How To Increase Mental Intimacy

How To Increase Mental Intimacy | Relationship Coaching

Welcome back to part two of this deep dive into learning how to increase intimacy in our marriages. If you’re joining for the first time today, then I am so glad you are here, dig in and then please go back a few weeks to my article on what relationship intimacy is and last week’s message on how to increase spiritual intimacy. Please come back over the next three weeks as I explore three other intimacy areas with today’s article about increasing mental intimacy.

When most of us hear the word intimacy, we automatically go to the picture in our minds of holding hands, touching, cuddling, and this is definitely one important area of intimacy, but when that is the only type of intimacy we have as a couple we soon find ourselves feeling empty. We often resent our partner and withdraw physically because we aren’t getting any other intimate nourishment, and that’s where this series comes in.

In this series I am helping you explore other areas of intimacy and learn how to start introducing them into your relationship.

Let’s review the definition of intimacy: showing a close union or combination of particles or elements: an intimate mixture.

Then let’s look at the definition of mental which means being related to the mind.

When I combine those two words and meanings I get a definition of mental intimacy as a close union of minds, an intimate mixture of our minds.

Let’s look at how to increase mental intimacy.

First of all, you want to have the desire to increase intimacy in your marriage because if you’re not interested, then none of this will work. You have to be willing to explore your reasons for not wanting to put effort into connecting with your partner intellectually. Is it truly a lack of desire to explore topics, or might it be a fear of not sounding intelligent enough? No one expects someone else to know the answers though together you might explore the topic and discover new things; the whole point is to explore each other’s minds and seek growth, new understandings.

Think about times when you’ve read a book or listened to a teaching; a good Sunday sermon could be a great example. When you’ve actually listened to the words you are absorbing, does it make you dig a bit deeper into the concept? Is it something you keep revisiting and exploring in your mind? This is what can also happen with your partner; you can discuss a movie, a book, a course, something someone brought up at work, or even the Sunday sermon. Share your observations and what you might be thinking about them, what you might be questioning, ask your partner what their takeaways were and start a conversation. I always find it interesting to hear what other people heard because it’s usually something different than what I heard. Often we hear what we want to hear, something that applies to us and our life, then we start going somewhere with it, and someone else is hearing something completely different as it pertains to them and their life.

Increasing mental intimacy has to be intentional.

If you are used to quiet rides together in the car, that is completely fine, but taking a few moments to think of something to explore doesn’t take much time; it takes practice. I also find that my weekly huddle leads couples to discover things they’d like to explore on a deeper level. Create a note on your phone and write down what may have come up in the huddle and what you’d like to explore further.

To some people, this all sounds like so much work that if they were with the right person, this would all be so much easier. The work is what brings about the result you are looking for; if you want more intimacy and connection in your relationship, you have to create that result. When we get to learn more about each other, it makes us appreciate each other more. Check out my article on scheduling time to improve your relationship with ideas to create that time.

Too often, we get out of higher education and stop learning; we stop growing while expecting everything to happen for us. Sure, we’ll put in extra time at work to learn the new project we’re developing, we’ll take a few courses to learn more about that hobby we’ve been exploring, yet we won’t take a few moments to come up with strategies to deepen our desire of the one we’re with.

As I started exploring this area of increasing different areas of intimacy in my relationship with Jeff, I started falling deeper in love with him because I started exploring him and myself on a deeper level. This allowed us to start connecting on a deeper level and that felt really good, so we kept on exploring new ways to increase this connection. The same thing starts to happen in the relationships of the women and men who go through my AwakenYou program; as they build a loving and trusting relationship with themselves, they start becoming more comfortable exploring that with their partner.

I’d love for you to join me on that journey of relationship growth and exploration of what is possible for you and your romantic relationship.


I am a life coach who works with individuals to break down relationship barriers by awakening their true self. My process isn’t about changing your partner, it’s about discovering who you are so that you can AwakenYou in your marriage. If you’re ready to take your life and your love relationship to the next level then schedule your program inquiry call today and let’s decide together if this is your next step to creating the life you’ve been dreaming of.