Shame: What It Is, Why You Feel It And How To Set It Free

Let’s start out with what shame is.

I love my coach instructor Jody Moore’s definition of shame that she used in a recent coaching session:

It’s what we feel when we do something that is out of alignment with who we want to be.

This has been the best description of shame for me because it resonates with me and when I feel shame. For me, it truly does come from times when I’ve done things that were way out of line from who I wanted to be as a human in this world.

The reason we feel the shame:

Judgement.

We judge ourselves negatively for doing the thing that we really don’t want to do.

We think that if we beat ourselves up over what we did it will somehow make us change.

Kind of like thinking that yelling at our kids will make them change.

Thankfully, it doesn’t work like that.

Thankfully because once we become aware of this truth we discover that the solution is within us, not outside of us.

We start realizing that beating ourselves up is giving us the opposite of what we truly want.

What actually happens is we start to get used to the feeling that shame generates and then continue to create the feeling over and over. Our body gets used to the chemical response and will continue to create it every time we do something out of line with who we ultimately want to be.

Our brain likes to look for what’s wrong and you have trained it to continue to respond this way because you’ve done it enough times that it’s now a conditioned response.

Let’s look at some examples:

  • I ate what I told myself I wouldn’t eat:
    • learned responses:
      • “I’m never going to learn.”
      • “I’m stupid.”
      • “What is wrong with me?”
      • “Of course I did that, I wouldn’t expect anything better.”
  • I yelled at my child:
    • learned responses:
      • “I’m an awful mom.”
      • “I can’t control my emotions.”
      • “I’m ruining my children.”
  • I spent money I didn’t have:
    • learned responses:
      • “I don’t know how to manage my urges.”
      • “I’m irresponsible.”
      • “I’ll never have any money in the bank.”

How to set it free.

The path to setting shame free is multi-faceted but let’s take a look at how to start the journey.

  • The first step is to become aware of your negative self talk.

When we do something that is against the person we want to be just start to become curious about how you treat and talk to yourself. What do you say? Are you treating yourself with love and compassion? My guess is you are not.

  • Start journalling.

Write down what you did and all of the things you made what you did mean. Write down how those words make you feel. How that makes you show up for yourself.

  • Start generating new thoughts.

From the examples above they might look like:

    • I ate what I told myself I wouldn’t eat:
      • new responses:
        • “I’m open to the idea that I can figure this out.”
        • “It’s possible that I’m smart.”
        • “There isn’t anything wrong with me”
        • “I am becoming the person that expects the best from myself.”
    • I yelled at my child:
      • new responses:
        • “I am becoming the mom I want to be.”
        • “I am learning how to control my emotions.”
        • “My children are going to be amazing.”
    • I spent money I didn’t have:
      • new responses:
        • “Someday I will be able to allow my urges.”
        • “I might be wrong about the thought that I’m irresponsible.”
        • “I will be a person who has money in the bank.”

With time, as you begin to believe the new thoughts, you will be able to create stronger thoughts that will take you to the person who recognizes shame before she lets it in the door.

With time you will be able say hello to shame and kindly ask it to leave.

You can become the person that tells shame that it is no longer welcome because you have replaced shame with self love, self compassion, self confidence.

If you are someone who struggles with shame I would love an opportunity to share a conversation about whether my program is a fit for you. As you become more confident in the possibility of you and creating the life you know you were created to live I’d love to encourage you to slide into the fast lane of your life purpose.

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My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for strong, success driven women who want to discover their true self, discover the missing key, find their purpose and then start building a legacy from pure power. I have made it may mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability before your subconscious primitive mind tells you to run and hide.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this message and I highly encourage you to get on my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

Coaching VS Therapy And How To Choose What’s Best For You

When you have made the decision to be all in on you it’s important that you know the difference between therapy and life coaching. Most of us are familiar with what a therapist does, yet the majority of people still feel shame around the prospect of “seeking help”, they have this mistruth that if you seek guidance you are weak.

If this is the lie you are telling yourself then you are carrying around the wrong kind of pride and probably a bit of fear.

Let it go my friend, take control of your own destiny by learning how to smash the obstacles that you keep putting in the way of your best life.

When I finally set down my pride and decided I would no longer wanted to live a life of denial, I automatically turned to a therapist. I had been seeing a counselor with my husband, asked her for a referral and then started my journey.

It’s all I knew. It’s what most of us know.

But I want to spread light on what an impact a coach can do in the life of a highly functioning, successful person like yourself.

At about the same time that I picked up my courage to call a counselor, I stumbled across the Life Coach School and started absorbing their teachings.

Therapy was the catalyst that got me started on my journey to freedom from myself, yet it wasn’t truly propelling me forward.

Coaching propelled me into my future self.

After working with a life coach all I can say is, for me, I most likely will never go back to therapy, even for my marriage or family.

Let’s look at some specifics and differences.

Therapy

There are all sorts of therapy out there and I definitely believe there is good, solid reasons to utilize the different types based on a person’s specific needs. Please do your own research to determine which therapy may be appropriate for you and your specific conditions.

  • Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is the most like coaching because it focuses on a person’s thinking, behavior and problem solving.
  • Psychotherapy is usually long term therapy that focuses on the past and unconscious thinking that drives present behavior. This can be an effective form of therapy for true repressed memories but often too past focused to be effective for a high-functioning person to move forward.
  • Psychiatrists are able to prescribe and manage medications.
  • Psychologists focus on psychotherapy and treating emotional and mental suffering with behavioral intervention
  • Marriage and family therapists (MFTs) focus on the dynamics of marriage between both parties and the larger dynamic of family relationships.
  • Exposure therapy

This is not an all inclusive list so again, please do your own research. Therapy is a regulated industry which means they are licensed and take insurance.

Basically, therapists will help you recover from past trama, help you work through depression/anxiety when it is affecting your ability to function and help you through a divorce or loss of a loved one.

Life Coaching

Let me start off by comparing life coaching to what I did for the athletes I coached for 28 years with my company On Track Training. I would find out where the client was right when I met them, find out where they wanted to be and then take them on the path to getting there. I would ask questions about their history up to when we met to collect data, which helped me determine how we would create the path. I was the trained professional athlete they were looking for, I gave them enthusiastic support and guidance as well as giving them my objective perspective and insight.

That is exactly what I continue to do as a life coach but now with my client’s life. I am a trained professional who guides you into maximizing your potential and attain your desired results.

I talk to my client about where they are now, then find out where they want to be and then lead them along the path between here and there.

I specifically work with my clients to help them create the life they know they were destined to live. I help them figure out what that looks like and then guide them along the way to making it reality.

I am an expert at transforming women’s lives.

Life coaches do not diagnose, they will simply identify and describe current problematic behaviors and help the client work on modifying them.

Life coaches take their clients to the highest levels of performance and life.

We are experts at producing the highest level of positive change in their client’s life.

We focus on the present and future while advancing the client’s potential.

People that hire a life coach are already knocking life out of the park, they are already successful but they want to succeed at a higher level and faster.

We help you create the future of your dreams, now.

I love how my coach, Brooke Castillo, states that coaching essentially assumes that the client is okay and is full of potential, whereas therapy assumes the client is “sick” or “dysfunctional” and seeks to heal them so they function “normally”.

Once you feel confident, are able to set down your pride and let go of the denial that you can do it on your own, I’d love to talk to you about whether a life coach is a fit for you.

Hiring a life coach does not mean you aren’t good enough to do it on your own, it means you’re wise enough to seek the guidance that will blow up your true potential.

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My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for strong, success driven women who want to discover their true self, discover the missing key, find their purpose and then start building a legacy from pure power. I have made it may mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability before your subconscious primitive mind tells you to run and hide.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this message and I highly encourage you to get on my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

Pride, Women, My Mission And How They All Tie Together

As I was doing some coaching work on my past eating addiction the idea for this post was born. I was doing the work of looking at an event, this was one long event, from the past and re-writing my story about it. This practice allows you to take a negative story from your past and release it by telling the story in a way that empowers you.

If you haven’t done this work, let me tell you, it is life changing.

While doing this work my brain exploded a bit around pride, so let’s just talk about what pride is and how you can use it for or against, not only yourself, but others.

Let’s start with just two different types of pride, positive and negative pride, and then dig into how they not only affect you but others.

Positive pride.

Positive pride is when we have confidence in ourselves, self respect. When we are proud of our achievements and the achievements of others.

I also had a bit of brain explosion as I went deeper into my reflection when I realized that the opposite of positive pride is to be ashamed of yourself or someone else.

Let me tell you a truth right now, if someone else is ashamed of you that means absolutely NOTHING about you and your worth. You are fully worthy, no matter what anyone else says or does to you.

Negative pride.

Negative pride is when we have a false sense of superiority over others. It comes from a place of conceit and arrogance.

Note the word false.

This ultimately comes from lack of self confidence and self respect because we are insecure in ourselves. We are afraid of exposing ourself because of what others might think.

This kind of pride will keep us from seeking out help for ourself, or even our close loved ones. It makes us think about what others will think, keeping us from doing what is right for ourselves or for others who might need our support.

How can this affect others?

If you are asking this question then congratulations, you have been not just reading my content but doing the work of applying it.

Most people would believe that if we are proud or neglectful of others that it would affect them by causing them to either feel good or bad. If you have been reading my content you know that another person cannot make us feel a certain way, it is our own thoughts that create our own feelings, actions and results.

Here is where my mind exploded a bit.

As parents we have a responsibility of raising the next generation. As parents we come into this role with all sorts of our own hurts, habits and hang-ups which will influence how our little ones will start to make decisions for themselves.

This is why I am so on mission to help as many women as I can end their life of insecurity, worthlessness and self loathing.

When a woman gets out of her own way, starts loving herself, starts honoring herself, starts becoming proud of who she is and what she does, she passes that on to the next generation.

My true passion is children and ingraining in their developing brains that they are fully lovable, no matter what they do. My way of being able to do that right now is through the women who are influencing these beautiful minds.

If you change who you are today into the woman of possibility, what an impact you will have on the world.

This is why I do what I do.

Let’s change the world, one brain at a time.

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My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for strong, success driven women who want to discover their true self, discover the missing key, find their purpose and then start building a legacy from pure power. I have made it may mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability before your subconscious primitive mind tells you to run and hide.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this message and I highly encourage you to get on my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

One Difference Between Those Who Achieve Their Goals & Those Who Don’t

I am starting to see a pattern in my clients and the success that they achieve, or that they don’t achieve.

Their level of success started with their belief of whether they could succeed or not.

Bottom line factor is their level of belief in their ability to achieve the desired result, starting from the very start of the program.

It’s super interesting because looking back from my new perspective as a life coach, allows me to go back into 30 years of client case studies.

Those who achieved massive results were not the ones who were genetically gifted.

The ones who achieved massive results believed that they would.

They were solid in both their belief of themselves and my program.

They were able to take the mind management tools and implement them to deepen their belief.

They were able to visualize themselves as the person they wanted to be at the end of the program.

They believed so hard that they were already putting into action that person from the future, thinking with her evolved brain.

I can even see this in my own work.

There were many obstacles where I couldn’t see myself on the other side.

You know what’s funny? I never made it to the other side of those obstacles.

Every obstacle where I could see myself on the other side, before it happened, where I believed with my heart that I could achieve success to get to the other side, where I was living as that future person,  those are the times I made to the other side.

I laid out the strategies to overcoming the obstacle and I followed through with completing those strategies and coming up with new plans if I hit failure.

Read that again.

When I hit failure, I re-assessed, came up with a different plan and kept moving forward.

Because I believed.

People who believe don’t give up.

People who believe look at the facts and come up with another route.

This my friends is what I want to leave you with.

Achieving success means that you will fall down and need to pick yourself up. Possibly start over, but with a whole new set of tools and beliefs.

So I want to ask you:

Are you comfortable living with your old results?

Would you be more comfortable living with the results of your dreams?

Me too.

We have two options:

Live in the comfort of your past life or live in the discomfort of getting to your new life.

If you do the latter then you will continue to evolve your comfort into something greater than your past comfort.

Doing what you’ve always done is fine for some people, totally cool, but if you’re wishing for something different, then you have to go make it happen.

Hello discomfort. I love getting comfortable with getting uncomfortable.

Last question I have for you:

What would your future self, the one who has already overcome that next obstacle, say to you while you stand in front of that barrier?

I love learning how to live today as though I’ve already achieved my next impossible goal.

I love talking to my future self and asking her what she would do.

I love it when she points out my old thinking and reminds me that I’ll never become her unless I believe hard in something bigger than defeat.

If you are struggling to achieve your next dream or maybe you don’t even know what that dream is. Maybe you’re just being comfortable doing the same old, same old, but you know when you talk honest talk with yourself that you want more for your life.

If that’s you then I’d love to have a conversation with you to determine whether you want to work with me to help you figure this out. I’d love to help you unlock the door to your future, that door that you maybe even haven’t found yet.

When you find the belief that you can do this then send me an email, before your belief runs to the corner and hides. Like it always does.

This time is going to be different!

P.S. This, by the way, is what I do for you. I help you assess what is happening for you, what struggles you are bumping up against. Kind of like opening up your brain and showing it to you. It is the best thing ever, in my humble opinion!

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My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for strong, success driven women who want to discover their true self, discover the missing key, find their purpose and then start building a legacy from pure power. I have made it may mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability before your subconscious primitive mind tells you to run and hide.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this message and I highly encourage you to get on my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

Ending Your Time Management Battle FOREVER

Let me guess.

You are too busy to get all of the things done that you tell yourself you need to do.

You have a list of things you want to do, and while you do succeed with crossing some of the things off, it seems like the things you add are winning at the task management game.

No matter what shiny new system you implement it always seems to end the same way: too many things and too little time.

I was the queen of the lists, often starting a new list every day during my quiet time so that eventually I had a list pile. That was fun.

My guess is that if you’re reading this post that you too struggle with getting all of the things done and this post could be just another one of those posts you read but don’t fully implement.

If you are reading this post and choose not to just read it, but actually take the massive action of implementing these tips and dedicate yourself to the work it will take to make them succeed, it will do more in your life than get you doing all of the things.

If you choose to take the massive action of honoring your commitment to yourself it will literally change your life completely.

The tips I am going to share with you are just a few of the key things that I did to finally end my time management battle.

I finally have gotten myself through the most difficult steps of the system, managing my mind drama through the process, and am now fine tuning. This will be an ever evolving process where, as my mind becomes more clean, more powerful, I will start achieving more and more of what I want to accomplish while being able to take more and more time for myself.

I can’t keep this to myself so let me show you my best tricks.

Once a week, I suggest Monday morning, take an hour and do a complete to do download.

I use the same notebook strictly dedicated to this task though you could do it in any journal/notebook, even your bullet journal, or scrape paper. I write down all of the things I want to get done, both personal and business.

Then ask yourself these questions:

  • What do you want to do?
  • What do you have to do?
  • What do you need to do?
  • What do I wish I would do?
  • What are the consequences of not doing each task?

Then say out loud “I don’t have to do any of this.”, because it’s true. You do not have to do any of it.

Then cross off anything you choose not to do.

Decide what tasks you might be able to delegate.

Then prioritize the remaining list in terms of when it needs to get done.

Break each task down by the obstacles you will encounter in finishing this task and the strategies to completing the obstacles. These strategies are the steps to completing your task. Decide how long each will take and then schedule it on your calendar.

Always schedule your personal time first and then fill in the rest.

Once you do this then you throw your to do list away and start working on managing your mind around what you told yourself to do.

Let me just help you out a moment with my best piece of advice. This is NOT something you’re going to do once and magically you’re organized and getting everything done.

This is just the first step because then what will happen is mind drama will come up. Don’t forget that your old self is still the one in control of you and your mind. Your old self tells you that you should go do something more appealing than what is up on your calendar. Your old brain neurological pathways are going to tell you that you can’t do this, that it will never work.

This is where the coaching comes in.

This is where learning how to use The Thought Model will start you on the road to success.

Trust me, if this can work for me, it will work for you, the first step is believing. Hard.

The next step is to start learning how to trust yourself.

If you struggle, like I did, with being down in the dumps about all of the things you’re never able to get around to then I would love to share a free, no obligation, coaching call with you. In this session we will talk about what your biggest struggle in life is right now, what it is that keeps you from living a completely fulfilled day, every day. You don’t have to do anything but set down your fear of judgement, I will walk you through and put you at ease. It’s fun, just send me an email with some days and times that are convenient for you and I promise to make one of them work.

I can’t wait.

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My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for strong, success driven women who want to discover their true self, discover the missing key, find their purpose and then start building a legacy from pure power. I have made it may mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability before your subconscious primitive mind tells you to run and hide.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this message and I highly encourage you to get on my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

Rewriting Your Past Story And How It Will Light Up Your Future Story

We all have our stories to tell.

Most of our stories are about our past.

Childhood • middle age • teenage • young adult • adult • first marriage • last boyfriend • first job • this job • last year • last week • yesterday • this morning.

We’re not telling stories of the abundance we will be creating in the future.

Most of our stories are about what went wrong in our past lives.

Our brains are always on the search for what is wrong, it’s always wanting to protect us, keep us from danger. That’s it’s job.

This is great for when we might be in some sort of danger, which is rare in our modern world, but it’s not great when it pertains to our past.

For many of us our past life story is full of regret, resentment and blame. We are completely unaware of how damaging this is to our future life story.

For many of us our past life story is full of beauty, uniqueness, perfection.

We aren’t seeing it.

For me this was very much the case, I spent most of my time really thinking backwards. I was often dwelling on what happened yesterday and though, while I was also looking forward I was looking back to determine how to move forward.

Yes, I was living a life of abundance, goodness, beautiful richness yet I wasn’t actually living it.

I was using my past to determine how to create my future.

If we are only seeing what went wrong in our past it won’t allow us to truly see the full potential of what is available in our future.

Each and every time we tell that story of how we were taken advantage of, of how we were wronged, of how we made poor choices, it reinforces that neurological pathway of negativity, of failure. Every time we relive the hurt it keeps us living in that pool of negative emotion, dragging us down, deepening the pain.

The opposite of what we want happens. We desperately want the story to change but by reliving it we just keep bringing it closer, allowing it to continue to beat us up. Allowing it to continue to tell us how unworthy we truly are.

Let me tell you something that is going to change your life forever if you choose to believe it.

You can change your story. Forever.

Your past is behind you and it happened perfectly.

I know this because it happened.

You could attempt to just forget your past life story but I want to warn you to be very careful if you choose to take this route. Be very careful that you are allowing the story to just be and not trying to burying it, resist it, only for it to re-surface with a mean, ugly vengeance.

This is what I had tried to do. I used all sorts of buffering activities to do this. You know what happened? I just hurt myself more and my story just kept coming back.

You know why the story kept coming back? Because I kept bringing it back. Truth is that every time I brought the past into my present by telling the story, it hurt more than the original story. Some of my stories I remember not even hurting me at the time. Stories where I didn’t truly realize what was happening, too young to even understand. It’s when I retold the story, from a place of judgement, that the story truly started to hurt.

The best thing I’ve done, and the best thing you can do for yourself, is to re-write the story so that it makes you the hero.

What amazing things have happened because you survived powerfully through that story?

What amazing things have you accomplished because you won in that story?

How has that story made you better equipped to handle your current life story?

How can you look at the people in your story from their lens, from their hurts, from their past life story?

When we’re able to re-write our past as the hero, not the victim, it allows us to set it free.

When we’re able to see how perfectly our past truly was, what opportunities it brings us, we are able to see ourselves as who we were perfectly created to be and perfectly shaped to be.

Today we get to step into the future of opportunity, not a future held back by the weight of our past.

When we see how much our past has molded us into a beautiful instrument of intricacies with the potential to create an impact beyond our dreams.

That’s when life begins brand new.

If you’re living a life of regret and resentment, unable to set it free. If you find yourself unable to let go of the power someone from your past is having in your life today then I want you to know that there is hope. You can re-write your past. Your story is beautiful, tell it the way that will move you into the life you were perfectly designed to live.

You can’t build your legacy while holding on tight to your past life story.

My mission is to show you how to become the hero of your story. Let’s start the editing today.

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My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for strong, success driven women who want to discover their true self, discover the missing key, find their purpose and then start building a legacy from pure power. I have made it may mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability before your subconscious primitive mind tells you to run and hide.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this message and I highly encourage you to get on my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

Steps To Walk Through Your Depression

I’m going to start this off stating that depression is a serious thing. The “tackling depression” tactics that I am going to talk about today can be applied to any type of depression, yet there are individual cases where depression is truly dark. 


I’m talking dark, as in no light. 


You yourself will want to take the steps to be able to recognize what your depression looks like for you. You may want to seek the guidance of a medical professional who can help you sort through a possible need for a medication program to help you sort through your journey. 


Yet, even if your journey is truly that dark, I want you to know that there absolutely is hope. There is beautiful light on the other side of the valley you are currently walking through. 


I promise this. 


Just waiting for it to end could be a way of processing but seeking guidance out of love and compassion for yourself is the shortest path through to the other side. 

It is the most beautiful path as well.


When we work through whatever is bringing us down we always discover something new about ourselves.

When we just wait for it to pass, just keep trudging on, in my experience, there isn’t much discovery in the process.

This week has been one of those weeks for me. 


It actually feels foreign. 


This thought alone gives me relief. Depression was a way of life for me in the past, I used to drag it around like a heavy sled. I know, who knew, I truly was the masquerade master.

Experiencing it now is actually opening up for me the reality that I have cut loose so many ties to that sled. 


My norm now is freedom, so thank you depression for opening up my eyes to this truth.


How I am handling the depression is also different. Let me share how.

Become curious about what is happening for you.

For me the art of being curious about why this is actually occurring in my body is an interesting process. The old me would have ignored it, pushed it into the corner and put something fancy and falsely beautiful in front of it, hello facade. 


This week I have been holding it in my hands, being kind and compassionate towards it, allowing it to express itself yet not prohibit me from moving forward with my days. 

This in of itself feels so much better. More expansive. Less tight and uncomfortable. The knowledge not that I never will experience depression again, but that I now have the tools to process it. To use it as information for what is happening for me in the moment.

Use The Model to help you see what is happening for you.

This tool helps you with the awareness I shared above. It helps you to see what might be happening for you. It helps you to sort through the messiness your brain is presenting to you. It helps you to see some truth and allow you to move forward while accepting that this is a part of your current journey.

The model is also a tool that will help you see the result you are getting with whatever thoughts your brain is giving to you, this then gives you the option of choosing a different thought. A different thought will get you a different result.

Listen up.

This is not about faking it by ignoring what is happening for you. This is about choosing thoughts that will work for you.

Let me share an example by sharing a bit of my thought downloads from the week.

“This stinks. My life is miserable. I don’t have time for this. I can’t do this. I’ll never get this done. I should just give this up. I should just stay in bed. Maybe I’ll just take the day off. I am strong. I can handle anything. This is perfect. This is happening. This won’t beat me. Hello brain, I see what you’re doing. This is happening and I don’t like it. Maybe I need more caffeine. I should go take a nap. Of course this is happening.”

If I were to stay with the thought that “I can’t do this” it would make me feel defeated causing me to complain, ruminate, feel sorry for myself, beat myself up, etc, creating a result of not getting anything done. Perfect evidence for the thought “I can’t do this.”

Instead I chose the thought “I can handle anything”, this makes me feel strong, this propels me forward to do my tasks and honor my commitments, to hold my funk in a place of compassion and curiosity but not let it control me, love myself and share my journey instead of hide or fake it, be curious about what is happening, the result I get from this new thought is I completely handle my commitments and my funk.

Lastly.

Share your journey with a friend.

Sharing it helps to heal it. Sometimes a friend doesn’t feel right and sometimes it just might be wrong. That’s where I come in. I’m the friend that cares and does more than just listen and then give you unsolicited advice. I listen. I show you your brain. I show you how to hold it in a place of compassion. I show you how to allow the discomfort without allowing it to consume you.

I help you walk through until you’re ready to set it free.

This my friends is beautiful.

This my friends is not faking it.

This allows you to travel through your experiences, negative and positive, from a place of curiosity, learning and growing along the way.

Friend, if you are in a dark season and want to know more about how to move through it from a place of compassion for yourself, I’d love to walk through with you. This doesn’t need to be an awful experience. Use it to grow, learn and love yourself.

I’m over here waiting for you.

My mission is you. Helping you become your true you. Let’s go!

I’m just an email away.

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My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for strong, success driven women who want to discover their true self, discover the missing key, find their purpose and then start building a legacy from pure power. I have made it may mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability before your subconscious primitive mind tells you to run and hide.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this message and I highly encourage you to get on my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

Why Avoiding Conflict Creates More Conflict & How To Get Good At Resolution

Conflict is a struggle, or opposition, of ideas or interests.

The conflict may just be within yourself or it may be with one or many other persons.

It’s possible that you are the only one aware of the conflict because you are avoiding bringing it out in the open. Maybe you are agreeing, apologizing or even accommodating the person you are in opposition to.

It’s possible you were never taught how to deal with conflict effectively. This can be true if you watched parents scream and yell at each other, never coming to resolution verses watching them sit down and discuss the struggle out loud and openly. Even the opposite can be true with one parent avoiding conflict by never addressing their struggles therefore again, never allowing you to witness healthy conflict resolution.

Healthy conflict resolution is something that is important for us to develop so that we can start cultivating more strong, trusting relationships with everyone in our life.

Here is how avoiding conflict can create more conflict:

  • You resisting what is going on by avoiding and not processing
  • You build up negative emotion
  • You don’t figure out how to clean up your thoughts

When we take the time to look at what is happening for us with any struggles or opposition we are having with someone it is healthy for us to do a few things:

Take a look at our thoughts, what is going on in our brain, by doing a thought download.

Look at how these thoughts are making us feel and then how these feelings are making us show up.

This will show us the result we are getting.

At this point we can decide whether we are wanting to change our thoughts so that we get a result that we want or not.

Possibly we do want to change our thoughts to get a result that we like, yet it’s also possible that we will want to talk to the other party and discuss what is going on for us.

The one thing you must always remember is no one else is in charge of your happiness, so the objective is not to control them by telling them how they need to act to make you feel good. 

That is your job.

Still, you may want to clarify what is happening for you.

Let me give you an example.

Let’s say you have a husband, I may or may not know of one, who has committed to dog sitting a puppy during time, two days to be exact, when you, that would be me, will be at home working and husband will be away from the home working.

I could get angry and just let it happen, maybe take it out a bit on said husband.

I could do a thought download and decide how I want to handle the situation out of love for myself.

Then make a decision as to what I’m going to do and be all in and in love with my choice

The latter is what I have chosen to do. The old me would have taken it out on husband from the time it was announced until who knows when.

With choosing the way I did, making the choice to think I am going to enjoy this little puppy, which makes me feel helpful, which allows me to take the action of planning my days so it works for me, loving the puppy, ask husband to clarify story of how this came about so that I fully understand scenario, ask husband to, in the future, please check with me before volunteering my time but also recognize that he may not follow through, decide how I will deal with the situation if it arises again.

If you are a conflict avoider like I used to be and would like to discover how to start feeling better about how you deal with the struggles that life will always present to you, then I would love to offer a free mini-session to help you feel some freedom. All you have to do is grab on to some courage and send me an email, the feeling of fear will vanish once you hit the send button.

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My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for strong, success driven women who want to discover their true self, discover the missing key, find their purpose and then start building a legacy from pure power. I have made it may mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability before your subconscious primitive mind tells you to run and hide.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this message and I highly encourage you to get on my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

Why You’re Feeling Like A Fraud

Imposter Syndrome, let’s start with a good old Google definition.

The persistent inability to believe that one’s success is deserved or has been legitimately achieved as a result of one’s own efforts or skills.

Friends, listen up.

It does not matter what you do to create value in this world: full time (part time) moms, entrepreneurs, corporate partner, CEO, baristas, bank manager, doctor, nurse, police officer, fire fighter, teacher, professor, artist, yoga instructor, athlete, keynote speakers; anyone can experience imposter syndrome.

Let me share a story with you and get super vulnerable, again.

I launched On Track Training, which morphed into Team On Track, a highly successful coaching and sporting event promotion business, thirty years ago. Before people even knew what personal training was.

I spent most of those thirty years embarrassed of what I did. I told the story of how I was so much smarter than that. How went to school for Chemical Engineering then went into the School of Journalism and got a Graphic Design certificate, worked as a Graphic Designer before stepping into this role as an expert at transforming people’s lives. I was smart.

I still totally thought I was a fraud.

After all of the work I have done these past two years I shake my head at all of this because I know how much of a lie it was.

Thirty years!

I share that with you because those of you who know me from that business would never even guess that I felt this way.

Of course you wouldn’t, I had the outer facade game down!

I knew how to play the role of looking like I knew what I was doing.

Of course, now I know that I knew what I was doing, I knew well, I just didn’t have the self confidence needed to believe it.

In a nutshell imposter syndrome comes from us thinking that we’re just not enough, that soon someone is going to figure it out and call us out on it.

Probably even fire us, put us out on the street, unemployed, ruined and broke

It’s ok because there is a solution.

Once you build up your self worth.

Once you build up your self confidence.

Once you learn how to start loving yourself.

Once you start being willing to let people be wrong about you.

Once you stop rejecting yourself.

Once you become unwilling to reject yourself because of others who may reject you.

Once you step on this journey to discovering the true you and start stepping fully into that, the imposter syndrome slowly fades away into the distance.

Oh, your brain will want to remind you that you’re not good enough but you can’t blame it. You’ve spent your whole life conditioning it to believe this lie. No fear though, once you’ve done this work you will recognize the lie.

You will know how to love your brain for reminding you and then gently be able to tell it that it is wrong.

That you are no longer that person.

You are no longer going to allow yourself to listen to that lie.

The other thing I will tell you, you can put this all into The Thought Model, that the thought that you are an imposter is just that.

A thought.

Not a circumstance.

When you think that you’re an imposter it will generate a feeling of something like incompetence which is going to make you show up less than you truly are capable of showing up giving you the result of acting like an imposter.

It’s way better to just believe that you are completely qualified for what you are doing and feel confident. This will make you show up knocking it out of the park which creates the result of doing quality work.

If you are getting tired of fighting yourself. If you are tired of getting in your own way. If a solution to this problem sounds like hitting the lottery but better, then I would love to talk to you about my Awaken (The True) You program.

My program will take you from not fully being on board with yourself to being your best asset.

The impact this will have in your life is to give you the freedom you have been desperately yearning for.

You can book your free consult here or send me an email with some days and times that work for you, I’ll make one of them happen.

You can also get more help by getting my newsletter directly in your inbox, sign up today so you can start feeling better today.

 

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My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for strong, success driven women who want to discover their true self, discover the missing key, find their purpose and then start building a legacy from pure power. I have made it may mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability before your subconscious primitive mind tells you to run and hide.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this message and I highly encourage you to get on my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

 

Four Reasons Why You Aren’t Doing What You Want To Do

The old me would have told you that I just don’t get to do all of the things I want to do because I just didn’t have the time.

“I mean really, do you know what it’s like to own and run your own successful business?!?”

Funny thing is that after thirty years of running my own successful business and now launching a shiny, brand new version of that business, I totally DO get to do all of the things I want to do.

What’s different?

Well, it certainly isn’t because there are less things to do in this business. Yes, it is less multi-faceted, for right now, but I also don’t have a full time employee plus a handful of part-timers. It’s all me.

I am what is different.

Over the past two years I have been doing the work of changing my life around because I decided two years ago that I wanted my life to be different. I was tired of being happy but yet at the same time, being completely unhappy. I desperately knew something had to change or I would be living the rest of my life in misery and that my friends, sounded miserable.

The reason we don’t do what we want to do is because we are creating way too much drama in our life around all of the things.

So what is the reason we don’t do what we want to do? Well, here are just a few:

We are creating way too much drama in our life around all of the things.

  • We can’t stand ourselves
  • There isn’t enough time
  • There are too many things I HAVE to do
  • The kids…
  • The job…
  • We don’t have enough money

Once we learn how to manage our minds, magically all of the drama starts to disappear.

We don’t trust ourselves.

We tell ourselves, every day, how we’re going to do all of the things. We come up with these crazy plans to do them all and then at the end of the day, when most of them aren’t done, we beat ourselves up because we can’t figure this out.

We tell ourselves what a failure we are.

We think about all of the people who do have their drama tied up and packaged neatly with a bow and then start all over the next day.

This cycle of letting ourselves down over and over is like that friend that never shows up to the party. You don’t trust her to show up yet you still invite her.

This leads to the last reason.

We don’t know how to make a decision ahead of time and then follow through.

We haven’t learned how to just make a decision and move forward. We pride ourselves in “doing the research”, coming up with the laundry list of why it won’t work and then why it will. We pride ourselves in “doing the research”. So much so that we never even make a decision or by the time we do the opportunity is over or we just plain spent a whole lot of time and energy that could have been spent moving forward from a decision made earlier.

We are afraid to make a decision.

What I have learned is that making a quick decision feels completely amazing. It clears up my mind and allows me to start moving forward with all of my things. It’s possible I will discover it was the wrong decision. Totally cool, now I can move forward in a new direction, nothing lost and everything gained.

We want to do it perfectly.

Perfectionism is such a lie.

If you have been priding yourself on being a perfectionist, please stop.

Perfectionism is the reason we don’t move forward, it’s why people procrastinate.

Fear of not doing something perfectly.

I actually used to feel bad when I thought “who cares, at least it’s done”, I actually got pulled into perfectionism by thinking I wasn’t as good as those who claimed to be. Can you see how poor my self image and self trust was? This is so crazy to me now!

The book that totally released me from the perfectionism procrastination was Dan Sullivan’s “The 80% Approach”. Dan helped me to realize that I was putting my tasks off until the last minute and then truly only doing 80% work. Now I schedule the work, do it when I decided to do it and give it my 80%. Awesome. It propels me forward and allows me to schedule shorter future times in my schedule to do another 80% a few times over.

Now that’s pretty close to perfection, the easy way!

I actually could have WAY more than four reasons but for the sake of time I stopped here. My freedom program addresses them all!

If you are like I was and have a long list of things you want to do in this life but you’re not getting any of them done, then I would love to have a conversation with you. Let me share how I am helping other amazing high performers like yourself truly discover themselves and confidently step into living it out. Send me an email or go schedule your free session today. Let’s get this party started already!

Until we talk I send out a newsletter every week to help you do the work of feeling better in this life you’re living, go opt in today so you don’t miss a thing!

 

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My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for strong, success driven women who want to discover their true self, discover the missing key, find their purpose and then start building a legacy from pure power. I have made it may mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability before your subconscious primitive mind tells you to run and hide.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this message and I highly encourage you to get on my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.