Five Steps To Ending Negative Body Image Self Talk Ep 17

Five Steps To Ending Negative Body Image Self Talk | Relationship Coach

Negative self-talk is a real thing, we all do it, but there is a practice different from believing the lies. A practice you can utilize to quiet those negative saboteurs while allowing you to hear them, recognize them, dismiss their lies and access the part of your brain that has your best interests in mind. This practice is what I call mental fitness, which resonates with many of my listeners because many of you are quite familiar with the required consistent practice of weight lifting to strengthen and grow muscle. Lasting results don’t come from a temporary practice, though beneficial and it will move you forward but stopping the practice only reinforces old muscle memory. You are all probably quite familiar with the phenomena of consistent training bring you slow, permanent results while watching those gains quickly disappear over a short hiatus from your program. Today I’m going to share several tips to help you end your negative body image self-talk but remember, the key is consistent practice and belief that the practice will win you results that set you free from the control you’re giving your brain over your body image sabotage.

One of the best things about mental fitness is that you can do it anywhere, anytime, with no gym membership required. Oh, you didn’t know that was possible in your physical fitness practice as well? I’m here to tell you that it is; all you need is to decide that your practice is part of your day-to-day life, and then you use that powerful brain of yours to show you how. Yes, your brain is what produces all of your results!

Let me share a huge result that I am quite proud of producing for myself. It’s been almost five years since I’ve looked in the mirror and didn’t like what I saw. Now, that doesn’t mean that my brain never offers up some sort of lie about what it sees in the mirror, but it’s much quieter now than it ever was in the past. I don’t squash it down and try harder to look “better” or different; it’s more of a whisper now that I gently notice and then excuse the thought, reminding my brain of who I am and how magnificent I have been created to be.

Most of my life I have done everything I could to change what I thought was unacceptable about myself.

I exercised.

Educated myself.

I learned how to eat right.

I read self help books.

I learned the latest and greatest makeup tricks.

You know what? None of it mattered. No matter what I did, that negative self-talk and desire to change was consistent; nothing I did was good enough to satiate the negative body image monster inside my head. I was never good enough; no matter what anyone else told me, I believed them to be liars. So what did I do? I tried harder, searched for a new level that might bring that satisfaction; it was a negative body image treadmill that never brought me to my desired destination.

Then one day, I decided enough was enough and that I would change this lifelong energy drain. I decided to step off the negative body image treadmill. I decided to stop denying God’s perfection of creation while being all-in on my journey to self-love, knowing that it would take some time, I committed myself to it. If you haven’t listened to my very first podcast episode, I highly recommend you go listen after you finish here: How To Start Loving Yourself.

The process of loving yourself includes quieting the negative self-talk. Period. Today we are focusing specifically on our bodies and how we talk about them. I want to invite you to follow the podcast and come back every week because every topic will bring you closer to the self-love needed to break this cycle. This month’s expert interview, which will release the last Tuesday of this month, is with master certified life coach Martha Ayim. Martha helps people end their relationship with binge eating and within the realm of what we talk about in this interview is the subject of body image and negative self-talk.

The first step to ending the negative body image self talk is to just decide to stop.

My intention here is not to make you mad because if you are anything like I was, you have tried this route with very little success. The problem is that you did not implement the other tools of change that I will be offering you today; you didn’t recognize that voice as a saboteur. Instead, you believed it. Believing that voice will only send you into the self reprimand that keeps you stuck and in a forever loop of powerlessness over your own mind and body.

The solution is within you, but you have to be committed to the end result; you have to believe in the truth that you are fully lovable and valuable, and worthy. Again, the ticket is committing and implementing ALL five of the steps I am sharing here today.

You have done a beautiful job over the years protecting yourself for some valid reason or other, you have taught your brain well, but now it’s time to re-teach it. There is no longer a reason to protect yourself; these thoughts are no longer serving you. You are an adult who gets to decide what you want to think, you get to decide to manage your mind, or you can decide to let your mind manage you, your choice. One will help you grow and increase the joy you experience in this life, and the other will continue having you search for something outside of yourself for that joy that keeps escaping you.

The next step is to understand the cognitive dissonance you are experiencing when it comes to what you currently believe about your body image.

To better understand cognitive dissonance, you can read a post I wrote specifically about this topic called What Is Cognitive Dissonance? Cognitive dissonance is the gap between where you are right now and the person you are becoming. In this instance, it would be looking at who you are right now, what you believe, how you feel, and how you behave versus the person you long to be, the person who believes down to their core that they are valuable and whole with certainty while no longer believing the voice inside their head that says they aren’t good enough as they are.

Your brain is very comfortable with your current belief, so comfortable that it has stored it away as an automatic response. It takes work, energy to believe something different, to change that old belief and exchange it for a new one. It’s like a child who loves its binky and will kick and scream when you take it away, until one day the child discovers that life is fine without that binky and maybe even a whole lot better. The child can clear the gap of the binky/no binky dissonance because they haven’t been using their binky for as many years as you have been telling your brain the story about your body.

Recognizing cognitive dissonance allows you to enjoy the journey instead of fighting against it. Understanding cognitive dissonance allows you to have compassion for the process and to trust yourself to know that you will keep doing this work until one day you look back and see how far you’ve come. It’s like looking at the long journey to swimming across the big lake in front of your Airbnb rental, thinking that you will never get to the other side. One stroke at a time, you tell yourself, one more, then another, until suddenly you find yourself on the other side of the lake, giving yourself a high five for persevering and not giving up on yourself.

The third step to ending the negative body image self talk is creating awareness.

This is where my mental fitness program comes into play. My mental fitness program is a simple, easy-to-implement process of noticing, hearing, and then dissipating the saboteur voices that we have partnered with over our lifetime.

Awareness is the first step of change; you being here searching for solutions to your negative self-talk and acknowledges that you are tired of the self-sabotage and ready to do something different. When you become aware of the action you are taking that you don’t want to take without squashing it down, again, unsuccessfully attempting to run away from it, that’s when you allow your brain to start coming up with solutions. See, you’ve already started the awareness problem by listening to this podcast.

As you create awareness and start taking the steps, I recommend you notice that you will continue to fall into old thought loops, but now the difference is that you recognize them and self-correct. The more often you put this pattern into effect, the less your old thought patterns show up.

A warning alert I want to share with you, to re-enforce what I shared earlier when talking about cognitive dissonance, is that your brain likes its old way of being; even if it feels like garbage, it’s a default, you do it on autopilot, it requires no extra thinking or energy consumption. The process will be a bit more difficult once you implement these tools because you have to bring your pre-frontal cortex into the process through deliberate interception. This is the process of any good change, though, eventually, your new thought patterning will become more auto-generated and committed to the primitive brain, something to look forward to!

Awareness includes calling out those old thoughts; I want to suggest you write them down, maybe using your notes app on your phone. Every time you look in the mirror or shop window as you walk by and say something negative, write it down, and then correct your thinking and remind yourself that you are beautiful. Yes, even if you don’t quite believe it. A super useful tool to help graduate into more believable thoughts, if thinking “I am beautiful.” isn’t working, is the thought ladder; you can read about that tool in my post titled How To Get From Here To There. Maybe that ladder thought is something like “I am contemplating the idea that I am beautiful.” There you go, bonus, a sixth tool to help you end your negative self-talk battle around body image.

My fourth tip is to work on creating compassion and empathy around the process.

Compassion and empathy are emotions that will always serve you well and open you up to understanding; they are emotions that open up your mind to its creative process, helping you come up with solutions. As you move through this process, you will start noticing the emotions you are feeling; some emotions open you up, expand you while others close you down, keeping you from changing. To help you with the process of learning how to experience your emotions, actually feel them, let me suggest you go read my post “How To Start Feeling Your Emotions.”

In my AwakenYou coaching program, one of the exercises I teach my clients is how to process emotions. Emotions are our body’s signal, our awareness tool. Learning how to tune into your emotions will help you become aware of what you are thinking and why; it is one of the most powerful tools I teach. The process of feeling your emotions opens you up to what your brain is trying to tell you, what it is trying to do for you and when you’re able to tap into this tool, you start to understand why you are feeling the way you are and see whether it is actually serving you or if it is an old, outdated, deeply engrained response that you can now choose to change.

Compassion, curiosity, and empathy towards yourself will always open you up to learning something new and helping you move past what keeps you stuck in old thought loops.

Finally, my last tip I am sharing today, a tip that will help close the gap even faster, it is the tool I call my self mentor.

This tool has evolved as I have utilized it, just like any other tool you have learned how to use. When you discover any new tool, you’re an amateur, a bit clumsy; you’re not really certain of the power the tool provides, but as you continue to use the tool, the power starts to reveal itself.

The future self mentor is the person you are becoming; you create her. Maybe you gather photos of her, you write about how she shows up for herself, how she holds herself, how she speaks to herself, everything about her you begin to envision. You start asking yourself how that future version of yourself would act right now; what would she say when she looks in the mirror and sees what she sees. Would she smile and wink at herself? Would she pat herself on the back? Would she lift her chest and stand tall?

Start creating your future self model, a vision board for who you are becoming, and watch grow into her.

As you do this work and implement these tools I have shared with you today, you will find yourself having your own back without relying on your husband to tell you how beautiful you are and then not believing him anyway. Of course, you still love it when he does so, but now you wink at him, give him a big hug and say, “Right on, honey, I couldn’t agree more with your thought!”

Remember, friend, this is a journey, and if you want help along the journey, then I’ve got your back; it’s what I do, and I love what I do! If you have any questions about this process or want help implementing these tools and all of the other tools I use to help women change their lives, then let’s chat soon! Let me come alongside your process, sharing some extra accountability and guidance to reach your goal with ease. Book your program inquiry call today and I look forward to hearing from you and helping you create your future self vision!

If you’re interested in learning about my Mental Fitness six-week course, valued at $1495, then get on my mailing list where I will be sharing all about this life changing program. Even better, every week I am giving away one of these programs to one lucky listener who reviews the podcast and sends a screenshot of that review to, I will enter you into a weekly drawing that makes you eligible to join. If you don’t win, no worries, I keep everyone in the lottery, only taking out those who have already won. Reviewing is simple, scroll to the bottom of my podcast page and click on the “Write a Review” blue text, take a screenshot of your review and send it to me! I can’t wait to hear from you.

I am a life coach who works with individuals to break down relationship barriers by awakening their true self. My process isn’t about changing your partner, it’s about discovering who you are so that you can AwakenYou in your marriage. If you’re ready to take your life and your love relationship to the next level then schedule your program inquiry call today and let’s decide together if this is your next step to creating the life you’ve been dreaming of

Pushing Past Fear And Insecurity Into Belief

Did you know that I host four retreats a year?

If you didn’t know this there’s probably a good reason and it has to do with my own fear and insecurities. This is going to be fun, let’s dive in!!

First let me start with the definition of retreat.

Retreat: to withdraw from enemy forces; an act of moving back or withdrawing.

I didn’t actually look up the definition of retreat until after my second round and it brought tears to my eyes. You see, I had been struggling with exactly what this retreat would look like, I was afraid, but after reading some definitions I discovered it is exactly what I wanted to create. I wanted to create a safe, comfortable space for women to withdraw to, it needed to include some fun, some community, some quiet alone time and definitely needed to include lots of Mother Nature.

It would require that women come and also have fun, do things they’ve never done before. It would require that they hold fear loosely in their hand but grab on securely to self confidence allowing the fear to slip away.

About one month ago I hosted my first retreat where I had a full group, Summer Retreat Two, full meaning four total, including myself. It was incredible.

This first year of hosting retreats is a year of exploration and today I want to share about my vision.

My vision right now is a bit, should I say, unclear. One year ago, while spending quiet time at my favorite summer retreat location, it was put on my heart to bring other women to a place of retreat.

I used to question thoughts like this because I never trusted myself enough to believe that God would speak to me or that I trusted it was from God and not just my crazy brain coming up with even more crazy ideas.

If you’ve been following me here for a while you know that I take my quiet time seriously. I listen to what God has to tell me through The Holy Spirit, and I’ve learned to trust what I have been asked to do and to move forward.

For most of my life if I “heard” something I ignored it as my crazy brain. I now trust that voice.

But there’s a few more things that I now better understand and trust.

I better understand that if I don’t obey more won’t be given. If I ignore God’s direction and choose my own I’m not listening, which means I won’t hear, which means I won’t be directed.

I also better understand and trust that if it wasn’t from Him that when I face fear with my self confidence and step into action of fulfillment of the dream or direction I hear, that I will be directed to the correct pathway.

If I have a vision and I don’t take bold steps forward, I’ll never know if it was meant to be or not.

If I believe hard enough and boldly step forward I now trust that my directions will come. If what I thought I heard was completely off I will be re-directed and more evolved than if I hadn’t.

If I believe hard enough and overcome my fear with self confidence and trust, I will be shown the truth.

Today during my quiet time I was shown direction, which further solidified my belief that this retreat is right. Further proof that if I boldly, or not so boldly, move forward, that I will be guided.

Today is Freedom Friday and my quiet time brought me to Mark 6:31b where Jesus said “Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.”

I hope you’ll consider joining me, it is invitation only meaning I am only inviting three people so message me if you’re interested!


My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for strong, success driven women who want to discover their true self, discover the missing key, find their purpose and then start building a legacy from pure power. I have made it may mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability before your subconscious primitive mind tells you to run and hide.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this message and I highly encourage you to get on my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

When You’re Excluded

Last night I was excluded from a family girls event.

What?!? Can you even believe that?

“They left me out.”

“I must not matter.”

“I’m not important.”

“They don’t like me.”

“Whatever, how rude!”

Yep, it really happened and that’s how I would have reacted in the past. I would have blamed, pouted, felt sorry for myself, beat myself up, been sarcastic, (try to) make everyone feel bad. Of course, if you’ve been following me, we know that we can’t make other people feel bad.

You see, two years ago us Bongiovanni women decided to finally follow through with our Christmas banter about getting together outside of the holidays.

Thanks to my Aunt Mari, we’ve followed through.

Except this year they left me out.

I was actually at a meeting during this get together and after the meeting I had a message from my daughter and a voicemail from my Aunt.

I responded to the text of “Where are you?” with a tapback “?” and then read the transcript from the voicemail and immediately felt a bit sad.

Turns out that the email invitation went to an email that I haven’t used for over 10 years and for a moment I did have a thought that made me feel indignant and cause me to blame and complain. I noticed it, allowed it and then started to look at how this was no big deal.

They went without me and it was awesome.

It was awesome because I got to watch how my new brain handles these new situations, first hand.

I had new thoughts like:

“What a bummer!”

“This is not a big deal.”

“Everything is ok.”

“Nothing has gone wrong here.”

“I am fully worthy, enough, complete.”

You know the best part?

I get the result of loving myself, as well as everyone else, instead of not mattering to myself, or anyone else.

I love my new brain!


My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for strong, success driven women who want to discover their true self, discover the missing key, find their purpose and then start building a legacy from pure power. I have made it may mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability before your subconscious primitive mind tells you to run and hide.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this message and I highly encourage you to get on my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

Guilt Explained So You Can Start Stopping It

After hearing my master coach instructor Jody Moore explain guilt in a plain and simple fashion, my mind exploded a bit. I compared it to how I experienced guilt and then I quickly went on a mission to terminate my ongoing relationship with guilt.

Guilt is when you have two different things you want to do at the same time, choosing to do one and then feeling guilty that you didn’t choose the other.

Have you committed to doing one thing and now regret your decision, causing you to think about backing out? This too could cause guilt but I would beg you to consider why you originally agreed to the commitment. Did you agree out of a place of wanting to make the other person happy? If so, you may want to read my article on people pleasing. If you’re not wanting to do something you committed to maybe something has changed for you between the commitment and now, in that case you could save yourself time and energy by either declining or just following through.  Otherwise it’s quite possible that you agreed out of a place of wanting that person to like you for saying yes to them.

This used to happen to me all of the time and of course I was a people pleaser on top of it all so I would say yes to things I didn’t truly want to do, then of course when they rolled around I would not want to go and then feel guilty about it.

In order to help you understand what happens I’m going to run through an example:

It’s Friday and your girlfriend sends you a message asking if you want to go to dinner after work. It’s sounds like an amazing idea, you haven’t seen her in forever. Then you remember that you had been planning on heading straight home to your lounge clothes and snuggling up with that good book you started last week.

Let’s pretend you say no, you go home after work, and feel guilty about not saying yes to the dinner date.

Let’s do a thought model on this scenario:

You’re thinking “I should have said yes” which is causing you to feel guilty, which makes you ruminate about what you should have done, beat yourself up for not being a good friend, not enjoy your book or the couch or your evening at all, you maybe even think about sending her a message to see if the offer is still valid.

Result: you say no to you.

When I see myself doing this sort of silly nonsense I stop that nasty guilt right in it’s tracks and start changing my model. Let me show you how:

I decide that I want my result to be that I say yes to me in this scenario.

In order to get this result I decide to be all in with this decision, stop wasting time and energy ruminating and beating myself up, do what I said I was going to do and enjoy it thoroughly and find time in the future to create an amazing time with my girlfriend.

In order to follow through with these actions I will need to feel something like self confident, courageous, self love.

To feel self confident I will need to think something like “I am going to follow through on my original plan.”

Using the thought model to help me see the result of my thoughts helps me clean up my brain and start thinking in a way that gives me the results that I want in my life.

This is how you start getting out of your own way.

I hope this helps you to be able to look at how guilt is playing out for you in your life and then allow you to also start eliminating it.

If you struggle with guilt and feel like you would like further help stepping out of it, I would love to walk you through it, I’ve got you! Set up a program inquiry session or send me an email with your questions. I make it my mission to help people like you set themselves free from guilt so they can move into their purposeful life.


My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for strong, success driven women who want to discover their true self, discover the missing key, find their purpose and then start building a legacy from pure power. I have made it may mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability before your subconscious primitive mind tells you to run and hide.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this message and I highly encourage you to get on my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

Four Ways To Tell If You’re A People Pleaser & Steps To Stop

I was the biggest people pleasers out there, often doing things for other people. I thought I could make other people happy. I thought I could make other people like me by saying yes to them.

One of my problems is I also love to get involved in all sorts of things but this used to come at the expense of the things I valued the most.

Constraint has helped me a whole lot in this area. Now when I’m asked if I want to do something instead of jumping all over it because it sounds like so much fun, I take a moment to think about my time and what I’m really focusing on at the moment.

Let’s look at some ways to tell if you’re a people pleaser and then let’s look at ways to start being a you pleaser.

You say yes because it sounds like an amazing opportunity but you are in dread when you think about it.

There is a possible mixed bag of things going on here and it’s important for you to unpack it.

First I’d like to encourage you to work on your decision skills. As a people pleaser, you may want to tell the asker that you’ll get back to them so that you have some time to truly decide what you want to say. Then give them a time deadline of when you’ll get back to them and honor that deadline. Please make sure that you are all in with your decision, love your reasons either way.

Once you love your reasons continue to remind yourself of those reasons. As the event approaches and you’re finding yourself regretting your choice remember your all in decision and be all in. If it was a no and you’re finding yourself regretting not attending then again remind yourself of your all in decision to say no, love it and be all in on whatever else it is you chose to do at that time.

If your answer is no, really start working on just saying no without excuses. It’s completely ok to say that you’re not able to help out if it’s just for this time and you want to be considered for the future then say that, but ONLY if you mean it.

You offer to do things for people that you really don’t want to do.

This was a problem for me in my marriage because I did things to get love in return for what I did. What happens here is that of course, people can’t make you feel love, that comes from within yourself. Eventually what happens is we start to resent the other person because they’re expecting you to keep doing what you always did. You now stop doing what you always did and the other person is completely confused, with you having the result of resenting yourself.

Make sure your offer is coming from a place of love from within yourself, not for the reaction of the other person. When you do this you get the result of creating love for yourself because you’re doing what you really want to do.

Stop and ask yourself before you decide to do something for someone if you are doing it from a place of love for yourself, with absolutely NO expectations from the other person. This is not people-pleasing, this is self-love.

You have a difficult time ending a conversation or leaving a party.

I am waving my hand high here because this had ALWAYS been a problem for me! What would happen is I would stay on the phone longer than I wanted, get resentful, and then I’d end abruptly. Same at parties, as a matter of fact sometimes I would even ditch without saying goodbye. This my friends is all about people-pleasing by completely attempting to control what people think of you.

My suggestion for stepping out of this one is to be super intentional. Make a phone call to someone, decide how long you’ll talk, and then honor yourself with your decision. If you stay on the phone longer decide to do it out of love for yourself, maybe you’re really enjoying the conversation and want to stay on. Again: love your choice.

At parties visualize telling the host goodbye and just do it. Be uncomfortable. Thank them for inviting you and let them know what a great time you had. They may be sad that you’re leaving, it’s ok, staying won’t make them happy, it will be their thoughts that will make them happy. Again, if you choose to stay later, love your reasons, and don’t go into resentment, fully love yourself along with the reasons you choose to stay.

You guys, I love all of this and helping all of you see how your actions may not truly be coming from a place of true love in yourself but from trying to find love outside of yourself. This just doesn’t feel good, it always leaves us feeling empty.

Honoring ourselves and following through with what we say we’re going to do builds trust and love in ourselves and truly sets us free to love others unconditionally. This is true freedom my friends.

If you want to work on your journey to self freedom on a level that creates a massive change in your life then let’s find time to talk. God has created the perfect path in my life to understand everything you are going through in your struggles. I want you to know it’s ok, your life can start brand new today and I can’t wait to watch you fly free.

Book your free consult session here or send me an email with some days and times that will work for you. Once you start you will never turn back.


Are you struggling in your love relationship? I would love to help you fall back in love with the one you love. My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for strong women like you, and a few pretty cool guys, who want to stop hurting in their most intimate relationship. Together we work from the inside out, meaning I teach you how to have a healthy, loving relationship with yourself so you can show up and simply love your partner. Let’s reignite your love relationship today, book your consultation call today!

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life-changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability, your future life is waiting for you.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this message and I highly encourage you to get on my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

Don’t forget to join my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself and never miss another post, get yourself signed up for my newsletter!

4 Signs You’re Hiding Behind Your Introvert Mask

Let me start with the disclaimer that I too am an introvert. At some point in my life the simple explanation of an introvert being someone who gets energized when alone and an extrovert getting energized when they are with people, clicked for me. It explained something about me that I truly didn’t understand, why I always wanted to be alone, funny how when we hear something that seems to work for us we adopt it with power.

I wonder if you use this label to escape, to avoid things that seem uncomfortable, things that bring up a bit of fear.

I used to.

Then in 2017, the year I stopped training athletes, as I was exploring my next step I started reaching out to people in my large circle and connecting with them.

In 2018 I partnered with a company that was another catalyst to getting to know even more people in my circle.

You see I had this huge network of people that came with my thirty year business of training athletes, being a NPC/IFBB representative, professional athlete and sporting event promoter, yet during the first 25 years I did little outside networking. Meaning I rarely went up to people, introduced myself and asked them questions. When people came up to me I was great at listening and prompting them to talk, part of the reason my business was hugely successful, yet there was fear and discomfort around meeting new people.

I blamed this on being an introvert.


Truth: I was I didn’t have the self confidence to break through my fear, I was afraid of judgment.

During the two years, 2017-2018, of transitioning into my next endeavor I learned so much about people I knew, and people who knew me, because I reached out and asked to connect.

Getting to know others is amazing!

I hear you gagging in the background but I’m curious if you secretly want to meet more people than you admit to.

Trust me, I still LOVE my away time, my time to reflect, dig deep, come up with new amazing thoughts, talk to God but meeting new people actually kind of gets me revved up!

Honest talk here: I do still need to do thought work and train my brain when I go to networking/social events because I do tend to want to hide in the corner, but I know it doesn’t give me the result I want. I know I don’t want to leave not having met someone new and fascinating, so I plan my ice breakers and I just enjoy the discomfort. I know my discomfort puts other people at ease knowing that they too probably are feeling awkward themselves, you know me – always helping others to feel comfortable, plus I know it builds up my self confidence to do things I fear.

Here are the signs that you might want to start working on your self confidence instead of hiding behind the mask of an introvert:

You want more friends and want to be invited along but you’re an introvert so you’ll skip, especially if there will be more than two of you!

Of course, if there’s more than just you and that someone else then you are able to hide a bit more but then there is also the fact that they will ignore you. Pay attention next time, is the reason you’re “ignored” because you are the only one not contributing? Possibly you are the only one judging yourself, and maybe everyone else? Things like:

“They have so much more to contribute.”

“I don’t know anything about what they’re talking about.”

You don’t talk to people you don’t know because you’re an introvert.

I’ve even heard the opposite: he talks to everyone, he’s such an extrovert.

Actually, I love talking to other people, people I do and don’t know. It actually makes them feel good, all it takes is asking how they’re doing, talking about their job, their life – people love to share and they light up when you show interest.

These are also the best conversations because they typically don’t go very deep but that barista that makes you coffee every morning? Say hi next time, ask them how they’re doing, ask them what else they might do – it’s amazing how people open up!

You long for deeper connection with your mate but, you know, you need your quiet time.

My guess is that not only are you an introvert but you don’t know how to move forward and truly connect in your now so so relationship. Fearing being vulnerable you just shrink back into yourself and just hope for the best.

Let me give you some advice, the best will never come if you don’t start working on the why behind not wanting to invest the time into your relationship.

You want something different in your life, maybe a mate to actually connect with, but it’s so much work for an introvert.

All of these signs are not signs that you’re an introvert, they’re signs that you don’t trust yourself enough to just be you. You’re attached to the outcome.

Your self confidence is weak, possibly non-existant, so when you do go out to socialize you come home completely exhausted because you are playing the part of the people pleaser. You are not just being yourself, you are trying to fit in and make people like you, this is so much work, I did this most of my life, no wonder I hid behind the introvert mask.

Now I am proud to be an introvert who loves meeting other people and just being me.

When you’re all in on you it doesn’t matter if you’re an introvert or an extrovert. You’ll fully enjoy your quiet time without guilt and you’ll fully enjoy your social time without exhaustion.


My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for strong, success driven women who want to discover their true self, discover the missing key, find their purpose and then start building a legacy from pure power. I have made it may mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability before your subconscious primitive mind tells you to run and hide.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this message and I highly encourage you to get on my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.