One Crucial Element To Good Marital Communication Ep 101

One Crucial Element To Good Marital Communication | Marriage Coach

 

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Try explaining something you don’t understand; you can’t do it without laughing or wanting to cry.

Let me explain.

You’re in a funk, but you’re not sure why; I mean, life is going really well right now; you should be partying like it’s 1999!

You can’t explain it to your spouse, so you withdraw, which could be understood through their lenses as you’re mad at them for doing something wrong.

Nothing gets resolved, and you continue to distance yourselves to avoid feeling awful.

This is not good communication, but it’s what happens in the lives of many couples.

What do you do about this problem? Learning to communicate well is a start, but you need to start practicing something else before communicating well.

First, I want to tell you to relax. This is going to feel so much better than trying to explain the unexplainable to your spouse!

This crucial step starts with you, like most things we do here in AwakenYou in your marriage, so tune into this week’s episode, which is all about the One Crucial Element To Good Marital Communication.


I am a marriage coach helping women and couples turn their loveless & emotionless marriage into something better than they ever imagined possible. My process starts by looking within to understand how you got here, and from this place, we work together to figure out where you want to go. Then we do the work of making that your reality!

If you feel sad and completely powerless about your marriage’s state of affairs, then I’d love to chat with you about what is going on and what’s possible for you and your future. It’s never too late to re-create your best life. Schedule a free mini-session today, and let’s talk about how to get started. 

 

How To Set & Achieve Your Relationship Goals Ep 100

How To Set & Achieve Your Relationship Goals | Marriage Coach

 

 

Sure, you can ask Google how to set relationship goals, and you will get all sorts of information; try it!

Maybe you even take a stab at one or two of the suggestions you discover.

You might quickly discover the Google suggestion felt awful and awkward, and your spouse didn’t respond as you hoped.

Maybe you’ve already given these tactics a go, and your new year healthy eating goals lasted longer than a repeat of a tactic that left you feeling less than loved and desired.

Why are relationship goals so difficult?

My simple answer is this: we’re talking about matters of the heart.

When it comes to matters of the heart, most of us will go to extremes to protect our hearts from getting hurt.

But, on this week’s AwakenYou in your marriage episode…

EPISODE 100, BTW!!!!! 🥳

I am going to help you start taking steps toward the goal of creating a marriage that has your heart asking for more.


I am a marriage coach helping women and couples turn their loveless & emotionless marriage into something better than they ever imagined possible. My process starts by looking within to understand how you got here, and from this place, we work together to figure out where you want to go. Then we do the work of making that your reality!

If you feel sad and completely powerless about your marriage’s state of affairs, then I’d love to chat with you about what is going on and what’s possible for you and your future. It’s never too late to re-create your best life. Schedule a free mini-session today, and let’s talk about how to get started. 

 

Why You Want To Forgive Ep 97

Why You Need To Forgive Ep 97 | Marriage Coach

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What they did hurt.

Disappointment, frustration, resentment.

They all lead to anger, bitterness, and disconnection.

Maybe it’s time.

To forgive.

I know; it seems like forgiving is giving in.

It seems like it’s telling them that what they did was ok.

It seems like we’re telling them they don’t need to change.

Forgiveness is none of that.

Forgiveness is about freedom.

Your freedom.

If someone has hurt you and you can’t seem to shake it, maybe you’ve been holding on to it for what feels like a lifetime, then it’s time to let it go.

Tune into this week’s episode about extending forgiveness and find out why along with a four-step process you can use as a guide to begin.

 


I am a marriage coach helping women and couples turn their loveless & emotionless marriage into something better than they ever imagined possible. My process starts by looking within to understand how you got here, and from this place, we work together to figure out where you want to go. Then we do the work of making that your reality!

If you feel sad and completely powerless about your marriage’s state of affairs, then I’d love to chat with you about what is going on and what’s possible for you and your future. It’s never too late to re-create your best life. Schedule a free mini-session today, and let’s talk about how to get started. 

 

When They Hurt Us

🎧 Prefer to listen to the audio version? Click here!

It was a chilly, crisp Fall morning, and she was wonderfully excited for another day of kindergarten. The brown-eyed four year old stood in her parent’s small kitchen eagerly waiting to run out the door to join her best friend in their new morning walk to school ritual. She adored her friend, always so cute in her Catholic school uniform, the girl cherished their time together before they would separate for the day, her friend off to the Catholic school across the street from the public school she attended.

Sometimes people do things that have us thinking in ways that create pain for us. Sometimes we carry those actions through our life like a horror movie we can’t get out of our heads. Words are spoken, actions are taken that shape us into who we are as an adult, continually creating pain and suffering that we never seem to move past.

That particular morning as that innocent brown-eyed girl stood in that small kitchen, she desperately wanted to run, she didn’t want to hear the words that were filling the air, filling her head, yet she stood frozen.

We have heard it said that hurt people hurt people, logically we get it but do we really? We’re hurt; we hurt people. Can we honestly get into the heart of that person that hurt you to possibly understand that their hurt has nothing to do with you? That their hurt just happened to be poured out on you in that moment, that it wasn’t about you but about their own pain and suffering?

Her mom was saying words that the girl would repress for years, only to wake up many years later to relive the scene, to remember the hurt. She wouldn’t be able to tell you what had happened in her mom’s world that morning to make her say those words. Words screamed out that changed that little girl’s world in ways she would never understand; until fifty years later.

In the past week’s I have been preparing a lesson for Celebrate Recovery, a lesson about repairing relationships. Today I thought I’d share a portion of that message, with some different insights.

What is forgiveness and why it can be a useful tool.

Forgiveness is the action of setting someone free from actions they took that may have harmed us. Around here we use the self-coaching model to look at these circumstances of words said or not said, actions taken or not taken. Those actions are circumstances in our model and we have thoughts about those actions that generate a feeling for us. Those feelings have us showing up and acting a certain way that is creating a result for us.

Those actions directed at you are also part of the “offender’s” model. They took action based on something they were feeling, created by a thought they were thinking about a circumstance in their life. Plug all of these items into a model and you get their result.

That morning the words “I wish someone would end your life today so I never have to see you again.” rattled through her brain as the girl sprinted out of the door as fast as she could. Tears streaming down her face and out of breath as she caught up to her friend, she straightened up and packed those way words down tight.

Ouch.

Forgiveness is for us. Forgiveness is to set us free from the chains that keep us connected to something someone did to us. Those chains create pain as they rub and chafe every time we dredge up those old memories, creating ongoing suffering in our life.

Forgiveness does not release the offender from what they did or condone their actions.

It is one hundred percent possible to drop those chains forever and begin to create a whole new, empowering story that serves you. It is one hundred percent possible to find love and compassion for the offender while possibly never speaking to that person again.

The process of forgiving.

  1. Reveal and recognize. We begin to acknowledge our pain and why we are experiencing this pain. We see our suffering isn’t coming from their actions, but from what we are thinking of their actions, what we are making those actions mean about us. We start by allowing our pain instead of repressing it, being truthful about how the circumstance is hurting us. We go through the process of learning how to feel the pain and understand why we are feeling it. We look at the actions we are taking because of the regret and resentment we feel. We start to see how these actions are only hurting us, creating results that aren’t in our own best interest, results we are getting that are completely under our own power to change. We begin to see how we are expecting them to do something so that we can feel better.
  2. Release. Then we learn how to start changing our current model so that we can start releasing them, as well as releasing ourselves of the power they have had over us. This isn’t “letting them off the hook.” this is getting US off the hook.
  3. Replace. The process of forgiving is the process of thought laddering. It’s the process of going from where we currently are to where we want to go, which is to a place of love, compassion, and understanding for ourselves and for the offender. It’s understanding that this will take time and committing to the work in honor of ourselves and the result we are working for.

Some final nuggets.

Before we can forgive others, we have to start with being able to forgive ourselves. If we are thinking thoughts that make us feel unworthy, possibly from something we’ve done or haven’t done, or because of actions taken by others, we will never be able to let someone else go. If we think of ourselves as unworthy and unlovable that means that somewhere deep down under it all, we believe that we deserved to be treated poorly.

Forgiveness is necessary when someone’s actions are creating pain for us, without forgiveness you will always be carrying the burden of that pain. In instances where we are able to see that someone’s actions are neutral, that they have nothing to do with us and everything to do with their hurt, we can move on. Their actions come from something they are feeling and thinking and it is for them to deal with however they choose to, it’s none of our business.

The words spoken out loud that Fall morning were not the first or the last to shape that little brown-eyed girl’s future. She went on to live a life full of repressed pain, resentment, and fear. Fear that no one loved her, leading her to a future desperately seeking to feel love in all of her future relationships, including the one with her mom. That little girl never understood that what she spent her life searching for was always available, deep down inside, waiting for her to find it, waiting for her to nurture it into life.

As another relationship began to crumble before her, the brown-eyed girl decided she was done fighting. Fifty years after that chilly, crisp Fall morning where she stood in that small kitchen, looking broken-hearted into her mom’s eyes, she decided to go to the mirror. She looked straight into her big brown eyes and told that five year old it was time.

It was time to awaken and discover who she was, to learn how to love.

She decided to awaken her true self so she could help you Awaken(YourTrue)You!

🎧 Audio version of blog here!

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Are you struggling in your love relationship? I would love to help you fall back in love with the one you love. My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for strong women like you, and a few pretty cool guys, who want to stop hurting in their most intimate relationship. Together we work from the inside out, meaning I teach you how to have a healthy, loving relationship with yourself so you can show up and simply love your partner. Let’s reignite your love relationship today, book your consultation call today!

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life-changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability, your future life is waiting for you.

Know someone hurting in their relationships? If you think they might benefit from hearing this message please share this article with them. You might be the one who leads them to their best life.

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