Creating Your Dream Relationship

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I used to be consistently baffled by people who created vision boards, people who dreamed big, thinking that was the way to get where you wanted to go. I didn’t disbelieve; I just didn’t get how all that “nonsense” could create the magic. Now, I still have not yet created a vision board that has photos of my dreams, but I have something different that I am creating as I open up to what my dreams might be. Vision boards alone won’t get you there, thinking positive thoughts you don’t believe won’t get you there, but now that I see how they all intertwine, I’m excited about where all this work will lead me. Today I want to help you start to create your dream relationship as I share how I am building mine.

Some of the best work coming from learning how to do thought models is seeing the reality of where you are, that you are the creator of that result, and then see the possibility of creating the result you want, on purpose. We have been doing the work over the past seven weeks of learning how to use the thought model. If you haven’t been following along, I suggest you can go back to the first post on Brain Flossing and get yourself caught up. When I began the thought model series, I planned out six weeks, two weeks in, I expanded it to seven, and as I wrapped it up, I couldn’t help but want to add two more to the series. So I did. This week I am taking you beyond the unintentional model that you learned how to create last week, and we are looking at how to create your dream future.

Learning how to correctly do a thought model on a circumstance that is creating pain in your life, you begin to see and understand your responsibility in your suffering. You begin to stop blaming others, start owning the results in your life, and using that data to move you forward into the life you want to create. Today let’s move forward by having some fun with dreaming about the future we want to create.

Intentional Models

An intentional model is a thought model that you create intentionally. It is a thought model of where you want to be, let’s have some fun creating one based on the example we used last week:

C: Before he left for work, husband said “I’ll see you after work!”, husband comes home at 8:12 pm

T: He never follows through on his word.

F: Cheated

A: Complain about him, make-up stories about what he is doing, don’t ask when he might be coming home, ask him accusingly why he’s so late, don’t engage in conversation, pretend you’re busy, go to bed early, don’t warm up his dinner, don’t talk to him the next day, quit making him dinner, don’t make his lunch for the following day, act defensive when he tries to talk to you, not open-minded

R: You don’t follow through with who you want to be as a wife

Once we see the result we are creating for ourselves, really absorb how this model is making us feel and that we are the creator of this with our thinking, we can start coming up with ideas of what we might want instead. The first rule is that you will always keep the same circumstance you had in your unintentional model as you build your intentional one. Then you can look at any of the other four elements and decide where to start creating. In this example, I’m going to change the actions, but you could start with how you want to feel, your result, or even your thought. I typically go with what feels the strongest or most true to who you want to be.

I’m going to do a sequence here for you so that you can see the step by step process, starting with coming up with how we want to show up. I welcome you to join along and create your own intentional model, like I said, “Let’s have some fun!” 😃:

C: Before he left for work, husband said “I’ll see you after work!”, husband comes home at 8:12 pm (same as original)

A: Text him to make sure everything is ok, mind my own business and take care of what I had planned on doing that evening, greet him lovingly when he comes home, pause for a bit when he comes home to see how he is doing, see if he wants his dinner warmed up, ask questions about his day and what kept him at work so long, share your day, go to bed when you planned, kiss him goodnight, appreciate him, wake up to a good following day, not sarcastic or accusing, not ruminating, enjoy your free time

It’s important to list all of the ways you want to show up when your husband comes home “late” when he says, “I’ll see you after work.” Let’s go to the next step; you could look at what the result from those actions might lead you to, but instead, let’s look at what emotion you would need to feel to take those actions. It’s essential to work adjacent to where you started, meaning if you started with your intentional actions, you wouldn’t jump to the thought line. Before going to the thought line, you will want to determine how you will need to feel to take those actions before you come up with a thought that will drive that feeling. So you will ask yourself “How would I need to feel to take those actions?” Maybe it’s compassionate, let’s fill that in:

C: Before he left for work, husband said “I’ll see you after work!”, husband comes home at 8:12 pm

F: Compassionate

Step 3 is choosing a thought that will make you feel compassionate. What do you think? Let’s try:

C: Before he left for work, husband said “I’ll see you after work!”, husband comes home at 8:12 pm

T: He’s having a long day.

F: Compassionate

R: You create an atmosphere that doesn’t feel like a long day

There we are, a possible intentional model! What I love about creating the intentional model is you can play around with it. If this one doesn’t really feel right then we could try something different, the point is to create something that helps you to feel better and create the life you want to create. Let’s do one more example where we start with the result and we use the opposite of the result in your unintentional model. We fill that in and then work our way up the model, I’m going to use the same actions:

C: Before he left for work, husband said “I’ll see you after work!”, husband comes home at 8:12 pm

T: He always follows through for me

F: trusting

R: I follow through with being the spouse I want to be

Practicing doing these models is where you will become better at figuring them out, it will give you the grit to start getting traction towards where you want to go. If you are working through models and get stuck please send me a message, I’ll help you figure it out!

Future Self

Now you might be asking how all of this relates to creating your dream future, this is where it gets even more fun! The above model examples are a mini-version of dreaming big. This intentional model might not be attainable right now in your life but it gets you thinking about who you want to be as a spouse, who you want to be in the future.

Now you can start looking at your love relationship, your job, your life, anything really, and start dreaming. When we don’t dream about our future, we have no final destination, nothing to aspire to. Creating belief is the critical difference between vision boards of your dreams that you gaze at hopeless and confused versus trusting and self-confident.

How can we come up with a road map of how we’re going to go somewhere if we don’t know where we are going? It’s your lucky day because I decided to come up with another free worksheet to help you figure this out. Read on my friend!

Action Steps

Time to have fun and dream big! I want you to schedule some quiet alone time to do this work of creating your dream relationship. Get yourself a notebook or print out this worksheet and start listing all of the things you want, and don’t want, in your love relationship. Look into your future and write it all out. Don’t be afraid to be outrageous and glamorous. Be curious about how your brain wants to tell you that this is silly, that this will never happen, and to downsize your dreams, don’t let it.

Now it’s time to start creating your dreams and having fun – doesn’t that alone feel fantastic? Next week I’m going to teach you the path to go from where you are now to the place of your dreams, so come back next week, and let’s start moving forward.

🎧 Audio version of blog here!

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Are you struggling in your love relationship? I would love to help you fall back in love with the one you love. My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for strong women like you, and a few pretty cool guys, who want to stop hurting in their most intimate relationship. Together we work from the inside out, meaning I teach you how to have a healthy, loving relationship with yourself so you can show up and simply love your partner. Let’s reignite your love relationship today, book your consultation call today!

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life-changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability, your future life is waiting for you.

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