Five Steps To Ending Negative Body Image Self Talk Ep 17

Five Steps To Ending Negative Body Image Self Talk | Relationship Coach

Negative self-talk is a real thing, we all do it, but there is a practice different from believing the lies. A practice you can utilize to quiet those negative saboteurs while allowing you to hear them, recognize them, dismiss their lies and access the part of your brain that has your best interests in mind. This practice is what I call mental fitness, which resonates with many of my listeners because many of you are quite familiar with the required consistent practice of weight lifting to strengthen and grow muscle. Lasting results don’t come from a temporary practice, though beneficial and it will move you forward but stopping the practice only reinforces old muscle memory. You are all probably quite familiar with the phenomena of consistent training bring you slow, permanent results while watching those gains quickly disappear over a short hiatus from your program. Today I’m going to share several tips to help you end your negative body image self-talk but remember, the key is consistent practice and belief that the practice will win you results that set you free from the control you’re giving your brain over your body image sabotage.

One of the best things about mental fitness is that you can do it anywhere, anytime, with no gym membership required. Oh, you didn’t know that was possible in your physical fitness practice as well? I’m here to tell you that it is; all you need is to decide that your practice is part of your day-to-day life, and then you use that powerful brain of yours to show you how. Yes, your brain is what produces all of your results!

Let me share a huge result that I am quite proud of producing for myself. It’s been almost five years since I’ve looked in the mirror and didn’t like what I saw. Now, that doesn’t mean that my brain never offers up some sort of lie about what it sees in the mirror, but it’s much quieter now than it ever was in the past. I don’t squash it down and try harder to look “better” or different; it’s more of a whisper now that I gently notice and then excuse the thought, reminding my brain of who I am and how magnificent I have been created to be.

Most of my life I have done everything I could to change what I thought was unacceptable about myself.

I exercised.

Educated myself.

I learned how to eat right.

I read self help books.

I learned the latest and greatest makeup tricks.

You know what? None of it mattered. No matter what I did, that negative self-talk and desire to change was consistent; nothing I did was good enough to satiate the negative body image monster inside my head. I was never good enough; no matter what anyone else told me, I believed them to be liars. So what did I do? I tried harder, searched for a new level that might bring that satisfaction; it was a negative body image treadmill that never brought me to my desired destination.

Then one day, I decided enough was enough and that I would change this lifelong energy drain. I decided to step off the negative body image treadmill. I decided to stop denying God’s perfection of creation while being all-in on my journey to self-love, knowing that it would take some time, I committed myself to it. If you haven’t listened to my very first podcast episode, I highly recommend you go listen after you finish here: How To Start Loving Yourself.

The process of loving yourself includes quieting the negative self-talk. Period. Today we are focusing specifically on our bodies and how we talk about them. I want to invite you to follow the podcast and come back every week because every topic will bring you closer to the self-love needed to break this cycle. This month’s expert interview, which will release the last Tuesday of this month, is with master certified life coach Martha Ayim. Martha helps people end their relationship with binge eating and within the realm of what we talk about in this interview is the subject of body image and negative self-talk.

The first step to ending the negative body image self talk is to just decide to stop.

My intention here is not to make you mad because if you are anything like I was, you have tried this route with very little success. The problem is that you did not implement the other tools of change that I will be offering you today; you didn’t recognize that voice as a saboteur. Instead, you believed it. Believing that voice will only send you into the self reprimand that keeps you stuck and in a forever loop of powerlessness over your own mind and body.

The solution is within you, but you have to be committed to the end result; you have to believe in the truth that you are fully lovable and valuable, and worthy. Again, the ticket is committing and implementing ALL five of the steps I am sharing here today.

You have done a beautiful job over the years protecting yourself for some valid reason or other, you have taught your brain well, but now it’s time to re-teach it. There is no longer a reason to protect yourself; these thoughts are no longer serving you. You are an adult who gets to decide what you want to think, you get to decide to manage your mind, or you can decide to let your mind manage you, your choice. One will help you grow and increase the joy you experience in this life, and the other will continue having you search for something outside of yourself for that joy that keeps escaping you.

The next step is to understand the cognitive dissonance you are experiencing when it comes to what you currently believe about your body image.

To better understand cognitive dissonance, you can read a post I wrote specifically about this topic called What Is Cognitive Dissonance? Cognitive dissonance is the gap between where you are right now and the person you are becoming. In this instance, it would be looking at who you are right now, what you believe, how you feel, and how you behave versus the person you long to be, the person who believes down to their core that they are valuable and whole with certainty while no longer believing the voice inside their head that says they aren’t good enough as they are.

Your brain is very comfortable with your current belief, so comfortable that it has stored it away as an automatic response. It takes work, energy to believe something different, to change that old belief and exchange it for a new one. It’s like a child who loves its binky and will kick and scream when you take it away, until one day the child discovers that life is fine without that binky and maybe even a whole lot better. The child can clear the gap of the binky/no binky dissonance because they haven’t been using their binky for as many years as you have been telling your brain the story about your body.

Recognizing cognitive dissonance allows you to enjoy the journey instead of fighting against it. Understanding cognitive dissonance allows you to have compassion for the process and to trust yourself to know that you will keep doing this work until one day you look back and see how far you’ve come. It’s like looking at the long journey to swimming across the big lake in front of your Airbnb rental, thinking that you will never get to the other side. One stroke at a time, you tell yourself, one more, then another, until suddenly you find yourself on the other side of the lake, giving yourself a high five for persevering and not giving up on yourself.

The third step to ending the negative body image self talk is creating awareness.

This is where my mental fitness program comes into play. My mental fitness program is a simple, easy-to-implement process of noticing, hearing, and then dissipating the saboteur voices that we have partnered with over our lifetime.

Awareness is the first step of change; you being here searching for solutions to your negative self-talk and acknowledges that you are tired of the self-sabotage and ready to do something different. When you become aware of the action you are taking that you don’t want to take without squashing it down, again, unsuccessfully attempting to run away from it, that’s when you allow your brain to start coming up with solutions. See, you’ve already started the awareness problem by listening to this podcast.

As you create awareness and start taking the steps, I recommend you notice that you will continue to fall into old thought loops, but now the difference is that you recognize them and self-correct. The more often you put this pattern into effect, the less your old thought patterns show up.

A warning alert I want to share with you, to re-enforce what I shared earlier when talking about cognitive dissonance, is that your brain likes its old way of being; even if it feels like garbage, it’s a default, you do it on autopilot, it requires no extra thinking or energy consumption. The process will be a bit more difficult once you implement these tools because you have to bring your pre-frontal cortex into the process through deliberate interception. This is the process of any good change, though, eventually, your new thought patterning will become more auto-generated and committed to the primitive brain, something to look forward to!

Awareness includes calling out those old thoughts; I want to suggest you write them down, maybe using your notes app on your phone. Every time you look in the mirror or shop window as you walk by and say something negative, write it down, and then correct your thinking and remind yourself that you are beautiful. Yes, even if you don’t quite believe it. A super useful tool to help graduate into more believable thoughts, if thinking “I am beautiful.” isn’t working, is the thought ladder; you can read about that tool in my post titled How To Get From Here To There. Maybe that ladder thought is something like “I am contemplating the idea that I am beautiful.” There you go, bonus, a sixth tool to help you end your negative self-talk battle around body image.

My fourth tip is to work on creating compassion and empathy around the process.

Compassion and empathy are emotions that will always serve you well and open you up to understanding; they are emotions that open up your mind to its creative process, helping you come up with solutions. As you move through this process, you will start noticing the emotions you are feeling; some emotions open you up, expand you while others close you down, keeping you from changing. To help you with the process of learning how to experience your emotions, actually feel them, let me suggest you go read my post “How To Start Feeling Your Emotions.”

In my AwakenYou coaching program, one of the exercises I teach my clients is how to process emotions. Emotions are our body’s signal, our awareness tool. Learning how to tune into your emotions will help you become aware of what you are thinking and why; it is one of the most powerful tools I teach. The process of feeling your emotions opens you up to what your brain is trying to tell you, what it is trying to do for you and when you’re able to tap into this tool, you start to understand why you are feeling the way you are and see whether it is actually serving you or if it is an old, outdated, deeply engrained response that you can now choose to change.

Compassion, curiosity, and empathy towards yourself will always open you up to learning something new and helping you move past what keeps you stuck in old thought loops.

Finally, my last tip I am sharing today, a tip that will help close the gap even faster, it is the tool I call my self mentor.

This tool has evolved as I have utilized it, just like any other tool you have learned how to use. When you discover any new tool, you’re an amateur, a bit clumsy; you’re not really certain of the power the tool provides, but as you continue to use the tool, the power starts to reveal itself.

The future self mentor is the person you are becoming; you create her. Maybe you gather photos of her, you write about how she shows up for herself, how she holds herself, how she speaks to herself, everything about her you begin to envision. You start asking yourself how that future version of yourself would act right now; what would she say when she looks in the mirror and sees what she sees. Would she smile and wink at herself? Would she pat herself on the back? Would she lift her chest and stand tall?

Start creating your future self model, a vision board for who you are becoming, and watch grow into her.

As you do this work and implement these tools I have shared with you today, you will find yourself having your own back without relying on your husband to tell you how beautiful you are and then not believing him anyway. Of course, you still love it when he does so, but now you wink at him, give him a big hug and say, “Right on, honey, I couldn’t agree more with your thought!”

Remember, friend, this is a journey, and if you want help along the journey, then I’ve got your back; it’s what I do, and I love what I do! If you have any questions about this process or want help implementing these tools and all of the other tools I use to help women change their lives, then let’s chat soon! Let me come alongside your process, sharing some extra accountability and guidance to reach your goal with ease. Book your program inquiry call today and I look forward to hearing from you and helping you create your future self vision!

If you’re interested in learning about my Mental Fitness six-week course, valued at $1495, then get on my mailing list where I will be sharing all about this life changing program. Even better, every week I am giving away one of these programs to one lucky listener who reviews the podcast and sends a screenshot of that review to christine@christinebongiovanni.com, I will enter you into a weekly drawing that makes you eligible to join. If you don’t win, no worries, I keep everyone in the lottery, only taking out those who have already won. Reviewing is simple, scroll to the bottom of my podcast page and click on the “Write a Review” blue text, take a screenshot of your review and send it to me! I can’t wait to hear from you.


I am a life coach who works with individuals to break down relationship barriers by awakening their true self. My process isn’t about changing your partner, it’s about discovering who you are so that you can AwakenYou in your marriage. If you’re ready to take your life and your love relationship to the next level then schedule your program inquiry call today and let’s decide together if this is your next step to creating the life you’ve been dreaming of

Three Reasons Why We Lack Marital Confidence Ep 13

Three Steps To Building Self Trust | Relationship Coach

This week we’re going to talk about how building self-confidence in yourself will help you start building the confidence to create a marital relationship that you dreamt of having back when you said “Yes!” to his ask of having your hand in marriage. As we move through the years of our marital relationship, many of us find ourselves in a place so far from what we dreamed our marriage to be that we have no idea where to start in the journey to what we want. When we go back to the beginning of our marital journey, we had confidence that everything would be happily ever after because we saw our joy and happiness as evidence that all was well. Fast forward through the years of your marriage. You have a pile of reasons proving why your relationship isn’t working. You lack confidence in your ability to create a joyful ever after, and today we’re going to look at three reasons why you lack marital confidence so that you can get back on the road of navigating to your ideal marriage relationship.

This will help you to build back some desire so that you can actually believe that your wants are possible.

The number one reason you lack marital confidence is because of your lack of self-confidence.

I do not say this in a demeaning way. When we lack self-confidence we are often letting other people’s actions, or inactions, mean something about us.

I’ve always been a self-help junkie. As far back as I can remember, I was learning how to exercise, meditate, eat right, but knowing what I know now; I’m sure it was mostly to fit into the mold society deemed desirable.

So I could feel acceptance and approval.

Ok, maybe not the meditation, I think that was part of my deep desire to get connected spiritually as well as to discover myself.

Back to the feeling accepted.

This was always a struggle for me, always doing what I thought would make me fit in, feel accepted and good enough to be a part of the group.

I thought I would generate self-confidence by proving myself as acceptable.

I always looked for love from other people by doing everything for others until I discovered that the only true way to feel love was to start with loving myself. If you haven’t listened to my AwakenYou in your marriage podcast, episode 1 is all about How To Start Loving Yourself; I highly recommend you take a listen.

As I started digging into becoming self-confident, I started figuring out all of the things that I needed to work on and was on the road to a new belief and new way of life.

Secondly, we have low self-confidence because we don’t trust ourselves.

To discover if you trust yourself, you can go back to episode 10, One Simple Way To See If You Trust Yourself where I share one question that will help you see how much you trust yourself. If you discover from that episode that you might not have a great trusting relationship with yourself, you can go to last week’s episode, where I share Three Steps To Building Self Trust. (link)

As we start to build a foundation of self-trust, we start to build confidence in ourselves, and we start building our self-confidence. Yes, there is a difference between confidence and self-confidence; join me next week to take a deep dive into the difference, but today let’s distinguish the difference. Confidence comes from repeatedly doing something until we do it well; this repetition, failing until we get better, builds proof that we know how to do something; this is confidence, built through doing, taking steps forward, and learning. Self-confidence is created by doing things and being willing to do them wrong, being willing to experience whatever emotion rises when we fail and having our own back. We trust and know that our failure says nothing about ourselves except that we gave it our best in the moment. The more often we are willing to experience a negative emotion for the sake of growth, the more our self-confidence grows, and then hand in hand with that, we build confidence along the way.

If you look at your marriage, there might be an excellent chance that you haven’t been taking steps forward to create the relationship you dream of. Because you aren’t taking these steps, your confidence in your ability decreases; you aren’t exercising your marital confidence muscles. This process starts with learning how to trust yourself and take the steps you want to take, even when it feels uncomfortable, and building SELF-confidence.

The third reason we lack marital confidence is that we are afraid to feel our emotions.

The first step to creating marital confidence and self-confidence is learning how to feel and experience any emotion. Not being willing to do so weakens that marital confidence muscle. We’re afraid of not feeling loved, we’re afraid of being rejected, of feeling sad or disappointed, so we do other things that will make us feel temporarily satisfied in the moment. We seek pleasure at our own expense instead of delaying gratification. We want our partners to treat us the way we want them to treat us to feel good. Do you see how disempowering that is? What we do in AwakenYou is learn how to generate that positive, good feeling ourselves while letting our partners act and do as they choose. This is the gold of my program result; you get what you want without requiring your partner to join in the work.

Learning how to process our emotions instead of avoiding them allows us to build self-confidence to do the things we want to do in our marriage, building marital confidence by the doing.

Emotions are only vibrations in our body, and when we get up into that concept, we can recognize that much of our lives, we have been afraid of a feeling, a simple vibration, that will not kill us.

Learning how to experience any emotion is necessary to create the marital relationship you stopped dreaming of. Moving towards any goal in your life requires stepping into feeling and allowing the emotions of fear to surge through you while you take your next step. The beautiful thing about taking these steps in my one-on-one coaching program is that you’re not doing it alone; you have support and accountability.

Lastly, I want to share a bonus reason as to why you lack marital confidence.

Let’s get honest; most of us have learned what we know about marriage from our parents, step-parents, or whoever our initial caregivers were. When this fact was laid before my eyes, I smacked myself in the head – no wonder I sucked at this thing called marriage! I was using my parent’s marital playbook to build a relationship AND a relationship that I didn’t want! Now I am creating my own unique version of a marital relationship. This is one more awareness tool to give you the confidence you need to seek the help of someone who can guide you to where you want to go, not to where someone else has modeled you to go.

Becoming confident in yourself to build the marital relationship you want is a journey of empowerment and one without any regrets. Becoming maritally confident requires you to become self-confident, and it is completely possible, no matter what lies you may have told yourself in the past, today is a new day.

There is no better day than today to start creating the confidence you need so you can begin believing again in a new marital dream. You have the power to change the course of your marital journey, and I’d love to travel that beautiful road with you!


I am a life coach who works with individuals to break down relationship barriers by awakening their true self. My process isn’t about changing your partner, it’s about discovering who you are so that you can AwakenYou in your marriage. If you’re ready to take your life and your love relationship to the next level then schedule your program inquiry call today and let’s decide together if this is your next step to creating the life you’ve been dreaming of.

Pushing Past Fear And Insecurity Into Belief

Did you know that I host four retreats a year?

If you didn’t know this there’s probably a good reason and it has to do with my own fear and insecurities. This is going to be fun, let’s dive in!!

First let me start with the definition of retreat.

Retreat: to withdraw from enemy forces; an act of moving back or withdrawing.

I didn’t actually look up the definition of retreat until after my second round and it brought tears to my eyes. You see, I had been struggling with exactly what this retreat would look like, I was afraid, but after reading some definitions I discovered it is exactly what I wanted to create. I wanted to create a safe, comfortable space for women to withdraw to, it needed to include some fun, some community, some quiet alone time and definitely needed to include lots of Mother Nature.

It would require that women come and also have fun, do things they’ve never done before. It would require that they hold fear loosely in their hand but grab on securely to self confidence allowing the fear to slip away.

About one month ago I hosted my first retreat where I had a full group, Summer Retreat Two, full meaning four total, including myself. It was incredible.

This first year of hosting retreats is a year of exploration and today I want to share about my vision.

My vision right now is a bit, should I say, unclear. One year ago, while spending quiet time at my favorite summer retreat location, it was put on my heart to bring other women to a place of retreat.

I used to question thoughts like this because I never trusted myself enough to believe that God would speak to me or that I trusted it was from God and not just my crazy brain coming up with even more crazy ideas.

If you’ve been following me here for a while you know that I take my quiet time seriously. I listen to what God has to tell me through The Holy Spirit, and I’ve learned to trust what I have been asked to do and to move forward.

For most of my life if I “heard” something I ignored it as my crazy brain. I now trust that voice.

But there’s a few more things that I now better understand and trust.

I better understand that if I don’t obey more won’t be given. If I ignore God’s direction and choose my own I’m not listening, which means I won’t hear, which means I won’t be directed.

I also better understand and trust that if it wasn’t from Him that when I face fear with my self confidence and step into action of fulfillment of the dream or direction I hear, that I will be directed to the correct pathway.

If I have a vision and I don’t take bold steps forward, I’ll never know if it was meant to be or not.

If I believe hard enough and boldly step forward I now trust that my directions will come. If what I thought I heard was completely off I will be re-directed and more evolved than if I hadn’t.

If I believe hard enough and overcome my fear with self confidence and trust, I will be shown the truth.

Today during my quiet time I was shown direction, which further solidified my belief that this retreat is right. Further proof that if I boldly, or not so boldly, move forward, that I will be guided.

Today is Freedom Friday and my quiet time brought me to Mark 6:31b where Jesus said “Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.”

I hope you’ll consider joining me, it is invitation only meaning I am only inviting three people so message me if you’re interested!

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My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for strong, success driven women who want to discover their true self, discover the missing key, find their purpose and then start building a legacy from pure power. I have made it may mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability before your subconscious primitive mind tells you to run and hide.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this message and I highly encourage you to get on my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

What An Intentional Morning Practice Can Do For Your Day

Talk of meditating and being intentional about having a morning practice before you’re off to the races is nothing new.

I’ve been reading about this practice since I was a kid but it’s been around forever, according to Wikipedia, it’s mentioned in the bible 23 times, 19 of those times in the book of Psalms.

I have a morning practice that is important to me and my journey of showing up as the best version of myself every day, but it isn’t always easy and getting to this place has been quite the journey as well.

The problem with getting into a deliberate practice is that we live in a culture that thinks it’s so busy, that thinks there just isn’t time for that nonsense.

I completely disagree.

We can’t afford to not take time for what others may call nonsense.

My morning practice often takes an hour, some special days I allow it to take as long as it takes to get to where I feel it’s done. Then there are days when it is only a few minutes long or done while doing other tasks I do to get ready for my day, like brushing my teeth, washing my face, etc.

The fun fact is I currently get more done in a day than I ever have while hardly ever feeling busy. The even more exciting thing about this for me is that I am still young in the practice of managing my mind, so where all of this will go in the future motivates me to keep going.

I used to feel super guilty about this practice.

“What will other people think.”

“People will think I’m lazy.”

“People will think I’ve lost it.”

All of those thoughts that I used to struggle with, and sometimes still do, are thoughts about how I look to others verses trusting what is best for me in my life.

I then remember that I am the boss of my brain and I reign it back in.

I remind my brain that what others think is their own business, not mine.

I remind myself of how I fully approve of myself and that I am unwilling to reject myself because of others who may reject me.

I remember that I am willing to risk everyone’s rejection, except my own.

I have come to cherish and appreciate the value of this time, not only for me but for everyone that I encounter and pray for during that time.

Part of the practice includes my journal.

My journal is a place where I do daily thought downloads as well as unintentional and intentional thought models.

This journal has a multi-faceted purpose, one of which I experienced today.

This experience prompted this post, so I’d like to share it with you.

As you already know, I do a daily thought download and then look at both unintentional and intentional models from this download.

During my time this morning I was looking at a previous thought model from the day before and the result I had gotten in that model. Suddenly I was overcome with the true – more useful result that allowed me to open up to my next best version of myself.

That’s the power of my journal and this work.

It allows me to update more frequently than my Apple products!

If you are struggling with your morning practice, or just want to get started with one, then I’d love to help you help yourself. Send me an email with some days/times you’re available to chat and let’s start your very first update!

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My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for strong, success driven women who want to discover their true self, discover the missing key, find their purpose and then start building a legacy from pure power. I have made it may mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability before your subconscious primitive mind tells you to run and hide.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this message and I highly encourage you to get on my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

Why Our Marital Handbooks Don’t Work

Why Our Marital Handbooks Don't Work | Relationship Coach

When I first heard of the concept of an operating manual for people in our lives my eyes became focused on a key problem I had going on in my life.

I had these manuals for so many people in my life.

I had all of these expectations of how people should show up, how they should act in order to make me happy.

When they didn’t act the way I expected them to then I would get angry, frustrated, annoyed, sad.

I was putting the power of how I felt in the hands of other people.

This is when I started working on changing.

I decided to work on not judging others for what they do and I decided that when I wanted someone to do something for me I would do it for them.

I didn’t want to share my  manuals with other people, I wanted to throw them all away.

I want people to be themselves, whatever that looks like for them, and for me to not have an attachment to that.

I’ll admit that this is a journey and a process that I have not yet perfected and probably never will 100%.

If you have people in your life that aren’t doing the things you want them to do then I would ask you to consider asking yourself why you want them to do the things. If it’s to create happiness for yourself then take action and do the thing for yourself, make yourself happy.

We can ask people to do things for us in our lives but having an attachment to if they do it, how they do it or even when they do it is just manipulation.

I would guess that you don’t like being manipulated, so the sooner that you can end doing it to others the sooner you will start creating your own happiness.

I’d love to talk more about manuals and how they might be interfering with your own happiness.

I’d love to help you take your power back by showing you how to throw those manuals you have away.

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My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for strong, success driven women who want to discover their true self, discover the missing key, find their purpose and then start building a legacy from pure power. I have made it may mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability before your subconscious primitive mind tells you to run and hide.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this message and I highly encourage you to get on my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

If you’d like to get more empowering emails delivered straight to you and never miss another post please get yourself signed up for my newsletter!

Three Steps To Changing Your Past Life Story

Three Steps to Changing Your Past Life Story | Relationship Coach

My personal transformation process really started to kick in when I finally decided I was tired of hiding and tired of fighting with my past life story. Check out this article I wrote about how freeing this process is.

There was definitely plenty of transformation going on prior to that, the biggest transformation happening when I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior.  So many beautiful things happened after this point in my life but, as we humans like to do, I continued to hold on to past regret, resentment, and disappointment. Though I knew that I had been washed clean I still had a practice of rehashing my past, blaming others and myself for things I had done wrong.

Then I found The Life Coach School where my Master Coach Brooke Castillo literally changed my brain around the past. She helped me to clearly see how this energy I was spending was affecting my life. Her teachings helped me to see that my past was perfect, it happened, it can’t be changed, and how I was giving so many other people power over my current life.

Then through the teachings of Rick Warren in The Purpose Driven Life, it truly sank in how I was perfectly imagined even before I was placed in the womb of my mother. How He knew everything I would do before I had done it, how He had allowed it all.

As I do this work, continuing to peel the layers back, I clearly see how I didn’t understand my worth. How I made some poor choices because I didn’t matter to me. What truly matters is that He knew my worth and He covered my poor choices in love and protection.

He saw way more in me than I saw in myself.

Step one is truly understanding your worth.

You are worthy, no matter what. No matter what you’ve done. No matter what anyone has done to you. No matter what anyone else tells you. No matter what you tell yourself.

Everyone is worthy.

Anything else is a lie.

Step two is understanding that your past is perfect.

I know this seems like a hard lump for some of you to swallow but please stay with me.

You cannot change your past, no matter how long you argue with it, it will never change.

The only thing that you can change is how you think about it. When I realized the energy I was spending on my past and how it was taking so much away from what I could build in my present and future, the light bulb went out.

Yes. I said out. I turned the light out that I was shining on pieces of my past. Yes, I do continue to turn that light on but less often and when I do turn it on I am starting to see something different. I am starting to see a beautiful young girl trying to find her way in this world.

I see people in that beautiful girl’s life who also was hurt and struggling with their own life stories.

I have taken the power I was giving to other people back for myself. I am using all of that extra power to build a crazy good life for myself and the people in it. I am sharing this work with other beautiful women like myself, which makes my heart full and I believe that makes the heart of Jesus full as well.

Step three is to start sorting through the past life events that cause you pain.

One of the first things I did was to sit down and write my life story, which in itself was cleansing. Then really start recreating the story, notice how we are laser-focused on certain details in the story, completely forgetting other details. Notice how other people may actually tell the same story differently, we all take different pieces away from the exact same situation.

Here is a process that can be helpful for you:

  1. Write about that event.
  2. Write your current story about that event.
  3. Write down the facts of that event.
  4. Write down the story that you really want to tell yourself about what this particular event means.
  5. Write down what you want to keep from this event, something that is powerful and strengthening.
  6. Write down what you can now let go of from this story.

For some of our most painful experiences, this may be a process that you will want to do multiple times until your new story is true and your old story has been released.

As I do this work some of what I wrote at the beginning of this post was a recent breakthrough: that God saw more in me than I saw in myself.

This makes me strong.

This makes me grateful.

This makes me overcome.

If you’re ready to start re-writing your past life story and taking the massive action of moving into a future where you are all in and in love with life then getting over your past is a perfect place to start!

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I am a life coach who works with individuals looking to change their current or future romantic relationship – my program helps them discover that they are enough. This self-love empowers and equips them to take continual, forward steps in achieving the healthy, romantic relationship they desire. Are you ready to explore this journey in your life? Schedule your program inquiry call today and let’s decide together if this is your next step to creating the life you’ve been dreaming of.