So many people ask me how long it will take to heal their marriage and my quick answer is tough for most to swallow.
When we’re thinking that our marriage is broken, that it needs to heal, it’s really just our thoughts about our marriage, not the facts. We might have all sorts of, what I call evidence, to prove that it’s broken, but it all just comes down to how you’re thinking about it.
With that said, it could literally take a moment to decide, and believe, that your marriage is healed. This literally could be the end of this post, yet it is a bit more complicated than that, so let’s take a look.
Once you’ve decided that your marriage isn’t what you want it to be you may be thinking that it’s broken, unfixable, boring, disconnected or any combination of these and more. You have evidence like:
- He never tells me he loves me
- We never have meaningful conversations
- We’re not having sex
- He spends his free time with his friends instead of me
Yet these are strictly thoughts you are having, none of these are factual, even the one about sex. “We’re not having sex” is just a thought, even if you got factual, like it’s been 75 days since you had sex, how does that equate to a broken marriage?
Trust me, I completely understand and I’m here to listen to your story, but in the end, the truth is that you could be thinking something completely different and doing something completely different about the facts in your marriage. You could choose to believe that your relationship is exactly the way it ought to be, because it is.
Let me guess that you might even have days when you think something different, days when you think there’s hope. Days when you think:
- He does a great job taking care of our family
- That was a good night
- He loves me in his own silly way
- He choses me over someone else
With all of that said, the process of changing belief systems and habits takes time and persistence. Let’s compare it to a weight loss goal. Let’s say you’re on a food restriction diet to get to a goal weight. You achieve the goal weight but return back to old thought patterning around food so you gain your weight back. The goal of getting to your natural bodyweight, forever, will take more time that you think. You will be changing years of eating, body and food thought patterning. The process includes learning how to love yourself, envisioning your future self, learning why you eat foods you don’t want to eat at times you told yourself you wouldn’t eat them. Your mind will actually learn how to get there before your body.
It’s the same with relationship goals. You can start today thinking it’s fixed and choosing to believe in love. That might stick for a moment but you still have your old brain, your old beliefs that are going to tell you that you’re a fool for thinking that it’s fixed. You will have to do daily work to step towards the permanent changes you desire. These are all steps of changing you by changing your mind.
You will work on:
- Changing belief patterning
- Feeling and owning your feelings
- Re-learning how to love your partner, exactly the way they are, unconditionally
- Building self confidence
- Learning how to create the connection you want
- Letting go of your past
- Creating a strong commitment to getting what you want
All of this work takes time. Time that is so worth the effort put in. As you do this work you will notice the evidence you once used against your marriage is now being used for growth and change in your marriage relationship.
I have a question for you: If you knew your future held the marriage of your dreams to the man you are now married to, would the work be worth it? My guess is your answer would be yes. My answer was yes and it has been some of the best work I have ever done in my life.
If your answer is yes, then does it matter how long it takes to get the result you want? You could believe every day you are one day closer to the marriage of your dreams. You could believe that every day is a new, exciting version of your best life together. What if you believed that once you reach that dream that you could keep doing this work and continue on into even more intimate bliss?
Would it matter if it took 1 day, 1 year, 5 years or 10? Is there a time limit to creating the love life of your dreams with your husband? You could make it mean it’s too much work or you could make it mean that it will be so very worth it. You get to decide what’s harder: slow, steady improvement, feeling better, becoming resilient, persevering or giving up, feeling awful and never feeling the love you want to feel.
The process of truly believing takes time, we want evidence that it’s working yet we are the ones who determine whether our “evidence” is for us or against us. Healing is a process of believing you’re healed and the process of truly believing, down to your core, takes time. Our minds want evidence that what we’re doing is working, but we get to decide what the evidence means.
We can make it mean that every day our love relationship is beautiful and moving forward, the good with the bad. We can also make it mean that it’s headed for disaster and will never be what we dreamt it to be.
The choice is 100% yours. I believe in you and your marriage but mostly I believe in you. You are the one who has complete control over how you feel in your love relationship, I want you to feel this magic and that’s why I love helping women “heal” their marriages.
My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for women who want to stop hurting in their most intimate relationship. I show you how to stop settling and bring back the love, connection and excitement you crave. Let’s re-ignite your love relationship today!
I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability, your future life is waiting for you.
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