All of us have struggled with times in our lives when we didn’t believe in ourselves, times when we didn’t fully trust we could reach a goal we set for ourselves; I’m willing to say that it plagues most of us every single day. I know there are days when I have a positive mindset and everything I have said I would do gets accomplished, but then there are other days where my mind is convinced I’ll never “make it.” Learning how to trust yourself is a practice well worth doing because every time you take a step forward and prove self-trust to yourself, your brain will more often trust you. Today I’m going to share one simple way to see if you trust yourself; this example was the first time I sat down with myself and told myself the truth about whether I trust myself or not.
I used to believe that I trusted myself, but honestly, I hadn’t really thought about it; I just denied that I didn’t trust myself. I thought I trusted myself because I didn’t feel like I could trust anyone else, so of course, I thought I trusted myself. What I have found to be the truth, though, is that as I have learned how to trust myself, I have let go of my lack of trust in other people. I have found confidence in myself to take care of myself, to recognize when others might be attempting to take advantage of me but not always assuming upfront that they are. I trust everyone until they give me a reason not to trust them.
Today I want you to ask yourself if you trust yourself.
Answer that question and then ask yourself a few others. Why do you think you trust yourself? What does it mean to trust yourself? Do you trust other people, or are you suspicious of them? Do you check your partner’s phone messages, do you listen to their phone conversations, do you look with distrust to your co-workers who are chatting together without you?
I’m not telling you that you should be unaware of what is happening around you, but when you trust yourself, you can let other people be who they are. You can join co-workers in their conversations without wondering what they think of you. You can love your spouse without having to check on them behind their back; as a matter of fact, if you have a question for them, you would ask from a place of curiosity or conversation rather than distrust.
Here is one simple way to see if you trust yourself:
Ask yourself how many times per week you do what you told yourself you would do. How many times do you tell yourself you’re going to do something, and then you don’t follow through?
Every time you do this, you solidify your brain’s belief that you are not going to do what you say you will do. Every time you tell yourself you’re going to do something and you don’t do it, you reinforce that distrust superhighway in your brain. If this is you, you know it, and it’s not something to be ashamed of; it’s something we do. When we become aware of a behavior that isn’t serving our best life, it is an opportunity to change it, to grow, and this is what life coaching is all about. This is why I love life coaching because there is always something to uncover within ourselves, something that is holding us back from being our next best selves. When we uncover this behavior, we can get to doing the work of solving and changing.
Ask yourself about today. How many times today did you follow through and do what you told yourself you were going to do? How many things did you tell yourself that you would do today that you didn’t do?
“I’m going to eat ‘healthy’ today.”
“I’m going to have a 10 minute conversation with my husband tonight.”
“I’ll call so and so after work.”
“I’m going to plan a get-away for our anniversary.”
How many times have you carried over that one task you have been telling yourself to do for ummm, a month, maybe even longer? If I look back at my life a couple of years back, I remember having lists of things that I wanted to get done. I would carry many of those to-dos over and over and over every week, but now I no longer do that. Sure, there are times when I carry a task over for a few weeks, but if I continue to do so for more than a few weeks, I ask myself why I’m not completing this task. If it’s important, I have a little discussion with myself, look at why I might be avoiding and solve the problem and get the task done. Sometimes I simply decide that this isn’t important enough; I’m not making it a priority, so I let it go trusting myself, knowing that if it’s important enough, it will come up again, and I can re-visit it at that time.
Think about that friend of yours who is consistently late to commitments you plan; maybe she doesn’t show up or bows out at the last moment; do you trust her to show up on time anymore? Do you expect her to have an excuse as to why she can’t make it this time and find yourself surprised when she does commit?
There are a few important tips that I will be sharing with you next week to help you start the process of building trust within yourself, but for now, I want you to start paying attention to the times throughout the day and the week that you don’t follow through on what you tell yourself you will do. I suggest you take five minutes at the end of the day and write the things down and then take another five minutes to answer the question: “Why didn’t I do this thing I keep telling myself to do?” Creating awareness this week to the ways you are re-inforcing the belief that you don’t trust yourself, and then next week, I’ll share ways to start taking steps towards building self-trust.
Look at yourself honestly and then decide if you like not trusting yourself.
I didn’t like it so I decided to change it, tune in next week to learn how to change it!
I am a life coach who works with individuals to break down relationship barriers by awakening their true self. My process isn’t about changing your partner, it’s about discovering who you are so that you can AwakenYou in your marriage. If you’re ready to take your life and your love relationship to the next level then schedule your program inquiry call today and let’s decide together if this is your next step to creating the life you’ve been dreaming of.
