end of this series, you’ll have an awareness of how your thoughts are creating the life you are currently living, the marriage you are now living, as well as how to start changing them so you can create the life you dream of living. Just start this week, every day, doing a thought download, see what you have stored up in your head, no judgments. If you want my Relationship Thought Download worksheet to help you with this work then just click on the link and grab your copy! Next week I’ll teach you how to keep the thoughts you want and let go of the ones you don’t want.

Thoughts drive everything we do, they are so very important! Starting to pay attention and create awareness will help you begin the process of changing them. We can’t change what we don’t see as a problem!

πŸ’“πŸ’“πŸ’“πŸ’“πŸ’“πŸ’“πŸ’“

My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for women who want to stop hurting in their most intimate relationship. I show you how to stop settling and bring back the love, connection, and excitement you crave. Let’s re-ignite your love relationship today!

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life-changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability, your future life is waiting for you.

Please share this message with anyone who you know who might benefit from hearing this message. Don’t forget to join my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

If you’d like to get more empowering emails delivered straight to you and never miss another post please get yourself signed up for my newsletter!

Believing New Truths About You And Your Money

Black Friday

Cyber Monday

Cyber Week

All of the cries in your email inbox about how you should spend your money.

You could take the week off, heck, even the whole month of December and dedicate it to searching through all of the daily deals on Amazon!

These sales used to be an addiction for me.

They consumed my thoughts.

I allowed them to distract me and suck me into the habit of making purchases of items I didn’t even need.

A lot has changed for me over the past year.

  • I have learned to manage my mind around urges that distract me from fully experiencing what is going on for me
  • I have cleaned out my closets and thrown out so many of the said “needed” items
  • I’ve gone on a zero dollar personal purchases diet
  • I hired a money coach

All four of these items have influenced my current lack of desire to spend money on all of the good deals out there right now.

Through coaching I have examined all of my old money beliefs, here are a few of them:

  • Money is hard
  • I don’t know how to keep money
  • I can’t manage my money
  • I don’t have money to share
  • I’m not good with money
  • I spend too much money

After examining them I did the work of challenging the truth of them and then I came up with a list of new money beliefs that are allowing me to completely change my money story:

  • Money is easy
  • I’m good at keeping money
  • I know how, and enjoy, managing my money
  • I have plenty of money to share
  • I’m good with money
  • I spend exactly what I want to spend

Believe it or not, you can do this same work.

Money no longer needs to be an elusive relationship that comes and goes.

You can determine exactly how much money you bring in.

You can decide how much money goes out.

You just have to be willing to be tired enough of your current money story and willing to go through the temporary discomfort of learning something new.

It’s only then that you’ll feel long term confidence around money.

Money is just numbers, facts, what you want to make those numbers mean is up to you.

I’d love to help you re-write your money story, forever.

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My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for women who want to discover their true self, discover the missing key, find their purpose and then start building a legacy from pure power. I have made it may mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability before your subconscious primitive mind tells you to run and hide.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this message and I highly encourage you to get on my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

How Is Your Mental Health?

Many of us are into our physical health – especially many of my followers who have continued to follow me from my last business of thirty years where I trained athletes.

Many of us are into our spiritual health.

Many of us are into our financial health.

Many of us are into our relational health, or at least we wish we knew how to be more relationally healthy.

How many of us though are into our MENTAL health?

An even better question, what exactly is mental health?

Most of us, including my past self, would call taking care of mental health as something we do outside of ourselves:

  • Vacations
  • Prayer time (spiritual)
  • Bubble baths
  • Hobbies
  • Spa treatments
  • Workouts (physical)

I won’t deny the benefit of taking some time to pamper our bodies and our minds, I myself LOVE a good facial treatment, but this my friends is NOT mental health.

Some of us may define being mentally healthy by the lack of a mental illness, this is NOT mental health.

Everything we do in our life, everything we create, do, feel – it all comes from our brain and the way we think.

EVERYTHING.

We can’t do anything without first thinking about doing it.

This is absolutely the very first thing we should be investing in.

Why?

Let me say it again, and re-read the following paragraph until it really sinks in:

“Everything we do in our life, everything we create, do, feel – it all comes from our brain and the way we think.”

Need another reason?

Let me ask you this question and please answer it honestly:

Has ANYONE taught you how to manage your brain?

Thinking positive thoughts is NOT managing your brain.

Our life is at least 50% negative and 50% positive. Trying to think sunshine and lavender fields when it’s clouds and mud in your mind is NOT managing your mind.

No one teaches us how to think, not even your therapist.

Focusing on your brain determines everything you put out into the world.

This is what I do. I help you with your mental health.

I help you create your very best version of yourself.

I help you design the life you were uniquely create to live.

What are you waiting for?

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My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for women who want to discover their true self, discover the missing key, find their purpose and then start building a legacy from pure power. I have made it may mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability before your subconscious primitive mind tells you to run and hide.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this message and I highly encourage you to get on my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

One Reason Why You Haven’t Solved For Joy, Love and Purpose In Your Life

This year has been interesting for me.

As I launch this new business of mine I’m not paying myself a salary for the first year, I’m investing everything back into the business.

You know what that means? No money to spend. You know what that means? I get to watch what happens in my brain when I want to seek pleasure through a retail purchase.

That’s fun.

It’s also been an interesting, liberating experience.

I have been watching my mind around wanting to seek pleasure through some sort of purchase. A purchase that will leave me empty and left with my original emotion that put me in that search. A purchase that leaves me with yet another “object” in my possession that I really, truly do not need.

When we seek pleasure from outside of ourselves it’s always a fleeting experience, it leaves you empty, joyless.

When you learn how to create joy and love from within, that is when your purpose and fulfillment can be found.

This mind work I have also done around overeating and over drinking.

First, let me explain what I mean by “overeating” and “over drinking”. What I mean by these two terms may not be what you are envisioning, it basically means eating or drinking when I don’t want, or need, to. It might even be eating a carrot when I really don’t need one. This example may seem a bit odd but we’ll keep moving forward. You see I used to drink, often when I said I wouldn’t, to make myself feel better. Then when I would drink I would get mad at myself for drinking because I had told myself I wasn’t going to.

I also used to eat food to feel better, until of course, after eating the food and feeling something like regret.

I no longer drink for pleasure, actually, I hardly ever drink unless I plan it ahead of time.

I also very seldom eat for pleasure and when I do I break it down and look at why I did so I can learn moving forward.

When you start doing the work of eliminating pleasure at your own expense, you actually have to start feeling, and dealing with, your emotions.

Pleasure is something we are wired to seek, yet in today’s society pleasure is a drug. We avoid negative emotion through a pleasurable activity that allows us to escape temporarily, but leaves us empty and often full of regret.

So we seek it some more.

When you have no money to spend, what is left is your emotions. When you don’t overeat or drink you don’t use those temporary pleasures to deal with whatever is coming up for you.

You’re just left with yourself and the emotion.

Without the activities that allow us to avoid our feeling, we’re left with our brain to figure out what is going on for us and how we want to process it, like an adult.

We then have a choice.

Will we stay stuck in the negative emotion and feel sorry for ourselves?

It’s an option.

There is another option though. That option is to explore those emotions. To discover the root of those negative thoughts and decide what you want to do with them.

Do you want to indulge in them or do you want to start doing what it takes to change them?

It’s a choice you get to make.

Joy is always available but not when you’re seeking pleasure to solve for it.

Joy comes from inside of you.

Joy comes from making the conscious choice to change.

Joy comes from being all in on you.

Once you start finding joy from within, that’s when meaning, purpose, and fulfillment start to bloom like a beautiful rose.

That’s when you start honoring your true self.

That’s when you Awaken(YourTrue)You and start designing a life of love, joy, and purpose.

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My Awaken(YourTrue)You program teaches incredibly powerful women like yourself how to identify and live out your truth. How to believe in your success and boldly share it with the world. How to leave a legacy.

I offer a free call to anyone brave enough to take the steps of creating the life they were meant to live. It’s a call for you to decide if this work is for you or not. I believe it is.

Share this message with a friend who needs to hear it, for every woman willing to do the work of becoming her best self there will be thousands of others impacted by her journey.

This is my life, join me in my mission to save the world, one powerful woman at a time.