Are You Self Confident or Confident? Ep 14

Are You Self Confident or Confident? | Relationship Coaching

Hello, hello my lovelies, how are you this beautiful day? We have been chatting the past few weeks about self-trust. Do we have it and how to increase it to live a more fulfilling and rich life. In last week’s episode, we talked about: Three Reasons Why We Lack Marital Confidence (link) and how we begin to lose confidence in our ability to have a successful marriage because we have stopped taking action in ways that build our confidence. Then the week before that, in episode 12: Three Steps To Building Self Trust, when we talked about ways to start building trust in ourselves, I talked about how this work leads us to have more self-confidence – confidence in ourselves. Today I’d like to dig a bit deeper into the difference between self-confidence and confidence to see how having confidence in certain areas of our lives doesn’t necessarily mean we have self-confidence. What do you think? Are you self-confident or confident or both?

Are you confident?

Let’s start with a definition of confidence. Confidence is a belief that you can do something well or succeed at something, and it is built through the process of doing, of taking action. For example, if you know how to ride a bicycle, you have taken steps to build confidence over time to get on a bike, no matter how long it has been since you were last on a bicycle, and know that you can ride it. This is not something you had before you took the training wheels off and proceeded to crash a few times along the way.

Confidence is specific to the person because it is a skill that someone has practiced or something that a person might have a natural talent for. Strong, driven, successful people like yourself have developed a false sense of self-confidence by practicing and seeking further education in what you do. You have taken actions that have developed your confidence in that thing that you do so well.

I like to liken this to your shield of confidence; you have proven to the powers that be, whoever those people are, that you are fully competent. To prove it, you also might make sure that people are fully aware of your capability, this might make you feel better about yourself because you think they are impressed by you. Many of us, I say us because I’m quite familiar with this form of confidence, use this shield out in the world yet struggle with what we commonly know as imposter syndrome because we still don’t believe in ourselves. Our self-confidence is in the tank; we generate validation, recognition, and affirmation from others, from outside of ourselves.

I experienced this during my 30 year business of coaching athletes. I had gone to college to become a Chemical Engineer; three years later I changed that path to Journalism and Graphic Design. After getting laid off from a dream design job, I decided to start helping all of the people at the gym who had been begging me to help them start their journey to a healthier life. As a single parent needing an income resource, I started one of the most successful personal training businesses in the country and became a professional athlete in the process. All the evidence of success still made me feel like an imposter, simply caused by plenty of confidence but minimal self-confidence.

Something else to consider is that confident people who lack self-confidence often will not try things they aren’t good at because of fear. They are afraid of failing or doing something that might make them feel foolish, embarrassed, or humiliated. They are afraid to experience these emotions for fear their failure or “foolish” appearance means something about who they are as a human, which would have their confidence come tumbling down in a huge heap.

Are you self-confident?

Self-confidence is a feeling of trust in one’s abilities, qualities, and judgment. It is truly an overall mindset you create for yourself about your own ability in ALL areas of your life that matter to you.

Self-confidence is the ability to do something that you might be afraid of doing, but fear doesn’t stop you from doing it because you won’t make failure mean anything about you as a human. When you are self-confident, you recognize failure, embarrassment, humiliation as emotions that could hold you back from doing what you want to do or emotions that you might have to process and feel; that’s all.

Self-confidence can look forward and see the person on the other side of whatever emotion it is that they are afraid of and being able to choose the delayed gratification of knowing that you were willing to take a chance. Taking chances is where growth comes; it’s where wisdom enters; it’s where we learn and evaluate.

Once you can learn how to overcome the obstacle of yourself getting in the way of yourself, you can take steps forward in all areas of your life, including your marriage. This is the work we do in AwakenYou; we learn how to overcome our fears which keep us from living our dream come true life, and we learn how to have our own backs in every life situation. For most of us, the biggest obstacle in our lives is ourselves, yet building self-confidence starts to erode that obstacle and helps us stop blaming the world and start creating our ideal world, life, and marital relationship.

If you want to begin coming up with strategies to overcome the obstacle in the way of your best life and your best marriage, then reach out, and let’s find time to talk. My one-on-one coaching program is designed to overcome this obstacle and clear the way to the ideal life you have stopped dreaming of.


I am a life coach who works with individuals to break down relationship barriers by awakening their true self. My process isn’t about changing your partner, it’s about discovering who you are so that you can AwakenYou in your marriage. If you’re ready to take your life and your love relationship to the next level then schedule your program inquiry call today and let’s decide together if this is your next step to creating the life you’ve been dreaming of.

Three Reasons Why We Lack Marital Confidence Ep 13

Three Steps To Building Self Trust | Relationship Coach

This week we’re going to talk about how building self-confidence in yourself will help you start building the confidence to create a marital relationship that you dreamt of having back when you said “Yes!” to his ask of having your hand in marriage. As we move through the years of our marital relationship, many of us find ourselves in a place so far from what we dreamed our marriage to be that we have no idea where to start in the journey to what we want. When we go back to the beginning of our marital journey, we had confidence that everything would be happily ever after because we saw our joy and happiness as evidence that all was well. Fast forward through the years of your marriage. You have a pile of reasons proving why your relationship isn’t working. You lack confidence in your ability to create a joyful ever after, and today we’re going to look at three reasons why you lack marital confidence so that you can get back on the road of navigating to your ideal marriage relationship.

This will help you to build back some desire so that you can actually believe that your wants are possible.

The number one reason you lack marital confidence is because of your lack of self-confidence.

I do not say this in a demeaning way. When we lack self-confidence we are often letting other people’s actions, or inactions, mean something about us.

I’ve always been a self-help junkie. As far back as I can remember, I was learning how to exercise, meditate, eat right, but knowing what I know now; I’m sure it was mostly to fit into the mold society deemed desirable.

So I could feel acceptance and approval.

Ok, maybe not the meditation, I think that was part of my deep desire to get connected spiritually as well as to discover myself.

Back to the feeling accepted.

This was always a struggle for me, always doing what I thought would make me fit in, feel accepted and good enough to be a part of the group.

I thought I would generate self-confidence by proving myself as acceptable.

I always looked for love from other people by doing everything for others until I discovered that the only true way to feel love was to start with loving myself. If you haven’t listened to my AwakenYou in your marriage podcast, episode 1 is all about How To Start Loving Yourself; I highly recommend you take a listen.

As I started digging into becoming self-confident, I started figuring out all of the things that I needed to work on and was on the road to a new belief and new way of life.

Secondly, we have low self-confidence because we don’t trust ourselves.

To discover if you trust yourself, you can go back to episode 10, One Simple Way To See If You Trust Yourself where I share one question that will help you see how much you trust yourself. If you discover from that episode that you might not have a great trusting relationship with yourself, you can go to last week’s episode, where I share Three Steps To Building Self Trust. (link)

As we start to build a foundation of self-trust, we start to build confidence in ourselves, and we start building our self-confidence. Yes, there is a difference between confidence and self-confidence; join me next week to take a deep dive into the difference, but today let’s distinguish the difference. Confidence comes from repeatedly doing something until we do it well; this repetition, failing until we get better, builds proof that we know how to do something; this is confidence, built through doing, taking steps forward, and learning. Self-confidence is created by doing things and being willing to do them wrong, being willing to experience whatever emotion rises when we fail and having our own back. We trust and know that our failure says nothing about ourselves except that we gave it our best in the moment. The more often we are willing to experience a negative emotion for the sake of growth, the more our self-confidence grows, and then hand in hand with that, we build confidence along the way.

If you look at your marriage, there might be an excellent chance that you haven’t been taking steps forward to create the relationship you dream of. Because you aren’t taking these steps, your confidence in your ability decreases; you aren’t exercising your marital confidence muscles. This process starts with learning how to trust yourself and take the steps you want to take, even when it feels uncomfortable, and building SELF-confidence.

The third reason we lack marital confidence is that we are afraid to feel our emotions.

The first step to creating marital confidence and self-confidence is learning how to feel and experience any emotion. Not being willing to do so weakens that marital confidence muscle. We’re afraid of not feeling loved, we’re afraid of being rejected, of feeling sad or disappointed, so we do other things that will make us feel temporarily satisfied in the moment. We seek pleasure at our own expense instead of delaying gratification. We want our partners to treat us the way we want them to treat us to feel good. Do you see how disempowering that is? What we do in AwakenYou is learn how to generate that positive, good feeling ourselves while letting our partners act and do as they choose. This is the gold of my program result; you get what you want without requiring your partner to join in the work.

Learning how to process our emotions instead of avoiding them allows us to build self-confidence to do the things we want to do in our marriage, building marital confidence by the doing.

Emotions are only vibrations in our body, and when we get up into that concept, we can recognize that much of our lives, we have been afraid of a feeling, a simple vibration, that will not kill us.

Learning how to experience any emotion is necessary to create the marital relationship you stopped dreaming of. Moving towards any goal in your life requires stepping into feeling and allowing the emotions of fear to surge through you while you take your next step. The beautiful thing about taking these steps in my one-on-one coaching program is that you’re not doing it alone; you have support and accountability.

Lastly, I want to share a bonus reason as to why you lack marital confidence.

Let’s get honest; most of us have learned what we know about marriage from our parents, step-parents, or whoever our initial caregivers were. When this fact was laid before my eyes, I smacked myself in the head – no wonder I sucked at this thing called marriage! I was using my parent’s marital playbook to build a relationship AND a relationship that I didn’t want! Now I am creating my own unique version of a marital relationship. This is one more awareness tool to give you the confidence you need to seek the help of someone who can guide you to where you want to go, not to where someone else has modeled you to go.

Becoming confident in yourself to build the marital relationship you want is a journey of empowerment and one without any regrets. Becoming maritally confident requires you to become self-confident, and it is completely possible, no matter what lies you may have told yourself in the past, today is a new day.

There is no better day than today to start creating the confidence you need so you can begin believing again in a new marital dream. You have the power to change the course of your marital journey, and I’d love to travel that beautiful road with you!


I am a life coach who works with individuals to break down relationship barriers by awakening their true self. My process isn’t about changing your partner, it’s about discovering who you are so that you can AwakenYou in your marriage. If you’re ready to take your life and your love relationship to the next level then schedule your program inquiry call today and let’s decide together if this is your next step to creating the life you’ve been dreaming of.

How I Help You Actualize Your Dreams

As I write this post I am on a plane to Plano, Texas. It was exactly one year ago, to the month, that I left Plano to embark on a new life journey.

You see I had been living my dream job.

For thirty years I got to work in the lives of literally thousands of beautiful people. Coaching athletes to live out their own dreams in the athletic sports health and wellness industry.

That dream had been put on my heart while I was an athletic trainer in high school.

Laughed at when I spoke this dream out loud, told I was way too smart for that, I followed the footsteps of my dad, diving into the world of Chemical Engineering.

My heart told me this wasn’t me.

Then I took the exit ramp off that highway and decided to step into the world of journalism and graphic design, both still loves of my life, yet insecurity had planted it’s seed deep in my soul. I never truly allowed myself to bloom fully into this field. (Can I just say that it’s made me so happy that this passion has been able to continue on with me throughout all of what I’ve done. This makes my heart shine so much!)

Life happened, I got laid off, and I found myself desperate to make money so I ended up, basically, where I originally dreamed of being.

Yet it still never felt right.

I always felt like I was under actualizing my capability, I was smarter than this.

I never fully allowed myself to absorb the magical life I had fallen into.

Insecurity, thoughts of being smarter than this, of not being fully worthy settled in yet deeper.

For thirty more years.

I literally did my best to destroy myself, never good enough, never allowing myself the joy I deserved.

I struggled to find true happiness in my life.

Then I discovered life coaching. This created a huge curiosity within my soul. Was this my next chapter?

I applied the principles.

I got myself coached.

My life changed.

A LOT.

I started to feel myself get set free.

This was so beautiful I could not keep it to myself.

It set my world on fire.

Now, one year later, as I head to my Mastermind in Plano, Texas, I can say that my life is shining.

I can say I’m smart, really smart.

I can say I am amazing, truly amazing.

I can say I absolutely LOVE what I do, 1000 (thousand) percent!

I can say I am grateful because now I REALLY get to help people blow up their life.

Not just through health and wellness and succeeding as an athlete but in EVERY area of their life.

You.

I see you.

I love you.

I want to show you how to make YOUR life shine.

It is 100% possible!

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My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for strong, success driven women who want to discover their true self, discover the missing key, find their purpose and then start building a legacy from pure power. I have made it may mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability before your subconscious primitive mind tells you to run and hide.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this message and I highly encourage you to get on my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

A Different Kind Of Argument That You SHOULD Participate In!

Today is Monday and this seems to be the day that my brain likes to argue with me. It never used to argue with me, it would just tell me what to do and I would just listen to it.

Can I just tell you that this has gotten me into a whole lot of trouble in this life so I would highly suggest you read on if you want to avoid that as much as possible. Let me just add that each of my mistakes has made my life more rich and makes this journey that much more colorful but my purpose is to guide you along the easier path and to show you what is truly possible in this life!

Most of us are very familiar with what an argument is all about. Usually it’s between two, or more, people, each having a different opinion and each wanting to prove that their opinion is better than the other.

The need to be right in relationship arguments costs us our peace.

Today though, I want to turn this relationship around into a relationship that DOES warrant a good, strong argument.

It’s the relationship between you and your brain.

I want to ask you, did you know that you could argue with your brain? You can and you should.

Actually, the best thing you can do is question and argue what your brain is telling you.

Most of us just listen to our brain and accept everything it tells us to be truth. What you might not know though is that the brain would prefer you not fight for what you want.

Your brain would prefer you:

not work hard to succeed at your goals,

take the day off,

put that task off for sometime later,

go look at social media instead,

eat the food you told yourself you wouldn’t eat,

not work on that relationship that you have been mending,

spend the money,

drink the drink,

I want to challenge you to start paying attention to what your brain has to offer you, it’s quite interesting how we let it rule over us.

To give the brain credit, it is only doing what it is designed to do, as well as what we have taught it to do. You see, our brains are created to be motivationally driven to seek pleasure, avoid pain and to seek ease, it’s called the motivational triad, which I won’t be getting into today but it is the source of many of our modern problems.

Basically your brain is going to tell you to take the day off or so that task later when it just seems too hard (seek pleasure).

It’s going to tell you to spend the money, eat the food, drink the drink to avoid the pain of whatever negative emotion you may be experiencing (avoid pain).

Then, when things start to get hard, when you’ve done the easy steps towards your goal and now you’re starting to feel uncomfortable, your brain will tell you to take a short cut (create ease).

Once you actually start seeing what the brain is offering you, the next thing I want to do is challenge you to argue with it.

This is going to feel uncomfortable for awhile but once you start doing it you’re going to win and winning will start training it to not think in it’s old way.

Yet sometimes it’s pretty sneaky, like my brain today, and you forget about the fact that you can challenge what it is offering to you.

With practice you will get much quicker at the draw and you will be able to not only argue with your brain but you will also be able to win, always.

Winning these arguments are what will move you forward into the next version of yourself. The version that completes their goals, doesn’t put that task off and doesn’t eat the food or drink the drink.

I love these arguments but even more, I love winning them!

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My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for strong, success driven women who want to discover their true self, discover the missing key, find their purpose and then start building a legacy from pure power. I have made it may mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability before your subconscious primitive mind tells you to run and hide.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this message and I highly encourage you to get on my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

When It All Just Doesn’t Make Sense

What is this life all about anyway?

You out there doing all of the things.

Yet no idea why.

Your purpose is gone.

It was never truly there.

This whole time always right there, right inside.

It’s just that no one has told you.

You’re broken.

Broken hearted.

Destructive.

Hopeless.

Lost.

You hate who you are, you hate who you have become.

I just want you to know that I know who you are.

I was you.

Though I lived a life of apparent success, a life that people envied, I was hurt, I was broken.

I didn’t know how to love myself so I sought to destroy myself.

I was too strong for that thought, too strong because I was made for so much more.

Created and protected for a day such as this.

A day when I can tell you that you too were created on purpose, with a purpose.

Your life has shaped you into an instrument to be used in the world.

What will you do with it?

My hope today is that this post will give just one person some hope.

Some hope to pick themselves up, clean themselves up and to open themselves up to their very own possibility.

It’s there, this I know, you just have to love yourself and your Savior enough to go find it.

You were created for so much more, this I know and this I want you to know.

XOX

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My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for strong, success driven women who want to discover their true self, discover the missing key, find their purpose and then start building a legacy from pure power. I have made it may mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability before your subconscious primitive mind tells you to run and hide.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this message and I highly encourage you to get on my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

Coaching VS Therapy And How To Choose What’s Best For You

When you have made the decision to be all in on you it’s important that you know the difference between therapy and life coaching. Most of us are familiar with what a therapist does, yet the majority of people still feel shame around the prospect of “seeking help”, they have this mistruth that if you seek guidance you are weak.

If this is the lie you are telling yourself then you are carrying around the wrong kind of pride and probably a bit of fear.

Let it go my friend, take control of your own destiny by learning how to smash the obstacles that you keep putting in the way of your best life.

When I finally set down my pride and decided I would no longer wanted to live a life of denial, I automatically turned to a therapist. I had been seeing a counselor with my husband, asked her for a referral and then started my journey.

It’s all I knew. It’s what most of us know.

But I want to spread light on what an impact a coach can do in the life of a highly functioning, successful person like yourself.

At about the same time that I picked up my courage to call a counselor, I stumbled across the Life Coach School and started absorbing their teachings.

Therapy was the catalyst that got me started on my journey to freedom from myself, yet it wasn’t truly propelling me forward.

Coaching propelled me into my future self.

After working with a life coach all I can say is, for me, I most likely will never go back to therapy, even for my marriage or family.

Let’s look at some specifics and differences.

Therapy

There are all sorts of therapy out there and I definitely believe there is good, solid reasons to utilize the different types based on a person’s specific needs. Please do your own research to determine which therapy may be appropriate for you and your specific conditions.

  • Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is the most like coaching because it focuses on a person’s thinking, behavior and problem solving.
  • Psychotherapy is usually long term therapy that focuses on the past and unconscious thinking that drives present behavior. This can be an effective form of therapy for true repressed memories but often too past focused to be effective for a high-functioning person to move forward.
  • Psychiatrists are able to prescribe and manage medications.
  • Psychologists focus on psychotherapy and treating emotional and mental suffering with behavioral intervention
  • Marriage and family therapists (MFTs) focus on the dynamics of marriage between both parties and the larger dynamic of family relationships.
  • Exposure therapy

This is not an all inclusive list so again, please do your own research. Therapy is a regulated industry which means they are licensed and take insurance.

Basically, therapists will help you recover from past trama, help you work through depression/anxiety when it is affecting your ability to function and help you through a divorce or loss of a loved one.

Life Coaching

Let me start off by comparing life coaching to what I did for the athletes I coached for 28 years with my company On Track Training. I would find out where the client was right when I met them, find out where they wanted to be and then take them on the path to getting there. I would ask questions about their history up to when we met to collect data, which helped me determine how we would create the path. I was the trained professional athlete they were looking for, I gave them enthusiastic support and guidance as well as giving them my objective perspective and insight.

That is exactly what I continue to do as a life coach but now with my client’s life. I am a trained professional who guides you into maximizing your potential and attain your desired results.

I talk to my client about where they are now, then find out where they want to be and then lead them along the path between here and there.

I specifically work with my clients to help them create the life they know they were destined to live. I help them figure out what that looks like and then guide them along the way to making it reality.

I am an expert at transforming women’s lives.

Life coaches do not diagnose, they will simply identify and describe current problematic behaviors and help the client work on modifying them.

Life coaches take their clients to the highest levels of performance and life.

We are experts at producing the highest level of positive change in their client’s life.

We focus on the present and future while advancing the client’s potential.

People that hire a life coach are already knocking life out of the park, they are already successful but they want to succeed at a higher level and faster.

We help you create the future of your dreams, now.

I love how my coach, Brooke Castillo, states that coaching essentially assumes that the client is okay and is full of potential, whereas therapy assumes the client is “sick” or “dysfunctional” and seeks to heal them so they function “normally”.

Once you feel confident, are able to set down your pride and let go of the denial that you can do it on your own, I’d love to talk to you about whether a life coach is a fit for you.

Hiring a life coach does not mean you aren’t good enough to do it on your own, it means you’re wise enough to seek the guidance that will blow up your true potential.

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My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for strong, success driven women who want to discover their true self, discover the missing key, find their purpose and then start building a legacy from pure power. I have made it may mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability before your subconscious primitive mind tells you to run and hide.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this message and I highly encourage you to get on my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.