The Importance of Healing Past Relationships

The Importance of Healing Past Relationships | Relationship Coach

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Last week, during my quiet time, I was reading from Mark’s book in the New Testament, and there were two verses in the second chapter that made me pause and take deeper during my prayer time. The verse helped deepen the belief I hold around the importance of healing past relationships being included as we do the work to improve our current and future relationships.

First, let me share Mark 2:21-22 “No one sews a patch of unshrunk cloth on an old garment. Otherwise, the new piece will pull away from the old, making the tear worse. And no one pours new wine into old wineskins. Otherwise, the wine will burst the skins, and both the wine and the wineskins will be ruined. No, they pour new wine into new wineskins.”

Creating your new self relationship starts today.

Much of the work we do in AwakenYou my 1:1 coaching program is about coming up with a vision of who you want to be in your relationship. I work together with my clients, helping them dream and explore what that might look like for them, and we do the work of making that dream a reality in their life. As we start doing this work of evolving into the person we want to be, there is a lot of cognitive dissonance around who we have identified as in our past and who we are becoming.

The work is multi-faceted in a way that as we peel off our old identity, just like when we exfoliate our skin, past “impurities” begin to rise to the surface.

As we do the work of living into our future self we have to do the work of sorting through and healing our past.

Many of us have stories from our past that we’d rather forget. Sometimes we think that we don’t want to forget them; they are part of who we are. Our past is definitely part of who we are, but as we start creating our future selves, it is important that we also do the work of sorting out our past and seeing where we are holding on to stories that aren’t serving us anymore.

As we work on creating a fierce new romantic relationship, we carry with us all of the old relationship stories that get in the way of us fully experiencing the love that could be available in our current relationship.

Here is where the verse comes in. Jesus talks about creating a patch on an old garment with new fabric and how the new will pull away from the old, making the tear worse than before. This is exactly what happens in our lives when we start repairing and living into our potential if we don’t do the work of healing our past relationships.

What healing our past relationships looks like.

This process is about re-writing our current past life story in a way that serves us. I love to ask my clients to think of three ways that their past relationships could be turned into a gift and opportunity. I also ask them what unresolved matters from past relationships might be keeping them from having the relationship they dream of with their current or future mate.

Jesus’ words proved several things to me, the first being proof of how He speaks and teaches us truth through The Father’s words. The second being how powerful the work being done in my coaching program is and how much it aligns with my goal of bringing people closer to a life they were created to live; a life full of love that feels fierce and free.

I want to invite you to come experience what this freedom feels like for you in your life and in your closest relationship.

🎧 Audio version of blog here!

πŸ’“πŸ’“πŸ’“πŸ’“πŸ’“πŸ’“πŸ’“

I am a life coach who works with individuals to break down relationship barriers by awakening their true self. My process isn’t about changing your partner, it’s about discovering who you are so that you can AwakenYou in your marriage. If you’re ready to take your life and your love relationship to the next level then schedule your program inquiry call today and let’s decide together if this is your next step to creating the life you’ve been dreaming of.

Loving Without Limits (and a dog named Luna)

Loving Without Limits (and a dog named Luna) | Relationship Coach

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Lately, I have played with the consequences and benefits of loving without limits, and through this play, I have discovered new ways I want to think about how I love. I wondered what it might look like to love without limits in my own life and how I can continue to keep stepping closer to this reality.

Today as I write this post and reflect on the past three weeks of my life, I contemplate much. The events that have unfolded since Christmas of 2020 until this moment are all now written in the books of our life, but as I walked through these past days, nothing at all was certain except for one thing: uncertainty.

Certainty and expected uncertainty are definite upcoming topics wrapped up in my learning over the past three weeks. Still, today I will be sharing what these days have taught me about loving without limits.

These past three weeks have brought a laundry list of emotions ending by going through the depths of pain felt in the loss of what we call “man’s best friend.” I have experienced the loss of many pets in my adult life and every time marveled at the depth of pain I experience in these losses.

This latest loss I experienced somewhat second hand because it was my daughter’s dog, Luna, we lost during a period where Shandi lived with us. During this experience, I spent many moments being the watcher to step out of my emotional state and hold more understanding, empathy, and compassion as the experience unfolded.

In this experience, I was able to feel my own pain and step back to understand how Shandi’s heart was being squeezed dry as she did everything within her power to do what was best for Luna.

Here is the gold nugget I rescued about loving without limits and a dog named Luna.

The pain we experience in our loss is directly connected to how much we loved.

Our pets love us unconditionally.

They desperately want us to pause, look in their eyes, and be fully present with themβ€”every waking moment.

The more we connect with them and teach them how to interact, the deeper the bond we build.

The more time, energy, and care we invest, the more love we feel.

When the time comes for them to leave our lives, the pain we feel in our hearts is in direct correlation to the love that we offered.

This experience, this wisdom, this beautiful realization has opened me up to a new challenge in my life.

I want to challenge myself to love without limits.

I want to recognize when I’m holding back on my love and correct my path.

I want to risk being heartbroken because deep heartbreak comes from loving without limits.

I want to love without limits and let the pain wash through me when love is lost. Through the pain, I reach great comfort in the love I had instead of the love I left unknown.

I hope you will join me in learning how to love without limits.

Peace.

🎧 Audio version of blog here!

πŸ’“πŸ’“πŸ’“πŸ’“πŸ’“πŸ’“πŸ’“

I am a life coach who works with individuals looking to change their current or future romantic relationship – my program helps them discover that they are enough. This self-love empowers and equips them to take continual, forward steps in achieving the healthy, romantic relationship they desire. Are you ready to explore this journey in your life? Schedule your program inquiry call today and let’s decide together if this is your next step to creating the life you’ve been dreaming of.

The Relationship Fix

The Relationship Fix

You could actually heal your relationship today, on your own, if your brain were like a computer operating system. Imagine if someone erased all of your current thoughts about your partner and your relationship with them and was able to replace those old thoughts with shiny new ones. You would think differently about your relationship. You would feel differently. You would act differently, giving you the result of that shiny new relationship you have been dreaming about, and that is what I call The Relationship Fix.

Today I’m going to share my Relationship Fix webinar where I teach you four practices, plus one special bonus practice, that you can start implementing in your life today that will start the process of turning your relationship around.

If you are in a relationship that has lost its luster then I want to encourage you to set aside some time to watch my class so that you can start taking the steps of re-creating, re-designing, and reigniting your love relationship.

Click here to watch my Relationship Fix Webinar, enjoy!

πŸ’“πŸ’“πŸ’“πŸ’“πŸ’“πŸ’“πŸ’“

I am a life coach who works with individuals looking to change their current or future romantic relationship – my program helps them discover that they are enough. This self-love empowers and equips them to take continual, forward steps in achieving the healthy, romantic relationship they desire. Are you ready to explore this journey in your life? Schedule your program inquiry call today and let’s decide together if this is your next step to creating the life you’ve been dreaming of.

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Becoming A Love Rockstar

Love Rockstar

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Do you remember a time in your love relationship when you felt like the love rockstar? Happy days where you couldn’t do any wrong in your relationship, and when you did, it just didn’t matter because you believed you were THE love rockstar! You and your partner were the envy of all of the other couples, and you were so proud about being able to do relationships right. You stuck by each other’s sides, held hands, played footsies under the table, ok, enough already, you say because right now you might be feeling like your rockstar status is in the toilet.

I’m going to share the best news ever in today’s message – you can actually still believe that you are the love rockstar. We talk a whole lot about beliefs here, and not thinking that you are a love rockstar is certainly not serving you with how you want to show up in your relationship.

Today we’re going to talk about how to get that rockstar status back in play.

Melissa came to me fully deflated. She didn’t know where to start but what she did know is that she wanted to have a rockstar relationship, sort of like she remembered having when she was dating her husband. She even started taking some actions that she thought might help get her that status:

  • She started taking better care of herself, wearing makeup, styling her hair, choosing outfits that she thought might draw attention from him
  • She started doing nice things for her husband like making his lunch, leaving love notes, buying special treats
  • She planned special dates and intentional time alone

Her actions didn’t appear to be working. Her husband didn’t seem to be noticing any of the things she was doing. Because she wasn’t getting what she wanted from him, she shut down romantically and started seeking validation elsewhere.

We uncovered in our coaching sessions that Melissa had a consistent underlying thought that she was no longer considered lovable by her husband. When we uncovered that thought it didn’t seem like a thought at all to her, she had accumulated so much evidence that she was unlovable and no longer a love rockstar. Her husband had never said these words, and she had never asked him if he considered her lovable. When she was honest, she admitted that him saying those words wouldn’t have helped and that she wouldn’t have believed them. REGARDLESS of whether he thought she was or not, she doesn’t have to believe him; instead, she just made the thought up herself and decided to believe it.

Melissa decided she was a love rockstar.

Here is where we started our journey from thinking she was no longer a love goddess to believing wholeheartedly that she was 100% a love rockstar.

We started all of the work on that belief and explored how it was making her show up; even while she was taking some of the above-listed actions, she still believed that she was unlovable so she saw she was only taking those actions in hopes that he would approve and show her love. Her actions were coming from an inauthentic place; she took action from a feeling of unworthiness, making her actions empty.

We started working on her unintentional thought and looking at why she looked for validation from outside sources. Melissa had never learned how to validate herself; she always relied on others to do that for her. When she learned how powerless that made her, how it got her results of being unlovable to herself, she started to understand the value of finding her validation from within.

Melissa started paying attention to her reasons for wanting to take some of the actions she wanted to take in her marriage. Even when we look at the above actions, we looked at taking them from feeling unworthy versus feeling self-compassion or self-confident. She noticed the different energy each version gave her and loved how she felt when she could take action from self-confidence.

She started noticing that she didn’t care as much if her husband responded or not, she continued to show up in a way that felt good to her, in a way that felt like love to her. Eventually, she was so happy with herself, feeling like a love rockstar that she stopped noticing that her husband wasn’t responding.

She actually started to notice ways in which he was responding.

When we learn how to validate ourselves, we start taking steps in our relationship without expectation of how the other person should react. We let them be themselves, and eventually, we start to see their possible self-protection mechanisms; we love them for who they are, not hating them for who they aren’t.

Melissa was able to move from thinking she had fallen from the love rockstar status to being all-in on being the love rockstar she knew she could be by building belief, self-confidence, and self-trust in her love relationship. That is what we do in AwakenYou, we take you from where you are to where you want to go in your love relationship. Going from loveless to love rockstar is possible for anyone, join the others who are becoming the love rockstar they imagine themselves to be!

🎧 Audio version of blog here!

πŸ’“πŸ’“πŸ’“πŸ’“πŸ’“πŸ’“πŸ’“

I am a life coach who works with individuals looking to change their current or future romantic relationship – my program helps them discover that they are enough. This self-love empowers and equips them to take continual, forward steps in achieving the healthy, romantic relationship they desire. Are you ready to explore this journey in your life? Schedule your program inquiry call today and let’s decide together if this is your next step to creating the life you’ve been dreaming of.

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Letting People’s Opinions Keep Us Stuck

When Other People's Opinions Keep Us Stuck

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As humans, we are very concerned about what the tribe thinks of us, and once upon a time, for a good reason. Long ago, not fitting in could have meant being the group’s weak link, causing us to be left behind to survive on our own so the tribe wouldn’t be compromised. Fitting in was a matter of life or death!

Now in the twenty-first century, this is not the case for us adults living our modern-day life. Not fitting in will most definitely not cause us death, yet our brain will do it’s hardest to convince you that this is a lie. Our brain wants us to stay stuck in our limiting belief, it thinks you are safer there.

First, I want you to pick a recent decision you’ve wanted to make and see how another’s opinion might affect your decision.

Let’s start by playing a little game, you know me, I LOVE to play! Let’s go back to your last big decision; maybe it was getting out of bed this morning, for real! Just come up with any decision, and I’m going to show you how this works with a decision like getting out of bed.

Example decisions could be:

  • Having that cake or donut or pizza, or all three
  • Quitting your job and starting your own business
  • Taking some time off of work
  • Leaving the party early
  • Choosing to not have a drink at dinner with your friends
  • Joining a program or taking a class

Secondly, I’d like you to write down what you think other people’s opinions might be about your choice.

Let’s go back to waking up when the alarm goes off. Let’s also pretend that you have mentioned to your partner that you’d like to start getting up earlier to get your workout in before work. The alarm goes off in the morning when you wanted to get up, and your partner pops right up out of bed. You want to stay under the covers and snuggle in. The thought crosses your mind that he might think you are lazy for not getting out of bed when you said you would. Now you feel guilty for wanting to stay in bed, and you start complaining about being tired, how you want to sleep another 15 minutes. You stay under the covers but don’t sleep one bit; you complain and tell yourself stories about how annoying your partner is. 30 minutes later, you drag yourself out of bed, complain about how late it is, rush around like a crazy woman making for a stressful morning. All of this resulting in you not doing what you said you wanted to do, thinking that you’re lazy, and getting annoyed with your partner, blaming him for making you feel guilty. None of this has anything to do with what your partner does, says, thinks, but when we don’t take care of our own needs, we will often look outside of ourselves to reason for our discomfort.

Pay attention to how you are getting into someone else’s head and letting them determine your outcome. When we are thinking these things about other people they are reflections of what we are thinking about ourselves.

  • He thinks I’m lazy > I think I’m lazy
  • She thinks I should stick with my old job > I think I should keep my old job and I’m afraid to decide on me
  • They think I’m fat because I eat pizza > I think I’m fat
  • He thinks I should work instead of taking a vacation > I think I don’t deserve a vacation
  • She thinks I’m boring for leaving the party early > I think I’m boring
  • They don’t think I’ll finish this course I’m wanting to purchase > I don’t think I’m going to complete this course I’m wanting to purchase

Now imagine yourself being able to make that decision from a place of believing in yourself.

Imagine letting go of the meaning you are making other people’s actions mean. How can we get out of their head and stay in our own? The solution is in creating belief and self-confidence in yourself that allows you to let others be who they are and not make their actions mean anything about who you are as a person.

I like to imagine myself going to the space after making the decision I want to make, the one that honors me. How would you have let anyone else’s actions not mean anything about you and everything about them? How would you have allowed others to think, say, and do their own thing knowing that you have your own back? You left the party when you said, got to bed early, and woke up feeling amazing.

Then, imagine going to the space after not making the decision you wanted to make because of what you thought other people were thinking. You stayed at the party late, drank more than you wanted to, only got a few hours of sleep, and woke up with a hang-over.

While I was thinking about all of this and writing this post, I then thought about the scenario of peer pressure around seeking mental wellness.

One of the main reasons people don’t seek a mental wellness professional is the fear of what other people will think, other people’s opinions.

It keeps us from doing many of the things we want to do, like seeking a personal trainer, getting a gym membership, taking a dance class, and hiring a professional to help us with our business website. Still, the most detrimental decision it keeps us from is the decision to invest in our ourselves.

When we let go of what others think and decide to be all in on ourselves, that’s when we can actually invest in ourselves and create the success that we have only dreamed of in the past. The only way to fully get to that place is to trust and believe in yourself – exactly what we do in AwakenYou.

As you start building a strong relationship with yourself you start noticing when you’re holding yourself back. You already just did an exercise of awareness, the more you start to see what you’re doing and the error of your thoughts you can start self-correcting.

Once you begin to Awaken(YourTrue)You you’ll start to catch on when your brain is working in it’s old operating system and needs to be self corrected into it’s new mode of operation. That new upgraded operating system decides what’s best for us without worrying what others think.

If this article resonated with you I also wrote another blog about other people’s opinions that has a whole different perspective, go check it out!

🎧 Audio version of blog here!

πŸ’“πŸ’“πŸ’“πŸ’“πŸ’“πŸ’“πŸ’“

Are you struggling in your love relationship? I would love to help you fall back in love with the one you love. My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for strong women like you, and a few pretty cool guys, who want to stop hurting in their most intimate relationship. Together we work from the inside out, meaning I teach you how to have a healthy, loving relationship with yourself so you can show up and simply love your partner. Let’s reignite your love relationship today, book your consultation call today!

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Marital Infidelity With Andrea Giles

Marriage Problems and Money with Money Expert Jill Wright | Relationship Coach

Today’s guest is my friend and fellow coach Andrea Giles of Andrea Giles Coaching. Andrea is a Certified Life Coach who works with women stuck in the after-effects of marital infidelity. She coaches from experience. Her passion for helping women discover the peace she’s found drives her coaching. Andrea’s clients learn to work through painful emotions. They learn to tell the truth (especially to themselves.) They find the courage to go after what they want. They take control of their life. They move on.

When Andrea’s not coaching, you’ll find her enjoying the simple things in life. She loves to read, kayak on the river in her back yard, play games with her husband and kids, and snuggle her two grandsons. Andrea is now married to a widower, and they have 11 children between them. Her journey from “there” to here is an inspiring one. She’s created powerful healing for herself and wants the same for her clients.

Listen in as this beautiful soul shares her journey into life coaching and how she helps the people she serves, enjoy!

You can find her on her website: Andrea Giles Coaching

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Heal from Infidelity podcast

Book recommendations:

Dance of Anger by Harriet Lerner

The Passionate Marriage by David Schnarch

πŸ’“πŸ’“πŸ’“πŸ’“πŸ’“πŸ’“πŸ’“

Are you struggling in your love relationship? I would love to help you fall back in love with the one you love. My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for strong women like you, and a few pretty cool guys, who want to stop hurting in their most intimate relationship. Together we work from the inside out, meaning I teach you how to have a healthy, loving relationship with yourself so you can show up and simply love your partner. Let’s reignite your love relationship today, book your consultation call today!

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