Marriage Commitment Leaks & How They’re Destroying Your Marriage Ep 93

Finding The Gifts Of Your MarriageMarriage Commitment Leaks & How They're Destroying Your Marriage | Marriage Coach
 

Leaks in your marriage commitment often go unnoticed.

  • An extra hour at work.
  • A little extra time spent at that volunteer event.
  • Bringing the kids to that last-minute event even though you had a date night planned.
  • That extra cardio session at the gym.
  • That conversation with that co-worker of the opposite sex that really gets you.

Over time, these little leaks add up to a neglected marriage where the damage seems so overwhelming that you have no idea where to start your repair project.

What is it that you’re doing that has you avoiding that thing you want to do in your marriage to begin the process but feels way too uncomfortable?

This week on AwakenYou in your marriage, I dig into the messy work of closing up relationship commitment leaks and the effect that work will have on moving you closer to the marriage you desire.

Learn the process by listening today, and please, share this episode with someone who might need to hear this message today.


I am a marriage coach helping women and couples turn their loveless & emotionless marriage into something better than they ever imagined possible. My process starts by looking within to understand how you got here, and from this place, we work together to figure out where you want to go. Then we do the work of making that your reality!

If you feel sad and completely powerless about your marriage’s state of affairs, then I’d love to chat with you about what is going on and what’s possible for you and your future. It’s never too late to re-create your best life. Schedule a free mini-session today, and let’s talk about how to get started. 

 

How Your Attachment Style Is Affecting Your Marriage Ep 92

How Your Attachment Style Is Affecting Your Marriage | Marriage Coach
 

 

Many of us married our partners because we thought they would heal all of our old heart wounds.

Of course, you didn’t say that to yourself 🤣, but if you take a moment to think about it, it makes complete sense.

Then they do something that makes you pull back and protect your heart.

Maybe they started staying at work longer than you thought they should.

Maybe they didn’t fix the leaky faucet as daddy did.

Maybe they stopped preparing your lunches.

That’s when your heart remembers those old wounds and starts protecting you by lashing out or trying to patch things up even though you’re angry, or maybe you withdraw and ignore the feelings in your heart.

Attachment styles help us understand how we deal with our hurting hearts, and this week on AwakenYou in your marriage, I am sharing last week’s Marriage Masterclass because it was that good.

And because it might help you make sense of how you show up when you feel unloved by your spouse.

Start making sense of your behaviors and use the three action steps I share at the end to discover your go-to attachment style and start the work of creating your secure attachment.

In this Marriage Masterclass, I am going to help you:

  • Demystify the attachment style concept so you can see how it plays out in your life and relationships
  • Discover both of your dominant styles and see how this combination may be keeping the relationship stuck
  • Learn how you are (unconsciously) seeing your spouse as a threat to your lovability so you can start interacting with discovering safety in interactions
  • Start having your own back and opening up to the love you desire

Watch on YouTube

Download my free Abundant Love Mini-Course to help you to start thinking, and feeling, differently about your marriage.

Register for my free monthly Marriage Masterclass, where every month I talk about different ways you can change your marriage without changing your partner. Next month we will be talking about The Secret To Changing Your Marriage Without Changing Your Spouse: Creating Better Boundaries, register now! 

More resources and how you can start the process of Awakening Your True You and being the partner who creates your best vision of what marriage looks like for you: https://christinebongiovanni.com/

Join my AwakenYou newsletter for weekly marriage tips and early announcements of upcoming offerings.

Book your free mini-coaching session here.

Show webpage: www.christinebongiovanni.com/88


I am a marriage coach helping women and couples turn their loveless & emotionless marriage into something better than they ever imagined possible. My process starts by looking within to understand how you got here, and from this place, we work together to figure out where you want to go. Then we do the work of making that your reality!

If you feel sad and completely powerless about your marriage’s state of affairs, then I’d love to chat with you about what is going on and what’s possible for you and your future. It’s never too late to re-create your best life. Schedule a free mini-session today, and let’s talk about how to get started. 

 

Finding The Gifts In Your Marriage Ep 90

Finding The Gifts Of Your Marriage | Love & Relationship Coach
 

Have you ever looked back at something that happened in your life that at the time seemed like a tragedy, but now you see the gift from that experience?

It makes me think of the story about the Chinese farmer; if you haven’t heard it, you can check it out here.

There are so many messages to take away from this parable. My takeaway is to be present to all the things in front of us, being curious as to what magical place this experience will lead us to.

Often we look at our life and marriage through glasses that zoom in on us, seeing how we’re being cheated of the life and marriage we signed up for.

But what if we looked at our experience from a different vantage point?

What then might you see in your marriage?

When we are focused on what’s wrong, we might sharpen our minds, but it dulls our hearts.

Focusing on what’s wrong doesn’t allow us to see what is right, what is working, and what is good.

This week I talk about a new way to filter the circumstances of our day, so we can see the gifts and appreciate our interdependence on each other instead of taking it all for granted.

Find out more by tuning into this week’s episode of AwakenYou in your marriage, and listen to the end, where I share a practice you can use this month to help you start looking at life through a whole new lens!

 


I am a marriage coach helping women and couples turn their loveless & emotionless marriage into something better than they ever imagined possible. My process starts by looking within to understand how you got here, and from this place, we work together to figure out where you want to go. Then we do the work of making that your reality!

If you feel sad and completely powerless about your marriage’s state of affairs, then I’d love to chat with you about what is going on and what’s possible for you and your future. It’s never too late to re-create your best life. Schedule a free mini-session today, and let’s talk about how to get started. 

 

Falling Out Of Love & Finding True Love Ep 89

Falling Out Of Love & Finding True Love | Love & Relationship Coach
 

In this week’s episode, I talk about why every relationship falls “out of love” and why the “in love” period is temporary. Then I go on to talk about the process that a couple MUST go through if they want to find “true love” with the one they are with.

I wish someone would have shared this little nugget with me, and that’s why I’m sharing it with you.

Knowing that EVERY single intimate relationship will fall “out of love” could have saved me from so much of the shame I felt when, once again, I thought I was destined to end another relationship to continue the search for the “right one.” 

First, there is no “right one” out there. 

No human on the planet won’t trip your switch unless they’re on guard around the clock, and I’d guess you wouldn’t find that so attractive anyway. 

Second, when you know the “in love” phase is temporary, you won’t make it mean something has gone wrong. Instead, you’ll start the work to prepare for what comes next: the love stage of building trust.

As you build trust in your relationship, that’s when you start creating the juicy, good “true love” phase of marriage. 

The best news I have for you is that it doesn’t matter how many years it’s been since you’ve fallen out of love.

You can start creating true love anytime you decide it’s worthwhile. 

 I think today is the best day to start that process!

 Learn all about these phases in this week’s episode of AwakenYou in your marriage!


I am a marriage coach helping women and couples turn their loveless & emotionless marriage into something better than they ever imagined possible. My process starts by looking within to understand how you got here, and from this place, we work together to figure out where you want to go. Then we do the work of making that your reality!

If you feel sad and completely powerless about your marriage’s state of affairs, then I’d love to chat with you about what is going on and what’s possible for you and your future. It’s never too late to re-create your best life. Schedule a free mini-session today, and let’s talk about how to get started. 

 

Bringing Love Into A Loveless Marriage Ep 88

Bringing Love Into A Loveless Marriage | Marriage Coach

I think it’s too bad that society sets us up to believe that if we had the “right person,” the feeling of falling in love would never go away.

Society has set us all up to think that we’re all doing it wrong and that if we find our true soulmate, we’ll walk off happily ever after.

What if you wouldn’t ever find your true love until you figured out how to find true love right where you are?

That’s what we do in AwakenYou; we do the messy work of breaking down our fears, our sense of not having enough, denying the truth, choosing to remain unaware, and addressing shame.

This week on the podcast, I talk about our shame shields and how we use them to block connection with our partner.

When we do the brave work of setting down our shield, that is when we find the connection that starts the process of creating true love.

Communication is pretty much non-existent.

Expressions of endearment? Well, you’ve pretty much forgotten what those look like (though you crave them like a cheeseburger and fries after a weeklong fast.)

Your marriage feels as emotionless as your relationship with your college roommate; as a matter of fact, you and your roomie seemed to share more emotions that what you and your spouse exchange.

Sex feels like a transaction, something you check off your list.

Do any of these feel familiar?

In this recap of October’s Marriage Masterclass, I help you:

  • Start getting what you want and feel safe asking for it
  • Approach conversations in a way that has you feeling connected
  • Share how you feel in a way that will have them turning towards you
  • Discover a new sort of intimacy in the bedroom

Watch on YouTube

Download my free Abundant Love Mini-Course to help you to start thinking, and feeling, differently about your marriage.

Register for my free monthly Marriage Masterclass, where every month I talk about different ways you can change your marriage without changing your partner. Next month we will be talking about The Secret To Changing Your Marriage Without Changing Your Spouse: Creating Better Boundaries, register now! 

More resources and how you can start the process of Awakening Your True You and being the partner who creates your best vision of what marriage looks like for you: https://christinebongiovanni.com/

Join my AwakenYou newsletter for weekly marriage tips and early announcements of upcoming offerings.

Book your free mini-coaching session here.

Show webpage: www.christinebongiovanni.com/88


I am a marriage coach helping women and couples turn their loveless & emotionless marriage into something better than they ever imagined possible. My process starts by looking within to understand how you got here, and from this place, we work together to figure out where you want to go. Then we do the work of making that your reality!

If you feel sad and completely powerless about your marriage’s state of affairs, then I’d love to chat with you about what is going on and what’s possible for you and your future. It’s never too late to re-create your best life. Schedule a free mini-session today, and let’s talk about how to get started. 

 

How To Go First In Your Marriage Ep 86

How To Go First In Your Marriage | Relationship Coach

Welcome AwakenYou listeners, welcome to another week of bringing more of what you want into your intimate relationship! To begin let’s take a minute to set a relationship goal for this new month, what is it you want to work on this month? Maybe you want to work through what I share in this episode or something from a different episode, my Abundant Love Mini-Course or one of the 9 Marriage Masterclasses I have taught this year. Just pick something, don’t make it a big deal, and start doing the work, then schedule a free mini-coaching session and let’s talk about what you are struggling with when it comes to getting started or taking action.

The Abundant Love Mini-Course will help you if you are struggling with the negative thoughts about your marriage. This course helps you become aware of these thoughts, and how they are serving you while helping you start changing how you think about your marriage in a way that feels believable.

With it being a new month that means we have a new Marriage Masterclass coming up next week and this month’s class I am going to help you start bringing some love back into your loveless marriage. Go to the show notes and get yourself registered, in these classes, I share lots of wisdom along with actionable steps you can start implementing immediately so you can begin the journey to feeling better about your love relationship. 

This week I have been contemplating grace – the concept of sharing loving kindness with our spouses when we don’t think they deserve it. Let’s be honest, it’s easy to love our partner when they lift us up, share hugs without prompting, tell us how much they love us when we aren’t expecting it, bring home something heartfelt and ask us if they can massage our feet after a long day. But what about when they aren’t doing these things and haven’t for so long you can’t even remember when the last time was? 

For so many couples loving kindness actions slowly dissipated after the honeymoon ended. Initially, most couples don’t argue about this loss of loving-kindness, it seems to be a bit of an unconscious relief with all of the other things going on in their lives, but eventually, that lack of love starts to build a separation between the two, like I talked about in last week’s episode about Falling Back In Love With Your Spouse. This can be an awkward time in people’s marriage and it’s the core of the problem for the majority of my clients. Today I want to talk about the possibility of extending some grace to your spouse and being the one who goes first. Let’s start off with talking about what earned love is versus grace-based love, then we’ll talk about what that looks like – what grace is, and what it isn’t, then I’ll talk about why extending grace can be so difficult and I’ll share some first steps to moving forward.

The difference between earned love and grace-based love

I like to think of earned love being similar to sports, opposing teams keeping score while wanting your spouse to keep up with your score in order to be “equal.” Earned love has you looking and judging what your spouse has done lately to earn your love and if you think they’ve been insufficient, well then, you’re not going to share your love with them until they anti-up.

Consider this, just like we talked about last week when you’re not communicating in your marriage and talking about what it is you want and need in a constructive way each of you is telling stories about what the other is doing. So because you aren’t sharing loving kindness your spouse is feeling unappreciated and doing the same thing you are. Someone has to go first and that is what I help my clients do, I empower them to go first and reap the rewards of being courageous and going after what they want in their intimate relationship.

Grace-based love is loving them even when you think they don’t deserve to be loved. Grace has you on the same team as your spouse instead of being the enemy and loving them not for what they do but for who they are. When you are on the same team each of you complements and enriches each other, and in turn the relationship.

What going first in your marriage looks like and what it isn’t

Grace-based love doesn’t have you focusing on what is wrong with your spouse, and my Abundant Love Mini-Course will help you re-direct that focus. Instead, it has you looking the good in your partner. It has you showing up more understanding and willing to talk when their actions are less than perfect. Grace has you leaving the past where it belongs and starting new each day, resolving conflict right when it happens instead of letting it fester. Grace will have you extending empathy and compassion when you feel like they are speaking harshly or turning away from you. 

What I also want you to know is that I am not saying that you will allow your spouse to treat you poorly or that if they have caused pain in your life that you won’t address these things. What I am saying is that when you go first you open up to bringing love back into the relationship and confronting those things that don’t align with your values and what you want out of an intimate relationship. 

This is the work I do with my clients, helping them navigate showing up the way they want to show up while also standing up for what it is they want with loving compassion and honesty.

Why giving grace can be difficult and how to take the first steps

Giving grace can feel like you are sacrificing yourself and your needs while your spouse is doing nothing and this is where all of the work we do in AwakenYou to build a solid relationship with yourself comes in. We work through what is holding you back, where your safety mechanisms and old coping mechanisms are blocking you from expressing yourself the way you want. We take a look at how your actions are actually moving you further and further from where you want to go and we do the work of taking steps that feel safe, build confidence and allow you to take even bigger steps. 

Because there are often many obstacles and barriers between where you currently are in your marriage and what you dream of having it’s critical that we build a solid, firm foundation of self-love and self-trust. It is often work that needs to be navigated with a guide who can help you see your blind spots, encourage you, and help you see where to go next.

The one example I want to share, and you can use this to apply to any circumstance you want to create in your marriage, let’s look at sharing a hug when you or they come home. What I want you to do is visualize how you want to feel before, during, and after this hug. Embody that feeling and practice thoughts that make you feel empowered to follow through and then when it comes to following through and inviting them into a hug you will notice, notice and notice. You will pay attention to what happens in your body, and in your mind, how you react to their actions and then afterwards you will take time to download, evaluate and then rinse and repeat in preparation for the next hug.

Have an amazing week and keep this month’s goal top of mind and happy hugging, ciao!


I am a marriage coach helping women and couples turn their loveless & emotionless marriage into something better than they ever imagined possible. My process starts by looking within to understand how you got here, and from this place, we work together to figure out where you want to go. Then we do the work of making that your reality!

If you feel sad and completely powerless about your marriage’s state of affairs, then I’d love to chat with you about what is going on and what’s possible for you and your future. It’s never too late to re-create your best life. Schedule a free mini-session today, and let’s talk about how to get started.