Four Ways To Tell If You’re A People Pleaser & Steps To Stop

I was the biggest people pleaser out there, doing things for other people. I thought I could make other people happy. I thought I could make other people like me by saying yes to them.

One of my problems is I also love to get involved in all sorts of things but this used to come at the expense of the things I valued the most.

Constraint has helped me a whole lot in this area. Now when I’m asked if I want to do something instead of jumping all over it because it sounds like so much fun, I take a moment to think about my time and what I’m really focusing on at the moment.

Let’s look at some ways to tell if you’re a people pleaser and then let’s look at ways to start being a you pleaser.

You say yes because it sounds like an amazing opportunity but you are in dread when you think about it.

There is a possible mixed bag of things going on here and it’s important for you to unpack it.

First I’d like to encourage you to work on your decision skills. As a people pleaser you may want to tell the asker that you’ll get back to them so that you have some time to truly decide what you want to say. Then give them a time deadline of when you’ll get back to them and honor that deadline. Please make sure that you are all in with your decision, love your reasons either way.

Once you love your reasons continue to remind yourself of those reasons. As the event approaches and you’re finding yourself regretting your choice remember your all in decision and be all in. If it was a no and you’re finding yourself regretting not attending then again remind yourself of your all in decision to say no, love it and be all in on whatever else it is you chose to do in that time.

If your answer is no, really start working on just saying no without excuses. It’s completely ok to say that you’re not able to help out, if it’s just for this time and you want to be considered for the future then say that, but ONLY if you mean it.

You offer to do things for people that you really don’t want to do.

This was a problem for me in my marriage because I did things to get love in return for what I did. What happens here is that of course, people can’t make you feel love, that comes from within yourself. Eventually what happens is we start to resent the other person because they’re expecting you to keep doing what you always did. You now stop doing what you always did and the other person is completely confused, with you having the result of resenting yourself.

Make sure your offer is coming from a place of love from within yourself, not for the reaction of the other person. When you do this you get the result of creating love for yourself because you’re doing what you really want to do.

Stop and ask yourself before you decide to do something for someone if you are doing it from a place of love for yourself, with absolutely NO expectations from the other person. This is not people pleasing, this is self love.

You have a difficult time ending a conversation or leaving a party.

I am waving my hand high here because this had ALWAYS been a problem for me! What would happen is I would stay on the phone longer than I wanted, get resentful and then I’d end abruptly. Same at parties, as a matter of fact sometimes I would even ditch without saying goodbye. This my friends is all about people pleasing by completely attempting to control what people think of you.

My suggestion for stepping out of this one is to be super intentional. Make a phone call to someone, decide how long you’ll talk and then honor yourself with your decision. If you stay on the phone longer decide to do it out of love for yourself, maybe you’re really enjoying the conversation and want to stay on. Again: love your choice.

At parties visualize telling the host goodbye and just do it. Be uncomfortable. Thank them for inviting you and let them know what a great time you had. They may be sad that you’re leaving, it’s ok, staying won’t make them happy, it will be their thoughts that will make them happy. Again, if you choose to stay later, love your reasons and don’t go into resentment, fully love yourself along with the reasons you choose to stay.

You guys, I love all of this and helping all of you see how your actions may not truly be coming from a place of true love in yourself but from trying to find love outside of yourself. This just doesn’t feel good, it always leaves us feeling empty.

Honoring ourselves and following through with what we say we’re going to do builds trust and love in ourselves and truly sets us free to love others unconditionally. This is true freedom my friends.

If you want to work on your journey to self freedom on a level that creates massive change in your life then let’s find time to talk. God has created the perfect path in my life to understand everything you are going through in your struggles. I want you to know it’s ok, your life can start brand new today and I can’t wait to watch you fly free.

Book your free consult session here or send me an email with some days and times that will work for you. Once you start you will never turn back.

 

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My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for strong, success driven women who want to discover their true self, discover the missing key, find their purpose and then start building a legacy from pure power. I have made it may mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability before your subconscious primitive mind tells you to run and hide.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this message and I highly encourage you to get on my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

4 Signs You’re Hiding Behind Your Introvert Mask

Let me start with the disclaimer that I too am an introvert. At some point in my life the simple explanation of an introvert being someone who gets energized when alone and an extrovert getting energized when they are with people, clicked for me. It explained something about me that I truly didn’t understand, why I always wanted to be alone, funny how when we hear something that seems to work for us we adopt it with power.

I wonder if you use this label to escape, to avoid things that seem uncomfortable, things that bring up a bit of fear.

I used to.

Then in 2017, the year I stopped training athletes, as I was exploring my next step I started reaching out to people in my large circle and connecting with them.

In 2018 I partnered with a company that was another catalyst to getting to know even more people in my circle.

You see I had this huge network of people that came with my thirty year business of training athletes, being a NPC/IFBB representative, professional athlete and sporting event promoter, yet during the first 25 years I did little outside networking. Meaning I rarely went up to people, introduced myself and asked them questions. When people came up to me I was great at listening and prompting them to talk, part of the reason my business was hugely successful, yet there was fear and discomfort around meeting new people.

I blamed this on being an introvert.

Lie.

Truth: I was I didn’t have the self confidence to break through my fear, I was afraid of judgment.

During the two years, 2017-2018, of transitioning into my next endeavor I learned so much about people I knew, and people who knew me, because I reached out and asked to connect.

Getting to know others is amazing!

I hear you gagging in the background but I’m curious if you secretly want to meet more people than you admit to.

Trust me, I still LOVE my away time, my time to reflect, dig deep, come up with new amazing thoughts, talk to God but meeting new people actually kind of gets me revved up!

Honest talk here: I do still need to do thought work and train my brain when I go to networking/social events because I do tend to want to hide in the corner, but I know it doesn’t give me the result I want. I know I don’t want to leave not having met someone new and fascinating, so I plan my ice breakers and I just enjoy the discomfort. I know my discomfort puts other people at ease knowing that they too probably are feeling awkward themselves, you know me – always helping others to feel comfortable, plus I know it builds up my self confidence to do things I fear.

Here are the signs that you might want to start working on your self confidence instead of hiding behind the mask of an introvert:

You want more friends and want to be invited along but you’re an introvert so you’ll skip, especially if there will be more than two of you!

Of course, if there’s more than just you and that someone else then you are able to hide a bit more but then there is also the fact that they will ignore you. Pay attention next time, is the reason you’re “ignored” because you are the only one not contributing? Possibly you are the only one judging yourself, and maybe everyone else? Things like:

“They have so much more to contribute.”

“I don’t know anything about what they’re talking about.”

You don’t talk to people you don’t know because you’re an introvert.

I’ve even heard the opposite: he talks to everyone, he’s such an extrovert.

Actually, I love talking to other people, people I do and don’t know. It actually makes them feel good, all it takes is asking how they’re doing, talking about their job, their life – people love to share and they light up when you show interest.

These are also the best conversations because they typically don’t go very deep but that barista that makes you coffee every morning? Say hi next time, ask them how they’re doing, ask them what else they might do – it’s amazing how people open up!

You long for deeper connection with your mate but, you know, you need your quiet time.

My guess is that not only are you an introvert but you don’t know how to move forward and truly connect in your now so so relationship. Fearing being vulnerable you just shrink back into yourself and just hope for the best.

Let me give you some advice, the best will never come if you don’t start working on the why behind not wanting to invest the time into your relationship.

You want something different in your life, maybe a mate to actually connect with, but it’s so much work for an introvert.

All of these signs are not signs that you’re an introvert, they’re signs that you don’t trust yourself enough to just be you. You’re attached to the outcome.

Your self confidence is weak, possibly non-existant, so when you do go out to socialize you come home completely exhausted because you are playing the part of the people pleaser. You are not just being yourself, you are trying to fit in and make people like you, this is so much work, I did this most of my life, no wonder I hid behind the introvert mask.

Now I am proud to be an introvert who loves meeting other people and just being me.

When you’re all in on you it doesn’t matter if you’re an introvert or an extrovert. You’ll fully enjoy your quiet time without guilt and you’ll fully enjoy your social time without exhaustion.

 

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My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for strong, success driven women who want to discover their true self, discover the missing key, find their purpose and then start building a legacy from pure power. I have made it may mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability before your subconscious primitive mind tells you to run and hide.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this message and I highly encourage you to get on my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

Why Someone Else Isn’t Causing Your Feelings

It’s what I used to think.

I used to get so mad when people didn’t act like I thought they should.

I spent so much time and energy trying to change people in my head.

Thank God I now know differently because now I have complete freedom to feel however I want, no matter what anyone else says or does.

I now have so much more energy to focus on things that matter.

It’s true that other people don’t cause our feelings but yet it’s not what we’re taught.

I beg you to read on so that you can grasp what I’m saying and start the process of changing.

If you’re a mentor for young children, please read this so you can start changing the way you teach the next generation.

We’re taught that what we do or what others do to us is what causes how we feel, this is a lie.

“You’ll make grandpa sad if you don’t give him a kiss goodbye.”

“If you don’t put your toys away mommy is going to get mad.”

“He’s angry because I didn’t do what he said I should do.”

These things simply aren’t true.

If grandpa gets sad because the kids don’t give him a hug and a kiss then that’s on grandpa. IF grandpa actually does get sad  it’s only because he has a thought that creates sadness for him. The actual circumstance has nothing to do with it. Grandpa might actually be quite happy whether the kids give him a kiss or not, don’t set your kids up to learn that they actually have to do something to make someone feel loved.

If you ask your child to put their toys away and tell them that if they don’t you’re going to get mad, it’s not because they didn’t put the toys away. It’s because you have a thought that makes you mad about the fact that they didn’t do what you asked them to do, the fact is completely neutral. Getting mad and then acting out on that emotion just teaches your children that they are the manipulators of your actions. The question to ask yourself is what are you making this mean? Why do you think the kids aren’t putting their toys away? Do you think it has anything to do with you?

If your boyfriend is mad at you because you’re not doing what he thinks you should do, then what would it say about you if you did what he thinks you should do just to make him feel better? It says that you are a people pleaser because you are only doing it to make him feel better and not doing what you think you should do. Your boyfriend gets to think whatever he wants to think and if he choses a thought that makes him mad then he has just given you power over his emotions. This is none of your business and all his.

For myself, I learned at an early age to seek love outside of myself. I didn’t realize that I was love, that I had value, that I was enough so I put my love in the hands of others. How people treated me was an indicator of my lovability so I did everything I could to make sure that people liked me. This put me in such a disempowered position because if someone didn’t show me love in return then I made that mean something about me.

People are allowed to have opinions about us and what we do, their opinion doesn’t mean anything about us, unless you make it.

People get to do whatever they want to do and if it makes you feel a certain way it’s because of the thought you are having about what they are doing.

People can get mad at you because of something you do or don’t do but that is completely on them.

One thing that helped release me from resentment and anger was allowing myself to accept that people can have their own opinions and those opinions may not be the same as mine. That people may have opinions about what I do or don’t do and that it is completely ok. People can think whatever they want about me and what I’m doing but when I have confidence in myself then it doesn’t make me mad, resentful or disempowered.

One last thing I want to share is on emotional childhood.

Emotional childhood is when we blame other people for how we are feeling. Emotional childhood puts our emotions in the hands of others which is a strong motivator for me to be curious about what is happening for me.

There are a few specific situations where I still get stuck in a thought loop causing a feeling that puts me in a place of disempowerment. This is where my coach makes all of the difference. She helps me to see what is keeping me stuck, helps me wiggle out of it and sets me free to go create magic. Some situations are easier to get out of than others, thought patterns that have been with us for a while take some time to work through but taking your power back opens you up to so much more of the life you were created to live.

 

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My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for strong, success driven women who want to discover their true self, discover the missing key, find their purpose and then start building a legacy from pure power. I have made it may mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability before your subconscious primitive mind tells you to run and hide.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this message and I highly encourage you to get on my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

How To Create Amazing Friendships That You Love

I used to wonder why it was that I didn’t have many friendships.

I thought it was possibly because I just didn’t trust many people.

I thought that possibly it was because I was an introvert.

I thought it was because I wasn’t likeable.


I was always comparing myself and my “friendships” to those that other people talked about.

Interestingly enough though, now I feel like I have lots of amazing friendships.

What’s changed?

Me.

That’s right, it’s kind of like what Dr. Wayne Dyer talks about when he said “Change the way you look at things and the things around you change.”

You see, while I’ve met plenty of new people that I consider friends, that isn’t what has changed because plenty of the people I’ve known for a long time I now look at differently. All of this is because I have been doing the work of truly discovering who I am and with powerful intention, living that out.

What does this have anything to do with creating friends? Read on my friend and find out how you too can create amazing friendships in your life, without even meeting anyone new.

Love yourself.

When you love yourself you have self confidence in yourself which means you get to be yourself and you don’t allow people to control how you show up.

This of course, is the most important step because when we don’t love ourselves it’s quite difficult to truly love others. We’re always being someone else for the people, showing up how we think they want us to show up and this doesn’t leave us any room to actually enjoy the time together.

I was always trying to people please, controlling what other people think of me in an effort to get them to show me love in return, which is completely exhausting. No wonder I wanted to go home and be by myself!

When people would ask me to do things with them these were my go to responses:

  • make excuses as to why I couldn’t make it
  • say I would go, then ditch at the last minute
  • say I would go while dreading every moment up to, during and after the engagement

Not anymore! Now I either say yes because I want to go and I’m all in or I say no because I want to say no and neither has anything to do with the reaction I’ll get from the other person.  My responses are genuine, I’m being fulling honest about what I want to allow into my life and I love my reasons.

Let people be who they are and fully love them.

Then decide whether you want to spend any time with them.

Did you know you can love someone but not agree with how they live their life? Did you know that everyone, yes, everyone, is fully lovable? Yeah, really.

When you learn how to love yourself you also learn how to allow people to be who they are, without it affecting how you feel.

This was a breakthrough for me with the people I now call friends. I let them be themselves, I get to be me and I get to decide how much time I spend with them. 

Friendships only require one to participate.

This is full freedom.

This means that you can be friends with someone and they may not even know you exist! The other thing I realized as I was thinking about this is that the opposite is also true, there are people out there who think you are their friend and you may not even know them. 


This is true my friend, you have friends you don’t even know.

If you are one of those people in my life I sure hope you introduce yourself to me, I want to get to know you and have an opportunity to share the relationship!

This actually sank in for me one day when I was talking to someone and I mentioned a “friend”, I actually paused after I said that and revisited it later coming to the following conclusion. You see, the reason I had paused during the conversation was because I had stopped momentarily to contemplate as to whether I truly was a friend with the person I had been talking about. Upon further reflection I truly realized that this person was a friend to me and though I didn’t really know whether this person would agree that they too were friends with me, it didn’t matter. I considered her a friend, no matter what.

This was a breakthrough for me on many levels. First, it demonstrated how far I had come in my journey of going from not having any value for myself to falling fully in love with who I was created to be. It showed me how I was no longer at the mercy of what others thought of me.  Secondly, it sent me back to before I started this love journey. It sent me back to a time when I felt like I didn’t have any friends and though I felt like this, I would tell other people all about my friends, with guilt and shame, so that other people would think that I had friends. 

AKA people pleasing.

Also known as controlling how other people thought of me.

Let others be wrong about you.

 

This one of my favorites, I stole it from my Master Coach, Brooke Castillo.

This gives me complete freedom to love myself and let others not. Some people just won’t be your friend, and that is ok, you can still love them with all of your heart!

If you’re feeling like there is something wrong with you. If you wonder why you don’t have any friends. If you wonder why you don’t feel connected to any of the people you are calling friends, then let me share a little fact with you, you are not alone. I was there with you. Actually, I had lots of “friends” but none of them felt like friends. 

Something has changed and it’s not them.

Something can change for you too, I promise it’s possible.

 

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My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for strong, success driven women who want to discover their true self, discover the missing key, find their purpose and then start building a legacy from pure power. I have made it may mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability before your subconscious primitive mind tells you to run and hide.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this message and I highly encourage you to get on my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

Three Ways To Bring Romance Back Into Your Relationship

There was a time when you were truly in love with your spouse, like you wanted to spend every moment with them, they were the center of your life.

Now of course you love them, but really, you can’t stand them. If they would just do all of the things you needed them to do, say all of the things you want them to say, then life would be happily ever after.

Often times in the beginning of relationships we do all of the things that will make the other person show us love in return. We aren’t our true selves, we’re looking for love from outside of ourselves.

If this is the case we typically haven’t learned how to generate love for ourselves. As the relationship starts getting comfortable, or as the old saying goes, once the honeymoon is over, we get tired of the work that goes into trying to get someone to make us feel good.

We start to resent the fact that they aren’t just doing the same things they did, to make us feel good, even though we’re not doing the same things we used to do to generate the reactions that they gave us the feeling of love.

This is the beginning of the breakdown.

We don’t really pay too much attention in the beginning of the breakdown but as time goes on we start to wonder if there is any hope.

I have some amazing news my loves, there most definitely is.

I know this because this was me in my marriage.

Even better news is that you don’t even need your partner to be a part of your game to re-create a hot, steamy, romantic, loving, fun relationship.

All it takes is you.

Ready? Let’s start this!

Make a list of all of the things you want your love to do and then, do it for them.

I know, this most likely isn’t the first thing you wanted to hear but honestly, why do you want them to do the thing? Because YOU want it done? To make YOU happy? Then I suggest you do something amazing for yourself and do that thing for yourself OR just choose to let that thing not be done.

When we put our happiness in the hands of others we are bound to be let down, over and over again.

My guess is you have an operating manual for your spouse. A manual that lists all of the things you want them to do to make you happy. It’s even possible that if you typed the manual out and gave it to them and they actually followed it, that you still wouldn’t be happy.

The best thing I have done is put my happiness in my own hands, not in the hands of someone else.

You know what’s perfect about this? I know exactly what I want and I can either take care of it myself or politely ask my spouse to do it for me but if he doesn’t I have to take my power back and make sure I take care of myself.

I hear your argument. I know them all because they were mine. What I learned is that I was never fully happy putting my happiness in the hands of someone else.

Neither will you.

Challenge yourself to do something uncomfortable.

Step number one might be that one thing. Maybe it is putting that laundry basket away even though it had your husband’s clothing in it. When you take the focus off of why he’s not doing it and focus on the fact that it’s you that will feel amazing when it’s put away, you take back your control.

I’m thinking something even more uncomfortable but the above could be a start. I’m thinking more along the lines of hmmmm….when’s the last time you gave your spouse a long hug and told them how much you appreciate everything they do (not for you) and really say it from the heart?

Feel uncomfortable? Why? What is it you fear?

I challenge you to actually take a moment to stop and answer those two questions. Then ask yourself what it would feel like to do the same thing from a place of self confidence in your ability to do something for yourself. From a place of doing it because it would feel good for YOU.

Write down 10 things you love about your spouse.

Put them on a note in your phone and every morning open that note and read it out loud to yourself.

When we are stuck in a negative thought pattern your brain is conditioned to continue to feed more negative thoughts to you. It’s just helping you out and doing what it is designed to do.

You have to be deliberate about how you direct your thoughts or your brain will always revert to finding what is wrong.

When you tell your brain to look for the positive it will start looking for what you are asking it.

This is going to take you some time, it did for me anyway. I had been so focused on everything he was doing wrong that I just couldn’t think of anything positive. I started with this: he is my husband, he married me, he loves me. If you have to start with one thing then start with the one and just tell your brain to keep looking. Every day add something new to the list.

Soon you will notice yourself starting to feel better.

Soon you will notice the spark coming back.

Be patient friend, that fire has been out for a while, that fire pit is wet and soggy, it’s going to take more than a few swipes of the match to dry it out and then build it to an inferno.

I absolutely love hearing the fun love stories that come back into people’s relationships, all because of the work on one person’s part.

 I love seeing the smile on my client’s faces when they tell me something loving they did.

Not to get someone to love them.

To show themselves how much they love themselves.

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My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for strong, success driven women who want to discover their true self, discover the missing key, find their purpose and then start building a legacy from pure power. I have made it may mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability before your subconscious primitive mind tells you to run and hide.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this message and I highly encourage you to get on my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

One Thing You Can Do Today To End Negative Body Image Self Talk

Let me tell you a little secret.

It’s been almost a year since I’ve looked in the mirror and didn’t like what I saw.

Most of my life I have done everything I could to change what I thought was unacceptable about myself.

I exercised.

Educated myself.

I learned how to eat right.

I read self help books.

I learned the latest and greatest makeup tricks.

You know what? None of it mattered. I could always find something negative about myself.

I was never good enough, no matter what anyone else told be, they were all liars.

What changed?

I told myself enough was enough.

I told myself that if God created me exactly the way He did, then it was time to stop arguing with reality and start taking the steps of falling in love with myself.

This might be one of the most difficult things I’ve done in my life, and I’ve overcome some pretty rough obstacles, but it has definitely been the second best thing I’ve done in my life, right after accepting Jesus as my Savior.

Now it’s my mission to help you do the same so let me share my one tip to get you started.

Just decide.

This may make you mad.

This might not be the magic answer you were looking for.

This though IS the magic answer because my guess is that you’ve never really tried.

You see you have conditioned yourself to believe, one thought at a time, that this isn’t true. That you are not enough. That you just haven’t gotten to the right weight. That you haven’t found the right diet. That you haven’t found the right esthetician. That you haven’t found the right product or the right supplement.

Today I suggest that you start noticing your negative self talk.

That is the first step:

Awareness.

Start becoming aware of every time you say something negative about yourself.

I suggest you start a note on your phone and write down every time you tell yourself that you hate your hair, hate your butt, hate your lips, hate your posture, hate your face, hate your body.

Then decide that you won’t allow this any more.

Find a bridge thought.

You are absolutely correct. You cannot go from “I hate my body.” to “I am absolutely beautiful.”, that is why I suggest you start with a bridge thought.

A bridge thought is the first step to crossing the river over to the other side. From where you are right now to the other side where you love everything about yourself.

Possibly that thought is:

“I am becoming the person who loves myself.”

“I might be wrong about myself.”

“Someday I will be able to love myself.”

“I am open to the idea that I am fully beautiful.”

“It’s possible that I am perfectly created and wonderful.”

Give it a try. Take the steps and please let me know how it feels.

Be open to the change my friend, take it from a former self hater, the result is worth the work.

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My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for strong, success driven women who want to discover their true self, discover the missing key, find their purpose and then start building a legacy from pure power. I have made it may mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability before your subconscious primitive mind tells you to run and hide.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this message and I highly encourage you to get on my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

Three Types Of Jealousy And How To Let It Go

Jealousy is an emotion I used to experience pretty much on a daily basis and I’m happy to say that I really don’t experience it much anymore. I have developed a beautiful, loving relationship with myself that allows me to trust myself to do the right thing, to not be worried about what others do and it has generated the self confidence to know that I can achieve anything I desire.

I won’t lie, I do experience it once in a while, I am human, but now I have this amazing tool called the Thought Model to help me work on my mindset. The Thought Model shows me the result I’m getting from the thought causing the feeling of jealousy and then I can work on what I want to do with what is coming up for me.

I have a couple of videos on my YouTube channel that may help you understand this tool.

Jealousy is something that truly comes from lack of self confidence, self compassion as well as trust. When we don’t trust others it is often a reflection of distrust in ourselves. I encourage you to read two of my other posts, one to see if you trust yourself  and then this one to help you take some steps to learning how to trust yourself.

Here are three different situations that might cause us to get jealous:

Projection

I like to liken this to holding up the mirror between yourself and the person you are jealous of. Then turn the mirror back towards yourself to discover what it is in your life that is causing you to be jealous. I’ll use a relationship as an example. Maybe you are jealous of your mate, possibly even accusing him of flirting or cheating on you. If you turn the mirror on yourself possibly you yourself are experiencing thoughts of someone else in your life?

Could this be lack of trust on your part with what your own outcome might be with someone you may be having thoughts about?

Protection

Protection is an effort to protect yourself from something you think might be bad for you. This can show up as you trying to control someone to get the result you want. It could look like you thinking your mate is flirting and paying more attention to other people. You’re jealous that he may like them better than you and want to tell him to change the way he acts. You get to decide whether you want to let him be himself or if this isn’t what you want in your partner, do you trust yourself enough to decide? Self confidence allows you to feel the feeling and know that it’s ok, that you can feel the emotion and then again, make the choice as to if this is what you want in your partner.

Competition

This is when we are watching what is happening for other people and jealous of what they are getting that you aren’t. I like to look at a form of this coming from a place of scarcity. In the example of progress in a career or income, you might be thinking that there is only so much to go around, that someone else is making all the money, leaving you with not enough. I like to think that there is no limit to what any of us can produce and if someone else can do it, with self confidence we will know that the same is true for us.

There is also the situation of placement in some sort of contest. For thirty years I coached athletes where I saw jealousy on a daily basis. People comparing themselves to others, not trusting in their own capabilities, not self confident in what they can create, not loving themselves enough for where they are and what they have achieved for themselves.

If you are competing to somehow create your worth or killing it in your job to create your worth or controlling your surroundings so that you can feel love then my program is an exact fit for you. I help high achievers like yourself work on that piece that is missing, themselves. I give them the tools to start finding love from within, once you’re able to trust and love yourself you’ll be able to build the self confidence to go out and create whatever it is you want, for no one but you.

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My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for strong, success driven women who want to discover their true self, discover the missing key, find their purpose and then start building a legacy from pure power. I have made it may mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability before your subconscious primitive mind tells you to run and hide.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this message and I highly encourage you to get on my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

Three Reasons Why You Lack Self Confidence

I’ve always been a self help junkie.

As far back as I can remember I was learning how to exercise, meditate, eat right, but knowing what I know now I’m pretty sure it was mostly with the objective of looking the way society deemed I should look.

So I could feel acceptance.

Ok, maybe not the meditation, I think that was part of my deep desire to get connected spiritually.

Back to the feeling accepted.

This was always a struggle for me, always doing what I thought would make me fit in or be accepted.

I thought I would generate self confidence by proving myself, again to gain acceptance.

I was always looking for love from other people, by doing everything for others, until I discovered that the only true way to feel love was to start with loving myself.

As I started digging in to how to become self confident I started figuring out all of the things that I needed to start working on, let me share three of them with you:

We don’t trust ourselves.

To see if you trust yourself go read my post where I give you one simple way to see if you trust yourself and then if you want to start working on how to change that, go check out my post with three steps to start trusting yourself. We don’t know how to trust ourselves because we are unfamiliar with how to manage our mind making us feel out of control with our feelings and actions.

We are afraid to feel our emotions.

We’re afraid of not feeling loved, of being rejected, of feeling sad so we do whatever we can to get people to like us, which then makes us feel loved…IF they treat us the way we want them to treat us. We don’t know how to actually process our emotions so we just avoid them and avoid doing anything that could build our self confidence. Instead we just keep working on proving ourselves by being the best we can be at something that we deem might make us look confident.

Let me pause here to explain the difference. Confidence comes from repeatedly doing something until we do it well, this builds confidence in doing that thing. Self confidence comes from within. Self confidence is created by doing things and being willing to feel whatever emotion comes along because we are solid in our relationship with ourselves. We know that feeling humiliation is just a vibration in our body, that it won’t kill us and has nothing to do with who we are.

Low opinion of ourselves.

We just don’t think thoughts that are uplifting about ourselves. We are out there looking for it from others but we still don’t believe them. We want people to tell us how good we look yet we can’t just say “thank you” and agree with them. Instead we don’t trust them, telling ourselves they are lying to make us feel good or to get something in return.

This my friends is the opposite of self confidence.

Becoming confident in ones self is a journey that you will never regret.

Becoming self confident is COMPLETELY possible for ANYONE, no matter what lies you’ve been telling yourself your whole life.

I strongly encourage you to embark on the journey and I believe I’m the perfect person to guide you through it. I’ve traveled the road, I’ve done the work, I’ve created so much self confidence that I believe I can do anything I decide to do.

I’m out there doing it by creating it for people like you, life starts right here where self confidence begins.

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My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for strong, success driven women who want to discover their true self, discover the missing key, find their purpose and then start building a legacy from pure power. I have made it may mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability before your subconscious primitive mind tells you to run and hide.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this message and I highly encourage you to get on my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

Three Steps To Building Self Trust

Today I had a consult with a woman who just couldn’t make a decision so I started asking some questions about actions she was taking, or not taking in her life. She didn’t trust her boss and then she admitted to several other people she didn’t trust, ultimately uncovering that she didn’t trust herself either. With her being able to see this she was able to see the impact of doing the work to start taking care of herself before she could really start building trust in outside relationships.

First let me suggest you read my post where I tell you one way to figure out if you trust yourself then come back to this post.

If you’ve already read that post or already have a good idea that you lack self trust, then you’re in the right place, let’s get you started on getting to a place where you can trust yourself.

Learn how to follow through on things you tell yourself you’re going to do.

This, in my opinion, is the most important one of all and the easiest to start implementing because it’s “actionable”. Here are the actions you can take to start implementing follow through:

  1. Pick something simple you want to follow through on, let’s use getting the laundry done
  2. Come up with all of the obstacles to getting that task done:
    1. I have three loads so I can’t get it all done at once
  3. Come up with the strategies to getting it done:
    1. I’m going to do it all on Saturday, spaced out
  4. Schedule:
    1. 1 block of 15 min (to separate and get first load in machine)
    2. 1 block an hour later of 15 or 30 minutes (transfer & load, 30 min if you air dry some of your laundry)
    3. 1 block an hour later of 30 min (transfer/load/hang/fold)
    4. 1 block an hour later of 30 min (transfer/load/hang/fold)
    5. 1 block an hour later of 30 min (transfer/hang/fold/put away)
    6. 1 block some other time to fold and put away hanging laundry
  5. Actually do the task when it comes up, no matter what
  6. Evaluate what worked, what didn’t work, what you’ll change next time

The more you do what you say you’re going to do the more trust you’ll build in yourself and the more self confidence you build 💥

Learn how to experience any emotion.

This is a big part of what I teach. The only reason we don’t do something is because of how we think it will make us feel. Once we learn that the worst thing that can happen is an emotion then we can decide that there is nothing you can’t do. When you know that there isn’t anything that you can’t do you build trust in yourself and self confidence 💥

Make a decision to change your opinion of yourself.

Once you start believing that you are good, capable, strong, worthy, competent then you will start trusting yourself. I wrote in an earlier post about how this truly can just be something you decide to do. Though your brain is going to offer you a different thought, a thought that you’ve conditioned it to think, it’s still possible to start today to change that thought into something that is actually going to serve you. Not only is this going to build trust but, yep, it’s going to build your self confidence 💥

Building trust is one of the most important things you can do for yourself and for others. If you don’t fully trust yourself, be honest, who will you trust?

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My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for strong, success driven women who want to discover their true self, discover the missing key, find their purpose and then start building a legacy from pure power. I have made it may mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability before your subconscious primitive mind tells you to run and hide.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this message and I highly encourage you to get on my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.

One Simple Way To See If You Trust Yourself

Most of my clients who struggle with low self esteem really think that they trust ourselves, like in the way that we will always be there for ourselves because there isn’t anyone else out there we can trust, until I ask them the following question.

Today I want to challenge that thought.

I want you to find out the truth, I want you to discover if you really do trust yourself.

Or not.

Ask yourself how many times per week you do what you told yourself you would do.

Maybe just ask yourself about today. How many times today did you follow through and do what you told yourself you were going to do?

“I’m going to eat ‘healthy’ today.”

“I’m not going to have a drink tonight.”

“I’ll call so and so after work.”

“Tonight I’ll clean that closet.”

How many times have you carried over that one task that you have been telling yourself to do for ummm, a month, maybe even longer?

Let me do a bit of a confession as I type, I have one task I’ve been ignoring for oh, maybe six months now (dentist appointment – it’s a long story but it has something to do with a switch in insurance – no excuses, I know). Done.

So, thank you for making me accountable but let’s go back to the point. The point is that if you tell yourself to do something and you consistently let yourself down you have set a pattern for yourself of assuming that you’re going to let yourself down.

I mean let’s look at that friend of yours who is consistently late to Gfriend dates, maybe even doesn’t show up, do you trust her to show up on time?

Look at yourself honestly and then decide if you like not trusting yourself.

I didn’t like it so I decided to change it, more on that tomorrow!

_______________________________________

My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for strong, success driven women who want to discover their true self, discover the missing key, find their purpose and then start building a legacy from pure power. I have made it may mission to show you how.

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability before your subconscious primitive mind tells you to run and hide.

Please share this message with anyone who you think might benefit from hearing this message and I highly encourage you to get on my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself.