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That lonely feeling comes when we think we’ve been left behind by all the people we love and are left all alone. We feel hopeless, we disappear, withdraw, binge on whatever distracts us from our pain, we don’t support ourselves, and all of the actions we find ourselves taking have us leaving ourselves behind.
I was coaching someone on this the other day. She couldn’t see anything positive about her situation; she was stuck sitting in a pile of self-pity, unable to crawl out. This is not an uncommon situation to find ourselves when life seems to be throwing us all the wrong cards from the deck. Our mind gets stuck in a downward spiral of negative thinking, and we find it almost impossible to dig up even one positive thought. Today I’m going to be your helping hand by pulling you out of the pool you might find yourself drowning in.
How to get out of the self-pity pile
Ask good questions.
Often, the best tactic out of our mess is to sit in it for a while and assess what is truly happening. Let’s start by asking yourself questions that will get your brain out of its current thought loop. I wrote a post about asking yourself great questions that can help you with this. Asking yourself good questions is a way of directing that incredibly smart brain of yours. Your brain wants to be put to work; it wants to problem solve, so now is as good of a time as any to put it to work on something other than where it is defaulting to with thought errors (thoughts that keep you from moving forward).
- How did we get here?
- What is perfect about where we are right now?
- How are all of the negative thoughts my mind is coming up with not true?
- If I knew something beautiful was going to come out of this, what would I do right now?
- How is this all for me?
Really dig into the truth of where you are and then ask yourself this question:
Am I really alone?
Equal air time.
Next it’s time to direct your brain towards all of the positive things you have in your life. When we are stuck in the self-pity pool our brain seems determined to keep punching us in the face, it’s time to set the boxing gloves down and start focusing on something different. I have a fun exercise I have my clients do where they list all of the things they have accomplished in their life, please download it here and start your own list. Every time your brain goes to the negative pull out your list and add some more things to the list, direct that toddler brain!
We are never alone, ever. When we think we are alone we are disconnected from ourselves and we are disconnected from our Creator. One of my favorite quotes by Wayne Dyer is “You cannot be lonely if you like the person you are alone with.”
Sometimes life has a way of forcing us into a spot where we are blessed to be alone. Time alone is time to focus on ourselves, to look in the mirror, give ourselves a high-five and dig in.
Naturally we don’t like when people leave us. There was a point in human existence where it meant being outcast and possibly left to die. Our brain though hasn’t caught up with our modern world, people leaving us doesn’t mean we will die, starve and be eaten by the lions.
Ask yourself how you will utilize this time to grow. How will you trust that everything will work itself out for your good?
You are never alone, ever. If you try my tactics and still can’t seem to get yourself above water then please book yourself a free coaching session or get on my mailing list and join my monthly free coaching public call, every first Wednesday of the month so I can help you move one step forward.
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Are you struggling in your love relationship? I would love to help you fall back in love with the one you love. My Awaken(YourTrue)You program is for strong women like you, and a few pretty cool guys, who want to stop hurting in their most intimate relationship. Together we work from the inside out, meaning I teach you how to have a healthy, loving relationship with yourself so you can show up and simply love your partner. Let’s reignite your love relationship today, book your consultation call today!