Could it be that you may have relinquished a bit of your true self in your quest for closeness with your spouse?

Many of us have perceived very early on in our life that certain parts of us are unacceptable, so to survive, we compromised our true selves to receive the love we needed to feel acceptable.

It’s part of our primal need to help us survive.

Fast-forward to when you fell in love with your partner, these same behaviors will unconsciously show up; they are wired into our autonomic nervous system.

I believe that somewhere down the line in the relationship, again unconsciously, when we start to feel disconnected, uninspired, and unconsidered, we push back against those old behaviors we used to draw them in.

Unconsciously we are protecting ourselves from getting hurt, but the result is less love and more disconnection.

This week on the AwakenYou in your Marriage podcast, I talk all about the tension between our drive for closeness and authenticity and helping you discover how to nurture your true self while learning how to grow closer to the one you’re with. Listen to Episode 124: Embracing Authenticity: Nurturing Your True Self within Your Marriage, and start to understand some of your behaviors that might not be serving you and the relationship you dream of with your spouse.

Book reference: The Myth of Normal: Trauma, Illness, and Healing in a Toxic Culture, Gabor Maté

Podcast episodes referenced:
Ep 92: How Your Attachment Style is Affecting Your Marriage
Ep 119: How To Build the Closeness You Desire
Ep 123: Foundations of Love: A Fun Exercise To Help Cultivate & Share Fondness in Your Marriage


I am a marriage coach helping women and couples turn their loveless & disconnected marriage into something better than they ever imagined possible. My process starts by helping you figure out what it is you even want in your marriage because face it, it’s been a while since you’ve dreamed of what your future could look like. Once you’ve started to open up to what is possible together we create a path towards the marriage you crave.

If you feel sad and powerless about your marriage’s state of affairs, I’d love to chat with you about how you’re feeling and what moving towards something different could look like. Book your Courageous Love Conversation Inquiry Call today, and let’s talk about how to get started. 

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