Relationship sabotage is when we act in ways that destroy the very relationships we want to thrive. These actions often manifest from within ourselves and that is the best news I have for you today. Good news because it’s work we can do for ourselves that will not only enrich our own life but allow us to create the love relationship of our dreams.
For me, I found myself looking at the possibility of losing my second marriage relationship. I was heartbroken yet I knew, for me, divorce wasn’t going to be an option. I truly thought I had taken the time, listened to the direction of the Holy Spirit, and found my soulmate. Truth was, I hadn’t taken time needed to work on myself prior to committing to that relationship.
At this point I saw two options, to stay the same or to do the real work of digging into my relationship with myself. There are so many ways a person could be sabotaging the very relationship where they desire love, joy and true connection, let’s look at a few.
Are you expecting your loved one to fulfill all of your wants and desires? This is one huge mistake I see so many couples make. Two people coming together, each with their own individual strengths and weaknesses, expecting the other to be strong in all categories and interested in all interests. This is impossible and will drain the life out of your relationship quickly. Couples might be able to keep up the act until they get married but once life settles in one, or both, are not going to be able to keep up the charade, nor should they. It’s very important to sit down early in the committed relationship and decide what each of your wants are and which ones each of you are willing to match. There are so many other options of people who can fill up your want desires; friends, family, co-workers, mentors, etc.
Next to this let’s take strengths and weaknesses a bit deeper. Know what strengths you bring to the relationship and what your weaknesses are. If one of you is a planner, there’s no reason to want the other to be a planner, improve your planning skills and claim it. There are going to many things that neither of you are strong in, come together and decide how you want to handle such tasks, let’s say neither of you love cooking, figure out a system together that works. Continual communication along the way is key to success when it comes to getting things done in your relationship.
Self confidence. If you are constantly tearing yourself down out loud and in need of your loved one to lift you up, this will wear your relationship thin, fast. Your partner is not your self confidence cheerleader, you are. No matter what your mate says, no matter how many times they tell you your beautiful, lack of self confidence isn’t going to make you all of a sudden believe it. This is work you need to do for yourself.
People pleasing. People pleasing is doing for your partner in an attempt to get them to think nice things about you. You know what happens when you people please? Eventually they stop telling you how amazing you are for taking care of them, you start to get tired of taking care of them because you feel like they don’t appreciate you and now you’re in a stew of resentment. Do said tasks because you said you would, because you want to, whether they acknowledge your kindness or not and let them know when you aren’t able to take care of the task if necessary. No resentment, just two people doing love together.
Authenticity. Not showing up 100% your authentic self is lying. Lying never works because lying always comes out into the truth. Do each of you a favor and be up front and honest about it all, including the areas that require the most vulnerability. Not being vulnerable means you’re hiding, being inauthentic and destroying your love relationship. The question to ask yourself is what are you afraid of, why won’t you be 100% honest? It’s always because of what we think someone will think of us. Friends, if they don’t like us at our worst now then they aren’t the one you should be spending your time with now.
Not working on your own intimacy and sexual struggles. Once you’re in a committed relationship it’s important to work together on your intimacy and sexual challenges. Intentionally withholding intimacy in order to manipulate someone else’s emotions is using intimacy against someone and that isn’t healthy. Not wanting to be intimate because of a conflict is where a healthy partnership would sit down, discuss and resolve the issue by being open and honest.
Flirting or building an intimate personal relationship with someone of the opposite sex is a recipe for conflict. Humans are created with sexual desire, talking about close, intimate topics with someone of the opposite sex, who isn’t your loved one, is opening you up to the potential of crossing boundaries that weren’t intended to be crossed. If you are doing this, ask yourself why, what are you wanting from this connection and why aren’t you able to get this same result from your partner?
Self destructive behavior. Last week I wrote a post on this topic. All of the above plus the ones listed in that article will affect your intimate relationship.
All relationship sabotage starts with an insecurity within ourselves. The work of building a loving, trusting, connected marriage relationship starts by working on your own mental health. The best gift anyone can give themselves and their current, or future, partner, is the gift of their own mental health.
Most of us are on top of our physical and outward appearing health when in a new love relationship but what are you doing about your inner health?
My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for women who want to stop hurting in their most intimate relationship. I show you how to stop settling and bring back the love, connection and excitement you crave. I have made it my mission to show you how.
I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability, your future life is waiting for you.
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