When You’re Excluded

Last night I was excluded from a family girls event.

What?!? Can you even believe that?

“They left me out.”

“I must not matter.”

“I’m not important.”

“They don’t like me.”

“Whatever, how rude!”

Yep, it really happened and that’s how I would have reacted in the past. I would have blamed, pouted, felt sorry for myself, beat myself up, been sarcastic, (try to) make everyone feel bad. Of course, if you’ve been following me, we know that we can’t make other people feel bad.

You see, two years ago us Bongiovanni women decided to finally follow through with our Christmas banter about getting together outside of the holidays.

Thanks to my Aunt Mari, we’ve followed through.

Except this year they left me out.

I was actually at a meeting during this get together and after the meeting I had a message from my daughter and a voicemail from my Aunt.

I responded to the text of “Where are you?” with a tapback “?” and then read the transcript from the voicemail and immediately felt a bit sad.

Turns out that the email invitation went to an email that I haven’t used for over 10 years and for a moment I did have a thought that made me feel indignant and cause me to blame and complain. I noticed it, allowed it and then started to look at how this was no big deal.

They went without me and it was awesome.

It was awesome because I got to watch how my new brain handles these new situations, first hand.

I had new thoughts like:

“What a bummer!”

“This is not a big deal.”

“Everything is ok.”

“Nothing has gone wrong here.”

“I am fully worthy, enough, complete.”

You know the best part?

I get the result of loving myself, as well as everyone else, instead of not mattering to myself, or anyone else.

I love my new brain!

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My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for strong, success driven women who want to discover their true self, discover the missing key, find their purpose and then start building a legacy from pure power. I have made it may mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability before your subconscious primitive mind tells you to run and hide.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this message and I highly encourage you to get on my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

Your Top Three Emotions And How They Reveal The Results In Your Life

Feelings, or emotions, it seems like a bunch of wasted time to look at them, right?

Wrong.

Read on to find out why they are so important.

Feelings start in our brain. They are caused by something that we are thinking, when we feel the emotion, the brain sends out chemicals to the body, these chemicals create vibrations in the body.

Feelings are the third line in the Thought Model, they are a one word emotion that drives the actions you take with the things you do on a daily basis.

I have found that we as humans are pretty numb to our emotions. Discovering what emotions we are feeling is one of the first, and fundamental, things I teach.

Think about it for a moment, everything we want in life is because of how we think it will make us feel.

So now, think about what you want.

Then ask yourself what you really, really want (insert Spice Girl Wannabe lyrics).

Lastly, ask yourself how you think you’ll feel when you get what you really want.

BINGO!

You want the feeling that thing will give you.

The next question I’ll ask is how you can create that feeling now?

This is the magical work I do with my Awaken(TheTrue)You program clients.

I help them start to fill that void the have in their life. I teach them how to stop attempting to fill it with external things.

Once they are able to start closing that void their brain is free to start focusing on what they really, truly want in their life.

Then we start creating it.

They step off of their hamster wheel and into the life of their dreams.

They start creating the results that they didn’t even realize they wanted to create.

It’s beautiful.

Let’s keep moving forward with some more awareness activities.

Ask yourself what your top three most common emotions are on a daily basis and why you feel them.

Here’s a list to get you started.

If you’re feeling brave go ahead and describe each feeling, then how you deal with each one.

Then ask yourself what are the top three emotions you want to have on a daily basis and why.

If you felt this way on a daily basis how might you show up differently in your life?

Showing up the way you want to show up will change your life forever.

The best part?

You don’t even need to change any of the external things in your life for this to happen, like your job, your boss, spouse, child, friend, state, car, house.

If you struggle with feeling joy, excitement, enthusiasm, responsible, determined, proud and want help changing the results you are currently getting in your life then let’s find some time to chat. Let’s talk about whether working with me might be a fit for the next step in your life, you can book your free session here or send me an email with days and times that will work for you.

Make today the first day of the best days of your life!

_______________________________________

My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for strong, success driven women who want to discover their true self, discover the missing key, find their purpose and then start building a legacy from pure power. I have made it may mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability before your subconscious primitive mind tells you to run and hide.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this message and I highly encourage you to get on my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

Four Ways To Tell If You’re A People Pleaser & Steps To Stop

I was the biggest people pleasers out there, often doing things for other people. I thought I could make other people happy. I thought I could make other people like me by saying yes to them.

One of my problems is I also love to get involved in all sorts of things but this used to come at the expense of the things I valued the most.

Constraint has helped me a whole lot in this area. Now when I’m asked if I want to do something instead of jumping all over it because it sounds like so much fun, I take a moment to think about my time and what I’m really focusing on at the moment.

Let’s look at some ways to tell if you’re a people pleaser and then let’s look at ways to start being a you pleaser.

You say yes because it sounds like an amazing opportunity but you are in dread when you think about it.

There is a possible mixed bag of things going on here and it’s important for you to unpack it.

First I’d like to encourage you to work on your decision skills. As a people pleaser, you may want to tell the asker that you’ll get back to them so that you have some time to truly decide what you want to say. Then give them a time deadline of when you’ll get back to them and honor that deadline. Please make sure that you are all in with your decision, love your reasons either way.

Once you love your reasons continue to remind yourself of those reasons. As the event approaches and you’re finding yourself regretting your choice remember your all in decision and be all in. If it was a no and you’re finding yourself regretting not attending then again remind yourself of your all in decision to say no, love it and be all in on whatever else it is you chose to do at that time.

If your answer is no, really start working on just saying no without excuses. It’s completely ok to say that you’re not able to help out if it’s just for this time and you want to be considered for the future then say that, but ONLY if you mean it.

You offer to do things for people that you really don’t want to do.

This was a problem for me in my marriage because I did things to get love in return for what I did. What happens here is that of course, people can’t make you feel love, that comes from within yourself. Eventually what happens is we start to resent the other person because they’re expecting you to keep doing what you always did. You now stop doing what you always did and the other person is completely confused, with you having the result of resenting yourself.

Make sure your offer is coming from a place of love from within yourself, not for the reaction of the other person. When you do this you get the result of creating love for yourself because you’re doing what you really want to do.

Stop and ask yourself before you decide to do something for someone if you are doing it from a place of love for yourself, with absolutely NO expectations from the other person. This is not people-pleasing, this is self-love.

You have a difficult time ending a conversation or leaving a party.

I am waving my hand high here because this had ALWAYS been a problem for me! What would happen is I would stay on the phone longer than I wanted, get resentful, and then I’d end abruptly. Same at parties, as a matter of fact sometimes I would even ditch without saying goodbye. This my friends is all about people-pleasing by completely attempting to control what people think of you.

My suggestion for stepping out of this one is to be super intentional. Make a phone call to someone, decide how long you’ll talk, and then honor yourself with your decision. If you stay on the phone longer decide to do it out of love for yourself, maybe you’re really enjoying the conversation and want to stay on. Again: love your choice.

At parties visualize telling the host goodbye and just do it. Be uncomfortable. Thank them for inviting you and let them know what a great time you had. They may be sad that you’re leaving, it’s ok, staying won’t make them happy, it will be their thoughts that will make them happy. Again, if you choose to stay later, love your reasons, and don’t go into resentment, fully love yourself along with the reasons you choose to stay.

You guys, I love all of this and helping all of you see how your actions may not truly be coming from a place of true love in yourself but from trying to find love outside of yourself. This just doesn’t feel good, it always leaves us feeling empty.

Honoring ourselves and following through with what we say we’re going to do builds trust and love in ourselves and truly sets us free to love others unconditionally. This is true freedom my friends.

If you want to work on your journey to self freedom on a level that creates a massive change in your life then let’s find time to talk. God has created the perfect path in my life to understand everything you are going through in your struggles. I want you to know it’s ok, your life can start brand new today and I can’t wait to watch you fly free.

Book your free consult session here or send me an email with some days and times that will work for you. Once you start you will never turn back.

💓💓💓💓💓💓💓

Are you struggling in your love relationship? I would love to help you fall back in love with the one you love. My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for strong women like you, and a few pretty cool guys, who want to stop hurting in their most intimate relationship. Together we work from the inside out, meaning I teach you how to have a healthy, loving relationship with yourself so you can show up and simply love your partner. Let’s reignite your love relationship today, book your consultation call today!

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life-changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability, your future life is waiting for you.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this message and I highly encourage you to get on my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

Don’t forget to join my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself and never miss another post, get yourself signed up for my newsletter!

4 Signs You’re Hiding Behind Your Introvert Mask

Let me start with the disclaimer that I too am an introvert. At some point in my life the simple explanation of an introvert being someone who gets energized when alone and an extrovert getting energized when they are with people, clicked for me. It explained something about me that I truly didn’t understand, why I always wanted to be alone, funny how when we hear something that seems to work for us we adopt it with power.

I wonder if you use this label to escape, to avoid things that seem uncomfortable, things that bring up a bit of fear.

I used to.

Then in 2017, the year I stopped training athletes, as I was exploring my next step I started reaching out to people in my large circle and connecting with them.

In 2018 I partnered with a company that was another catalyst to getting to know even more people in my circle.

You see I had this huge network of people that came with my thirty year business of training athletes, being a NPC/IFBB representative, professional athlete and sporting event promoter, yet during the first 25 years I did little outside networking. Meaning I rarely went up to people, introduced myself and asked them questions. When people came up to me I was great at listening and prompting them to talk, part of the reason my business was hugely successful, yet there was fear and discomfort around meeting new people.

I blamed this on being an introvert.

Lie.

Truth: I was I didn’t have the self confidence to break through my fear, I was afraid of judgment.

During the two years, 2017-2018, of transitioning into my next endeavor I learned so much about people I knew, and people who knew me, because I reached out and asked to connect.

Getting to know others is amazing!

I hear you gagging in the background but I’m curious if you secretly want to meet more people than you admit to.

Trust me, I still LOVE my away time, my time to reflect, dig deep, come up with new amazing thoughts, talk to God but meeting new people actually kind of gets me revved up!

Honest talk here: I do still need to do thought work and train my brain when I go to networking/social events because I do tend to want to hide in the corner, but I know it doesn’t give me the result I want. I know I don’t want to leave not having met someone new and fascinating, so I plan my ice breakers and I just enjoy the discomfort. I know my discomfort puts other people at ease knowing that they too probably are feeling awkward themselves, you know me – always helping others to feel comfortable, plus I know it builds up my self confidence to do things I fear.

Here are the signs that you might want to start working on your self confidence instead of hiding behind the mask of an introvert:

You want more friends and want to be invited along but you’re an introvert so you’ll skip, especially if there will be more than two of you!

Of course, if there’s more than just you and that someone else then you are able to hide a bit more but then there is also the fact that they will ignore you. Pay attention next time, is the reason you’re “ignored” because you are the only one not contributing? Possibly you are the only one judging yourself, and maybe everyone else? Things like:

“They have so much more to contribute.”

“I don’t know anything about what they’re talking about.”

You don’t talk to people you don’t know because you’re an introvert.

I’ve even heard the opposite: he talks to everyone, he’s such an extrovert.

Actually, I love talking to other people, people I do and don’t know. It actually makes them feel good, all it takes is asking how they’re doing, talking about their job, their life – people love to share and they light up when you show interest.

These are also the best conversations because they typically don’t go very deep but that barista that makes you coffee every morning? Say hi next time, ask them how they’re doing, ask them what else they might do – it’s amazing how people open up!

You long for deeper connection with your mate but, you know, you need your quiet time.

My guess is that not only are you an introvert but you don’t know how to move forward and truly connect in your now so so relationship. Fearing being vulnerable you just shrink back into yourself and just hope for the best.

Let me give you some advice, the best will never come if you don’t start working on the why behind not wanting to invest the time into your relationship.

You want something different in your life, maybe a mate to actually connect with, but it’s so much work for an introvert.

All of these signs are not signs that you’re an introvert, they’re signs that you don’t trust yourself enough to just be you. You’re attached to the outcome.

Your self confidence is weak, possibly non-existant, so when you do go out to socialize you come home completely exhausted because you are playing the part of the people pleaser. You are not just being yourself, you are trying to fit in and make people like you, this is so much work, I did this most of my life, no wonder I hid behind the introvert mask.

Now I am proud to be an introvert who loves meeting other people and just being me.

When you’re all in on you it doesn’t matter if you’re an introvert or an extrovert. You’ll fully enjoy your quiet time without guilt and you’ll fully enjoy your social time without exhaustion.

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My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for strong, success driven women who want to discover their true self, discover the missing key, find their purpose and then start building a legacy from pure power. I have made it may mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability before your subconscious primitive mind tells you to run and hide.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this message and I highly encourage you to get on my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

Five Reasons Why Your Transformation Journey Isn’t Working

I coach women who want to transform their lives, women who want to achieve what seems impossible, women who want to send their careers soaring while having fun doing it.

I coach women change their story line from being the victim to being the hero.

Watching this journey is incredibly beautiful, like watching tightly bound peony bud blossom into full bloom, magical.

Though the journey is magical to watch it isn’t without it’s struggles. The process of changing deeply engrained patterns of the mind isn’t something you do with ease, it takes strength and persistence.

All of the years I worked with athletes I could tell the difference between those who would succeed in their goals and those who wouldn’t. The beautiful thing about what I do now is that I actually coach people on why they aren’t succeeding so even when they don’t succeed their brain still changes, even if it’s just a bit.

You have to be committed to doing the work to get the expected results. If you do some of the work you will see some results, they will come slower than when you take massive action and do all of the work. When you take massive action and do all of the work you will see massive results, guaranteed.

 Let’s get into some of the reasons your journey to becoming your next best version of you may not be working so that you can do some honest evaluation and, if you’re up for the work, start moving forward to your new amazing life.

You don’t believe this will work.

This is typically the first problem. This work is different from anything else you’ve ever done, it seems counterintuitive and a bit of what I call “mind bendy”.

This is because we have been thinking a certain way for most of our lives, changing those patterns takes work and repetition. Your brain is going to want to tell you that it’s not working, that you should just do what you’ve always done, it doesn’t like change.

You can tell your brain to chill, that this is all going to be ok and that you are re-creating your beautiful you.

You’re striving for perfection.

Perfection my friend will stop you from creating your dreams all day long.

Perfectionists are liars, there is no such thing so stop it now and stop telling everyone you’re a perfectionist. It’s not something to be proud of.

Tell yourself that you will strive for 80% work, B+ work. This will get you moving forward and allow you to just do what it is you said you were going to do without the fear of it not being perfect. Just get it done and if you have time, go back and work on doing another 80% on your first 80%!

You’re not fully applying the techniques.

This is like those clients I had that weren’t fully successful in their health and wellness goals. They thought that taking the step of hiring a coach was going to create the results and then they would let themselves down by not applying the work. This doesn’t work.

This was what I did in the beginning of hearing the techniques I used to create my own personal freedom. I consumed the information but didn’t fully apply them. I kind of applied them but when I liked enough of what I had been hearing I hired a coach and applied everything she taught me.

Funny, I saw massive results.

You’re not evaluating your progress.

This is one of the most important things I have learned how to do and have honored myself in doing. Sometimes I don’t want to do this, I think it’s going to take too much time, but seeing how far we’ve come is so important.

Our brain wants to continue to tell us that we still aren’t good enough, that we still are not perfect, that we should just give up, go sit on the couch and eat chocolate.

Our brain is funny like that. It really wants to protect us but if we aren’t fully aware of what it’s doing it will keep us from moving forward.

You’re making your fails mean that it’s not working instead of using your fails as learning experiences that will move you forward.

You can make failing whatever you want it to mean and again, the brain really wants to just protect you from hurting yourself.

Failure is ok, it doesn’t mean anything about you and your worth but I imagine that most of your life that is what you’ve made it mean.

Now you are doing the work to change that, you are doing the work of changing your brain and telling it that failure is just information. Let me say that again.

Failure is just information along the way to your success. It’s data for you to analyze and to use to figure out what went wrong so you can work on what you will do next time.

I believe in you friend. I know you can do this.

You are one strong woman out there doing amazing things in the world.

I know you have the capability to do more but not just do more, but to do more and to have fun doing it!

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My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for strong, success driven women who want to discover their true self, discover the missing key, find their purpose and then start building a legacy from pure power. I have made it may mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability before your subconscious primitive mind tells you to run and hide.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this message and I highly encourage you to get on my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

Are You Self Confident or Confident?

Today I want to share the difference because it’s huge. It might help you discover something you didn’t know about yourself and allow you to explore how to develop the one you may be lacking.

Confidence

Confidence is specific to the person because it is a skill that someone has practiced or something that a person might have natural talent for. You are confident you can get on your bicycle after several years of not riding it if you’ve rode a bicycle enough to create that confidence.

Strong, driven, successful people like yourself have developed a false sense of self confidence by practicing and seeking further education in what you do. You have taken actions that have developed your confidence in something you do.

I like to liken this to your shield of confidence, you have proven to the powers that be, whoever those people are, that you are fully competent. To prove it you also might make sure that people are fully aware of your capability in an effort to feel better about yourself, so that they will be impressed with you.

Generating love, recognition, validation from outside of yourself.

The interesting thing is that even though we may have confidence in a certain ability there are so many of us who experience the dreaded imposter syndrome.

I experienced this during my 30 year business of coaching athletes. I had gone to college to become a Chemical Engineer, after three years changed that path to Journalism and Graphic Design. After getting laid off during Desert Storm, I decided to start helping all of the people at the gym who had been begging me to help them start the journey to a healthier life. Needing an income resource I started one of most successful personal training businesses in the country and became a professional athlete in the process. All the evidence of success still made me feel like an imposter, simply caused by plenty of confidence but very little self confidence.

Another consideration is that confident people often will not try things they aren’t good at because of fear. Fear they might fail. Fear they might feel embarrassed or humiliated.

Self Confidence

Is truly an overall mindset you create for yourself about your own ability in ALL areas of your life that matter to you.

It is the ability to do something that you might be afraid of doing but fear doesn’t stop you from doing it.

You choose to take the action regardless of your fear because you know that fear is just an emotion, it can’t kill you.

You are willing to fail with the only consequence being an uncomfortable feeling and possible failure.

Knowing that what happens doesn’t mean anything negative about you.

Knowing the feeling will pass.

Knowing you have evolved yourself and learned something.

You are taking the actions that you want to take, no matter what.

Self confident people will do things they haven’t done before because they’re confident in themselves. They aren’t afraid of feeling embarrassed or humiliated. They know that failure means nothing about them as a human being. They know that the failure is just information for moving forward.

As a coach who has overcome the obstacle of myself getting in the way of myself I now teach people how to become more self confident. I teach them how to overcome the fears that keep them from playing big. I teach them how to have their own back in every life situation.

If you are starting to see that you might be the biggest obstacle in your life and you want to start coming up with strategies to overcome this obstacle then send me an email and let’s find some time to talk. Overcoming this obstacle has been the best work I have ever done in my life and it is my mission to help anyone brave enough to finally take the steps to freedom.

I can’t wait to watch you soar!

_______________________________________

My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for strong, success driven women who want to discover their true self, discover the missing key, find their purpose and then start building a legacy from pure power. I have made it may mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability before your subconscious primitive mind tells you to run and hide.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this message and I highly encourage you to get on my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.