Mirror Mirror On The Wall

🎧 Prefer to listen to the audio version? Click here!

The evil Queen asks the famed question yet another day, “Who is the fairest one of all?” The mirror’s response enflames her with jealousy and anger, the Queen MUST be the fairest of all! We all know the story of how the evil Queen’s jealousy drives her to take actions that eventually lead to her demise and death. The evil Queen’s reign ends while Snow White is revived by the Prince, who breaks the spell that put her into a deep sleep.

As I worked through a recent teaching I created on Repairing Relationships, the story of the evil Queen and her mirror came to my mind. I thought about the queen and how we are so similar, creating a false image for all to see, every morning wondering if the world will accept this facade. Thinking about the Queen, I let myself imagine who she really might have been without her mask. How much different her life could have ended had she worked through my AwakenYou coaching program.

Today I want to take you on a journey through the mirror to see who really lives on the other side.

What would the Queen have seen if she had looked through the mirror to the other side?

Maybe one day the Queen wakes up after her husband the King dies and is tired of the struggle. The Queen is tired of being on edge about what the mirror might say when she asks the famed question. The Queen wants to ditch the mirror, put on her own beautiful style of clothes, do her hair the way she loves and go run in the meadow with her stepdaughter.

The evil Queen is tired of being angry, jealous, suspicious, alone, and controlling. She knows she has more to give but is afraid of what everyone would think if she started working with a life coach. She thinks it would make her look weak, like a fake, unworthy of ruling the kingdom and finding a new loving partner who might take over her spotlight.

She reads a few blogs, puts some of the suggestions into action but is still angry, every morning getting up and asking the mirror it’s opinion even though she tries hard to resist. As she smashes the mirror and rushes to the dungeon to mix up a potion that will end Snow White’s threat, something causes her to pause. She remembers that the mirror’s words are simply a circumstance and that she is creating this pain that she no longer wants to feel. Instead of going to the dungeon, she head’s into the library, logs on to her laptop to book a consultation with the life coach she’s been following.

Powerful and strong, the Queen is all in on creating a life that feels so much better than what she has been living, she joins the coaches program and dedicates her time to building a different life for herself. She wants to shed the costume she puts on every day, she wants to step through the mirror and reveal the woman she has always wanted to be.

She commits to doing the work every morning because she’s one intelligent Queen, she knows that when she sets her mind on something she can make things happen. This work opens her up to everything she’s tried to hide but the more she does the work the more magical her life becomes. She starts seeing her true beauty without having to ask the mirror. When she gives in to the old urge to ask the mirror it’s opinion, she notices she doesn’t feel the old pain. She can confidently admit that her step-daughter Snow White is indeed stunning, that her beauty doesn’t diminish her own beauty, and sees that she is starting to create an amazing relationship with Snow White.

When she sees Snow White interacting with the handsome Prince, she asks curious questions to engage Snow White, building trust and closeness. Eventually, she gets to meet the Prince and encourages the relationship while actively dedicated to creating a kingdom where love and peace rule throughout the land. A kingdom she eventually hands over to the Prince and his bride, Snow White, who she sincerely believes is the fairest one of all and where she hires a coach for all seven of the dwarves, even happy because no one should be happy ALL of the time!

Indeed, a happily ever after story. A story of letting go of control over what other people think and do while opening yourself up to a better life than had ever been thought possible. Being able to start stepping through the mirror while leaving our mask on the other side, we start living a life where we create the love we want, and our life starts giving abundant love back to us.

🎧 Audio version of blog here!

πŸ’“πŸ’“πŸ’“πŸ’“πŸ’“πŸ’“πŸ’“

Are you struggling in your love relationship? I would love to help you fall back in love with the one you love. My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for strong women like you, and a few pretty cool guys, who want to stop hurting in their most intimate relationship. Together we work from the inside out, meaning I teach you how to have a healthy, loving relationship with yourself so you can show up and simply love your partner. Let’s reignite your love relationship today, book your consultation call today!

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life-changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability, your future life is waiting for you.

Know someone hurting in their relationships? If you think they might benefit from hearing this message please share this article with them. You might be the one who leads them to their best life.

Don’t forget to join my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself and never miss another post, get yourself signed up for my newsletter!

When They Hurt Us

🎧 Prefer to listen to the audio version? Click here!

It was a chilly, crisp Fall morning, and she was wonderfully excited for another day of kindergarten. The brown-eyed four year old stood in her parent’s small kitchen eagerly waiting to run out the door to join her best friend in their new morning walk to school ritual. She adored her friend, always so cute in her Catholic school uniform, the girl cherished their time together before they would separate for the day, her friend off to the Catholic school across the street from the public school she attended.

Sometimes people do things that have us thinking in ways that create pain for us. Sometimes we carry those actions through our life like a horror movie we can’t get out of our heads. Words are spoken, actions are taken that shape us into who we are as an adult, continually creating pain and suffering that we never seem to move past.

That particular morning as that innocent brown-eyed girl stood in that small kitchen, she desperately wanted to run, she didn’t want to hear the words that were filling the air, filling her head, yet she stood frozen.

We have heard it said that hurt people hurt people, logically we get it but do we really? We’re hurt; we hurt people. Can we honestly get into the heart of that person that hurt you to possibly understand that their hurt has nothing to do with you? That their hurt just happened to be poured out on you in that moment, that it wasn’t about you but about their own pain and suffering?

Her mom was saying words that the girl would repress for years, only to wake up many years later to relive the scene, to remember the hurt. She wouldn’t be able to tell you what had happened in her mom’s world that morning to make her say those words. Words screamed out that changed that little girl’s world in ways she would never understand; until fifty years later.

In the past week’s I have been preparing a lesson for Celebrate Recovery, a lesson about repairing relationships. Today I thought I’d share a portion of that message, with some different insights.

What is forgiveness and why it can be a useful tool.

Forgiveness is the action of setting someone free from actions they took that may have harmed us. Around here we use the self-coaching model to look at these circumstances of words said or not said, actions taken or not taken. Those actions are circumstances in our model and we have thoughts about those actions that generate a feeling for us. Those feelings have us showing up and acting a certain way that is creating a result for us.

Those actions directed at you are also part of the “offender’s” model. They took action based on something they were feeling, created by a thought they were thinking about a circumstance in their life. Plug all of these items into a model and you get their result.

That morning the words “I wish someone would end your life today so I never have to see you again.” rattled through her brain as the girl sprinted out of the door as fast as she could. Tears streaming down her face and out of breath as she caught up to her friend, she straightened up and packed those way words down tight.

Ouch.

Forgiveness is for us. Forgiveness is to set us free from the chains that keep us connected to something someone did to us. Those chains create pain as they rub and chafe every time we dredge up those old memories, creating ongoing suffering in our life.

Forgiveness does not release the offender from what they did or condone their actions.

It is one hundred percent possible to drop those chains forever and begin to create a whole new, empowering story that serves you. It is one hundred percent possible to find love and compassion for the offender while possibly never speaking to that person again.

The process of forgiving.

  1. Reveal and recognize. We begin to acknowledge our pain and why we are experiencing this pain. We see our suffering isn’t coming from their actions, but from what we are thinking of their actions, what we are making those actions mean about us. We start by allowing our pain instead of repressing it, being truthful about how the circumstance is hurting us. We go through the process of learning how to feel the pain and understand why we are feeling it. We look at the actions we are taking because of the regret and resentment we feel. We start to see how these actions are only hurting us, creating results that aren’t in our own best interest, results we are getting that are completely under our own power to change. We begin to see how we are expecting them to do something so that we can feel better.
  2. Release. Then we learn how to start changing our current model so that we can start releasing them, as well as releasing ourselves of the power they have had over us. This isn’t “letting them off the hook.” this is getting US off the hook.
  3. Replace. The process of forgiving is the process of thought laddering. It’s the process of going from where we currently are to where we want to go, which is to a place of love, compassion, and understanding for ourselves and for the offender. It’s understanding that this will take time and committing to the work in honor of ourselves and the result we are working for.

Some final nuggets.

Before we can forgive others, we have to start with being able to forgive ourselves. If we are thinking thoughts that make us feel unworthy, possibly from something we’ve done or haven’t done, or because of actions taken by others, we will never be able to let someone else go. If we think of ourselves as unworthy and unlovable that means that somewhere deep down under it all, we believe that we deserved to be treated poorly.

Forgiveness is necessary when someone’s actions are creating pain for us, without forgiveness you will always be carrying the burden of that pain. In instances where we are able to see that someone’s actions are neutral, that they have nothing to do with us and everything to do with their hurt, we can move on. Their actions come from something they are feeling and thinking and it is for them to deal with however they choose to, it’s none of our business.

The words spoken out loud that Fall morning were not the first or the last to shape that little brown-eyed girl’s future. She went on to live a life full of repressed pain, resentment, and fear. Fear that no one loved her, leading her to a future desperately seeking to feel love in all of her future relationships, including the one with her mom. That little girl never understood that what she spent her life searching for was always available, deep down inside, waiting for her to find it, waiting for her to nurture it into life.

As another relationship began to crumble before her, the brown-eyed girl decided she was done fighting. Fifty years after that chilly, crisp Fall morning where she stood in that small kitchen, looking broken-hearted into her mom’s eyes, she decided to go to the mirror. She looked straight into her big brown eyes and told that five year old it was time.

It was time to awaken and discover who she was, to learn how to love.

She decided to awaken her true self so she could help you Awaken(YourTrue)You!

🎧 Audio version of blog here!

πŸ’“πŸ’“πŸ’“πŸ’“πŸ’“πŸ’“πŸ’“

Are you struggling in your love relationship? I would love to help you fall back in love with the one you love. My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for strong women like you, and a few pretty cool guys, who want to stop hurting in their most intimate relationship. Together we work from the inside out, meaning I teach you how to have a healthy, loving relationship with yourself so you can show up and simply love your partner. Let’s reignite your love relationship today, book your consultation call today!

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life-changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability, your future life is waiting for you.

Know someone hurting in their relationships? If you think they might benefit from hearing this message please share this article with them. You might be the one who leads them to their best life.

Don’t forget to join my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself and never miss another post, get yourself signed up for my newsletter!

Minding Your Own Business

🎧 Prefer to listen to the audio version? Click here!

I have found myself getting in the most trouble relationally when I’m in other people’s business, and it happens way more often than I care to admit. My mind loves to make up stories about what they are doing and why they are doing it, which often turns me into one defensive bugger, capiche? If you do, then welcome because that’s what I’m digging into today.

If you have ever made up stories about what our partner is doing, why they are doing it, and how they should be doing it differently instead of minding our own business, then read on my lovely! Today I share why we do this, how it is limiting us, as well as our relationship, and how we can start letting go of being in everyone else’s business.

How we get into other people’s business.

I’m going to get started by sharing some examples as well as what you might be making their words or actions mean. These may, or may not, be examples out of my own self-coaching journals πŸ˜‰.

  1. You are quietly doing your morning self-coaching, and hubby comes up and asks if you’d like to eat breakfast outside.
  2. You’re preoccupied with things that went on during your workday, and your partner says, “You seem a bit bugged.”
  3. He’s sitting on the couch watching his favorite sports team when there is obviously work to be done.
  4. She pours herself a drink before your quiet time together.
  5. Your co-worker asked you to call a customer back to answer their questions.
  6. Your bestie didn’t send you happy birthday wishes on your birthday.
  7. Your neighbor didn’t wave at you as you drove by and waved at them.

Believe it or not, these are all neutral circumstances that could be happening in your life or mine; what we commonly do is attach meaning to these neutral circumstances. As an exercise, I’d love for you to come up with some of your neutral circumstances that happened in your day today or yesterday.

What are you making their words or actions mean?

I have been asked this question so many times by coaches that I now understand what to look for when asked. The first few times I was asked this question I was a bit confused as are my clients when I first ask it of them. The question seems a bit tricky, like “What do you mean what am I making it mean?” All this question is asking is that you uncover the story you are making up in your mind about the circumstances. Let’s look at some possibilities around the above examples.

  1. You make it mean that he is suggesting you stop doing what you are doing and get making breakfast. Rude.
  2. You make it mean that he thinks you’re mad at him for something. He’s so selfish!
  3. You make it mean that he isn’t interested in helping out with household chores.
  4. You make it mean that she needs alcohol to be able to enjoy time with you.
  5. You make it mean that this task is below her, that your time isn’t valuable.
  6. You make it mean that they aren’t a very good friend.
  7. You make it mean that they don’t like you.

Granted, you might not believe that you are making up a story, you may 100% believe that your story is true but how then is that story you’re telling serving you? How is that story making you feel? How is your story making you show up? My guess; probably not the way you want to show up as a partner, a friend, a co-worker, a neighbor. What are you thinking?

Why?

Next, I want you to ask yourself this question; I want you to ask yourself this: why are you choosing the story you are telling yourself? This is another question that results in funny facial expressions, you know the one, the “What are you talking about?” look. It’s ok; I remember that look, the one that says, “Come on, you know why I’m thinking that!” Often, we have ideas of how other people should show up in our lives; we have manuals for them. We want them to do things the way we think they should so that we can feel better. If they did something different, what we wanted and expected them to do, it would give us validation. There we are again, wanting someone else to validate us.

Here’s the complex observation I have made in my own life though, when they show up differently, I often STILL think they should be doing it differently! So confusing, do you agree? So what can we do to feel better?

Mind your own business.

Capiche? Keep your thoughts focused on you because we have no idea what is going on in the other person’s model. We have no idea why they are doing what they are doing; in fact, we could come up with some reason that are opposite of what we are making it mean!

Spending our time and energy trying to change other people so we can feel better is something we spend way too much time on. Time we could be spending enjoying our self-coaching, grateful our partners care about how we’re doing and relaxing after work. We could make pouring a drink mean a desire to drink. We could make our coworker’s request mean that we’re really good at customer service. We could make it mean that our bestie just forgot and be the one to reach out to share your love. We could make our neighbors’ actions mean nothing about us and everything about what is going on for them in their life.

Minding our own business and sorting out what is going on inside of us is some of the best work we will ever do, it allows us to show up as our authentic selves while allowing others to do the same. Minding our own business will enable us to be who we are while letting others be who they are and loving them for all of it. I’d love for you to get curious about how you might be meddling in other people’s business by asking yourself these questions, letting go of what you’re making things mean and working on just being the person you want to be. I’d love to hear your thoughts as you implement this work and as always, let me know what you’re struggling with!

🎧 Audio version of blog here!

πŸ’“πŸ’“πŸ’“πŸ’“πŸ’“πŸ’“πŸ’“

Are you struggling in your love relationship? I would love to help you fall back in love with the one you love. My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for strong women like you, and a few pretty cool guys, who want to stop hurting in their most intimate relationship. Together we work from the inside out, meaning I teach you how to have a healthy, loving relationship with yourself so you can show up and simply love your partner. Let’s reignite your love relationship today, book your consultation call today!

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life-changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability, your future life is waiting for you.

Know someone hurting in their relationships? If you think they might benefit from hearing this message please share this article with them. You might be the one who leads them to their best life.

Don’t forget to join my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself and never miss another post, get yourself signed up for my newsletter!

Other People’s Opinions

🎧 Prefer to listen to the audio version? Click here!

Today I want to talk about the upside of exploring and being open to other people’s opinions. I’d like to have some fun with how being curious about what other people think might help us to create deeper connections with others while expanding and enriching our own opinions.

As I was thinking about what I wanted to talk about around the topic of other people’s opinions I decided to search “opinions” on my podcast app. This search came up with all sorts of interesting podcasts, three that had the exact same title I had come up with when I wrote down the idea for this post. After listening to a couple of these podcasts, I’d like to clarify that today’s message won’t be about how other people’s opinions of us don’t matter. It won’t be about how we get to choose who we want to be. It won’t be about how I highly encourage everyone to drop all of their concerns about what others think of them and to fully live their life out loud and real. While I am in love with that version of other people’s opinions, I talk about it often and will most certainly visit it again, that’s not where we will be going in this post.

Being open to someone else’s opinion even when you might not agree with them.

I’d like to use a recent example from one of my teachers, Gay Hendricks. As I went through one of his courses, I discovered that he is no longer a Christian and he briefly explains why. As a Christian myself, I felt a bit of resistance when his belief came up because I had been deeply enjoying the course and his concepts. I felt a tug of fear that his beliefs might convince me of his argument against Christianity and at the same time, I questioned whether I would be able to fully embrace the full course if I disagreed with his opinion. I felt this resistance and allowed myself to open up to what he had to say, to listen with an open mind and to question it all. I questioned his belief, as well as mine, then I allowed myself to watch what happened. As time passed I was able to continue to visit both perspectives and it opened me up to something truly beautiful. God used Gay’s words to enrich my current life, to deepen my connection with Jesus, and to set my mission on fire.

Had I chosen to close my mind to Gay’s teaching strictly because of his religious beliefs, I would have not only missed a deepening of my own faith but also would have lost an incredible learning experience from his course. I bought his course to deepen my relationship with myself, shutting my mind to him because of his opinion would have shut my mind to learning. Being open to his opinion not only taught me so much about how to better love myself, but it also deepened my relationship with my God and my experience of this life.

Being honest

Many of us are people pleasers, attempting to make other people happy so they will like us. What that means for us is that we might lie about what we believe or about our indifference, in an attempt to make others feel good and like us. We might agree when we don’t agree or we might pretend to know something when we don’t. We conform. I want to highly encourage you to be honest with yourself and others. If you don’t know what they are talking about, be curious, ask questions, be ok with not knowing, and wanting to understand. If you have your own opinion share it honestly, open up the conversation to curiosity, see what you might learn from each other. Don’t be afraid of weakening your current opinion, continual exploration will better solidify your current belief or educate you into a belief that feels right for you, which may, or may not be similar to your surrounding peoples’.

Learn

Being open to other people’s opinions allows you to connect with others in a deeper way, you get to talk about things that matter instead of boring things that really don’t matter.

Being open to other people’s opinions allows you to broaden your mind, to think things that you might not have thought about had you not opened yourself up to the conversation.

Being open to other people’s opinions allows you to come up with some of your own new opinions by taking what you already know, or didn’t know, combining it with someone else’s perspective and coming up with your own unique twist on it all. It will prompt you to schedule time to self educate on the subject to help reinforce, or change, your current opinion.

Today I want to challenge you to get uncomfortable in a conversation and of course since we are working on that love relationship, why not start with them? How might you be just agreeing with them instead of being curious about expressing your own belief? What might they think of you if you actually started speaking from your heart, with your own mind? Maybe that’s what you’re worried about, that they might not like you now, and what if they don’t? That my friend is the topic of discussion for the other article about other people’s opinions!

How can you question from a place of curiosity instead of defensiveness?

Can you simply ask why when they present something that makes you wonder?

I want to encourage you to learn something new about your partner, in the process you might also learn something about you.

🎧 Audio version of blog here!

πŸ’“πŸ’“πŸ’“πŸ’“πŸ’“πŸ’“πŸ’“

Are you struggling in your love relationship? I would love to help you fall back in love with the one you love. My Awaken(TheTrue)You program is for strong women like you, and a few pretty cool guys, who want to stop hurting in their most intimate relationship. Together we work from the inside out, meaning I teach you how to have a healthy, loving relationship with yourself so you can show up and simply love your partner. Let’s reignite your love relationship today, book your consultation call today!

I’d love to offer a free call for you to work out whether or not my program and life-changing promise is a fit for you. Either book your call now or send me an email with your availability, your future life is waiting for you.

Know someone hurting in their relationships? If you think they might benefit from hearing this message please share this article with them. You might be the one who leads them to their best life.

Don’t forget to join my mailing list where I send out weekly tips on how to start building love and confidence within yourself and never miss another post, get yourself signed up for my newsletter!