Relationships That Hurt Us

“Hurt” can meal all sorts of things to different people based on their own personal experiences.

Who comes to mind right now when you read the title? Spouse? Mother? Father? Child? Sibling? Friend?

Why do they hurt you?

I really want you to pause and answer that question, not just in your head. Grab a piece of paper, write the question at the top of the sheet, set the timer on your phone for 10 minutes and without any interruption, write down all of the reasons they hurt you.

Maybe it’s:

  • They said something hurtful that can never be taken back. You keep bringing them to life by repeating them over and over in your head, possibly years after they were spoken.
  • Maybe it’s the unforgettable thing they did to you. The video clip in your brain won’t let you leave it in the past.
  • It could be what they don’t do, that thing that you oh so desperately wish they would. Hurting yourself over and over by telling yourself that if they would just do this one thing, then maybe you would know they love you.

My beautiful friend, there are two truths I want to share with you,

  1. Even if they do, or say, what you want, it doesn’t guarantee that you’ll be convinced they love you. You will still be searching for love because you won’t believe them or they’ll eventually do that thing again that proves to you that they weren’t sincere.
  2. Letting go of these stories and finding peace is 100% available to you and it’s available today if you want it to be.

Today I’m going to share some steps you can take today to start stepping out of pain and into freedom from pain. Let’s dig in.

  1. Stop blaming them for all of the things; for how you feel, for the results in your life, for the way you are, for not loving you the way you want or for the pain you unwillingly embrace. You can take your power back today. These, and all of the other thoughts that are creating pain for you, put the power of how you feel into the hands of other people. You my love, are the only person who can change that. You can decide today to never allow that person to control how you think, feel and act.
  2. Stop arguing with what is. Byron Katie tells us that we can argue with reality and we’ll lose, but only 100% of the time. Really let that sink it, I wrote it in my journal a long time ago and those words still has impact in my life, daily. Our past is absolutely perfect, just as it happened, because it did happen, just as it did. What actually happened is real, but re-hashing it again and again only continues to hurt us again and again, not hurting anyone else but ourselves. In my Awaken(YourTrue)You program we do the work of re-writing these stories in a way that lets go of the pain, bringing freedom and complete power into your hands. Re-writing my past has been some of the best work I have done with my coach!
  3. Start telling a new story. The work of re-writing our painful stories, leaving everything out that doesn’t serve us, and adding in everything that is empowering and inspires us to be our best self and eliminate the pain.
  4. Define who you want to be. Here is where your creative mind gets to take over and define for yourself who you want to be in this relationship. Do you want to be the victim or the super star? You are the one who gets to choose. You get to ask yourself how you want to feel about this relationship. If you want to feel love, it’s an emotion you create with your own thoughts and is completely available to you, no matter what they say, no matter what they do.
  5. Start the beautiful work of re-creating yourself. I saved the best for last. Yes, you get to re-design your life. The past can be left in the past and today can be day one of your new life. If it’s a love relationship you desire, then you get to create it, without any participation from the other side. When you do the work to change and design your own love life, you get to do it without the participation of anyone else because you are creating love from within yourself.

There will come a point where your desire to change exceeds the pain you keep inflicting upon yourself. When you reach the point of seeking true relief, not the relief that comes from an external source like food, alcohol, drugs, relationships, material possessions, etc, that’s when you will be ready to take these steps seriously and start applying them.

Redesigning your life and becoming that new creation is the work of self love. Self love that you never thought was available to you. Now yours for the taking and once you taste self love, you will never want to go back to putting your self worth, your self love, in the hands of others. Learning how to love yourself when you’ve never learned how is work that will change your life in ways you would never have imagined and I look forward to taking you down this life changing path!

๐Ÿ’“๐Ÿ’“๐Ÿ’“๐Ÿ’“๐Ÿ’“๐Ÿ’“๐Ÿ’“

My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for women who want to stop hurting in their most intimate relationship. I show you how to stop settling and bring back the love, connection and excitement you crave. I have made it my mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability, your future life is waiting for you.

Please share this message with anyone who you know who might benefit from hearing this message. Don’t forget to join my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

If you’d like to get more empowering emails delivered straight to you and never miss another post please get yourself signed up for my newsletter!

From Relationship Scarcity To Abundance

It is 100% possible and the journey I take my clients through.

This is the last of a three part series where I dig into my concepts of relationship scarcity and relationship abundance. If you haven’t been following along then I’d strongly suggest you go back to my last two posts before you explore today’s post.

Today I want to talk about the process of going from relationship scarcity to relationship abundance. Let’s start with my definitions for both and see if we can find out where you might be on the relationship continuum.

Relationship scarcity – is when we think there is always a shortness of supply when it comes to our relationships. Not enough of them, not enough love being given, basically always in a state of never enoughness.

Relationship abundance – Always an overabundant amount of love which is overflowing from within oneself.

The process of getting from relationship scarcity to abundance is the meat and potatoes of my Awaken You coaching program. Going from a place of never enoughness to overflowing fullness. It’s going from a heart that is constantly being filled up from an outside vessel, yet always empty, to the place of complete heart healing that finds the heart always full.

The process is one of learning how to watch one’s mind, seeing what is going on in there, on default. Once we are able to see what we’ve been doing as habit, on autopilot, we can then learn how to manage and train it for complete success.

Complete relationship abundance.

Let me share six different ways to start the journey:

Learning how to use the thought model to look at what your current thoughts are producing for you.

This in of itself is a mind blowing, life changing, tool. Once you learn the concept of the thought model and practice using it you learn that all of your thoughts are 100% optional and not unchangeable facts. Through the model we have the ability to see how to change our current personal reality.

Learn how to take your power back by changing old belief systems.

You will start to see how you are giving away your power to others, both in our past and present lives. We learn the process of letting go of old stories and re-writing them in a way that serves us. We learn how to stop looking to our past for evidence of what we will produce in our future. We examine current belief systems and challenge them all.

Learn how to be self confident.

You stop being afraid and start experiencing all of the emotions that are available to us, especially those that keep us from showing up at our full capacity. You learn how to trust yourself and do what you tell yourself you’re going to do.

Dig into relationships that hurt.

You begin to discover the freedom that comes when you are able to release the pain and start moving towards neutrality and, if you choose, unconditional love.

Learn how to let go of self destructive behaviors.

Including over eating, over drinking, over spending, over exercising, people pleasing, over medicating, under performing, by learning how to fully experience what is happening for us instead of numbing out and avoiding.

Learn how to plan for success.

When you know how to manage your brain around time then we can start producing our dream life instead of just hoping.

Stepping into relationship abundance is like stepping through the veil of darkness into a world of utter blinding brightness. It’s a freedom hard to fully describe to the relationally scarce person, but most certainly worth the challenge.

Your life will never be the same once you’ve done this work.

Your taste of freedom, light and love will be a feeling you won’t want to ever let go of and I can’t wait to lead you there!

๐Ÿ’“๐Ÿ’“๐Ÿ’“๐Ÿ’“๐Ÿ’“๐Ÿ’“๐Ÿ’“

My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for women who want to stop hurting in their most intimate relationship. I show you how to stop settling and bring back the love, fun and excitement you crave. I have made it my mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability, your future life is waiting for you.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this it and join my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

If you’d like to get more empowering emails delivered straight to you and never miss another post please get yourself signed up for my newsletter!

Relationship Abundance

As promised this week I’m talking about the opposite of last week’s deep dive into relationship scarcity, which came out of thinking I was doing around the concept of love never enough-ness (that is a real word, right?) and our most intimate relationships. If you haven’t read that post yet, please go do that before you continue.

This week I’m marrying relationship with the opposite of scarcity – abundance – and taking a deep dive into what that can look like in your life, starting with individual definitions:

Relationship: our thoughts about someone.

Abundance: overflowing fullness – extremely plentiful or over sufficient quantity or supply.

Before I dig into the topic I’d like to share something I learned while thinking about these two relationship concepts. My mind truly wanted to be confused about relationship scarcity, it felt difficult to conceptualize, describe and explain, it felt very abstract and foreign.

This week when I went on a concept walk to think about relationship abundance and, though the weather was cold and cloudy, I felt bright, warm and full of capacity to understand.

This caught my attention, knowing that most of my life I have lived in relationship scarcity, always searching for love yet never truly feeling it. I thought love to be elusive. I thought it would be easy to explain, but I realized I was an expert from the inside, I lived it.

When we are in the middle of something for so long, it is our truth and we don’t even recognize it for the dysfunction it is. As my eyes were opened to my fixation on love and relationship dependence, I started to put all of the pieces together. The further we step away from our problems, the clearer our perspective is.

Relationship abundance is a new experience for me over the past three years. As I step into this abundance, it’s been all consuming for me because it feels OH SO MUCH BETTER than relationship scarcity! It feels so good that I am always in search of correcting any relationship scarcity thoughts I find myself thinking.

Relationship abundance is about having all of the love you need, always. You don’t ever fear not getting enough love from anyone, not your spouse, your friends, your mom, your dad, other family members, even your co-workers, regardless of how they treat you.

You always know how to generate the love you need, no matter the circumstance.

You know true love because it flows from within.

It doesn’t matter what other people say or how they act, you always believe in yourself. You know that someone else’s ability to love you, or inability to love you, is about their own ability to love, it has nothing to do with your lovability.

With that said, it doesn’t mean you won’t at times question yourself, or attempt to do things in an effort to get people to love you. The beautiful thing will be that as your love and respect for yourself deepens, the more you’ll recognize protective mechanisms you use to attract, or push away, other people, in the attempt to draw love in from outside of yourself.

Next week I will be digging into how to move from relationship scarcity to abundance, but today let’s look at a few ways to tell if you’re relationally abundant. Tell yourself the truth here because if you really desire happy, robust, bright relationships then lying to yourself will not get you there, it will just keep you in scarcity.

What relationship abundance looks like:

You show up as yourself – always.

You don’t hide because you don’t know how to act so that people will like you. You like you and that’s all that matters.

You don’t embellish the truth when talking to people in an effort to impress. You are 100% honest and proud of who you are.

You admit that you’re 100% human so when you do catch yourself masquerading, you become aware and have a heart to heart with yourself, see what’s going on and correct it.

You meet all sorts of new people.

Introvert or extrovert, it doesn’t matter. I used to use the excuse that I was an introvert, that’s why I didn’t like to meet people, but it was a lie to cover up my insecurity. I didn’t want people to judge me, or I would judge myself ahead of time and live small. Introverts come clean: you just are having thoughts like “This is scary.” “They might think I’m awkward.” “I don’t know what to say.”, these thoughts create a paralyzing fear that keeps you from going up and introducing yourself to people. Try carrying fear along with you and doing it anyway. It’s amazing the fun, interesting people you will meet when you take on courage and don’t be surprised when you notice it actually energizes you as well as begins to get easy. Just make sure you plan time alone to process and let go.

You let people be who they are.

You aren’t trying to control and change people so they conform to what you think you need. You don’t judge them as better or lesser than, just different. Now, this doesn’t mean you have to accept things you don’t like.

If you feel someone needs to be different you can certainly state your mind, always knowing they get to decide how they want to be in life.

You do your work around being responsible for your own feelings.

Ultimately, you get to chose how you want to feel. You do the work around relationships you choose to keep. Maybe it’s a spouse that you’ve grown apart from, or friends, family or co-workers. If you choose to stay in your marriage, which I hope you do, keep your job, see your friends and family then you always do your work around generating love – for you.

You don’t compromise.

You know what you believe and you don’t compromise those beliefs, ever.

Relationship abundance shows up in so many different ways and the more you practice it, the better it feels. It feels better than good, it feels right, like love is created to feel. We humans were designed with love, it’s inside of each of us. Once you actually find it, you’ll never want to let it go. You’ll yearn to do the work that generates the feeling of love from within, over and over, until it becomes who you are. Why? Because the feeling is so much more intense and beautiful than any form of false love generated from outside of you.

Love on sisters and don’t forget to check back next week when I talk about how to move from relationship scarcity to relationship abundance!

_______________________________________

Myย Awaken(TheTrue)Youย program is for women who want to stop hurting in their most intimate relationship. I show you how to stop settling and bring back the love, fun and excitement you crave. I have made it my mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Eitherย book your call nowย orย send me an emailย with your availability, your future life is waiting for you.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this it and join my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

If you’d like to get more empowering emails delivered straight to you and never miss another post please get yourself signed up for my newsletter!

Relationship Scarcity

What is it? That’s what I’m digging into today and let’s start some definitions.

Relationship: our thoughts about someone

Scarcity: insufficiency or shortness of supply

When we marry these two words it set us up for relationships that are never enough. Relationship scarcity sets us up to never feeling great or all in with our relationships, even during times when things seem to be going really well, because, you know, we’re sure to lose it.

When I put these two words together it fully described how I used to think about most, maybe even all, of my relationships.

Relationship scarcity is the belief that there is never enough relationship love in your life.

You think your parents didn’t, maybe still don’t, give you enough love, so you can’t love them back.

Your friends just don’t quite measure up and you keep them at a distance.

You seek attention from people by conforming, or fitting in, fearing people won’t like you, yet you also fear commitment. Instead you put up your walls of protection.

Love relationships start out intense but sooner than later the excitement wears off. You end the relationship before they can to protect yourself from hurting.

Relationship scarcity comes when we expect others to supply us with love, often setting root early on in our lives. Possibly not receiving the love and nurturing you needed as a child which sent you looking for it elsewhere.

Now as adults we have the ability to change course and make our relationships work for us. Yes, it’s truly possible.

When we have a belief that our happiness is supplied by other people it puts the power of the relationship in their hands. When they aren’t doing or saying things that make us feel love or connection then love will always seem scarce.

Some examples of relationship scarcity:

  • Thinking that we don’t have many friends
  • Telling other people all about our other friends, even though we don’t really believe they are our friends.
  • Wanting friends so we look good.
  • Thinking we’re too busy for friends.
  • Complaining that they don’t do the right things so we can feel love.
  • There aren’t enough of the right type of people here for me to make friends.

I want to help you recognize your own relationship scarcity thoughts as well as give you some steps to start overcoming them.

  1. The first step is truly just becoming aware of your relationship scarcity thinking. Start paying attention to when you are doing things in an effort to try and make someone like you. If you complain about how they act after you took those actions, then it’s time to examine your motive behind your actions. Also, start becoming aware of who you are focusing on, are you really listening to them and hearing the positive, or the opposite? Are you desperate for their attention and if you don’t get it do you feel unloved?
  2. Take a look at your belief system. Your belief system is just thoughts you’ve repeated enough times that now they have become a belief. Do you have rules that you believe your friends need to follow in order to be true friends? Does your love for other people come with conditions? Do you have rules for how someone who loves you should act?
  3. Start questioning all of your beliefs. What if it didn’t matter how other people acted, that you could love them no matter what? Can you love people even when they don’t love you back? Do your relationships need to have any rules except that you love them unconditionally? Just question them, examine your answers, ask yourself why and then just make sure you love what you believe.
  4. Learn how to trust yourself. Scarcity comes from not trusting others, from the belief that others can hurt you. The truth is that other people can’t hurt you unless you let them through your thoughts. We can get to the place where we’re able to think such great thoughts about ourselves that it doesn’t matter what anyone else does, it doesn’t have to shake us. Even if they leave and never come back.
  5. Have your own back. This by far is the most important step to overcoming relationship scarcity. Building a trusting, loving relationship with yourself is the first step towards relationship abundance.

From this place you get to decide who you want to be spend time in relationship with. Because our relationships are all of our thoughts about someone, we get to decide what we want to think and how those thoughts serve us.

Relationship scarcity is real but it’s not something that you have to carry along with you. You get to choose whether you want to continue to get the relationship results you’ve been getting or if you want something better for your life. It is 100% possible to become the person who believes they were created for a loving relationship, to go find it, create it and forever live in relationship abundance.

Next week I’m going to explore relationship abundance and show you what life, love and relationship look like on the other side of possibility.

_______________________________________

My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for people who want to discover their true self, discover the missing key, find their purpose and then start building a legacy from pure power. I have made it my mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability before your subconscious primitive mind tells you to run and hide.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this it and join my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

If you’d like to get more empowering emails delivered straight to you and never miss another post please get yourself signed up for my newsletter!

Happily Discontent

That seems messed up.

Discontent is a restless desire for something one does not have.

How can you be happy when you’re discontent? Seems like the opposite should be true.

This week I found happiness in my discontent so I thought I’d share it with you.

In the beginning of this week, I noticed that I wasn’t all in on what I had planned out for my week.

My brain wanted to rebel and tell me I needed to do something different.

Then I realized something.

I realized that I felt the same way about last week and I realized that last week I was excited when I thought about this week, until it came to taking the actions I had scheduled myself to do.

So interesting!

Last week was a week of going out in the world and meeting with people, lots of people. The week did not include time at my desk “getting things done”. I had planned this week out several weeks ago, with strategic intention, yet all my brain could tell me in the moment is how I should stay in the office and “get things done”, it told me to just stay home and go to the meetings next time. When I thought of the week ahead, my thought was “I’ll be able to get things done.” and I did indeed, have my calendar charted out to get things done.

Until Monday morning came and I faced the scheduled tasks where my mind was telling me that they really weren’t that important, rest and procrastination would be so much better.

Alas, I’m on to this primitive brain of mine!

So, how do we get ourselves to follow through with our commitment ahead of time?

That’s what I’m talking about today as I take a deeper look at what we’re creating for ourselves and how to turn it around so that you don’t just cave into your primitive desires.

  1. The first step is awareness. Just start to notice this pattern in your life and be curious about it. Expect it. Your brain is always wanting to protect you and steer you towards the simple, more pleasurable choice. Remembering this IS always the choice you can take but will you like the results it produces for you?
  2. Ask yourself what reasons you had ahead of time for where you are right now. When we plan things out ahead of time, we do so with our best intentions, like the meal plan that will get us to the goal we have of losing 25 pounds. Remind yourself what those reasons were and what result these actions are going to get for you when you delay gratification. Also ask what result you will get when you choose ease, comfort and pleasure by seeking immediate gratification.
  3. Ask yourself if you really like your reasons. Be honest. If you planned with intention, you have an ultimate result you’re hoping for by taking those actions. If you allow your primitive brain to run the show you’ll never get a result that allows you to assess your next step. If you find you don’t like your reasons then ask yourself why. Are you telling yourself to do said actions because everyone else is? Are you doing them to make someone else happy? This will never work. I want to challenge you to do you and be all in on your why.
  4. Think about the result you’ll get when you delay gratification, see #2.
  5. How will you feel when you give in to immediate gratification? See #2 again.

Lastly, I’d like to suggest that you plan your schedule at LEAST 24 hours in advance, with intention and love your reasons. As we get closer and closer to the time we said we’d do something our primitive brain will start kicking and screaming – harder and louder.

All you have to do is buckle it into the car seat and tell it you hear it, but today you’re going to choose you.

_______________________________________

My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for people who want to discover their true self, discover the missing key, find their purpose and then start building a legacy from pure power. I have made it my mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability before your subconscious primitive mind tells you to run and hide.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this it and join my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

If you’d like to get more empowering emails delivered straight to you and never miss another post please get yourself signed up for my newsletter!

Old Story, New Lessons

I have a morning routine that includes reading the Bible, meditating upon what God is teaching me through those words and how I can implement the lessons into my day.

I’ll be completely honest in saying that some of those days I find it difficult to find the message, kinda like I grasping for straws. As a side note, I decided to research the googles to figure out what the phrase “grasping for straws” truly means. I found it interesting and applicable in that it’s similar to a drowning person grasping at the weeds to try and save oneself.

The longer I practice, the longer I yearn to learn without any expectation, the more I hear the teaching within the words.

Surprise. When you remove the noise, that’s when you suddenly hear the teaching.

That’s what happened today.

Luke 15:11-31, which is the story of the lost son, commonly know as the prodigal son.

There are three characters in the story and since I’m not a biblical scholar I’d like to stick to how the story can parallel some of our own lives today.

First there is the younger son, the lost son, who asks for his inheritance early, took his money to look for something better. Truly seeking pleasure at his own expense without looking into the future at how his current choices might affect his future results. In the story we’re not surprised in how he loses all of his money through pleasurable experiences and ends up destitute, starving, working in the fields feeding the pigs. Finding himself in a place of desperation, he swallows his pride, admits his powerlessness, returns to his father to repent and ask to work as one of his father’s hired hands.

Then there is the father, full of love, giving his son the free will to do as he pleases. He doesn’t attempt to control him and isn’t angry or disappointed in him when he returns. He throws a party in celebration of his son’s return.

Lastly, we have the eldest son who stays home, works the farm by choice, possibly in hopes of being the “better” son in the eyes of his father. The eldest son is looking for validation for his hard work and diligence, so much so that when his brother returns he refuses to join the celebration. Jealous and acting like an emotional child, he’s not all in on his choice and blames his father for not treating him with the love he is treating the “lost” son with.

Maybe you know someone who could fit into one of these three roles.

Maybe you see yourself in one of these three characters.

Maybe, like myself, you see a little of yourself in each of them.

My attention was mostly drawn to the older son.

He had a manual for how his father should be respondin so that he could be happy. He wanted his father to act differently towards the younger child, as well as himself, so that he could feel better.

He was judging his brother for his choices in an effort to make himself feel better.

He was being an emotional child by not taking responsibility for how he felt, blaming both father and brother.

Basically, he wasn’t managing his mind.

Managing your mind doesn’t mean we have to be happy all of the time.

It means recognizing what is causing us to feel the way we do.

It’s recognizing that we always have a choice as to how we feel, without having to change what is happening outside of us.

After finishing my Awaken You program the older brother would have recognized the cause of his anger, see the results that anger produces and from that place; determine if he wanted to go to the party or not.

He could be all in on his choice from a place of love for himself, and everyone else, not from a place of blame and resentment.

_______________________________________

My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for people who want to discover their true self, discover the missing key, find their purpose and then start building a legacy from pure power. I have made it my mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability before your subconscious primitive mind tells you to run and hide.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this it and join my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

If you’d like to get more empowering emails delivered straight to you and never miss another post please get yourself signed up for my newsletter!

When Others Treat Us Poorly

One sentence can change your problem into a neutral circumstance, literally.

During a recent coaching session, my coach asked the following question:

“Do you want your circumstance (which was a person in this example) to choose your thoughts and pour that emotion into your body?”

It only took about a split second to answer that question, I absolutely knew I didn’t want to give that power to this person!

Let the heavens open because freedom from blame, resentment, guilt and a desire to “pay them back” disappeared in that moment. From this place, I was able to step into my more evolved self and decide how I wanted to feel, with intention.

It’s what I teach my clients every day and it is so much fun! I love the look of relief when a person realizes how to take their power back.

Let me fill you in with my story around what I was getting coached on, it’s possible my story might help you find relief in your own story.

Imagine a weekend being spent relaxing in a beautiful place, with the people you love.

I had gone into the weekend choosing love from my higher self and committing to really watching my mind around all things that could potentially cause a mental spin out.

You see even the people we love, and usually the ones we love the most, or are working on loving the most, can cause us to derail…wait, let me back up…THEY don’t cause us to derail.

No one can cause you to derail.

They do something, you have a thought about that something, it’s that thought that would cause you to derail.

Maybe one of these people were with me on this weekend, in this beautiful place ๐Ÿ˜‰, now you see why I had my commitment to watching my thoughts.

Throughout my wonderful weekend, I allowed myself to self coach and really embrace every bit of what was happening.

I even went home with an overall sense of accomplishment and pride knowing I had managed to enjoy my time, not allowing other people’s actions to affect me how I showed up.

Fast forward a few days, sitting in a coffee shop, enjoying conversation with a friend. A friend who had participated in the relaxing weekend with me.

I had thoughts about how she was acting that made be feel a bit curious about what was happening for her, yet I allowed the thoughts to drift away .

But then the words came out, “I have something I want to share with you, something that has been bothering me.”

Sweats set in, blood pulls into my core, thoughts of what could possibly be wrong flood my mind.

Within minutes, while the story was being shared, my brain started bringing up thoughts that generated emotions of anger, unfairness, unworthiness, unlovability, resentment, regret, retaliation…๐Ÿฅต

All around a story of a conversation, about me.

My relaxing weekend was destroyed in an instant.

Sound at all familiar?

Funny thing is that I already had known that the third party person in the story probably felt the way they did. It wasn’t until it was said out loud to me, the confirmation of my suspicions, that I started to have thoughts that seemed like truths.

This my friends is where we get stung, when we see our thoughts as truths.

Old stories of this person, this person I had done so much work to come closer to loving, came flooding into my head.

All the old evidence that produced my old beliefs came right up to the surface.

The me prior to learning how to self coach, prior to hiring my own coach, prior to taking this work and sharing it with you, would have been a hot mess, still, much longer after the actual story occurred.

All resolved in one coaching session.

Put in the past, a non-issue, back to the work I had been doing on learning to love people that “hurt me”.

Moral of the story: It isn’t in our power to change others. When we try, and expect them to change so that we can feel love, we are the only ones who suffer.

You only have the power to control your own thoughts, so that you get the results that best serve you.

We get to choose either belief:

  • The one that only hurts us which is that, “They treat us poorly.”
  • The one that gives us freedom and allows them to be who they are, which might be something like, “They are treating themselves poorly.”

We can believe that we get to feel good, on purpose, and not allow someone else to choose our thoughts and feelings.

I love feeling good on purpose.

Leave the suffering at their doorstep, don’t let it in.
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My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for people who want to discover their true self, discover the missing key, find their purpose and then start building a legacy from pure power. I have made it my mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability before your subconscious primitive mind tells you to run and hide.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this it and join my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

If you’d like to get more empowering emails delivered straight to you and never miss another post please get yourself signed up for my newsletter!

Beat The Post Holiday Blues Today

Today is post New Year’s Day, the buzz everywhere seems to be a high energy excitement over starting anew.

Everywhere I look I see tips on how to make this the best year yet.

Focus on the new, leave the old behind.

Who’s on board?

As I ease back into work I had, with intention, planned on taking the past two days to review this past year, self coach and plan.

Can I be brutally honest?

Day 1 was rough.

Mostly self coaching.

I had a morning of thought downloads and models, around all things holidays, and my brain just had a bit of an incredible summarization of it all.

I had this beautiful picture in my head of what Christmas looked like, in my mind, as we approached December 25.

It was a picture of peace and shimmery perfection. Presents arranged in an orderly fashion under the tree. Stockings hung on the chimney with care.

The morning of Christmas coming quietly and gently.

Like a fairy tale.

Sort of like the Bible story of our Savior.

I had done the work I do, and teach, of self coaching around all of the upcoming potential relational sticky situations.

I felt confident about what the coming days would bring and how I would get through them.

Then there is the gradual unraveling that occurs as the presents are dispersed.

The boxes are unwrapped.

Within minutes the serene beauty dissolves into a pile of boxes, bubble wrap and shredded wrapping paper strewn in a pile in the center of the room.

My mind likened this picture to what can happen in a moment, even when we’ve perfectly prepared our minds. We’re left sitting in a mental messy pile, re-hashing Aunt Sally’s words, blaming Uncle Al for ruining the meal with his disgusting jokes and creating even more of a messy mess as we gossip about people who aren’t able to join the celebration.

Then everyone goes back to their homes.

Everyone goes back to their same old, same old.

Leaving our brains empty and confused.

Much like our homes of Christmas undone.

As I write this post so much more is coming into my brain about how this vision parallels the whole meaning of Christmas and the birth of Christ. How He came to save us from what we’ve undone. It’s actually quite beautiful. <pause, take a deep meditative breath, continue on>

If you, like me, struggle with the transition back into life as we know it, then you’re not alone my friend.

In year’s past I would envy people who seemed to be able to wake up after it all and just move on, right into the next thing.

I’m now convinced that these people are rare and either doing a fantastic job with their own self coaching or, most likely, battling the inner battle of not taking the time to process their emotions, pushing it all deep down only to erupt sometime in the future.

I can now easily see, after a day of allowing transition, not fighting it, and self coaching, the process doesn’t need to be such a mess.

Maybe there is freedom in just allowing the mess.

Ok, not just maybe, there is complete freedom in allowing it all.

Let me see if my past post Christmas scenario is anything like yours:

  • Weeks of buffering
  • Weeks of pretending I was all in on my goals
  • Weeks of ruminating over what was

If you find yourself overeating the stale holiday delights, ruminating over words said at the Christmas party, out spending the blues away, beating yourself up over indulgences that you shouldn’t have indulged in, then let me give you some hope.

It does not have to be this way.

You can believe that a better option is available for you.

Doing the work of self coaching, working through sticking points with your coach and allowing all of the emotions, both the positive and the negative, will allow you to move through all of the pain.

This work will clean up the mess.

It will replace the emptiness with all of the things that fill you up.

If you have a mixed bag of getting traction with the new you while still letting the ghost of Christmas past sit on your shoulder, I want to invite you to join me on the journey to your true you.

When you learn how to live the life you were created to live, you start to let go of the old habits that keep you stuck in the past.

You drop the dead weight holding you back and get to move into the life you only thought could be a dream.

Let me show you how to make that dream your real life this year because it’s 100% possible, all you have to do is decide to be all in on you.

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My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for people who want to discover their true self, discover the missing key, find their purpose and then start building a legacy from pure power. I have made it my mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability before your subconscious primitive mind tells you to run and hide.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this it and join my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

If you’d like to get more empowering emails delivered straight to you and never miss another post please get yourself signed up for my newsletter!

Other People Don’t Cause Your Pain

You are the cause of your pain.

Other people just do things that you have a thought about and that thought causes you pain.

You may think this is the worst news ever.

You are 100% wrong.

The truth is that when we start to learn how to let others be themselves and not allow it to hurt us, that’s when we start living our happiest life.

Let me share some pain creating thoughts you might have about other people in your life:

  • She should call me back, or text me back, when I call her, or text her.
  • He should tell me he loves me.
  • She should invite me to her party.
  • He should know what I want under the tree.
  • She should write me a thank you note.
  • He shouldn’t watch so much TV.
  • She shouldn’t be late.
  • He should provide emotional support.

We can give our power over to others by allowing their actions, or inactions, to create pain for us.

Typically the other person is completely unaware of the pain you are feeling.

You aren’t punishing them with your actions, you’re only punishing yourself.

When we expect others to act in a certain way to make us feel better it leaves us powerless.

It means other people have to act a certain way for us to feel happiness.

When we expect others to act a certain way, then we have what I call a manual for these people, you can go read this post to find out what a manual is.

I encourage you to explore why you want people to act differently.

I want to encourage you to not make your life about the way you believe you’re entitled to be treated.

I want to encourage you to only be entitled to taking care of your own emotional life and your own brain and to make sure that you’re thinking thoughts that serve you.

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My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for people who want to discover their true self, discover the missing key, find their purpose and then start building a legacy from pure power. I have made it my mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability before your subconscious primitive mind tells you to run and hide.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this it and join my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

If you’d like to get more empowering emails delivered straight to you and never miss another post please get yourself signed up for my newsletter!

Stop Binge Eating Forever

Until this year the promise to stop binge eating seemed like only a dream.

I started binge eating when I was 18 years old and it was one of the most painful struggles I have experienced, the battle between doing what I wanted to do, stop bingeing, and not doing what I wanted to do, stop bingeing.

It was something I hopelessly battled for over half of my life.

I truly thought that this was just who I was, something I would just have to “manage”.

The good news I want to share with you is that the work I did this past year has me in full confidence that I will NEVER again mindlessly eat huge quantities of food.

I first want to start with the difference between over eating (something else I struggled with) and binge eating.

Overeating:

  • Eating past the point of being full
  • Eating when you’re not hungry
  • Having “a taste” of something when you’re full

Bingeing:

  • Eating a whole pizza, or two, or the whole bag of cookies, chips and ice cream
  • Sneaking food and eating it in secret, then hiding the evidence
  • Buying and then eating food that you hadn’t planned on eating
  • Replacing food that you ate so no one would be on to you

These just may be some of my real life examples…

Over the years I “sort of” overcame the battle of purging, yes this was a huge part of my binge eating addiction, yet I still hadn’t overcome the bingeing.

I ended my post binge purging by coming to terms with the negative health effects of purging.

Then I handled the continuing bingeing with a different type of purging: calorie restriction and over exercise.

Then I found life coaching and applied it to my relationship with my self, which in of itself helped my eating addiction tremendously yet I was still catching myself over eating, mindlessly eating food I didn’t want to eat, hiding what I did eat. Still doing things I didn’t want to do around food.

Life coaching helped me:

  • Let my past be by re-writing it in a way that completely empowered me
  • Work with who I am right now without needing to dig into my past and try to figure out why I was doing what I was doing
  • Change who I had created myself to be into who I was created to be

Are you still with me?

I learned how to take off the veil I had been hiding behind.

I learned how to build a beautiful relationship with myself.

I learned how to feel my emotions.

I learned how to work on my mental health so I could show up in the world the way that makes me happy.

When we show up as ourselves and love ourselves fully, we no longer need to escape behind a pile of food or alcohol or any other false pleasures that this world so quickly offers us as a solution to our negative emotions.

This process of mine works.

Forever.

When you do this work you will end your addiction to food, alcohol, drugs, sex, spending, forever.

When your pain exceeds your desire to do what you don’t want to do, call me, I want to help you feel better.

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My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for people who want to discover their true self, discover the missing key, find their purpose and then start building a legacy from pure power. I have made it my mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability before your subconscious primitive mind tells you to run and hide.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this it and join myย mailing listย where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

If you’d like to get more empowering emails delivered straight to you and never miss another post please get yourself signed up for my newsletter!