Operating Manuals We Have For People & Why They Don’t Work

When I first heard of the concept of an operating manual for people in our lives my eyes became focused on a key problem I had going on in my life.

I had these manuals for so many people in my life.

I had all of these expectations of how people should show up, how they should act in order to make me happy.

When they didn’t act the way I expected them to then I would get angry, frustrated, annoyed, sad.

I was putting the power of how I felt in the hands of other people.

This is when I started working on changing.

I decided to work on not judging others for what they do and I decided that when I wanted someone to do something for me I would do it for them.

I didn’t want to share my  manuals with other people, I wanted to throw them all away.

I want people to be themselves, whatever that looks like for them, and for me to not have an attachment to that.

I’ll admit that this is a journey and a process that I have not yet perfected and probably never will 100%.

If you have people in your life that aren’t doing the things you want them to do then I would ask you to consider asking yourself why you want them to do the things. If it’s to create happiness for yourself then take action and do the thing for yourself, make yourself happy.

We can ask people to do things for us in our lives but having an attachment to if they do it, how they do it or even when they do it is just manipulation.

I would guess that you don’t like being manipulated so the sooner that you can end doing it to others the sooner you will start creating your own happiness.

I’d love to talk more about manuals and how they might be interfering with your own happiness.

I’d love to help you take your power back by showing you how to throw those manuals you have away.

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My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for strong, success driven women who want to discover their true self, discover the missing key, find their purpose and then start building a legacy from pure power. I have made it may mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability before your subconscious primitive mind tells you to run and hide.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this message and I highly encourage you to get on my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

Three Steps To Changing Your Past Life Story

My personal transformation process really started to kick in when I finally decided I was tired of hiding and tired of fighting with my past life story.

There was definitely plenty of transformation going on prior to that, the biggest transformation happening when I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior.  So many beautiful things happened after this point in my life but, as we humans like to do, I continued to hold on to past regret, resentment and disappointment. Though I knew that I had been washed clean I still a practice of rehashing my past, blaming others and myself for things I had done wrong.

Then I found The Life Coach School where my Master Coach Brooke Castillo literally changed my brain around the past. She helped me to clearly see how this energy I was spending was affecting my life. Her teachings helped me to see that my past was perfect, it happened, it can’t be changed and how I was giving so many other people power over my current life.

Then through the teachings of Rick Warren in The Purpose Driven Life, it truly sank in how I was perfectly imagined even before I was placed in the womb of my mother. How He knew everything I would do before I had done it, how He had allowed it all.

As I do this work, continuing to peel the layers back, I clearly see how I didn’t understand my worth. How I made some poor choices because I didn’t matter to me. What truly matters is that He knew my worth and He covered my poor choices in love and protection.

He saw way more in me than I saw in myself.

Step one is truly understanding your worth.

You are worthy, no matter what. No matter what you’ve done. No matter what anyone has done to you. No matter what anyone else tells you. No matter what you tell yourself.

Everyone is worthy.

Anything else is a lie.

Step two is understanding that your past is perfect.

I know this seems like a hard lump for some of you to swallow but please stay with me.

You cannot change your past, no matter how long you argue with it, it will never change.

The only thing that you can change is how you think about it. When I realized the energy I was spending on my past and how it was taking so much away from what I could build in my present and future, the light bulb went out.

Yes. I said out. I turned the light out that I was shining on pieces of my past. Yes, I do continue to turn that light on but less often and when I do turn it on I am starting to see something different. I am starting to see a beautiful young girl trying to find her way in this world.

I see people in that beautiful girl’s life who also were hurt and struggling with their own life stories.

I have taken the power I was giving to other people back for myself. I am using all of that extra power to build a crazy good life for myself and the people in it. I am sharing this work with other beautiful women like myself, that makes my heart full and I believe that makes the heart of Jesus full as well.

Step three is to start sorting through your past life events that cause you pain.

One of the first things I did was to sit down and write my life story, that in of itself was cleansing. Then really start recreating the story, notice how we are laser focused on certain details in the story, completely forgetting other details. Notice how other people may actually tell the same story differently, we all take different pieces away from the exact same situation.

Here is a process that can be helpful for you:

  1. Write about that event.
  2. Write your current story about that event.
  3. Write down the facts of that event.
  4. Write down the story that you really want to tell yourself about what this particular event means.
  5. Write down what you want to keep from this event, something that is powerful and strengthening.
  6. Write down what you can now let go from this story.

For some of our most painful experiences this may be a process that you will want to do multiple times until your new story is true and your old story has been released.

As I do this work some of what I wrote in the beginning of this post was a recent breakthrough: that God saw more in me than I saw in myself.

This makes me strong.

This makes me grateful.

This makes overcome.

If you’re ready to start re-writing your past life story and taking the massive action of moving into a future where you are all in and in love with life then getting over your past is a perfect place to start!

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My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for strong, success driven women who want to discover their true self, discover the missing key, find their purpose and then start building a legacy from pure power. I have made it may mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability before your subconscious primitive mind tells you to run and hide.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this message and I highly encourage you to get on my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

Five Reasons Why Your Transformation Journey Isn’t Working

I coach women who want to transform their lives, women who want to achieve what seems impossible, women who want to send their careers soaring while having fun doing it.

I coach women change their story line from being the victim to being the hero.

Watching this journey is incredibly beautiful, like watching tightly bound peony bud blossom into full bloom, magical.

Though the journey is magical to watch it isn’t without it’s struggles. The process of changing deeply engrained patterns of the mind isn’t something you do with ease, it takes strength and persistence.

All of the years I worked with athletes I could tell the difference between those who would succeed in their goals and those who wouldn’t. The beautiful thing about what I do now is that I actually coach people on why they aren’t succeeding so even when they don’t succeed their brain still changes, even if it’s just a bit.

You have to be committed to doing the work to get the expected results. If you do some of the work you will see some results, they will come slower than when you take massive action and do all of the work. When you take massive action and do all of the work you will see massive results, guaranteed.

 Let’s get into some of the reasons your journey to becoming your next best version of you may not be working so that you can do some honest evaluation and, if you’re up for the work, start moving forward to your new amazing life.

You don’t believe this will work.

This is typically the first problem. This work is different from anything else you’ve ever done, it seems counterintuitive and a bit of what I call “mind bendy”.

This is because we have been thinking a certain way for most of our lives, changing those patterns takes work and repetition. Your brain is going to want to tell you that it’s not working, that you should just do what you’ve always done, it doesn’t like change.

You can tell your brain to chill, that this is all going to be ok and that you are re-creating your beautiful you.

You’re striving for perfection.

Perfection my friend will stop you from creating your dreams all day long.

Perfectionists are liars, there is no such thing so stop it now and stop telling everyone you’re a perfectionist. It’s not something to be proud of.

Tell yourself that you will strive for 80% work, B+ work. This will get you moving forward and allow you to just do what it is you said you were going to do without the fear of it not being perfect. Just get it done and if you have time, go back and work on doing another 80% on your first 80%!

You’re not fully applying the techniques.

This is like those clients I had that weren’t fully successful in their health and wellness goals. They thought that taking the step of hiring a coach was going to create the results and then they would let themselves down by not applying the work. This doesn’t work.

This was what I did in the beginning of hearing the techniques I used to create my own personal freedom. I consumed the information but didn’t fully apply them. I kind of applied them but when I liked enough of what I had been hearing I hired a coach and applied everything she taught me.

Funny, I saw massive results.

You’re not evaluating your progress.

This is one of the most important things I have learned how to do and have honored myself in doing. Sometimes I don’t want to do this, I think it’s going to take too much time, but seeing how far we’ve come is so important.

Our brain wants to continue to tell us that we still aren’t good enough, that we still are not perfect, that we should just give up, go sit on the couch and eat chocolate.

Our brain is funny like that. It really wants to protect us but if we aren’t fully aware of what it’s doing it will keep us from moving forward.

You’re making your fails mean that it’s not working instead of using your fails as learning experiences that will move you forward.

You can make failing whatever you want it to mean and again, the brain really wants to just protect you from hurting yourself.

Failure is ok, it doesn’t mean anything about you and your worth but I imagine that most of your life that is what you’ve made it mean.

Now you are doing the work to change that, you are doing the work of changing your brain and telling it that failure is just information. Let me say that again.

Failure is just information along the way to your success. It’s data for you to analyze and to use to figure out what went wrong so you can work on what you will do next time.

I believe in you friend. I know you can do this.

You are one strong woman out there doing amazing things in the world.

I know you have the capability to do more but not just do more, but to do more and to have fun doing it!

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My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for strong, success driven women who want to discover their true self, discover the missing key, find their purpose and then start building a legacy from pure power. I have made it may mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability before your subconscious primitive mind tells you to run and hide.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this message and I highly encourage you to get on my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

Three Types Of Jealousy And How To Let It Go

Jealousy is an emotion I used to experience pretty much on a daily basis and I’m happy to say that I really don’t experience it much anymore. I have developed a beautiful, loving relationship with myself that allows me to trust myself to do the right thing, to not be worried about what others do and it has generated the self confidence to know that I can achieve anything I desire.

I won’t lie, I do experience it once in a while, I am human, but now I have this amazing tool called the Thought Model to help me work on my mindset. The Thought Model shows me the result I’m getting from the thought causing the feeling of jealousy and then I can work on what I want to do with what is coming up for me.

I have a couple of videos on my YouTube channel that may help you understand this tool.

Jealousy is something that truly comes from lack of self confidence, self compassion as well as trust. When we don’t trust others it is often a reflection of distrust in ourselves. I encourage you to read two of my other posts, one to see if you trust yourself  and then this one to help you take some steps to learning how to trust yourself.

Here are three different situations that might cause us to get jealous:

Projection

I like to liken this to holding up the mirror between yourself and the person you are jealous of. Then turn the mirror back towards yourself to discover what it is in your life that is causing you to be jealous. I’ll use a relationship as an example. Maybe you are jealous of your mate, possibly even accusing him of flirting or cheating on you. If you turn the mirror on yourself possibly you yourself are experiencing thoughts of someone else in your life?

Could this be lack of trust on your part with what your own outcome might be with someone you may be having thoughts about?

Protection

Protection is an effort to protect yourself from something you think might be bad for you. This can show up as you trying to control someone to get the result you want. It could look like you thinking your mate is flirting and paying more attention to other people. You’re jealous that he may like them better than you and want to tell him to change the way he acts. You get to decide whether you want to let him be himself or if this isn’t what you want in your partner, do you trust yourself enough to decide? Self confidence allows you to feel the feeling and know that it’s ok, that you can feel the emotion and then again, make the choice as to if this is what you want in your partner.

Competition

This is when we are watching what is happening for other people and jealous of what they are getting that you aren’t. I like to look at a form of this coming from a place of scarcity. In the example of progress in a career or income, you might be thinking that there is only so much to go around, that someone else is making all the money, leaving you with not enough. I like to think that there is no limit to what any of us can produce and if someone else can do it, with self confidence we will know that the same is true for us.

There is also the situation of placement in some sort of contest. For thirty years I coached athletes where I saw jealousy on a daily basis. People comparing themselves to others, not trusting in their own capabilities, not self confident in what they can create, not loving themselves enough for where they are and what they have achieved for themselves.

If you are competing to somehow create your worth or killing it in your job to create your worth or controlling your surroundings so that you can feel love then my program is an exact fit for you. I help high achievers like yourself work on that piece that is missing, themselves. I give them the tools to start finding love from within, once you’re able to trust and love yourself you’ll be able to build the self confidence to go out and create whatever it is you want, for no one but you.

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My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for strong, success driven women who want to discover their true self, discover the missing key, find their purpose and then start building a legacy from pure power. I have made it may mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability before your subconscious primitive mind tells you to run and hide.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this message and I highly encourage you to get on my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

Three Steps To Building Self Trust

Today I had a consult with a woman who just couldn’t make a decision so I started asking some questions about actions she was taking, or not taking in her life. She didn’t trust her boss and then she admitted to several other people she didn’t trust, ultimately uncovering that she didn’t trust herself either. With her being able to see this she was able to see the impact of doing the work to start taking care of herself before she could really start building trust in outside relationships.

First let me suggest you read my post where I tell you one way to figure out if you trust yourself then come back to this post.

If you’ve already read that post or already have a good idea that you lack self trust, then you’re in the right place, let’s get you started on getting to a place where you can trust yourself.

Learn how to follow through on things you tell yourself you’re going to do.

This, in my opinion, is the most important one of all and the easiest to start implementing because it’s “actionable”. Here are the actions you can take to start implementing follow through:

  1. Pick something simple you want to follow through on, let’s use getting the laundry done
  2. Come up with all of the obstacles to getting that task done:
    1. I have three loads so I can’t get it all done at once
  3. Come up with the strategies to getting it done:
    1. I’m going to do it all on Saturday, spaced out
  4. Schedule:
    1. 1 block of 15 min (to separate and get first load in machine)
    2. 1 block an hour later of 15 or 30 minutes (transfer & load, 30 min if you air dry some of your laundry)
    3. 1 block an hour later of 30 min (transfer/load/hang/fold)
    4. 1 block an hour later of 30 min (transfer/load/hang/fold)
    5. 1 block an hour later of 30 min (transfer/hang/fold/put away)
    6. 1 block some other time to fold and put away hanging laundry
  5. Actually do the task when it comes up, no matter what
  6. Evaluate what worked, what didn’t work, what you’ll change next time

The more you do what you say you’re going to do the more trust you’ll build in yourself and the more self confidence you build ?

Learn how to experience any emotion.

This is a big part of what I teach. The only reason we don’t do something is because of how we think it will make us feel. Once we learn that the worst thing that can happen is an emotion then we can decide that there is nothing you can’t do. When you know that there isn’t anything that you can’t do you build trust in yourself and self confidence ?

Make a decision to change your opinion of yourself.

Once you start believing that you are good, capable, strong, worthy, competent then you will start trusting yourself. I wrote in an earlier post about how this truly can just be something you decide to do. Though your brain is going to offer you a different thought, a thought that you’ve conditioned it to think, it’s still possible to start today to change that thought into something that is actually going to serve you. Not only is this going to build trust but, yep, it’s going to build your self confidence ?

Building trust is one of the most important things you can do for yourself and for others. If you don’t fully trust yourself, be honest, who will you trust?

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My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for strong, success driven women who want to discover their true self, discover the missing key, find their purpose and then start building a legacy from pure power. I have made it may mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability before your subconscious primitive mind tells you to run and hide.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this message and I highly encourage you to get on my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.