Are You Self Confident or Confident? Ep 14

Are You Self Confident or Confident? | Relationship Coaching

Hello, hello my lovelies, how are you this beautiful day? We have been chatting the past few weeks about self-trust. Do we have it and how to increase it to live a more fulfilling and rich life. In last week’s episode, we talked about: Three Reasons Why We Lack Marital Confidence (link) and how we begin to lose confidence in our ability to have a successful marriage because we have stopped taking action in ways that build our confidence. Then the week before that, in episode 12: Three Steps To Building Self Trust, when we talked about ways to start building trust in ourselves, I talked about how this work leads us to have more self-confidence – confidence in ourselves. Today I’d like to dig a bit deeper into the difference between self-confidence and confidence to see how having confidence in certain areas of our lives doesn’t necessarily mean we have self-confidence. What do you think? Are you self-confident or confident or both?

Are you confident?

Let’s start with a definition of confidence. Confidence is a belief that you can do something well or succeed at something, and it is built through the process of doing, of taking action. For example, if you know how to ride a bicycle, you have taken steps to build confidence over time to get on a bike, no matter how long it has been since you were last on a bicycle, and know that you can ride it. This is not something you had before you took the training wheels off and proceeded to crash a few times along the way.

Confidence is specific to the person because it is a skill that someone has practiced or something that a person might have a natural talent for. Strong, driven, successful people like yourself have developed a false sense of self-confidence by practicing and seeking further education in what you do. You have taken actions that have developed your confidence in that thing that you do so well.

I like to liken this to your shield of confidence; you have proven to the powers that be, whoever those people are, that you are fully competent. To prove it, you also might make sure that people are fully aware of your capability, this might make you feel better about yourself because you think they are impressed by you. Many of us, I say us because I’m quite familiar with this form of confidence, use this shield out in the world yet struggle with what we commonly know as imposter syndrome because we still don’t believe in ourselves. Our self-confidence is in the tank; we generate validation, recognition, and affirmation from others, from outside of ourselves.

I experienced this during my 30 year business of coaching athletes. I had gone to college to become a Chemical Engineer; three years later I changed that path to Journalism and Graphic Design. After getting laid off from a dream design job, I decided to start helping all of the people at the gym who had been begging me to help them start their journey to a healthier life. As a single parent needing an income resource, I started one of the most successful personal training businesses in the country and became a professional athlete in the process. All the evidence of success still made me feel like an imposter, simply caused by plenty of confidence but minimal self-confidence.

Something else to consider is that confident people who lack self-confidence often will not try things they aren’t good at because of fear. They are afraid of failing or doing something that might make them feel foolish, embarrassed, or humiliated. They are afraid to experience these emotions for fear their failure or “foolish” appearance means something about who they are as a human, which would have their confidence come tumbling down in a huge heap.

Are you self-confident?

Self-confidence is a feeling of trust in one’s abilities, qualities, and judgment. It is truly an overall mindset you create for yourself about your own ability in ALL areas of your life that matter to you.

Self-confidence is the ability to do something that you might be afraid of doing, but fear doesn’t stop you from doing it because you won’t make failure mean anything about you as a human. When you are self-confident, you recognize failure, embarrassment, humiliation as emotions that could hold you back from doing what you want to do or emotions that you might have to process and feel; that’s all.

Self-confidence can look forward and see the person on the other side of whatever emotion it is that they are afraid of and being able to choose the delayed gratification of knowing that you were willing to take a chance. Taking chances is where growth comes; it’s where wisdom enters; it’s where we learn and evaluate.

Once you can learn how to overcome the obstacle of yourself getting in the way of yourself, you can take steps forward in all areas of your life, including your marriage. This is the work we do in AwakenYou; we learn how to overcome our fears which keep us from living our dream come true life, and we learn how to have our own backs in every life situation. For most of us, the biggest obstacle in our lives is ourselves, yet building self-confidence starts to erode that obstacle and helps us stop blaming the world and start creating our ideal world, life, and marital relationship.

If you want to begin coming up with strategies to overcome the obstacle in the way of your best life and your best marriage, then reach out, and let’s find time to talk. My one-on-one coaching program is designed to overcome this obstacle and clear the way to the ideal life you have stopped dreaming of.

I am a life coach who works with individuals to break down relationship barriers by awakening their true self. My process isn’t about changing your partner, it’s about discovering who you are so that you can AwakenYou in your marriage. If you’re ready to take your life and your love relationship to the next level then schedule your program inquiry call today and let’s decide together if this is your next step to creating the life you’ve been dreaming of.

Three Reasons Why We Lack Marital Confidence Ep 13

Three Steps To Building Self Trust | Relationship Coach

This week we’re going to talk about how building self-confidence in yourself will help you start building the confidence to create a marital relationship that you dreamt of having back when you said “Yes!” to his ask of having your hand in marriage. As we move through the years of our marital relationship, many of us find ourselves in a place so far from what we dreamed our marriage to be that we have no idea where to start in the journey to what we want. When we go back to the beginning of our marital journey, we had confidence that everything would be happily ever after because we saw our joy and happiness as evidence that all was well. Fast forward through the years of your marriage. You have a pile of reasons proving why your relationship isn’t working. You lack confidence in your ability to create a joyful ever after, and today we’re going to look at three reasons why you lack marital confidence so that you can get back on the road of navigating to your ideal marriage relationship.

This will help you to build back some desire so that you can actually believe that your wants are possible.

The number one reason you lack marital confidence is because of your lack of self-confidence.

I do not say this in a demeaning way. When we lack self-confidence we are often letting other people’s actions, or inactions, mean something about us.

I’ve always been a self-help junkie. As far back as I can remember, I was learning how to exercise, meditate, eat right, but knowing what I know now; I’m sure it was mostly to fit into the mold society deemed desirable.

So I could feel acceptance and approval.

Ok, maybe not the meditation, I think that was part of my deep desire to get connected spiritually as well as to discover myself.

Back to the feeling accepted.

This was always a struggle for me, always doing what I thought would make me fit in, feel accepted and good enough to be a part of the group.

I thought I would generate self-confidence by proving myself as acceptable.

I always looked for love from other people by doing everything for others until I discovered that the only true way to feel love was to start with loving myself. If you haven’t listened to my AwakenYou in your marriage podcast, episode 1 is all about How To Start Loving Yourself; I highly recommend you take a listen.

As I started digging into becoming self-confident, I started figuring out all of the things that I needed to work on and was on the road to a new belief and new way of life.

Secondly, we have low self-confidence because we don’t trust ourselves.

To discover if you trust yourself, you can go back to episode 10, One Simple Way To See If You Trust Yourself where I share one question that will help you see how much you trust yourself. If you discover from that episode that you might not have a great trusting relationship with yourself, you can go to last week’s episode, where I share Three Steps To Building Self Trust. (link)

As we start to build a foundation of self-trust, we start to build confidence in ourselves, and we start building our self-confidence. Yes, there is a difference between confidence and self-confidence; join me next week to take a deep dive into the difference, but today let’s distinguish the difference. Confidence comes from repeatedly doing something until we do it well; this repetition, failing until we get better, builds proof that we know how to do something; this is confidence, built through doing, taking steps forward, and learning. Self-confidence is created by doing things and being willing to do them wrong, being willing to experience whatever emotion rises when we fail and having our own back. We trust and know that our failure says nothing about ourselves except that we gave it our best in the moment. The more often we are willing to experience a negative emotion for the sake of growth, the more our self-confidence grows, and then hand in hand with that, we build confidence along the way.

If you look at your marriage, there might be an excellent chance that you haven’t been taking steps forward to create the relationship you dream of. Because you aren’t taking these steps, your confidence in your ability decreases; you aren’t exercising your marital confidence muscles. This process starts with learning how to trust yourself and take the steps you want to take, even when it feels uncomfortable, and building SELF-confidence.

The third reason we lack marital confidence is that we are afraid to feel our emotions.

The first step to creating marital confidence and self-confidence is learning how to feel and experience any emotion. Not being willing to do so weakens that marital confidence muscle. We’re afraid of not feeling loved, we’re afraid of being rejected, of feeling sad or disappointed, so we do other things that will make us feel temporarily satisfied in the moment. We seek pleasure at our own expense instead of delaying gratification. We want our partners to treat us the way we want them to treat us to feel good. Do you see how disempowering that is? What we do in AwakenYou is learn how to generate that positive, good feeling ourselves while letting our partners act and do as they choose. This is the gold of my program result; you get what you want without requiring your partner to join in the work.

Learning how to process our emotions instead of avoiding them allows us to build self-confidence to do the things we want to do in our marriage, building marital confidence by the doing.

Emotions are only vibrations in our body, and when we get up into that concept, we can recognize that much of our lives, we have been afraid of a feeling, a simple vibration, that will not kill us.

Learning how to experience any emotion is necessary to create the marital relationship you stopped dreaming of. Moving towards any goal in your life requires stepping into feeling and allowing the emotions of fear to surge through you while you take your next step. The beautiful thing about taking these steps in my one-on-one coaching program is that you’re not doing it alone; you have support and accountability.

Lastly, I want to share a bonus reason as to why you lack marital confidence.

Let’s get honest; most of us have learned what we know about marriage from our parents, step-parents, or whoever our initial caregivers were. When this fact was laid before my eyes, I smacked myself in the head – no wonder I sucked at this thing called marriage! I was using my parent’s marital playbook to build a relationship AND a relationship that I didn’t want! Now I am creating my own unique version of a marital relationship. This is one more awareness tool to give you the confidence you need to seek the help of someone who can guide you to where you want to go, not to where someone else has modeled you to go.

Becoming confident in yourself to build the marital relationship you want is a journey of empowerment and one without any regrets. Becoming maritally confident requires you to become self-confident, and it is completely possible, no matter what lies you may have told yourself in the past, today is a new day.

There is no better day than today to start creating the confidence you need so you can begin believing again in a new marital dream. You have the power to change the course of your marital journey, and I’d love to travel that beautiful road with you!

I am a life coach who works with individuals to break down relationship barriers by awakening their true self. My process isn’t about changing your partner, it’s about discovering who you are so that you can AwakenYou in your marriage. If you’re ready to take your life and your love relationship to the next level then schedule your program inquiry call today and let’s decide together if this is your next step to creating the life you’ve been dreaming of.

Letting People’s Opinions Keep Us Stuck

When Other People's Opinions Keep Us Stuck

🎧 Prefer to listen to the audio version? Click here!

As humans, we are very concerned about what the tribe thinks of us, and once upon a time, for a good reason. Long ago, not fitting in could have meant being the group’s weak link, causing us to be left behind to survive on our own so the tribe wouldn’t be compromised. Fitting in was a matter of life or death!

Now in the twenty-first century, this is not the case for us adults living our modern-day life. Not fitting in will most definitely not cause us death, yet our brain will do it’s hardest to convince you that this is a lie. Our brain wants us to stay stuck in our limiting belief, it thinks you are safer there.

First, I want you to pick a recent decision you’ve wanted to make and see how another’s opinion might affect your decision.

Let’s start by playing a little game, you know me, I LOVE to play! Let’s go back to your last big decision; maybe it was getting out of bed this morning, for real! Just come up with any decision, and I’m going to show you how this works with a decision like getting out of bed.

Example decisions could be:

  • Having that cake or donut or pizza, or all three
  • Quitting your job and starting your own business
  • Taking some time off of work
  • Leaving the party early
  • Choosing to not have a drink at dinner with your friends
  • Joining a program or taking a class

Secondly, I’d like you to write down what you think other people’s opinions might be about your choice.

Let’s go back to waking up when the alarm goes off. Let’s also pretend that you have mentioned to your partner that you’d like to start getting up earlier to get your workout in before work. The alarm goes off in the morning when you wanted to get up, and your partner pops right up out of bed. You want to stay under the covers and snuggle in. The thought crosses your mind that he might think you are lazy for not getting out of bed when you said you would. Now you feel guilty for wanting to stay in bed, and you start complaining about being tired, how you want to sleep another 15 minutes. You stay under the covers but don’t sleep one bit; you complain and tell yourself stories about how annoying your partner is. 30 minutes later, you drag yourself out of bed, complain about how late it is, rush around like a crazy woman making for a stressful morning. All of this resulting in you not doing what you said you wanted to do, thinking that you’re lazy, and getting annoyed with your partner, blaming him for making you feel guilty. None of this has anything to do with what your partner does, says, thinks, but when we don’t take care of our own needs, we will often look outside of ourselves to reason for our discomfort.

Pay attention to how you are getting into someone else’s head and letting them determine your outcome. When we are thinking these things about other people they are reflections of what we are thinking about ourselves.

  • He thinks I’m lazy > I think I’m lazy
  • She thinks I should stick with my old job > I think I should keep my old job and I’m afraid to decide on me
  • They think I’m fat because I eat pizza > I think I’m fat
  • He thinks I should work instead of taking a vacation > I think I don’t deserve a vacation
  • She thinks I’m boring for leaving the party early > I think I’m boring
  • They don’t think I’ll finish this course I’m wanting to purchase > I don’t think I’m going to complete this course I’m wanting to purchase

Now imagine yourself being able to make that decision from a place of believing in yourself.

Imagine letting go of the meaning you are making other people’s actions mean. How can we get out of their head and stay in our own? The solution is in creating belief and self-confidence in yourself that allows you to let others be who they are and not make their actions mean anything about who you are as a person.

I like to imagine myself going to the space after making the decision I want to make, the one that honors me. How would you have let anyone else’s actions not mean anything about you and everything about them? How would you have allowed others to think, say, and do their own thing knowing that you have your own back? You left the party when you said, got to bed early, and woke up feeling amazing.

Then, imagine going to the space after not making the decision you wanted to make because of what you thought other people were thinking. You stayed at the party late, drank more than you wanted to, only got a few hours of sleep, and woke up with a hang-over.

While I was thinking about all of this and writing this post, I then thought about the scenario of peer pressure around seeking mental wellness.

One of the main reasons people don’t seek a mental wellness professional is the fear of what other people will think, other people’s opinions.

It keeps us from doing many of the things we want to do, like seeking a personal trainer, getting a gym membership, taking a dance class, and hiring a professional to help us with our business website. Still, the most detrimental decision it keeps us from is the decision to invest in our ourselves.

When we let go of what others think and decide to be all in on ourselves, that’s when we can actually invest in ourselves and create the success that we have only dreamed of in the past. The only way to fully get to that place is to trust and believe in yourself – exactly what we do in AwakenYou.

As you start building a strong relationship with yourself you start noticing when you’re holding yourself back. You already just did an exercise of awareness, the more you start to see what you’re doing and the error of your thoughts you can start self-correcting.

Once you begin to Awaken(YourTrue)You you’ll start to catch on when your brain is working in it’s old operating system and needs to be self corrected into it’s new mode of operation. That new upgraded operating system decides what’s best for us without worrying what others think.

If this article resonated with you I also wrote another blog about other people’s opinions that has a whole different perspective, go check it out!

🎧 Audio version of blog here!

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Are you struggling in your love relationship? I would love to help you fall back in love with the one you love. My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for strong women like you, and a few pretty cool guys, who want to stop hurting in their most intimate relationship. Together we work from the inside out, meaning I teach you how to have a healthy, loving relationship with yourself so you can show up and simply love your partner. Let’s reignite your love relationship today, book your consultation call today!

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If You Know How To Work Your Smart Phone You Can Succeed At Your 2019 Goals.

As I look out over the future, the last quarter of 2019, I can honestly say that I am excited!

A couple weeks ago I took inventory over my past year. I had a list that made me smile.

Then I started thinking about how my previous years have strolled by. Just like all of us, I’ve had better years along with the good years.

Did you notice the difference in that last sentence? Did it sound odd? I didn’t say anything about those BAD years. There is a good reason for that, I no longer look at any of my life experiences as bad.

They happened.

I couldn’t change them, trust me I really tried hard to though.

So I re-wrote them.

I re-created all of my negative past life stories into beautiful stories of powerful strength. All stories that now serve me to keep looking forward instead of back into the past. They no longer have power over me because I took the power and called it my own. Power that is propelling me into the highest potential of my future self.

Then I started thinking of all of you.

What do you think when you look back at the first three quarters of 2019?

What do you have planned for the last quarter so that you can bring a beautiful completion to it all? Tying it all up in a bow so you can open it and boldly move into the new year.

I know what your brain is telling you.

It thinks the best idea is to just put it off until 2020.

Why wouldn’t it?

You know, there’s all of those holidays coming up anyway, there isn’t enough time. It’s going to be SO busy. There definitely won’t be time to start those dreams that you’ve already put off most of the year.

This is where you want to pause and become aware.

Become aware of the fact that your brain is only doing what you have taught it so well to do.

I mean tell me the truth, how many times have you tried to:

  • lose that weight
  • save that money
  • plan that vacation
  • stop that drinking
  • stop losing time in front of your phone, computer or television screen

Remember, you can argue with your brain, go back and read this post for a refresher course.

Give yourself an early Christmas gift of creating positive change in your life.

It will be the gift that you give yourself that will keep giving in a life of pure satisfaction and joy.

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My Awaken(YourTrue)You program teaches incredibly powerful women like yourself how to identify and live out your truth. How to believe in your success and boldly share it with the world. How to leave a legacy.

I offer a free call to anyone brave enough to take the steps of creating the life they were meant to live. It’s a call for you to decide if this work is for you or not. I believe it is.

Share this message with a friend who needs to hear it, for every woman willing to do the work of becoming her best self there will be thousands of others impacted by her journey.

This is my life, join me in my mission to save the world, one powerful woman at a time.

How I Help You Actualize Your Dreams

As I write this post I am on a plane to Plano, Texas. It was exactly one year ago, to the month, that I left Plano to embark on a new life journey.

You see I had been living my dream job.

For thirty years I got to work in the lives of literally thousands of beautiful people. Coaching athletes to live out their own dreams in the athletic sports health and wellness industry.

That dream had been put on my heart while I was an athletic trainer in high school.

Laughed at when I spoke this dream out loud, told I was way too smart for that, I followed the footsteps of my dad, diving into the world of Chemical Engineering.

My heart told me this wasn’t me.

Then I took the exit ramp off that highway and decided to step into the world of journalism and graphic design, both still loves of my life, yet insecurity had planted it’s seed deep in my soul. I never truly allowed myself to bloom fully into this field. (Can I just say that it’s made me so happy that this passion has been able to continue on with me throughout all of what I’ve done. This makes my heart shine so much!)

Life happened, I got laid off, and I found myself desperate to make money so I ended up, basically, where I originally dreamed of being.

Yet it still never felt right.

I always felt like I was under actualizing my capability, I was smarter than this.

I never fully allowed myself to absorb the magical life I had fallen into.

Insecurity, thoughts of being smarter than this, of not being fully worthy settled in yet deeper.

For thirty more years.

I literally did my best to destroy myself, never good enough, never allowing myself the joy I deserved.

I struggled to find true happiness in my life.

Then I discovered life coaching. This created a huge curiosity within my soul. Was this my next chapter?

I applied the principles.

I got myself coached.

My life changed.

A LOT.

I started to feel myself get set free.

This was so beautiful I could not keep it to myself.

It set my world on fire.

Now, one year later, as I head to my Mastermind in Plano, Texas, I can say that my life is shining.

I can say I’m smart, really smart.

I can say I am amazing, truly amazing.

I can say I absolutely LOVE what I do, 1000 (thousand) percent!

I can say I am grateful because now I REALLY get to help people blow up their life.

Not just through health and wellness and succeeding as an athlete but in EVERY area of their life.

You.

I see you.

I love you.

I want to show you how to make YOUR life shine.

It is 100% possible!

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My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for strong, success driven women who want to discover their true self, discover the missing key, find their purpose and then start building a legacy from pure power. I have made it may mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability before your subconscious primitive mind tells you to run and hide.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this message and I highly encourage you to get on my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

A Story Of An Eagle’s Transformation

The story of an eagle's transformation

There is something majestically intriguing about the American Bald Eagle, for me it is their powerful and calm demeanor that radiates out from within. They provide an example of supreme power that does not carry an ounce of pride. It has solid self confidence.

The day before my Summer Retreat Two: Bloom, I was outside, next to the lake working on my computer when I felt his presence. His shadow enveloped me as he passed overhead. As I looked up to see what that power that I felt was, I saw him fly over the trees to my right, make a u-turn and then dive down 30 feet in front of me. He effortlessly grabbed large fish out of the water and proceeded to fly, skimming the water, across the lake to land on the opposite bank and consume his lunch.

I just stood in fascination as I watched him.

This week I read a story about how eagles go through a “midlife transformation” around thirty years of age. The story told of how in order to live on they had to retreat to a mountain top, sit on it’s nest, while going through a process of plucking out it’s beak, talons and feathers. If they are able to go through this process and survive, the story tells about how they will live another 30-40 years.

This story completely intrigued me, compelling me to write about it and how it compares to the work I am doing in both my life and the lives of my clients. I was excited to be able to use this story as a source of encouragement in our own transformation processes.

A story of renewal, of dropping our old past life story, your self creation, and re-writing your story, transforming your entire life into one of fulfillment and purpose.

I was a bit disappointed to discover that the story is a fallacy but with it, true or false, I was still able to pull out some incredible wisdom.

Wisdom in that we can go through a transformation process that doesn’t require us to do anything to our outward physical bodies.

Wisdom in that for true transformation to occur we do need to separate ourselves, go to the mountaintop, so we can look deep down inside at who we have become and why.

Wisdom in that this journey does bring us life. True transformation allows us to let go and change the thoughts that are keeping us from growing into our true self.

Wisdom in that our transformation changes us from the inside and as that change flourishes, it also changes us on the outside.

The eagle’s transformation story is a myth but your transformation story doesn’t need to be.

I am writing my truth and sharing it with the world because I want the world to know that they too can write their own truth.

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I am a life coach working with individuals looking to change their current or future romantic relationship – my program helps them discover that they are enough. This self-love empowers and equips them to take continual, forward steps in achieving the healthy, romantic relationship they desire. Are you ready to explore this journey in your life? Schedule your program inquiry call today and let’s decide together if this is your next step to creating the life you’ve been dreaming of.