When It All Just Doesn’t Make Sense

What is this life all about anyway?

You out there doing all of the things.

Yet no idea why.

Your purpose is gone.

It was never truly there.

This whole time always right there, right inside.

It’s just that no one has told you.

You’re broken.

Broken hearted.

Destructive.

Hopeless.

Lost.

You hate who you are, you hate who you have become.

I just want you to know that I know who you are.

I was you.

Though I lived a life of apparent success, a life that people envied, I was hurt, I was broken.

I didn’t know how to love myself so I sought to destroy myself.

I was too strong for that thought, too strong because I was made for so much more.

Created and protected for a day such as this.

A day when I can tell you that you too were created on purpose, with a purpose.

Your life has shaped you into an instrument to be used in the world.

What will you do with it?

My hope today is that this post will give just one person some hope.

Some hope to pick themselves up, clean themselves up and to open themselves up to their very own possibility.

It’s there, this I know, you just have to love yourself and your Savior enough to go find it.

You were created for so much more, this I know and this I want you to know.

XOX

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My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for strong, success driven women who want to discover their true self, discover the missing key, find their purpose and then start building a legacy from pure power. I have made it may mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability before your subconscious primitive mind tells you to run and hide.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this message and I highly encourage you to get on my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

Your Top Three Emotions And How They Reveal The Results In Your Life

Feelings, or emotions, it seems like a bunch of wasted time to look at them, right?

Wrong.

Read on to find out why they are so important.

Feelings start in our brain. They are caused by something that we are thinking, when we feel the emotion, the brain sends out chemicals to the body, these chemicals create vibrations in the body.

Feelings are the third line in the Thought Model, they are a one word emotion that drives the actions you take with the things you do on a daily basis.

I have found that we as humans are pretty numb to our emotions. Discovering what emotions we are feeling is one of the first, and fundamental, things I teach.

Think about it for a moment, everything we want in life is because of how we think it will make us feel.

So now, think about what you want.

Then ask yourself what you really, really want (insert Spice Girl Wannabe lyrics).

Lastly, ask yourself how you think you’ll feel when you get what you really want.

BINGO!

You want the feeling that thing will give you.

The next question I’ll ask is how you can create that feeling now?

This is the magical work I do with my Awaken(TheTrue)You program clients.

I help them start to fill that void the have in their life. I teach them how to stop attempting to fill it with external things.

Once they are able to start closing that void their brain is free to start focusing on what they really, truly want in their life.

Then we start creating it.

They step off of their hamster wheel and into the life of their dreams.

They start creating the results that they didn’t even realize they wanted to create.

It’s beautiful.

Let’s keep moving forward with some more awareness activities.

Ask yourself what your top three most common emotions are on a daily basis and why you feel them.

Here’s a list to get you started.

If you’re feeling brave go ahead and describe each feeling, then how you deal with each one.

Then ask yourself what are the top three emotions you want to have on a daily basis and why.

If you felt this way on a daily basis how might you show up differently in your life?

Showing up the way you want to show up will change your life forever.

The best part?

You don’t even need to change any of the external things in your life for this to happen, like your job, your boss, spouse, child, friend, state, car, house.

If you struggle with feeling joy, excitement, enthusiasm, responsible, determined, proud and want help changing the results you are currently getting in your life then let’s find some time to chat. Let’s talk about whether working with me might be a fit for the next step in your life, you can book your free session here or send me an email with days and times that will work for you.

Make today the first day of the best days of your life!

_______________________________________

My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for strong, success driven women who want to discover their true self, discover the missing key, find their purpose and then start building a legacy from pure power. I have made it may mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability before your subconscious primitive mind tells you to run and hide.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this message and I highly encourage you to get on my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

Shame: What It Is, Why You Feel It And How To Set It Free

Let’s start out with what shame is.

I love my coach instructor Jody Moore’s definition of shame that she used in a recent coaching session:

It’s what we feel when we do something that is out of alignment with who we want to be.

This has been the best description of shame for me because it resonates with me and when I feel shame. For me, it truly does come from times when I’ve done things that were way out of line from who I wanted to be as a human in this world.

The reason we feel the shame:

Judgement.

We judge ourselves negatively for doing the thing that we really don’t want to do.

We think that if we beat ourselves up over what we did it will somehow make us change.

Kind of like thinking that yelling at our kids will make them change.

Thankfully, it doesn’t work like that.

Thankfully because once we become aware of this truth we discover that the solution is within us, not outside of us.

We start realizing that beating ourselves up is giving us the opposite of what we truly want.

What actually happens is we start to get used to the feeling that shame generates and then continue to create the feeling over and over. Our body gets used to the chemical response and will continue to create it every time we do something out of line with who we ultimately want to be.

Our brain likes to look for what’s wrong and you have trained it to continue to respond this way because you’ve done it enough times that it’s now a conditioned response.

Let’s look at some examples:

  • I ate what I told myself I wouldn’t eat:
    • learned responses:
      • “I’m never going to learn.”
      • “I’m stupid.”
      • “What is wrong with me?”
      • “Of course I did that, I wouldn’t expect anything better.”
  • I yelled at my child:
    • learned responses:
      • “I’m an awful mom.”
      • “I can’t control my emotions.”
      • “I’m ruining my children.”
  • I spent money I didn’t have:
    • learned responses:
      • “I don’t know how to manage my urges.”
      • “I’m irresponsible.”
      • “I’ll never have any money in the bank.”

How to set it free.

The path to setting shame free is multi-faceted but let’s take a look at how to start the journey.

  • The first step is to become aware of your negative self talk.

When we do something that is against the person we want to be just start to become curious about how you treat and talk to yourself. What do you say? Are you treating yourself with love and compassion? My guess is you are not.

  • Start journalling.

Write down what you did and all of the things you made what you did mean. Write down how those words make you feel. How that makes you show up for yourself.

  • Start generating new thoughts.

From the examples above they might look like:

    • I ate what I told myself I wouldn’t eat:
      • new responses:
        • “I’m open to the idea that I can figure this out.”
        • “It’s possible that I’m smart.”
        • “There isn’t anything wrong with me”
        • “I am becoming the person that expects the best from myself.”
    • I yelled at my child:
      • new responses:
        • “I am becoming the mom I want to be.”
        • “I am learning how to control my emotions.”
        • “My children are going to be amazing.”
    • I spent money I didn’t have:
      • new responses:
        • “Someday I will be able to allow my urges.”
        • “I might be wrong about the thought that I’m irresponsible.”
        • “I will be a person who has money in the bank.”

With time, as you begin to believe the new thoughts, you will be able to create stronger thoughts that will take you to the person who recognizes shame before she lets it in the door.

With time you will be able say hello to shame and kindly ask it to leave.

You can become the person that tells shame that it is no longer welcome because you have replaced shame with self love, self compassion, self confidence.

If you are someone who struggles with shame I would love an opportunity to share a conversation about whether my program is a fit for you. As you become more confident in the possibility of you and creating the life you know you were created to live I’d love to encourage you to slide into the fast lane of your life purpose.

_______________________________________

My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for strong, success driven women who want to discover their true self, discover the missing key, find their purpose and then start building a legacy from pure power. I have made it may mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability before your subconscious primitive mind tells you to run and hide.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this message and I highly encourage you to get on my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

Coaching VS Therapy And How To Choose What’s Best For You

When you have made the decision to be all in on you it’s important that you know the difference between therapy and life coaching. Most of us are familiar with what a therapist does, yet the majority of people still feel shame around the prospect of “seeking help”, they have this mistruth that if you seek guidance you are weak.

If this is the lie you are telling yourself then you are carrying around the wrong kind of pride and probably a bit of fear.

Let it go my friend, take control of your own destiny by learning how to smash the obstacles that you keep putting in the way of your best life.

When I finally set down my pride and decided I would no longer wanted to live a life of denial, I automatically turned to a therapist. I had been seeing a counselor with my husband, asked her for a referral and then started my journey.

It’s all I knew. It’s what most of us know.

But I want to spread light on what an impact a coach can do in the life of a highly functioning, successful person like yourself.

At about the same time that I picked up my courage to call a counselor, I stumbled across the Life Coach School and started absorbing their teachings.

Therapy was the catalyst that got me started on my journey to freedom from myself, yet it wasn’t truly propelling me forward.

Coaching propelled me into my future self.

After working with a life coach all I can say is, for me, I most likely will never go back to therapy, even for my marriage or family.

Let’s look at some specifics and differences.

Therapy

There are all sorts of therapy out there and I definitely believe there is good, solid reasons to utilize the different types based on a person’s specific needs. Please do your own research to determine which therapy may be appropriate for you and your specific conditions.

  • Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is the most like coaching because it focuses on a person’s thinking, behavior and problem solving.
  • Psychotherapy is usually long term therapy that focuses on the past and unconscious thinking that drives present behavior. This can be an effective form of therapy for true repressed memories but often too past focused to be effective for a high-functioning person to move forward.
  • Psychiatrists are able to prescribe and manage medications.
  • Psychologists focus on psychotherapy and treating emotional and mental suffering with behavioral intervention
  • Marriage and family therapists (MFTs) focus on the dynamics of marriage between both parties and the larger dynamic of family relationships.
  • Exposure therapy

This is not an all inclusive list so again, please do your own research. Therapy is a regulated industry which means they are licensed and take insurance.

Basically, therapists will help you recover from past trama, help you work through depression/anxiety when it is affecting your ability to function and help you through a divorce or loss of a loved one.

Life Coaching

Let me start off by comparing life coaching to what I did for the athletes I coached for 28 years with my company On Track Training. I would find out where the client was right when I met them, find out where they wanted to be and then take them on the path to getting there. I would ask questions about their history up to when we met to collect data, which helped me determine how we would create the path. I was the trained professional athlete they were looking for, I gave them enthusiastic support and guidance as well as giving them my objective perspective and insight.

That is exactly what I continue to do as a life coach but now with my client’s life. I am a trained professional who guides you into maximizing your potential and attain your desired results.

I talk to my client about where they are now, then find out where they want to be and then lead them along the path between here and there.

I specifically work with my clients to help them create the life they know they were destined to live. I help them figure out what that looks like and then guide them along the way to making it reality.

I am an expert at transforming women’s lives.

Life coaches do not diagnose, they will simply identify and describe current problematic behaviors and help the client work on modifying them.

Life coaches take their clients to the highest levels of performance and life.

We are experts at producing the highest level of positive change in their client’s life.

We focus on the present and future while advancing the client’s potential.

People that hire a life coach are already knocking life out of the park, they are already successful but they want to succeed at a higher level and faster.

We help you create the future of your dreams, now.

I love how my coach, Brooke Castillo, states that coaching essentially assumes that the client is okay and is full of potential, whereas therapy assumes the client is “sick” or “dysfunctional” and seeks to heal them so they function “normally”.

Once you feel confident, are able to set down your pride and let go of the denial that you can do it on your own, I’d love to talk to you about whether a life coach is a fit for you.

Hiring a life coach does not mean you aren’t good enough to do it on your own, it means you’re wise enough to seek the guidance that will blow up your true potential.

_______________________________________

My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for strong, success driven women who want to discover their true self, discover the missing key, find their purpose and then start building a legacy from pure power. I have made it may mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability before your subconscious primitive mind tells you to run and hide.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this message and I highly encourage you to get on my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

Rewriting Your Past Story And How It Will Light Up Your Future Story

We all have our stories to tell.

Most of our stories are about our past.

Childhood • middle age • teenage • young adult • adult • first marriage • last boyfriend • first job • this job • last year • last week • yesterday • this morning.

We’re not telling stories of the abundance we will be creating in the future.

Most of our stories are about what went wrong in our past lives.

Our brains are always on the search for what is wrong, it’s always wanting to protect us, keep us from danger. That’s it’s job.

This is great for when we might be in some sort of danger, which is rare in our modern world, but it’s not great when it pertains to our past.

For many of us our past life story is full of regret, resentment and blame. We are completely unaware of how damaging this is to our future life story.

For many of us our past life story is full of beauty, uniqueness, perfection.

We aren’t seeing it.

For me this was very much the case, I spent most of my time really thinking backwards. I was often dwelling on what happened yesterday and though, while I was also looking forward I was looking back to determine how to move forward.

Yes, I was living a life of abundance, goodness, beautiful richness yet I wasn’t actually living it.

I was using my past to determine how to create my future.

If we are only seeing what went wrong in our past it won’t allow us to truly see the full potential of what is available in our future.

Each and every time we tell that story of how we were taken advantage of, of how we were wronged, of how we made poor choices, it reinforces that neurological pathway of negativity, of failure. Every time we relive the hurt it keeps us living in that pool of negative emotion, dragging us down, deepening the pain.

The opposite of what we want happens. We desperately want the story to change but by reliving it we just keep bringing it closer, allowing it to continue to beat us up. Allowing it to continue to tell us how unworthy we truly are.

Let me tell you something that is going to change your life forever if you choose to believe it.

You can change your story. Forever.

Your past is behind you and it happened perfectly.

I know this because it happened.

You could attempt to just forget your past life story but I want to warn you to be very careful if you choose to take this route. Be very careful that you are allowing the story to just be and not trying to burying it, resist it, only for it to re-surface with a mean, ugly vengeance.

This is what I had tried to do. I used all sorts of buffering activities to do this. You know what happened? I just hurt myself more and my story just kept coming back.

You know why the story kept coming back? Because I kept bringing it back. Truth is that every time I brought the past into my present by telling the story, it hurt more than the original story. Some of my stories I remember not even hurting me at the time. Stories where I didn’t truly realize what was happening, too young to even understand. It’s when I retold the story, from a place of judgement, that the story truly started to hurt.

The best thing I’ve done, and the best thing you can do for yourself, is to re-write the story so that it makes you the hero.

What amazing things have happened because you survived powerfully through that story?

What amazing things have you accomplished because you won in that story?

How has that story made you better equipped to handle your current life story?

How can you look at the people in your story from their lens, from their hurts, from their past life story?

When we’re able to re-write our past as the hero, not the victim, it allows us to set it free.

When we’re able to see how perfectly our past truly was, what opportunities it brings us, we are able to see ourselves as who we were perfectly created to be and perfectly shaped to be.

Today we get to step into the future of opportunity, not a future held back by the weight of our past.

When we see how much our past has molded us into a beautiful instrument of intricacies with the potential to create an impact beyond our dreams.

That’s when life begins brand new.

If you’re living a life of regret and resentment, unable to set it free. If you find yourself unable to let go of the power someone from your past is having in your life today then I want you to know that there is hope. You can re-write your past. Your story is beautiful, tell it the way that will move you into the life you were perfectly designed to live.

You can’t build your legacy while holding on tight to your past life story.

My mission is to show you how to become the hero of your story. Let’s start the editing today.

_______________________________________

My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for strong, success driven women who want to discover their true self, discover the missing key, find their purpose and then start building a legacy from pure power. I have made it may mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability before your subconscious primitive mind tells you to run and hide.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this message and I highly encourage you to get on my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

Steps To Walk Through Your Depression

I’m going to start this off stating that depression is a serious thing. The “tackling depression” tactics that I am going to talk about today can be applied to any type of depression, yet there are individual cases where depression is truly dark. 


I’m talking dark, as in no light. 


You yourself will want to take the steps to be able to recognize what your depression looks like for you. You may want to seek the guidance of a medical professional who can help you sort through a possible need for a medication program to help you sort through your journey. 


Yet, even if your journey is truly that dark, I want you to know that there absolutely is hope. There is beautiful light on the other side of the valley you are currently walking through. 


I promise this. 


Just waiting for it to end could be a way of processing but seeking guidance out of love and compassion for yourself is the shortest path through to the other side. 

It is the most beautiful path as well.


When we work through whatever is bringing us down we always discover something new about ourselves.

When we just wait for it to pass, just keep trudging on, in my experience, there isn’t much discovery in the process.

This week has been one of those weeks for me. 


It actually feels foreign. 


This thought alone gives me relief. Depression was a way of life for me in the past, I used to drag it around like a heavy sled. I know, who knew, I truly was the masquerade master.

Experiencing it now is actually opening up for me the reality that I have cut loose so many ties to that sled. 


My norm now is freedom, so thank you depression for opening up my eyes to this truth.


How I am handling the depression is also different. Let me share how.

Become curious about what is happening for you.

For me the art of being curious about why this is actually occurring in my body is an interesting process. The old me would have ignored it, pushed it into the corner and put something fancy and falsely beautiful in front of it, hello facade. 


This week I have been holding it in my hands, being kind and compassionate towards it, allowing it to express itself yet not prohibit me from moving forward with my days. 

This in of itself feels so much better. More expansive. Less tight and uncomfortable. The knowledge not that I never will experience depression again, but that I now have the tools to process it. To use it as information for what is happening for me in the moment.

Use The Model to help you see what is happening for you.

This tool helps you with the awareness I shared above. It helps you to see what might be happening for you. It helps you to sort through the messiness your brain is presenting to you. It helps you to see some truth and allow you to move forward while accepting that this is a part of your current journey.

The model is also a tool that will help you see the result you are getting with whatever thoughts your brain is giving to you, this then gives you the option of choosing a different thought. A different thought will get you a different result.

Listen up.

This is not about faking it by ignoring what is happening for you. This is about choosing thoughts that will work for you.

Let me share an example by sharing a bit of my thought downloads from the week.

“This stinks. My life is miserable. I don’t have time for this. I can’t do this. I’ll never get this done. I should just give this up. I should just stay in bed. Maybe I’ll just take the day off. I am strong. I can handle anything. This is perfect. This is happening. This won’t beat me. Hello brain, I see what you’re doing. This is happening and I don’t like it. Maybe I need more caffeine. I should go take a nap. Of course this is happening.”

If I were to stay with the thought that “I can’t do this” it would make me feel defeated causing me to complain, ruminate, feel sorry for myself, beat myself up, etc, creating a result of not getting anything done. Perfect evidence for the thought “I can’t do this.”

Instead I chose the thought “I can handle anything”, this makes me feel strong, this propels me forward to do my tasks and honor my commitments, to hold my funk in a place of compassion and curiosity but not let it control me, love myself and share my journey instead of hide or fake it, be curious about what is happening, the result I get from this new thought is I completely handle my commitments and my funk.

Lastly.

Share your journey with a friend.

Sharing it helps to heal it. Sometimes a friend doesn’t feel right and sometimes it just might be wrong. That’s where I come in. I’m the friend that cares and does more than just listen and then give you unsolicited advice. I listen. I show you your brain. I show you how to hold it in a place of compassion. I show you how to allow the discomfort without allowing it to consume you.

I help you walk through until you’re ready to set it free.

This my friends is beautiful.

This my friends is not faking it.

This allows you to travel through your experiences, negative and positive, from a place of curiosity, learning and growing along the way.

Friend, if you are in a dark season and want to know more about how to move through it from a place of compassion for yourself, I’d love to walk through with you. This doesn’t need to be an awful experience. Use it to grow, learn and love yourself.

I’m over here waiting for you.

My mission is you. Helping you become your true you. Let’s go!

I’m just an email away.

_______________________________________

My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for strong, success driven women who want to discover their true self, discover the missing key, find their purpose and then start building a legacy from pure power. I have made it may mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability before your subconscious primitive mind tells you to run and hide.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this message and I highly encourage you to get on my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

Are You Self Confident or Confident?

Today I want to share the difference because it’s huge. It might help you discover something you didn’t know about yourself and allow you to explore how to develop the one you may be lacking.

Confidence

Confidence is specific to the person because it is a skill that someone has practiced or something that a person might have natural talent for. You are confident you can get on your bicycle after several years of not riding it if you’ve rode a bicycle enough to create that confidence.

Strong, driven, successful people like yourself have developed a false sense of self confidence by practicing and seeking further education in what you do. You have taken actions that have developed your confidence in something you do.

I like to liken this to your shield of confidence, you have proven to the powers that be, whoever those people are, that you are fully competent. To prove it you also might make sure that people are fully aware of your capability in an effort to feel better about yourself, so that they will be impressed with you.

Generating love, recognition, validation from outside of yourself.

The interesting thing is that even though we may have confidence in a certain ability there are so many of us who experience the dreaded imposter syndrome.

I experienced this during my 30 year business of coaching athletes. I had gone to college to become a Chemical Engineer, after three years changed that path to Journalism and Graphic Design. After getting laid off during Desert Storm, I decided to start helping all of the people at the gym who had been begging me to help them start the journey to a healthier life. Needing an income resource I started one of most successful personal training businesses in the country and became a professional athlete in the process. All the evidence of success still made me feel like an imposter, simply caused by plenty of confidence but very little self confidence.

Another consideration is that confident people often will not try things they aren’t good at because of fear. Fear they might fail. Fear they might feel embarrassed or humiliated.

Self Confidence

Is truly an overall mindset you create for yourself about your own ability in ALL areas of your life that matter to you.

It is the ability to do something that you might be afraid of doing but fear doesn’t stop you from doing it.

You choose to take the action regardless of your fear because you know that fear is just an emotion, it can’t kill you.

You are willing to fail with the only consequence being an uncomfortable feeling and possible failure.

Knowing that what happens doesn’t mean anything negative about you.

Knowing the feeling will pass.

Knowing you have evolved yourself and learned something.

You are taking the actions that you want to take, no matter what.

Self confident people will do things they haven’t done before because they’re confident in themselves. They aren’t afraid of feeling embarrassed or humiliated. They know that failure means nothing about them as a human being. They know that the failure is just information for moving forward.

As a coach who has overcome the obstacle of myself getting in the way of myself I now teach people how to become more self confident. I teach them how to overcome the fears that keep them from playing big. I teach them how to have their own back in every life situation.

If you are starting to see that you might be the biggest obstacle in your life and you want to start coming up with strategies to overcome this obstacle then send me an email and let’s find some time to talk. Overcoming this obstacle has been the best work I have ever done in my life and it is my mission to help anyone brave enough to finally take the steps to freedom.

I can’t wait to watch you soar!

_______________________________________

My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for strong, success driven women who want to discover their true self, discover the missing key, find their purpose and then start building a legacy from pure power. I have made it may mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability before your subconscious primitive mind tells you to run and hide.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this message and I highly encourage you to get on my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

Three Ways To Bring Romance Back Into Your Relationship

There was a time when you were truly in love with your spouse, like you wanted to spend every moment with them, they were the center of your life.

Now of course you love them, but really, you can’t stand them. If they would just do all of the things you needed them to do, say all of the things you want them to say, then life would be happily ever after.

Often times in the beginning of relationships we do all of the things that will make the other person show us love in return. We aren’t our true selves, we’re looking for love from outside of ourselves.

If this is the case we typically haven’t learned how to generate love for ourselves. As the relationship starts getting comfortable, or as the old saying goes, once the honeymoon is over, we get tired of the work that goes into trying to get someone to make us feel good.

We start to resent the fact that they aren’t just doing the same things they did, to make us feel good, even though we’re not doing the same things we used to do to generate the reactions that they gave us the feeling of love.

This is the beginning of the breakdown.

We don’t really pay too much attention in the beginning of the breakdown but as time goes on we start to wonder if there is any hope.

I have some amazing news my loves, there most definitely is.

I know this because this was me in my marriage.

Even better news is that you don’t even need your partner to be a part of your game to re-create a hot, steamy, romantic, loving, fun relationship.

All it takes is you.

Ready? Let’s start this!

Make a list of all of the things you want your love to do and then, do it for them.

I know, this most likely isn’t the first thing you wanted to hear but honestly, why do you want them to do the thing? Because YOU want it done? To make YOU happy? Then I suggest you do something amazing for yourself and do that thing for yourself OR just choose to let that thing not be done.

When we put our happiness in the hands of others we are bound to be let down, over and over again.

My guess is you have an operating manual for your spouse. A manual that lists all of the things you want them to do to make you happy. It’s even possible that if you typed the manual out and gave it to them and they actually followed it, that you still wouldn’t be happy.

The best thing I have done is put my happiness in my own hands, not in the hands of someone else.

You know what’s perfect about this? I know exactly what I want and I can either take care of it myself or politely ask my spouse to do it for me but if he doesn’t I have to take my power back and make sure I take care of myself.

I hear your argument. I know them all because they were mine. What I learned is that I was never fully happy putting my happiness in the hands of someone else.

Neither will you.

Challenge yourself to do something uncomfortable.

Step number one might be that one thing. Maybe it is putting that laundry basket away even though it had your husband’s clothing in it. When you take the focus off of why he’s not doing it and focus on the fact that it’s you that will feel amazing when it’s put away, you take back your control.

I’m thinking something even more uncomfortable but the above could be a start. I’m thinking more along the lines of hmmmm….when’s the last time you gave your spouse a long hug and told them how much you appreciate everything they do (not for you) and really say it from the heart?

Feel uncomfortable? Why? What is it you fear?

I challenge you to actually take a moment to stop and answer those two questions. Then ask yourself what it would feel like to do the same thing from a place of self confidence in your ability to do something for yourself. From a place of doing it because it would feel good for YOU.

Write down 10 things you love about your spouse.

Put them on a note in your phone and every morning open that note and read it out loud to yourself.

When we are stuck in a negative thought pattern your brain is conditioned to continue to feed more negative thoughts to you. It’s just helping you out and doing what it is designed to do.

You have to be deliberate about how you direct your thoughts or your brain will always revert to finding what is wrong.

When you tell your brain to look for the positive it will start looking for what you are asking it.

This is going to take you some time, it did for me anyway. I had been so focused on everything he was doing wrong that I just couldn’t think of anything positive. I started with this: he is my husband, he married me, he loves me. If you have to start with one thing then start with the one and just tell your brain to keep looking. Every day add something new to the list.

Soon you will notice yourself starting to feel better.

Soon you will notice the spark coming back.

Be patient friend, that fire has been out for a while, that fire pit is wet and soggy, it’s going to take more than a few swipes of the match to dry it out and then build it to an inferno.

I absolutely love hearing the fun love stories that come back into people’s relationships, all because of the work on one person’s part.

 I love seeing the smile on my client’s faces when they tell me something loving they did.

Not to get someone to love them.

To show themselves how much they love themselves.

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My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for strong, success driven women who want to discover their true self, discover the missing key, find their purpose and then start building a legacy from pure power. I have made it may mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability before your subconscious primitive mind tells you to run and hide.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this message and I highly encourage you to get on my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

Three Types Of Jealousy And How To Let It Go

Jealousy is an emotion I used to experience pretty much on a daily basis and I’m happy to say that I really don’t experience it much anymore. I have developed a beautiful, loving relationship with myself that allows me to trust myself to do the right thing, to not be worried about what others do and it has generated the self confidence to know that I can achieve anything I desire.

I won’t lie, I do experience it once in a while, I am human, but now I have this amazing tool called the Thought Model to help me work on my mindset. The Thought Model shows me the result I’m getting from the thought causing the feeling of jealousy and then I can work on what I want to do with what is coming up for me.

I have a couple of videos on my YouTube channel that may help you understand this tool.

Jealousy is something that truly comes from lack of self confidence, self compassion as well as trust. When we don’t trust others it is often a reflection of distrust in ourselves. I encourage you to read two of my other posts, one to see if you trust yourself  and then this one to help you take some steps to learning how to trust yourself.

Here are three different situations that might cause us to get jealous:

Projection

I like to liken this to holding up the mirror between yourself and the person you are jealous of. Then turn the mirror back towards yourself to discover what it is in your life that is causing you to be jealous. I’ll use a relationship as an example. Maybe you are jealous of your mate, possibly even accusing him of flirting or cheating on you. If you turn the mirror on yourself possibly you yourself are experiencing thoughts of someone else in your life?

Could this be lack of trust on your part with what your own outcome might be with someone you may be having thoughts about?

Protection

Protection is an effort to protect yourself from something you think might be bad for you. This can show up as you trying to control someone to get the result you want. It could look like you thinking your mate is flirting and paying more attention to other people. You’re jealous that he may like them better than you and want to tell him to change the way he acts. You get to decide whether you want to let him be himself or if this isn’t what you want in your partner, do you trust yourself enough to decide? Self confidence allows you to feel the feeling and know that it’s ok, that you can feel the emotion and then again, make the choice as to if this is what you want in your partner.

Competition

This is when we are watching what is happening for other people and jealous of what they are getting that you aren’t. I like to look at a form of this coming from a place of scarcity. In the example of progress in a career or income, you might be thinking that there is only so much to go around, that someone else is making all the money, leaving you with not enough. I like to think that there is no limit to what any of us can produce and if someone else can do it, with self confidence we will know that the same is true for us.

There is also the situation of placement in some sort of contest. For thirty years I coached athletes where I saw jealousy on a daily basis. People comparing themselves to others, not trusting in their own capabilities, not self confident in what they can create, not loving themselves enough for where they are and what they have achieved for themselves.

If you are competing to somehow create your worth or killing it in your job to create your worth or controlling your surroundings so that you can feel love then my program is an exact fit for you. I help high achievers like yourself work on that piece that is missing, themselves. I give them the tools to start finding love from within, once you’re able to trust and love yourself you’ll be able to build the self confidence to go out and create whatever it is you want, for no one but you.

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My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for strong, success driven women who want to discover their true self, discover the missing key, find their purpose and then start building a legacy from pure power. I have made it may mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability before your subconscious primitive mind tells you to run and hide.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this message and I highly encourage you to get on my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

Three Reasons Why You Lack Self Confidence

I’ve always been a self help junkie.

As far back as I can remember I was learning how to exercise, meditate, eat right, but knowing what I know now I’m pretty sure it was mostly with the objective of looking the way society deemed I should look.

So I could feel acceptance.

Ok, maybe not the meditation, I think that was part of my deep desire to get connected spiritually.

Back to the feeling accepted.

This was always a struggle for me, always doing what I thought would make me fit in or be accepted.

I thought I would generate self confidence by proving myself, again to gain acceptance.

I was always looking for love from other people, by doing everything for others, until I discovered that the only true way to feel love was to start with loving myself.

As I started digging in to how to become self confident I started figuring out all of the things that I needed to start working on, let me share three of them with you:

We don’t trust ourselves.

To see if you trust yourself go read my post where I give you one simple way to see if you trust yourself and then if you want to start working on how to change that, go check out my post with three steps to start trusting yourself. We don’t know how to trust ourselves because we are unfamiliar with how to manage our mind making us feel out of control with our feelings and actions.

We are afraid to feel our emotions.

We’re afraid of not feeling loved, of being rejected, of feeling sad so we do whatever we can to get people to like us, which then makes us feel loved…IF they treat us the way we want them to treat us. We don’t know how to actually process our emotions so we just avoid them and avoid doing anything that could build our self confidence. Instead we just keep working on proving ourselves by being the best we can be at something that we deem might make us look confident.

Let me pause here to explain the difference. Confidence comes from repeatedly doing something until we do it well, this builds confidence in doing that thing. Self confidence comes from within. Self confidence is created by doing things and being willing to feel whatever emotion comes along because we are solid in our relationship with ourselves. We know that feeling humiliation is just a vibration in our body, that it won’t kill us and has nothing to do with who we are.

Low opinion of ourselves.

We just don’t think thoughts that are uplifting about ourselves. We are out there looking for it from others but we still don’t believe them. We want people to tell us how good we look yet we can’t just say “thank you” and agree with them. Instead we don’t trust them, telling ourselves they are lying to make us feel good or to get something in return.

This my friends is the opposite of self confidence.

Becoming confident in ones self is a journey that you will never regret.

Becoming self confident is COMPLETELY possible for ANYONE, no matter what lies you’ve been telling yourself your whole life.

I strongly encourage you to embark on the journey and I believe I’m the perfect person to guide you through it. I’ve traveled the road, I’ve done the work, I’ve created so much self confidence that I believe I can do anything I decide to do.

I’m out there doing it by creating it for people like you, life starts right here where self confidence begins.

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My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for strong, success driven women who want to discover their true self, discover the missing key, find their purpose and then start building a legacy from pure power. I have made it may mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability before your subconscious primitive mind tells you to run and hide.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this message and I highly encourage you to get on my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.