When Others Treat Us Poorly

One sentence can change your problem into a neutral circumstance, literally.

During a recent coaching session, my coach asked the following question:

“Do you want your circumstance (which was a person in this example) to choose your thoughts and pour that emotion into your body?”

It only took about a split second to answer that question, I absolutely knew I didn’t want to give that power to this person!

Let the heavens open because freedom from blame, resentment, guilt and a desire to “pay them back” disappeared in that moment. From this place, I was able to step into my more evolved self and decide how I wanted to feel, with intention.

It’s what I teach my clients every day and it is so much fun! I love the look of relief when a person realizes how to take their power back.

Let me fill you in with my story around what I was getting coached on, it’s possible my story might help you find relief in your own story.

Imagine a weekend being spent relaxing in a beautiful place, with the people you love.

I had gone into the weekend choosing love from my higher self and committing to really watching my mind around all things that could potentially cause a mental spin out.

You see even the people we love, and usually the ones we love the most, or are working on loving the most, can cause us to derail…wait, let me back up…THEY don’t cause us to derail.

No one can cause you to derail.

They do something, you have a thought about that something, it’s that thought that would cause you to derail.

Maybe one of these people were with me on this weekend, in this beautiful place 😉, now you see why I had my commitment to watching my thoughts.

Throughout my wonderful weekend, I allowed myself to self coach and really embrace every bit of what was happening.

I even went home with an overall sense of accomplishment and pride knowing I had managed to enjoy my time, not allowing other people’s actions to affect me how I showed up.

Fast forward a few days, sitting in a coffee shop, enjoying conversation with a friend. A friend who had participated in the relaxing weekend with me.

I had thoughts about how she was acting that made be feel a bit curious about what was happening for her, yet I allowed the thoughts to drift away .

But then the words came out, “I have something I want to share with you, something that has been bothering me.”

Sweats set in, blood pulls into my core, thoughts of what could possibly be wrong flood my mind.

Within minutes, while the story was being shared, my brain started bringing up thoughts that generated emotions of anger, unfairness, unworthiness, unlovability, resentment, regret, retaliation…🥵

All around a story of a conversation, about me.

My relaxing weekend was destroyed in an instant.

Sound at all familiar?

Funny thing is that I already had known that the third party person in the story probably felt the way they did. It wasn’t until it was said out loud to me, the confirmation of my suspicions, that I started to have thoughts that seemed like truths.

This my friends is where we get stung, when we see our thoughts as truths.

Old stories of this person, this person I had done so much work to come closer to loving, came flooding into my head.

All the old evidence that produced my old beliefs came right up to the surface.

The me prior to learning how to self coach, prior to hiring my own coach, prior to taking this work and sharing it with you, would have been a hot mess, still, much longer after the actual story occurred.

All resolved in one coaching session.

Put in the past, a non-issue, back to the work I had been doing on learning to love people that “hurt me”.

Moral of the story: It isn’t in our power to change others. When we try, and expect them to change so that we can feel love, we are the only ones who suffer.

You only have the power to control your own thoughts, so that you get the results that best serve you.

We get to choose either belief:

  • The one that only hurts us which is that, “They treat us poorly.”
  • The one that gives us freedom and allows them to be who they are, which might be something like, “They are treating themselves poorly.”

We can believe that we get to feel good, on purpose, and not allow someone else to choose our thoughts and feelings.

I love feeling good on purpose.

Leave the suffering at their doorstep, don’t let it in.
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My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for people who want to discover their true self, discover the missing key, find their purpose and then start building a legacy from pure power. I have made it my mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability before your subconscious primitive mind tells you to run and hide.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this it and join my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

If you’d like to get more empowering emails delivered straight to you and never miss another post please get yourself signed up for my newsletter!

Beat The Post Holiday Blues Today

Today is post New Year’s Day, the buzz everywhere seems to be a high energy excitement over starting anew.

Everywhere I look I see tips on how to make this the best year yet.

Focus on the new, leave the old behind.

Who’s on board?

As I ease back into work I had, with intention, planned on taking the past two days to review this past year, self coach and plan.

Can I be brutally honest?

Day 1 was rough.

Mostly self coaching.

I had a morning of thought downloads and models, around all things holidays, and my brain just had a bit of an incredible summarization of it all.

I had this beautiful picture in my head of what Christmas looked like, in my mind, as we approached December 25.

It was a picture of peace and shimmery perfection. Presents arranged in an orderly fashion under the tree. Stockings hung on the chimney with care.

The morning of Christmas coming quietly and gently.

Like a fairy tale.

Sort of like the Bible story of our Savior.

I had done the work I do, and teach, of self coaching around all of the upcoming potential relational sticky situations.

I felt confident about what the coming days would bring and how I would get through them.

Then there is the gradual unraveling that occurs as the presents are dispersed.

The boxes are unwrapped.

Within minutes the serene beauty dissolves into a pile of boxes, bubble wrap and shredded wrapping paper strewn in a pile in the center of the room.

My mind likened this picture to what can happen in a moment, even when we’ve perfectly prepared our minds. We’re left sitting in a mental messy pile, re-hashing Aunt Sally’s words, blaming Uncle Al for ruining the meal with his disgusting jokes and creating even more of a messy mess as we gossip about people who aren’t able to join the celebration.

Then everyone goes back to their homes.

Everyone goes back to their same old, same old.

Leaving our brains empty and confused.

Much like our homes of Christmas undone.

As I write this post so much more is coming into my brain about how this vision parallels the whole meaning of Christmas and the birth of Christ. How He came to save us from what we’ve undone. It’s actually quite beautiful. <pause, take a deep meditative breath, continue on>

If you, like me, struggle with the transition back into life as we know it, then you’re not alone my friend.

In year’s past I would envy people who seemed to be able to wake up after it all and just move on, right into the next thing.

I’m now convinced that these people are rare and either doing a fantastic job with their own self coaching or, most likely, battling the inner battle of not taking the time to process their emotions, pushing it all deep down only to erupt sometime in the future.

I can now easily see, after a day of allowing transition, not fighting it, and self coaching, the process doesn’t need to be such a mess.

Maybe there is freedom in just allowing the mess.

Ok, not just maybe, there is complete freedom in allowing it all.

Let me see if my past post Christmas scenario is anything like yours:

  • Weeks of buffering
  • Weeks of pretending I was all in on my goals
  • Weeks of ruminating over what was

If you find yourself overeating the stale holiday delights, ruminating over words said at the Christmas party, out spending the blues away, beating yourself up over indulgences that you shouldn’t have indulged in, then let me give you some hope.

It does not have to be this way.

You can believe that a better option is available for you.

Doing the work of self coaching, working through sticking points with your coach and allowing all of the emotions, both the positive and the negative, will allow you to move through all of the pain.

This work will clean up the mess.

It will replace the emptiness with all of the things that fill you up.

If you have a mixed bag of getting traction with the new you while still letting the ghost of Christmas past sit on your shoulder, I want to invite you to join me on the journey to your true you.

When you learn how to live the life you were created to live, you start to let go of the old habits that keep you stuck in the past.

You drop the dead weight holding you back and get to move into the life you only thought could be a dream.

Let me show you how to make that dream your real life this year because it’s 100% possible, all you have to do is decide to be all in on you.

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My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for people who want to discover their true self, discover the missing key, find their purpose and then start building a legacy from pure power. I have made it my mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability before your subconscious primitive mind tells you to run and hide.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this it and join my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

If you’d like to get more empowering emails delivered straight to you and never miss another post please get yourself signed up for my newsletter!

Other People Don’t Cause Your Pain

You are the cause of your pain.

Other people just do things that you have a thought about and that thought causes you pain.

You may think this is the worst news ever.

You are 100% wrong.

The truth is that when we start to learn how to let others be themselves and not allow it to hurt us, that’s when we start living our happiest life.

Let me share some pain creating thoughts you might have about other people in your life:

  • She should call me back, or text me back, when I call her, or text her.
  • He should tell me he loves me.
  • She should invite me to her party.
  • He should know what I want under the tree.
  • She should write me a thank you note.
  • He shouldn’t watch so much TV.
  • She shouldn’t be late.
  • He should provide emotional support.

We can give our power over to others by allowing their actions, or inactions, to create pain for us.

Typically the other person is completely unaware of the pain you are feeling.

You aren’t punishing them with your actions, you’re only punishing yourself.

When we expect others to act in a certain way to make us feel better it leaves us powerless.

It means other people have to act a certain way for us to feel happiness.

When we expect others to act a certain way, then we have what I call a manual for these people, you can go read this post to find out what a manual is.

I encourage you to explore why you want people to act differently.

I want to encourage you to not make your life about the way you believe you’re entitled to be treated.

I want to encourage you to only be entitled to taking care of your own emotional life and your own brain and to make sure that you’re thinking thoughts that serve you.

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My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for people who want to discover their true self, discover the missing key, find their purpose and then start building a legacy from pure power. I have made it my mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability before your subconscious primitive mind tells you to run and hide.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this it and join my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

If you’d like to get more empowering emails delivered straight to you and never miss another post please get yourself signed up for my newsletter!

Stop Binge Eating Forever

Until this year the promise to stop binge eating seemed like only a dream.

I started binge eating when I was 18 years old and it was one of the most painful struggles I have experienced, the battle between doing what I wanted to do, stop bingeing, and not doing what I wanted to do, stop bingeing.

It was something I hopelessly battled for over half of my life.

I truly thought that this was just who I was, something I would just have to “manage”.

The good news I want to share with you is that the work I did this past year has me in full confidence that I will NEVER again mindlessly eat huge quantities of food.

I first want to start with the difference between over eating (something else I struggled with) and binge eating.

Overeating:

  • Eating past the point of being full
  • Eating when you’re not hungry
  • Having “a taste” of something when you’re full

Bingeing:

  • Eating a whole pizza, or two, or the whole bag of cookies, chips and ice cream
  • Sneaking food and eating it in secret, then hiding the evidence
  • Buying and then eating food that you hadn’t planned on eating
  • Replacing food that you ate so no one would be on to you

These just may be some of my real life examples…

Over the years I “sort of” overcame the battle of purging, yes this was a huge part of my binge eating addiction, yet I still hadn’t overcome the bingeing.

I ended my post binge purging by coming to terms with the negative health effects of purging.

Then I handled the continuing bingeing with a different type of purging: calorie restriction and over exercise.

Then I found life coaching and applied it to my relationship with my self, which in of itself helped my eating addiction tremendously yet I was still catching myself over eating, mindlessly eating food I didn’t want to eat, hiding what I did eat. Still doing things I didn’t want to do around food.

Life coaching helped me:

  • Let my past be by re-writing it in a way that completely empowered me
  • Work with who I am right now without needing to dig into my past and try to figure out why I was doing what I was doing
  • Change who I had created myself to be into who I was created to be

Are you still with me?

I learned how to take off the veil I had been hiding behind.

I learned how to build a beautiful relationship with myself.

I learned how to feel my emotions.

I learned how to work on my mental health so I could show up in the world the way that makes me happy.

When we show up as ourselves and love ourselves fully, we no longer need to escape behind a pile of food or alcohol or any other false pleasures that this world so quickly offers us as a solution to our negative emotions.

This process of mine works.

Forever.

When you do this work you will end your addiction to food, alcohol, drugs, sex, spending, forever.

When your pain exceeds your desire to do what you don’t want to do, call me, I want to help you feel better.

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My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for people who want to discover their true self, discover the missing key, find their purpose and then start building a legacy from pure power. I have made it my mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability before your subconscious primitive mind tells you to run and hide.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this it and join my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

If you’d like to get more empowering emails delivered straight to you and never miss another post please get yourself signed up for my newsletter!

Lessons Learned Around Goal Setting

I’m going to just start off with what New Year’s goal setting used to look like for me:

  • Curling up on the couch New Year’s Day, or possibly some other Friday or Saturday evening in January or possibly even February, because you know, I’m busy!
  • Opening up my journal to the pages I wrote out last year’s goals, noting that it could have been quite possible that these pages hadn’t been visited in, um, well, maybe never since the day they were written on.
  • I’d maybe write some notes on this page detailing, if you can call it that, any progress I had achieve in each goal.
  • After realizing how I had not accomplished to do what I said I wanted to do, I might beat myself up a bit.
  • Pour another glass of wine.
  • Give myself a pep talk about how this year is going to be different.
  • Write down another new, ambitious list, possibly a bit more detailed so as to hope for greater success in the coming year.
  • Close the notebook.
  • Go to bed.

If this sounds any bit familiar to you then read on my friend because there is a much better way.

A way that guarantees an end to your cycle of, truly, wasting your time over good intentions that get left behind.

This plan is way more simple than your brain is going to allow you to believe AND it will get you amazing results of creating your best life ever.

My new goal setting process is a strategic plan that includes managing my mind and it is what got me from just having great hopes of change to actually achieving my dreams.

As I have evaluated my process I want to share my four best tips that will guarantee your goal success, in order of importance, in my opinion.

Constraint.

Just pick one big goal to put your all into.

The one that will make the others irrelevant.

You won’t want to do this but trust me, it is key!

Make it measurable.

You have to have a way to determine if you are making progress.

Math doesn’t lie.

You want it to be very specific and results oriented.

Plan.

Just writing your dreams down, closing the book and maybe taking a peek once in a while is not a plan.

You’ll want to take some time to figure out all of the things that are going to stop you from achieving this goal of yours, write them down.

These are all of your obstacles.

How are you going to overcome these obstacles?

Write all of your ideas down, these are your action steps.

These steps are going to go on your calendar.

Yes, you’re going to decide when you’ll do them and schedule them.

Keeping in your head is not a plan.

Evaluation.

This is probably my favorite part.

Not the part I thought was going to be my favorite.

Sitting down every month, every quarter, and seeing in black and white what I’ve done, what I didn’t do and where those steps got me.

Magic.

Those evaluations revitalized me.

They got me excited, again, about what I was doing in my life.

Now I have a bonus tip that without, makes this, and any goal setting process, unsuccessful.

Mind Management.

The process of working through my self coaching, and having my very own coach show me what is going on in my brain, is what truly makes this process different from any other I’ve attempted.

The best laid out program, strategies with evaluations, mean nothing when we’re unable to look at the results we’re getting and be able to figure out how to get the results we want.

Taking the steps to achieve your impossible goal for the year is a process that will change you and force you to grow into your next best version, or two or three.

Today’s you will never be able to achieve your planned impossible goal but who you become along the way to achieving that goal is the person who can achieve that goal.

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My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for people who want to discover their true self, discover the missing key, find their purpose and then start building a legacy from pure power. I have made it may mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability before your subconscious primitive mind tells you to run and hide.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this it and join my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

Believing New Truths About You And Your Money

Black Friday

Cyber Monday

Cyber Week

All of the cries in your email inbox about how you should spend your money.

You could take the week off, heck, even the whole month of December and dedicate it to searching through all of the daily deals on Amazon!

These sales used to be an addiction for me.

They consumed my thoughts.

I allowed them to distract me and suck me into the habit of making purchases of items I didn’t even need.

A lot has changed for me over the past year.

  • I have learned to manage my mind around urges that distract me from fully experiencing what is going on for me
  • I have cleaned out my closets and thrown out so many of the said “needed” items
  • I’ve gone on a zero dollar personal purchases diet
  • I hired a money coach

All four of these items have influenced my current lack of desire to spend money on all of the good deals out there right now.

Through coaching I have examined all of my old money beliefs, here are a few of them:

  • Money is hard
  • I don’t know how to keep money
  • I can’t manage my money
  • I don’t have money to share
  • I’m not good with money
  • I spend too much money

After examining them I did the work of challenging the truth of them and then I came up with a list of new money beliefs that are allowing me to completely change my money story:

  • Money is easy
  • I’m good at keeping money
  • I know how, and enjoy, managing my money
  • I have plenty of money to share
  • I’m good with money
  • I spend exactly what I want to spend

Believe it or not, you can do this same work.

Money no longer needs to be an elusive relationship that comes and goes.

You can determine exactly how much money you bring in.

You can decide how much money goes out.

You just have to be willing to be tired enough of your current money story and willing to go through the temporary discomfort of learning something new.

It’s only then that you’ll feel long term confidence around money.

Money is just numbers, facts, what you want to make those numbers mean is up to you.

I’d love to help you re-write your money story, forever.

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My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for women who want to discover their true self, discover the missing key, find their purpose and then start building a legacy from pure power. I have made it may mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability before your subconscious primitive mind tells you to run and hide.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this message and I highly encourage you to get on my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.