How To Ask Great Questions

Every morning I ask myself a positive question and I write it down at the top of my time management planner.

When we ask our brain questions it will start looking for answers.

I love how our brain works!

Funny thing though is that we most often tend to ask our brain negative questions.

“Why can’t I figure this out?”

“Why can’t I lose this weight?”

“Why is my boss so selfish?”

“Will this ever work?”

They all seem like great questions but when we think about taking action to get the results we want in our life these questions aren’t going to get us the answers we need.

These sort of questions will send the brain looking for answers to these questions, this is some of the answers mine comes up with:

“Um, hello, because you don’t know what you’re doing!”

“I can’t control myself around food.”

“He/she is only looking out for him/herself.”

“Of course not!”

These answers do nothing in the way of helping me find a solution to my problem, or yours.

One thing I tell my clients to do is to ask the exact opposite question, allowing your brain to start searching for different answers, answers that can allow you to start solving the problem!

One of the rules I learned when I started the work of self coaching is that the answer “I don’t know” just isn’t an option, my master coach, Brooke Castillo, won’t allow this as an answer to any question.

No matter what.

“I don’t know” stops you from moving forward, instead I like to ask myself, and my clients, “If you did know, what would you say or do?”

Doing this allows us to take one step forward, then we can ask “What next?” and answer it.

If you knew the answer to your positive question, what would you do next?

I want to share my favorite question to ask lately.

“What would it be like to be…?” and then I enter an emotion like “self confident”.

With this practice I have been watching when I’m coming up with negative thoughts and then I’ll ask myself the question.

I’m pretty jazzed with the results this is producing in my life!

Let me know if you try it and if you do, how it’s working for you, I’d love to help you start asking great questions!

Send me an email if you have questions about this work and I’ll help you move forward!

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My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for strong, success driven women who want to discover their true self, discover the missing key, find their purpose and then start building a legacy from pure power. I have made it may mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability before your subconscious primitive mind tells you to run and hide.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this message and I highly encourage you to get on my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

One Secret Tool To Overcoming Your Fear

I know and I hear you.

Swipe left, swipe right, scroll up, scroll down and a google search away you will find all the things you could possibly read about living in fear and how to blast yourself through it.

We can read about how life is a struggle.

How the potential for failure is ever present.

How those who live in fear will never achieve their potential.

How to just push your limits.

How to dare greatly.

How to jump in, head first, or you’ll never know your true possibility.

All I can say is, “Easy for you to say!”

Truth be told, I have always been into powerfully motivating words, I truly believe they can spur us forward (though now I understand that the reason is because of the feeling that the words generate in my mind – hello thought model).

I did (some) hard things.

I did (some) things that scared me.

Yet I still wasn’t touching my true potential.

Then something changed for me.

That something was coaching from my master coach, Brooke Castillo, who broke down for me the truth behind overcoming the emotion of fear.

AND,

she helped me let go of my self conscious self.

She taught me how feelings are just vibrations in our bodies.

She taught me that resisting them only made them stronger, but that allowing them softened them and made them overcomeable (new word, use it, it’s awesome).

This is when I was truly able to start looking fear in the eyes and laugh at it.

I can handle a vibration in my body because it most certainly is not going to kill me.

When we have the tools to look at our problems by breaking them down into all of our ridiculous thoughts about it. It allows us to see them all in black and white, which allows us to use my favorite tool to break those pieces down even more. I can then begin to see how I’m showing up, based on feeling fear, and what results those thoughts are creating for my life.

This is more motivating to change than any quote on Instagram!

Now that I can see my current result I may be ready to move forward and create a more intentional scenario with that thought model. Putting self confidence in the place of fear I can start plugging in my new actions, my new thoughts and my new results.

Then I can, thank you Nike, JUST DO IT!

This is the one important puzzle piece that most motivators leave out.

Instead of just muscling through you now have a tool that makes tackling fear doable.

This is where the magic is but before moving forward you first have to discover something else.

Self confidence.

I’ll be honest, with some of the obstacles I fear, the above work just doesn’t seem to pan out, fear still wins.

Luckily, I still have options.

I can just muscle through and be uncomfortable for a hot second.

I can fall on my face and not make it mean anything except that I trusted myself enough to go for it.

I can bring it to my coach.

Bringing it to my coach allows me to take my eyes off of it for a bit and let her show me what is going on inside my brain.

I still get to create the magic but with the help of a mind magician!

If you struggle with avoiding the things you want to do then you’re most likely struggling with a mixture of emotions. I would guess that the top three might be fear, lack of self confidence and lack of trust in yourself to follow through.

To be able to fill that void in your life, to be able to seek your purpose, to be able to build your legacy,  you will need to learn how to manage your mind.

There is an easier and faster way than what you have been doing.

We have no guarantee to the number of days we’re given.

Give yourself the gift of moving into the fast lane to your dreams because they are completely possible. Let me give you the tools to create the key that opens that door.

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My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for strong, success driven women who want to discover their true self, discover the missing key, find their purpose and then start building a legacy from pure power. I have made it may mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability before your subconscious primitive mind tells you to run and hide.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this message and I highly encourage you to get on my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

Coaching VS Therapy And How To Choose What’s Best For You

When you have made the decision to be all in on you it’s important that you know the difference between therapy and life coaching. Most of us are familiar with what a therapist does, yet the majority of people still feel shame around the prospect of “seeking help”, they have this mistruth that if you seek guidance you are weak.

If this is the lie you are telling yourself then you are carrying around the wrong kind of pride and probably a bit of fear.

Let it go my friend, take control of your own destiny by learning how to smash the obstacles that you keep putting in the way of your best life.

When I finally set down my pride and decided I would no longer wanted to live a life of denial, I automatically turned to a therapist. I had been seeing a counselor with my husband, asked her for a referral and then started my journey.

It’s all I knew. It’s what most of us know.

But I want to spread light on what an impact a coach can do in the life of a highly functioning, successful person like yourself.

At about the same time that I picked up my courage to call a counselor, I stumbled across the Life Coach School and started absorbing their teachings.

Therapy was the catalyst that got me started on my journey to freedom from myself, yet it wasn’t truly propelling me forward.

Coaching propelled me into my future self.

After working with a life coach all I can say is, for me, I most likely will never go back to therapy, even for my marriage or family.

Let’s look at some specifics and differences.

Therapy

There are all sorts of therapy out there and I definitely believe there is good, solid reasons to utilize the different types based on a person’s specific needs. Please do your own research to determine which therapy may be appropriate for you and your specific conditions.

  • Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is the most like coaching because it focuses on a person’s thinking, behavior and problem solving.
  • Psychotherapy is usually long term therapy that focuses on the past and unconscious thinking that drives present behavior. This can be an effective form of therapy for true repressed memories but often too past focused to be effective for a high-functioning person to move forward.
  • Psychiatrists are able to prescribe and manage medications.
  • Psychologists focus on psychotherapy and treating emotional and mental suffering with behavioral intervention
  • Marriage and family therapists (MFTs) focus on the dynamics of marriage between both parties and the larger dynamic of family relationships.
  • Exposure therapy

This is not an all inclusive list so again, please do your own research. Therapy is a regulated industry which means they are licensed and take insurance.

Basically, therapists will help you recover from past trama, help you work through depression/anxiety when it is affecting your ability to function and help you through a divorce or loss of a loved one.

Life Coaching

Let me start off by comparing life coaching to what I did for the athletes I coached for 28 years with my company On Track Training. I would find out where the client was right when I met them, find out where they wanted to be and then take them on the path to getting there. I would ask questions about their history up to when we met to collect data, which helped me determine how we would create the path. I was the trained professional athlete they were looking for, I gave them enthusiastic support and guidance as well as giving them my objective perspective and insight.

That is exactly what I continue to do as a life coach but now with my client’s life. I am a trained professional who guides you into maximizing your potential and attain your desired results.

I talk to my client about where they are now, then find out where they want to be and then lead them along the path between here and there.

I specifically work with my clients to help them create the life they know they were destined to live. I help them figure out what that looks like and then guide them along the way to making it reality.

I am an expert at transforming women’s lives.

Life coaches do not diagnose, they will simply identify and describe current problematic behaviors and help the client work on modifying them.

Life coaches take their clients to the highest levels of performance and life.

We are experts at producing the highest level of positive change in their client’s life.

We focus on the present and future while advancing the client’s potential.

People that hire a life coach are already knocking life out of the park, they are already successful but they want to succeed at a higher level and faster.

We help you create the future of your dreams, now.

I love how my coach, Brooke Castillo, states that coaching essentially assumes that the client is okay and is full of potential, whereas therapy assumes the client is “sick” or “dysfunctional” and seeks to heal them so they function “normally”.

Once you feel confident, are able to set down your pride and let go of the denial that you can do it on your own, I’d love to talk to you about whether a life coach is a fit for you.

Hiring a life coach does not mean you aren’t good enough to do it on your own, it means you’re wise enough to seek the guidance that will blow up your true potential.

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My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for strong, success driven women who want to discover their true self, discover the missing key, find their purpose and then start building a legacy from pure power. I have made it may mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability before your subconscious primitive mind tells you to run and hide.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this message and I highly encourage you to get on my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

One Difference Between Those Who Achieve Their Goals & Those Who Don’t

I am starting to see a pattern in my clients and the success that they achieve, or that they don’t achieve.

Their level of success started with their belief of whether they could succeed or not.

Bottom line factor is their level of belief in their ability to achieve the desired result, starting from the very start of the program.

It’s super interesting because looking back from my new perspective as a life coach, allows me to go back into 30 years of client case studies.

Those who achieved massive results were not the ones who were genetically gifted.

The ones who achieved massive results believed that they would.

They were solid in both their belief of themselves and my program.

They were able to take the mind management tools and implement them to deepen their belief.

They were able to visualize themselves as the person they wanted to be at the end of the program.

They believed so hard that they were already putting into action that person from the future, thinking with her evolved brain.

I can even see this in my own work.

There were many obstacles where I couldn’t see myself on the other side.

You know what’s funny? I never made it to the other side of those obstacles.

Every obstacle where I could see myself on the other side, before it happened, where I believed with my heart that I could achieve success to get to the other side, where I was living as that future person,  those are the times I made to the other side.

I laid out the strategies to overcoming the obstacle and I followed through with completing those strategies and coming up with new plans if I hit failure.

Read that again.

When I hit failure, I re-assessed, came up with a different plan and kept moving forward.

Because I believed.

People who believe don’t give up.

People who believe look at the facts and come up with another route.

This my friends is what I want to leave you with.

Achieving success means that you will fall down and need to pick yourself up. Possibly start over, but with a whole new set of tools and beliefs.

So I want to ask you:

Are you comfortable living with your old results?

Would you be more comfortable living with the results of your dreams?

Me too.

We have two options:

Live in the comfort of your past life or live in the discomfort of getting to your new life.

If you do the latter then you will continue to evolve your comfort into something greater than your past comfort.

Doing what you’ve always done is fine for some people, totally cool, but if you’re wishing for something different, then you have to go make it happen.

Hello discomfort. I love getting comfortable with getting uncomfortable.

Last question I have for you:

What would your future self, the one who has already overcome that next obstacle, say to you while you stand in front of that barrier?

I love learning how to live today as though I’ve already achieved my next impossible goal.

I love talking to my future self and asking her what she would do.

I love it when she points out my old thinking and reminds me that I’ll never become her unless I believe hard in something bigger than defeat.

If you are struggling to achieve your next dream or maybe you don’t even know what that dream is. Maybe you’re just being comfortable doing the same old, same old, but you know when you talk honest talk with yourself that you want more for your life.

If that’s you then I’d love to have a conversation with you to determine whether you want to work with me to help you figure this out. I’d love to help you unlock the door to your future, that door that you maybe even haven’t found yet.

When you find the belief that you can do this then send me an email, before your belief runs to the corner and hides. Like it always does.

This time is going to be different!

P.S. This, by the way, is what I do for you. I help you assess what is happening for you, what struggles you are bumping up against. Kind of like opening up your brain and showing it to you. It is the best thing ever, in my humble opinion!

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My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for strong, success driven women who want to discover their true self, discover the missing key, find their purpose and then start building a legacy from pure power. I have made it may mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability before your subconscious primitive mind tells you to run and hide.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this message and I highly encourage you to get on my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

Why Avoiding Conflict Creates More Conflict & How To Get Good At Resolution

Conflict is a struggle, or opposition, of ideas or interests.

The conflict may just be within yourself or it may be with one or many other persons.

It’s possible that you are the only one aware of the conflict because you are avoiding bringing it out in the open. Maybe you are agreeing, apologizing or even accommodating the person you are in opposition to.

It’s possible you were never taught how to deal with conflict effectively. This can be true if you watched parents scream and yell at each other, never coming to resolution verses watching them sit down and discuss the struggle out loud and openly. Even the opposite can be true with one parent avoiding conflict by never addressing their struggles therefore again, never allowing you to witness healthy conflict resolution.

Healthy conflict resolution is something that is important for us to develop so that we can start cultivating more strong, trusting relationships with everyone in our life.

Here is how avoiding conflict can create more conflict:

  • You resisting what is going on by avoiding and not processing
  • You build up negative emotion
  • You don’t figure out how to clean up your thoughts

When we take the time to look at what is happening for us with any struggles or opposition we are having with someone it is healthy for us to do a few things:

Take a look at our thoughts, what is going on in our brain, by doing a thought download.

Look at how these thoughts are making us feel and then how these feelings are making us show up.

This will show us the result we are getting.

At this point we can decide whether we are wanting to change our thoughts so that we get a result that we want or not.

Possibly we do want to change our thoughts to get a result that we like, yet it’s also possible that we will want to talk to the other party and discuss what is going on for us.

The one thing you must always remember is no one else is in charge of your happiness, so the objective is not to control them by telling them how they need to act to make you feel good. 

That is your job.

Still, you may want to clarify what is happening for you.

Let me give you an example.

Let’s say you have a husband, I may or may not know of one, who has committed to dog sitting a puppy during time, two days to be exact, when you, that would be me, will be at home working and husband will be away from the home working.

I could get angry and just let it happen, maybe take it out a bit on said husband.

I could do a thought download and decide how I want to handle the situation out of love for myself.

Then make a decision as to what I’m going to do and be all in and in love with my choice

The latter is what I have chosen to do. The old me would have taken it out on husband from the time it was announced until who knows when.

With choosing the way I did, making the choice to think I am going to enjoy this little puppy, which makes me feel helpful, which allows me to take the action of planning my days so it works for me, loving the puppy, ask husband to clarify story of how this came about so that I fully understand scenario, ask husband to, in the future, please check with me before volunteering my time but also recognize that he may not follow through, decide how I will deal with the situation if it arises again.

If you are a conflict avoider like I used to be and would like to discover how to start feeling better about how you deal with the struggles that life will always present to you, then I would love to offer a free mini-session to help you feel some freedom. All you have to do is grab on to some courage and send me an email, the feeling of fear will vanish once you hit the send button.

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My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for strong, success driven women who want to discover their true self, discover the missing key, find their purpose and then start building a legacy from pure power. I have made it may mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability before your subconscious primitive mind tells you to run and hide.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this message and I highly encourage you to get on my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

Four Reasons Why You Aren’t Doing What You Want To Do

The old me would have told you that I just don’t get to do all of the things I want to do because I just didn’t have the time.

“I mean really, do you know what it’s like to own and run your own successful business?!?”

Funny thing is that after thirty years of running my own successful business and now launching a shiny, brand new version of that business, I totally DO get to do all of the things I want to do.

What’s different?

Well, it certainly isn’t because there are less things to do in this business. Yes, it is less multi-faceted, for right now, but I also don’t have a full time employee plus a handful of part-timers. It’s all me.

I am what is different.

Over the past two years I have been doing the work of changing my life around because I decided two years ago that I wanted my life to be different. I was tired of being happy but yet at the same time, being completely unhappy. I desperately knew something had to change or I would be living the rest of my life in misery and that my friends, sounded miserable.

The reason we don’t do what we want to do is because we are creating way too much drama in our life around all of the things.

So what is the reason we don’t do what we want to do? Well, here are just a few:

We are creating way too much drama in our life around all of the things.

  • We can’t stand ourselves
  • There isn’t enough time
  • There are too many things I HAVE to do
  • The kids…
  • The job…
  • We don’t have enough money

Once we learn how to manage our minds, magically all of the drama starts to disappear.

We don’t trust ourselves.

We tell ourselves, every day, how we’re going to do all of the things. We come up with these crazy plans to do them all and then at the end of the day, when most of them aren’t done, we beat ourselves up because we can’t figure this out.

We tell ourselves what a failure we are.

We think about all of the people who do have their drama tied up and packaged neatly with a bow and then start all over the next day.

This cycle of letting ourselves down over and over is like that friend that never shows up to the party. You don’t trust her to show up yet you still invite her.

This leads to the last reason.

We don’t know how to make a decision ahead of time and then follow through.

We haven’t learned how to just make a decision and move forward. We pride ourselves in “doing the research”, coming up with the laundry list of why it won’t work and then why it will. We pride ourselves in “doing the research”. So much so that we never even make a decision or by the time we do the opportunity is over or we just plain spent a whole lot of time and energy that could have been spent moving forward from a decision made earlier.

We are afraid to make a decision.

What I have learned is that making a quick decision feels completely amazing. It clears up my mind and allows me to start moving forward with all of my things. It’s possible I will discover it was the wrong decision. Totally cool, now I can move forward in a new direction, nothing lost and everything gained.

We want to do it perfectly.

Perfectionism is such a lie.

If you have been priding yourself on being a perfectionist, please stop.

Perfectionism is the reason we don’t move forward, it’s why people procrastinate.

Fear of not doing something perfectly.

I actually used to feel bad when I thought “who cares, at least it’s done”, I actually got pulled into perfectionism by thinking I wasn’t as good as those who claimed to be. Can you see how poor my self image and self trust was? This is so crazy to me now!

The book that totally released me from the perfectionism procrastination was Dan Sullivan’s “The 80% Approach”. Dan helped me to realize that I was putting my tasks off until the last minute and then truly only doing 80% work. Now I schedule the work, do it when I decided to do it and give it my 80%. Awesome. It propels me forward and allows me to schedule shorter future times in my schedule to do another 80% a few times over.

Now that’s pretty close to perfection, the easy way!

I actually could have WAY more than four reasons but for the sake of time I stopped here. My freedom program addresses them all!

If you are like I was and have a long list of things you want to do in this life but you’re not getting any of them done, then I would love to have a conversation with you. Let me share how I am helping other amazing high performers like yourself truly discover themselves and confidently step into living it out. Send me an email or go schedule your free session today. Let’s get this party started already!

Until we talk I send out a newsletter every week to help you do the work of feeling better in this life you’re living, go opt in today so you don’t miss a thing!

 

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My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for strong, success driven women who want to discover their true self, discover the missing key, find their purpose and then start building a legacy from pure power. I have made it may mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability before your subconscious primitive mind tells you to run and hide.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this message and I highly encourage you to get on my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.